Bittner, Rosanne (7 page)

"Lettie?"

She was startled by the touch of Luke's hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned to look up at him, her eyes wide with fear and apprehension. "I... I don't know if I can stay here, Luke." Oh, why had she said that? She could see the hurt in his eyes. He should be angry. Maybe he would throw her down and have his way with her now, order her to submit to her husband, yell at her for being weak and selfish, tell her she would stay here whether she liked it or not.

He turned, looked around the tiny room, looked back at her with a smile of resignation on his face. "I can't blame you there. I don't know why I even considered this. I guess in all my excitement..." He sighed deeply. "I'll take you back to Billings in the morning. It's not much of a town, but maybe I can find a safe place for you and Nathan to stay while I make things more livable around here."

"But... you'd be out here all alone."

He shrugged, walking over to the stove and opening the door. "I knew before I ever came here there would be a lot of lonely living I'd have to put up with." He picked up some kindling from a small pile that lay near the stove and stacked it inside. "When you have a dream, you simply do what you have to do to realize it." He turned to face her. "I told you it won't be like this forever, Lettie, and it won't."

His eyes moved over her, and she knew what he wanted. He simply loved and respected her too much to ask for it. A wave of guilt rushed through her, and she felt like crying. "I'm sorry, Luke. I've disappointed you in so many ways already."

He frowned, coming closer. "I never said that. I don't blame you for not wanting to stay here. I'll take you back to town and you can come back here in the spring." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "I love you, Lettie. I never want you to be unhappy or wish you had never married me. I made you some promises, and I intend to keep them."

A lump seemed to rise in her throat. "You'd really take me to Billings? You wouldn't be angry about it?"

Luke studied her face. He wanted her so, but was not sure how to approach the situation because of what she had been through. He knew there was a part of her that wanted him that way, but he had not seen it in her eyes since leaving Fort Laramie. He had only seen doubt and fear. "I told you I'd take you. I wouldn't be angry."

She suddenly smiled, although there were tears in her eyes. "That's all I need to know. I... I thought you took it for granted, just because I was your wife... that you'd demand..."

She threw her arms around him, resting her face against his thick fur jacket. "Oh, Luke, forgive me. I haven't been much of a wife at all yet, except to cook your meals. I just... I need time to adjust to all of this. I know your intentions are good, and I trust your promises." She leaned back to look into his eyes, trusting more every day in the look of love she saw there. "You don't have to take me back. As long as I know I
can
go back, that's all I need to know. Does that make any sense?"

He grinned. "I think so." He moved his hands inside the bearskin blanket she still wore tied at her shoulders. "I'm not a man to demand anything, Lettie, except a woman's loyalty. There isn't anything you want that I won't try to give you, as long as you belong only to me."

She reached up around his neck. "I could never belong to anyone else." She reddened then, remembering the rape, and her smile faded.

Luke pressed her closer. "You remember what I told you. I'm going to be your first man, and your
only
man. There just hasn't been the right time or chance to show you. I'm sorry about all this, Lettie. I know it's hard for you."

Somewhere in the distance they heard the cry of a bobcat. Combined with the groaning mountain wind, the sounds only accentuated how alone they really were, a good five miles from the only town, and no sign of civilization for hundreds of miles beyond that. "I can't let you stay out here alone. You're my husband. I belong here with you," Lettie said, still clinging to him.

Luke kissed her hair, her cheek. She found herself turning to meet his lips, and he explored her mouth savagely then. She felt lost in his powerful hold, buried in the fur jacket, suddenly weak. How well he fit this land, so tall and strong and rugged and determined. She loved him all the more for it, loved him the most for not being angry that she might want to go back. She had that freedom, and knowing that only made her want to stay; just like knowing he would never demand his husbandly rights made her want to be a wife to him.

He left her mouth, kissed her neck. "I'd better get a fire going, bring in—"

"Luke." She felt her heart racing as all her fears began to melt away. She didn't know how to tell him, what to do. She could only look into those handsome blue eyes and say his name. She met his lips again, astonished at the sudden hunger in her soul. How could she have considered letting this poor man stay out here alone, when he had a wife and child who could help him, love him? And how could she keep denying him the one thing he had every right to take for himself? Most of all, how could she deny her own sudden desires, this surprising awakening of woman that ached to be set free?

