Bittner, Rosanne (29 page)

He
removed his shirt, and Tess could not help noticing his muscled chest and
shoulders. She quickly looked away. "Jim Caldwell has been trying to get
my land almost since we moved there. If not for old Colonel Bass promising it
to us, we never would have got it. I think Caldwell thought if he took care of
it he could eventually talk me into selling out to him. I might consider it if
I thought he was a decent man, but I don't like him at all."

"Well,
that makes two of us. Personally I think it's a little mysterious that other
ranchers in west Texas have had so much trouble with rustlers while Caldwell
hasn't had any problem at all. He says it's because he has a lot of men and
thieves are afraid to mess with him. I don't believe it. Rustlers, Indians,
Comancheros... whoever... when they steal, they steal. They don't give a damn
how big a rancher is."

He
pulled on a blue calico shirt, but left it open as he sat down on the bed
beside Tess to pull off his shoes. "In the meantime, Caldwell just keeps
building his herd, claims he sends men into New Mexico and northern Texas to
buy more cattle." He grunted as a new shoe came off. "My beat-up,
dusty old boots are a hell of a lot more comfortable than these." He
pulled off the other shoe. "At any rate, I suspect Caldwell is somehow
involved in the rustling. I haven't even told anyone else about it except
Ken..." He looked at her. "And you."

Tess
only then realized they were sitting together on the bed. She scooted over a
little, and John just grinned and shook his head. "At any rate, I only
started thinking about it the last few months, and I got even more interested
when Caldwell put up such a fuss about me killing Derrek Briggs. Now I wish I'd
have kept Briggs alive. I've got ways of making a man talk. He might have given
me some very interesting information." He got up and began rummaging
through his gear. "Mind if I smoke?"

"Go
ahead." How tempting it was to tell him what she knew. "I am sure
that if Caldwell is into something like that, he will be found out. You should
stay away from there, John. If he really is involved in rustling, he... well,
he has so many men. And no one would believe he would be a part of something
like that. He's already come close to turning people against you. Heaven only
knows what he might do if he would catch you alone on his property."
Proof. He needed proof, and if he made trouble for Caldwell without it, the
entire public might turn against him.

John
snickered. "You know yourself I've gone up against a lot worse than Jim
Caldwell." He rolled himself a cigarette. "When I started with the
Rangers in seventy-five I walked right into the Las Cuevas war—Rangers against
Mexicans, on Mexican soil. It was a hell of a big battle, over Mexican cattle
thieves. I also had a part in the Mason County war, and the El Paso Salt War.
Ever hear about that?"

"Plenty
of talk after we moved here in seventy-nine."

"Well,
most of those confrontations came down to Rangers against Mexicans. Most
Mexicans still figure Texas belongs to them, you know. I don't much care either
way. I'm just doing my job. At any rate, that one was over the rights to claim
and market the salt from Guadalupe Lakes, or Salt Lakes, whichever you want to
call them. We lost three good Rangers in that mess, executed and butchered by a
Mexican mob." He lit the cigarette and took a deep drag from it, exhaling
smoke as he continued. "Then, of course, we have always had Indians to
contend with. I guess our biggest battle involving Indians was when we had to
go after the Mescalero Apache leader, Victorio, after he escaped from the
reservation in seventy-nine."

"That
I do remember. My father kept a constant watch. All farmers and ranchers were
afraid of being raided and murdered."

He
walked to a window and looked out. "Well, our main problem continues to be
Comancheros, horse and cattle thieves. Things have actually calmed down a lot
over the last couple of years, since the railroads came, more settlers. The
more civilized it gets around here, the less use they have for Rangers like me,
ones who go in and shoot first, not bothering with questions. I guess the
timing is right after all, me marrying you." He looked at her. "I'll
quit the Rangers, probably by the time that baby is born, but not until I can
find proof of what Jim Caldwell is up to. Between other assignments, Caldwell
is my primary target now. I intend to do some private scouting."

Tess
swallowed, suddenly realizing she would truly grieve if something happened to
him. "John, why don't you just quit and let someone else find out the
truth... if it's true at all."

He
stuck the cigarette between his lips. "It's true, all right. And after the
way Caldwell insulted me, I want to be the one to show him up for what he
really is. I have a suspicion Sheriff Higgins is in on things and probably
keeps Caldwell informed on Ranger activity. He usually knows what we're up to.
That's why I have to do this myself, not tell Captain Booth what I'm
doing."

His
intelligence when it came to scouting and deciphering human nature was
astounding to Tess. He had mentioned Sheriff Higgins without her saying a word
about seeing him at Caldwell's ranch. It also dawned on her he had been talking
steadily since he'd got back to the room. Was he as nervous as she was? Trying
to find a way to pass the time?

"Would
you... would you like to do a little reading?" she asked, hoping to take
his thoughts away from Jim Caldwell. "You must know how to read some,
don't you? Do you know letters?"

He
still stood at the window. He smoked quietly for a moment before answering.
"I know letters. I've learned what some say when they're put together by
having to know what certain WANTED posters say, and from signs, like down there
at Jenny's Place. I know that's what the sign says, and I know how those
letters sound, so when I put them together I can understand why that sign says
Jenny's Place."

And
are you wishing you were over there?
"Well, then you have mastered most
of the battle. Come over here and see what you can read from one of these
articles. I'll help you through the words you can't read—help you sound them
out. We have a rather long night ahead of us. We might as well use it to some
good."

I
can think of a hell of a lot better way to spend my wedding night, he wanted to
shout at her. He
would
claim Tess Hawkins one of these days, or nights,
but he'd made her a promise, and he would honor it. She wasn't ready yet, but
he was determined that someday she would not only allow him his husbandly
rights, she would actually love him.

