Black and Blue (11 page)

“Come on, street urchin,” I said. “Let’s go see the animals.”

The ape habitats were near, and I suggested those. I’d always loved checking them out as a kid. All the bigger apes were usually chill and the smaller monkeys were frenetic. Both were fun to watch. They seemed like much freer versions of ourselves.

Maybe humans would have been better off if we stopped evolving before we put up all our walls in society - against each other, and within ourselves. It would be nice to live without pretense.

Just as we got near that straw and dung smell of the enclosure though, Sean made a sucking noise. His eyes were on a sign that said “Big Cats,” and under it, a smaller paper one that read “Feeding today at 11AM.”

“We’ve gotta see that,” he said, and rushed towards the direction of the arrow.

I followed, a bit stirred up. “It’s a walk. Why don’t we just see the ape stuff first?”

“Are you nuts?” He stabbed at his phone. “We’re just in time to see the kill.”

“The kill?” He was already out of earshot though.

We arrived at the savannah cage, a wide open field fenced off by a curved railing. Past the moat on the other side, a small pack of golden lionesses were clustered around something on the ground.

Sean pressed in over some kid, but I hung back. Eventually one of the lionesses turned around chewing with a bloody mouth.

“Ah crap,” Sean muttered. “We missed the hunt.”

“The hunt?” I asked. “Baby, you think they’re going to let these kids watch a gazelle get torn apart.”

Sean frowned. “Why not, that’s how the world really is. It’d be a great lesson. The kids would love it.”

A tiny black boy with oversized glasses turned up to Sean and said, “Yeah, that would be so awesome!”

“See?”

I chuckled and hugged him from behind. “Well then, I guess you should go on safari.”

He didn’t return the grip though, but just stared on ahead. “That’s what I used to want to do,” he said softly.

“You wanted to go into nature?”

“I wanted to be a field zoologist when I was young.”

He turned back at me and I saw that he was serious. “In high school?” I asked.

“Na, come on. I was already too gone by high school. Barely graduated. But middle school - yeah. It was the one bit of class that I could appreciate. Big cats especially. I wanted to just leave Detroit, head into the jungle and study them.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just hugged tighter. In a way, it was almost more crazy than being a fighter. He’d be leaving behind everything he knew for only a chance to study something that didn’t have much value. It sounded exhilarating though - to spend your life dedicated to understanding a vital part of the world.

“Well, you can go take a visit, now,” I said. “If you like it, you’ve got still got time to study. Field biologists don’t need such good grades, just dedication.”

Sean sighed and pressed away from the railing. “Not just yet. I love fighting. I’ve got to see how far I can get with it. Besides, I’ve got obligations.”

He said the word like it was a weight. It seemed heavier than the parts of his life he’d let me see, so I let it swing unseen for now.

“Come on,” I said, taking his arm. “Let’s see the tigers here, at least.”

We came to a more leafy exhibit. Sean and I searched hard, but there was nothing in view.

“Smart beast,” Sean said. “No need to show off to an audience.”

“Which would you have rather studied,” I asked. “This or the lion or something else?”

“The tiger, of course. Even lions hunt in packs, but the tiger’s a lone fighter. It only comes out when it needs to.”

“That’s your name in the ring right?” I asked. I remembered hearing it in the stands that night at the fight.

“It is. I guess it’s the next best thing to studying it.” He turned and scooped me under an arm. “What about you?”

“No, I can’t study a predator. That’d be too much tension for me.”

“Not what cat you’d study. What was your dream job as a kid? Chemist?”

“Of a sorts.”

“What does that mean?”

We ambled past another group of kids and I felt suddenly self-conscious. I could lie, of course, but that didn’t suit this atmosphere. You didn’t come to a zoo to hide from your nature.

“It means I wanted to be a cook.”

“A cook?” I saw gears spin in his head. “Ah, chemistry for food.”

“Exactly. My mom taught both of us girls since we were young. I did well at everything, but I don’t think there was anything I enjoyed learning more. Cooking is chemistry and biology and psychology, but it’s an art, not a science. There are no hard rules.”

“So why are you waiting tables over the summer and not taking cooking classes?”

“Same reason you’re not a biologist. I have obligations.”

“Obligations.” He snorted. “I thought the point of having money was so that you didn’t
need
to do anything.”

“Well, we’re not that rich. We’re upper middle class, but…” I sighed. What use was explaining all this? He wouldn’t get it.

“But what?” Sean nudged my head with his nose.

“It’s not that simple,” I said. “It’s not that simple when you’re not white. Even if you’re high up, you’re standing on a tiny platform. If you take one wrong step and fall off, there’s nothing to catch you. It’s better to play it safe until you make it.”

“That’s what you believe?”

“It’s what I was taught. And it’s true enough.”

He didn’t say anything for a while. We ambled past more big cages and into the aviary. Fine mesh bars curved into a tunnel above us and in a vast cage beyond, all sorts of colorful birds flitted around.

I stopped, transfixed by the beauty. The Detroit winters would murder things as pretty as these. They must be here on loan.

“I always thought that poverty was a cage,” Sean said, eyes lifted alongside me. “I didn’t figure that the girls with the pretty feathers had their own cage.”

“It’s not a cage,” I said. “I’m free to move around, as long as I don’t take blind leaps.”

“Sure, but that’s the problem isn’t it? You got space to fall. You’ve got things to lose. I never did.”

“Nothing?” It actually sounded kind of liberating.

“Not a damn thing. The only place to go was up, and I found any path I could.”

He looked at each of his fists in turn. I saw the strength in them - not just the muscle, but the lack of fear, the purpose, the willingness to dive into something headfirst.