He returned her kiss tenderly, searching more softly with his tongue now, groaning with the want of her. Little Nathan continued to sleep on the pile of blankets, oblivious to the awakening taking place between his mother and his new father. Lettie felt herself being lowered to the floor, the bearskin blanket providing a soft barrier at her back. Luke groaned her name, kissed and licked at her throat while he moved a strong hand along her leg, up under her dress and the several layers of petticoats she had worn for warmth.

"I should build a fire," he groaned. "We should use the bed."

"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "I want to be your wife, Luke, in every way. I want to be one with you and know that it's all right. I don't want to be afraid any more."

He looked down questioningly at her, his eyes glistening with love and desire. "Lettie, it's so cold and crude in here—"

She touched his lips. "Do it quickly, Luke, before Nathan wakes up... and before I lose my courage." A tear slipped down the side of her face. "We can make it nicer next time."

He met her mouth again, lingered there before moving to caress her throat. "Lettie... Lettie..." He moved his hand over her drawers, yanked at the waist. Lettie closed her eyes, her heart pounding wildly with fear and anticipation. Luke moved away from her for a moment, and she knew he was unbuttoning his pants. She could not look. In the next moment she felt her drawers being pulled away, down over her knees, her boots. Her skirts fell to hide secret places, but he pushed them back up as he moved between her legs then, kissing her eyes, her throat.

"There is so much more I want to do," he told her softly. "I can make it much better than this, Lettie."

She finally found the courage to open her eyes and meet his gaze. "I believe you, but for now, I just want to be Mrs. Luke Fontaine, in every way, not just on paper. I'll not deny you any longer." She reached up and moved her fingers into his thick, dark hair. "Just love me, Luke. Never leave me."

He licked at her lips. "Never."

Lettie drew in her breath when she felt his hardness then. He pressed against her thigh, while he met her mouth again, moving his tongue deep inside suggestively. For a moment the panic returned. She braced herself for the pain, but he did not enter her immediately. Supporting himself with one arm, he reached down with his other hand to guide that part of man she thought she hated, rubbing it softly against a magic spot between her legs and creating a new sensation she had never experienced. It made her want him more, made her open herself to him more willingly.

"Relax," he whispered between kisses that kept her breathless. Desire was building deep in her belly. It had not been like this before—the gentle kisses, the soft, teasing stroking against secret places. Suddenly she felt a rippling explosion deep inside that made her cry out his name, and to her own shock, she was begging him to enter her, pleading with him to fill her, to make her his own.

She gasped when she felt it then, the huge hardness invading her, pushing deep, branding her as Luke Fontaine's property. Flashes of her rape threatened to spoil the moment; but all the while he whispered her name, told her he loved her, how good she made him feel. In moments the ugly memories were erased by this man who had waited so patiently for this, who had told her she didn't have to stay here.

How could she leave him now? No, she would stay right here with Luke Fontaine and help him build his dream. She arched up to meet his thrusts, and in spite of the cold room, she was warm with passion, protected by his own broad body and the wolfskin jacket he had not even removed yet. She knew they would do this again... soon... and the next time he would want to touch and taste her breasts and they would lie naked together. The thought no longer frightened her. He had awakened something wonderful in her, and she was overjoyed to know how good and sweet this could be. She felt a thrill at the way his strong hands grasped at her bottom while he thrust into her.

She truly belonged to him now, and he to her. She would make sure no other women shared his bed ever again, and she would never disappoint him the way Lynnanne Haley had hurt him.

To Luke's frustration, it was over quickly. He had been too long without a woman to be able to hold back. He figured maybe it was best this way the first time. As his seed spilled into her, he prayed it would take hold. Having a child together would put the past behind them once and for all. It would seal their love for each other, and help ease her longing for her family. He felt an ache inside at the realization that he had not minded leaving his own father and brother at all. He wished he had a family that missed him, like Lettie's.