"Might
as well," he answered aloud. He walked over and smashed out what was left
of his cigarette. "I will rebuild out at your farm, Tess. That's a
promise. I'll start raising some of my own horses and cattle once I quit the
Rangers. For now I might as well stay with them. The assignments take me away
for weeks at a time." He sat down beside her again. "Considering our
situation, that's probably best right now."

Tess
felt heat rising into her face. "Yes, I suppose it is. She stared down at
the newspaper, thinking about the way he had held her earlier, such a
wonderfully comforting embrace. She would not mind another embrace like that...
but she couldn't let him do that here... not when they were both sitting on a
bed. What was harder to forget was the way he had kissed her. This man sitting
next to her had kissed her as a husband kisses a wife. He
was
her
husband! Her
husband.
For life. "This is all so strange."

He
sighed. "Hey, look, I'm as nervous as you are. I'd rather go over to
Jenny's and play poker and drink whiskey all night, but that wouldn't look too
good, considering I'm supposed to be a new husband. We're stuck here, so we'll
have to make the best of it. It would be easier for me to face a bunch of
outlaws right now than face spending all night in this room with a woman I love
and can't have." He got up from the bed.

Tess
couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I'm sorry. I've gotten you into a
mess."

He
walked back to the window. "The only mess I'm in is waiting for you to
care about me as much as I care about you, Tess Hawkins. I don't mind having to
marry you. I don't even look at it that way. I
wanted
to marry you. It's
you who didn't want to marry, and I know you never would have given thought to
such a thing with me if not for the baby. I can even live with that, as long as
there is some hope you'll look at me with love in those pretty blue eyes
someday." He faced her. "I'm really not so bad if you give me a
chance. I won't run out on you and I won't break any other promises. You've
already figured out that in spite of my ornery nature I have a soft spot for
good women because of my mother. Just don't expect me to sit back and wait for
months for you to come to me. I expect you to at least try to like me a little,
and to quit acting afraid of me."

Tess
closed her eyes and shook her head. "I do like you, John... more than a
little. Surely you understand... after Chino—"

"I'm
not Chino. And you're still young and beautiful.

You're
going to want a man again in the way every woman wants a man. I'm just telling
you not to be afraid of your own emotions and to quit comparing me to a bastard
like Chino—or even to your own first husband. I have a feeling he didn't know
the first thing about... how to treat a woman. Tell me something, did you
really
love
the man?" Tess met his dark eyes. "Love?"

"Yes.
Do you even know what the hell love is, Tess? Have you
ever
really loved
a man?"

She
looked away. "I—I respected him. And I guess I did love him, in a special
way."

"A
special way? How?"

"Well...
as a husband, the man I promised to love, honor and obey. I truly felt I loved
him until..." She got up from the bed, hating to talk about such intimate
things with someone like John Hawkins.

"Until
you found out he wasn't a real man?" he asked. "Until you found out
he didn't know the first thing about loving a woman?"

She
folded her arms and paced. "Something like that. But who am I to say how a
woman should be loved? I had no experience with such things. Maybe I expected
too much from him."

"You
expected what every woman expects—for a man to be a man, to take charge, not
just in decision-making and work, but in bed, too."

She
sensed herself reddening deeply. The statement left her speechless, and she
felt jittery and much too warm.

"You've
never known real love or real love
making
since you were old enough for
such things," John told her.

"Stop
it," she asked, still unable to look at him. She heard his footsteps
behind her, gasped when he grasped her arms and turned her around.

"How
did he kiss you?"

Her
eyes widened in surprise as she looked up at him. "What?"

"Did
he ever kiss you like I kissed you today?"

Now
tears were wanting to come again. "You're going to break your promise,
aren't you? And I can't do a thing about it without embarrassing myself to the
whole town! You know I don't dare scream!"

He
rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Jesus God Almighty." He let go of
her and began buttoning his shirt as he walked over to where his boots stood in
a corner. He pulled a pair of denim pants from his gear, and Tess's terror grew
when he unbuttoned the new pants he'd worn for the wedding and yanked them off.

"What...
what are you doing?"

"I'm
changing. You're my wife. You can see me in my underwear without
fainting." He pulled on the denim pants and stuffed his shirttail into
them.

"Are
you... are you leaving?"

"I
guess I have to. I told you to trust me, but apparently you don't. I'll think
of some excuse." He buttoned the denim pants and pulled on his boots.
"I'll come back later, after you've changed and gone to bed. I'll rig up
some kind of bed on the floor. Come morning I'll be gone, maybe for quite a
while. Then you can relax, Mrs. Hawkins. I won't attack you in the night."

She
wanted to protest. It would look bad if he left now. "Where... where will
you go? You won't go to Jenny's, will you?"

He
strapped on his gun. "Do you care? Do you
really
care?"

God,
how she hated admitting it. "Well... I... yes."

"Why?"

"Because
you're supposed to be my husband now."

"Is
that the only reason?"

Their
gazes held for several silent seconds. "No." His angry look softened
a little. "What's the other reason?"

A
tear slipped down her cheek. "Because... because you're right. No man has
ever kissed me like you did today. And because..." She turned away.
"And because I... I need you to hold me. Just hold me." She shook on
a sob. "Just hold me."

Almost
instantly she felt his arms come around her. She turned and wept against his
chest, getting the blue calico wet. "I didn't know... what you would think
of me," she sobbed. "It doesn't seem right... to care for any man...
in any way... after losing my husband not even two months ago... and after
what... what Chino did. I don't know what's right or... wrong anymore."