“So what would you do if you got bored of fighting?” I asked. “You have stuff to lose now. Would you walk away from a sure life?”

A bird came flitting down just to the mesh above us. It hovered there long enough to eye each of us, then flew away.

Sean rubbed my shoulders. “Well, I’ve got a long way to go before I get bored, but this gig’s not a forever thing. I know that. But the higher it takes me, the further I can see and the more I realize is out there. And the best part is I know I can reach all of it no matter what happens. I don’t need a net. I’ve worked my way up from the bottom once. I can always do it again.”

“Wow.”

Sean chuckled. “That’s not the plan or anything, though.”

I pressed against his chest and heard the metronome beat of his heart. I didn’t need a net, I realized. I had family. If that fell through, Sean would still be there.

The only issue was making sure I could keep him around - which meant there was no use waiting.

“Sean,” I said. “You think you could say stuff like that in front of my folks?”

He faced me under the chirping, clicking and whistling of the cage. Was it weird to ask? I’d never put my other boyfriends through this, but I had to banish my family’s disapproval.

His emerald eyes flared, but just for an instant. His mouth crept up with a grin.

“I can damn well try.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Sean

I took a deep breath, reached up and grabbed the olympic bar. A quick nudge and all the weight on it bore down on me.

I let it bend my arms and creep down as I breathed in, until my chest met the metal. Then, grunting, I heaved the weight back up overhead. The first couple reps came easy, but soon my arms started to burn.

By the seventh rep, my strength was about dead. Two-fifty was the highest I’d gone. More than that would weigh me down with useless muscle, but today I needed all the presence I could get. I roared out and pushed the weight up inch by inch. I’d just about reached the stand’s hooks, when a pair of milk pale hands finally decided to dash out.

“Phew, that looked intense man,” Silvio said, after guiding the bar back to its seat. He threw me a hand, and I pulled myself upright.

“Give it a shot then,” I said. “Some of the guys here say weed helps them lift. It’s like a game almost.”

“Na, I like to keep it loose.” He waggled his long skinny arms and flapped his ridiculous oversized t-shirt. The guy had never gotten the hint that the nineties were over.

I doubted he’d be able to do much if I actually did need him to pull the weight up, but that was its own sort of inspiration. He was mostly here to help me clean up with the giant meals I ate afterwards. The skinniness was actually impressive when you considered how much he put in.

I took deep gulps of water and wiped myself down with a towel.

“You look tense,” Silvio said, watching me intensely through those reddened eyes. “You want a toke?”

“That’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Come on, it’ll chill you out before that big dinner interview you got.”

“That’s the reason I can’t smoke, dumbass. That kush you got knocks me out. I’ll be a slurring mess in front of the girl’s dad.”

Silvio face scrunched up into an epiphany. I told him to chill out then took a quick shower in the gym changing room. Even with my muscles blissfully sore and my mind sapped, I still couldn’t truly relax in the hot water.

When I checked myself in the mirror afterwards, I wore a look like I was in a police lineup. I could only think about the trembling voice Gabi had when she called me on the phone to confirm. It was like she was forcing herself to put on a bright face.

Every time I tried to shrug off the whole dinner thing as just another date, it didn’t work. This was about her, but it was almost more for me. It was a chance to show that I’d made it, that I could pass for respectable. If I couldn’t chill, I could at least focus on that.

Silvio and I chowed through massive meatball subs. He offered me tips on looking classy, which were useful if you did the opposite of his suggestions. We ate walking through the streets, and he alternated bites with big puffs of a joint he’d rolled up. Even in the open air, the stuff smelled dank enough to get me high.

“Where do you keep getting shit that’s stronger and stronger?” I asked, batting away smoke.

“Oh, that Jada girl hooked me up. She’s real cool. Too bad she’s taken though. You think I could date her?’

I shook my head. One shared interest didn’t make a relationship. Lack of one didn’t unmake it, either. At least, Gabi and I were starting to find things other than sex, but damn was this thing still fragile. If things went south tonight, I couldn’t see us surviving it.

Maybe that’s what she wanted. I felt numb at the idea, but it wasn’t a bad one. Could be just saving us heartache.

Silvio chilled at my place, but the hours crawled by. I didn’t have anyone to unload this tension on.

There was only one woman in my life who wasn’t Gabi. She wasn’t even all grown, but I rang her up anyway.

“Hey, ho,” Sarah sang as she picked up.

“What’s up, little girl?” I said, already feeling the stress melt off. “Holding the fort?”

“Everything’s green here. What about you?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I just wanted to see if you needed help with anything.”

“Well, I’m still blind. You think you can fix that?”

I chuckled. “I wish, doll. But no, sorry.”

“Aw, shucks. Well, I got math homework too.”

“Sorry, that’s sort of
my
disability.”

“You can do it. You’re smart. You’re just too lazy to.”

Was I smart enough? I’d graduated school - no mean feat in the midst of that misery. Maybe if I didn’t have these reflexes, I’d have been forced to do something with my brain.

“You there?” Sarah asked. “I was just teasing. I know you’re busy.”

“No, no. It was actually just what I needed to hear. Nice pep talk.”

I could almost feel a smile spread on her lips. “Since when does the Irish Tiger need pep?”

“It’s an expression.”

“Yeah, but not this time. What is it?”

Well, I had called her for a reason. “It’s a girl,” I said, heading into the bedroom and away from Silvio.

Sarah whistled in amazement as I told her about the dinner tonight. I didn’t hide any of my fears. She knew how I felt about my old town. I did keep trying to get her out of there.