This would be his family now. Nathan. Lettie. The children they would have together. This was all he needed, this and the land. He sighed deeply, kissed Lettie's eyes, studied them when she looked up at him. "You all right?" To his delight, she smiled.

"I feel wonderful."

Luke grinned. "It gets much better than this. I want to show you how much better."

She drew in her breath at the thought. "Then we'd better heat up this place and make it livable, and we'd better make up another bed so we can get up off this floor next time."

A rat skittered by several feet away, and Lettie cringed against him. Luke kissed her hair. "I've got poison for them. We'll be rid of them in no time. You'll see." He kissed her once more. "Thank you, Lettie, for marrying me, for staying here with me. It would be so lonely without you."

She traced a finger over one of his dark brows. "I'd have been lonely, too, even with other people around." Her soft smile faded. "And thank
you,
for loving me, for taking away the ugliness. I really am just yours now, aren't I?"

He moved a big hand over her breast, on up to stroke at her temple. "Just mine. In your heart I've been your first man. The rest is forgotten."

The bobcat growled again, this time sounding closer. Outside Red whinnied, and a couple of mules began to bray. "I'd better get out there," Luke said. Reluctantly, he moved away from her, stood up and buttoned his pants.

Lettie pulled her skirts down. "I'll get some wood and get that stove going so you can wash," Luke told her as she reached for her drawers. Now she felt a little embarrassed, glad when he turned away and went outside. She quickly cleaned herself as best she could for the moment with a handkerchief, throwing it in a corner and pulling on her drawers. Yes, she would be glad to wash. She wanted to clean up good before the next time they made love, wanted to be soft and powdered. She looked around the sorry little room, envisioning where to put another bed, where to hang blankets for privacy when she needed to bathe herself. There wasn't much room, but then as cold as the Montana winters got, maybe it was better this way. One little room was a lot easier to heat than a bigger house. Poor Luke would probably have little time for anything but cutting wood for the next month or so.

She tied her hat back on and went outside to help carry in supplies. Luke brought in some wood left stacked on the porch and got a fire going, then went back outside to unhitch the animals and see about putting them up in a lean-to several feet from the cabin. Lettie quickly washed herself as best she could. Amid all the bustle, Nathan finally awoke, rubbing his eyes in confusion. He scooted off the bed and stared around the room. Lettie turned from the sack of potatoes she was opening and picked him up. "It's about time, you little devil. You sleep as hard as you play when you're awake. I hope you'll sleep that well tonight."

"Pee, Mommy."

Lettie smiled and carried the boy to an outhouse behind the cabin, helping him undo himself. He was very proud of the fact that he'd learned to "pee" the way Luke had shown him. In the distance the bobcat squealed again, and Lettie felt a stab of anxiety. Luke had said he might have to hunt the thing down and get rid of it. What if he was attacked while he was out there working alone in the woods? There would be no one to help them.

As she and Nathan returned to the cabin, she gazed at the magnificent beauty of the surrounding country, the wide valley below the cabin, the purple mountains that rimmed the entire horizon. This was a treacherous beauty, a deceitful land, one that lured with its beauty and its promises of riches. She could only pray the land would not devour her husband, kill them all with its harsh climate and dangerous wildlife.

She spent the next few hours making the cabin as homey as possible for their first night. She hung a blanket in one corner of the room. Behind it she set a washstand and laid out one of the feather mattresses for her and Luke to sleep on. She put the other feather mattress on the small bed where Nathan would sleep and made up his bed properly. She cleaned up the rest of the cabin as best she could, stacking supplies wherever they would fit. Then she cooked supper, a difficult task on the small potbellied stove.

"I need a regular cookstove," she told Luke when he returned. He promised to see about it as soon as he could. He also promised to go to Billings and buy some tar paper to nail to the outside of the cabin to close off the cracks between the boards. But before he did any of that, he would have to spend the next several days cutting wood. Winter set into this land early, and any day could find them buried in a mountain snowstorm.