Authors: Claire McFall
We start with the lawyer. He reads from a typed sheet in front of him, which I soon realise is a report on my case so far. Judge McDowell nods in several places, so either he’s already read the report or he was the judge on my initial hearing; the man who signed me over to the care of Dr Petersen. I hope it is the former. I squirm in my seat as the lawyer reads out the details of my initial testimony to Dr Petersen. Every detail, every word. My cheeks grow hot. If it was not me being discussed, I would say the person who claimed this was insane, no question. Throughout the statement, Dougie listens intently, a slight frown creasing his forehead. There are a few occasions where his eyebrows twitch, like they are about to lift in surprise, but I can’t read why. There is no way to ask.
At last, it’s over.
‘So we are here today to hear the testimony of Douglas Fletcher, is that right?’
‘That’s correct, Your Honour.’
‘And remind me why we haven’t heard from Mr Fletcher before now.’
‘He suffered a head injury which left him in a coma, Your Honour,’ the lawyer says.
‘For a year?’
‘Yes, Your Honour.’
‘That’s a bit inconvenient.’
I am tempted to laugh so I bite down on my tongue hard enough to make my eyes water. The judge is smirking at his own wit, but my urge to laugh is encroaching on hysteria. ‘A bit inconvenient’ is not how I would describe Dougie’s injury and its impact on my life for the past twelve months. A living nightmare would be closer to the mark.
‘Your Honour, if I might interrupt?’ Dr Petersen leans forward and smiles ingratiatingly. My stomach clenches. I now regret every snide, belligerent thing I ever said to him. I even regret trying to stab him. Because he has the power to keep me locked away, and I have handed him the desire. I wait, breath bated, to hear him pour honey into the judge’s ear. He doesn’t get a chance, however. The judge frowns him into silence.
‘I want to hear from Mr Fletcher first, Dr Petersen, then you can have your say.’ He turns to Dougie. ‘This is a formal hearing, Mr Fletcher, but I’d like to make it as informal as I can for you. May I call you Douglas?’
‘It’s Dougie.’ His voice is quieter than I remember and I wonder if that is because of the year he spent asleep – my throat feels like sandpaper after just a few days – or whether he’s as nervous as I am. I smile at him, but he isn’t looking at me.
Judge McDowell gives him a look before continuing. ‘Douglas, I am going to ask you questions about your trip to Black Cairn Point last year. I want you to answer as fully as you can. I need you to bear in mind that I am a judge and this is a court hearing; you must tell the truth at all times. Do you understand?’
Dougie pales, but nods again.
‘Let’s start at the beginning, then. Run me through the trip as you remember it.’
Dougie starts with the car journey, talks Judge McDowell through the camping, the drinking, the tension between Martin and Darren. It’s weird, hearing his version of events. Like watching the world through coloured glass. He explains Martin’s disappearance, Darren vanishing, Emma’s strange behaviour. I close my eyes when he gets to the final, dramatic scene on the beach, but that doesn’t stop his words from piercing my imagination. I resist the urge to stick my fingers in my ears so I can’t hear, don’t have to relive it, aware of how that would seem. I must not look like a crazy person today.
Dougie’s story finishes a little earlier than mine. He describes how he was jerked backwards, how he felt himself flying through the air. How the world went black for the length of a year. When he finishes there is a brief moment of quiet. Someone coughs. I open my eyes to see it is my dad. Our eyes lock for the briefest second, then I look away.
Dougie’s story, bar one or two small details, matches with mine. One or two small details, and one major one. He has not mentioned a wraith, a being. He has not explained how Martin, Darren and Emma disappeared. Just that they did. There is a big gaping hole in the middle of Dougie’s story, and I know that Dr Petersen is waiting to jump right in.
‘Douglas, my name is Dr Petersen,’ he begins. Dougie nods and then his eyes flicker to me. A look passes between us and I realise that Dougie understands: Dr Petersen is my gaoler, but more than that, he is a snake in the grass. I watch Dougie steel himself; he knows what’s coming. ‘I would like to ask you one or two questions, if I may?’
I want to jump in between them, shield Dougie from Dr Petersen’s sly, manipulative ways, but I am glued to the chair by the occasion and I have already given as much of a warning as I can.
‘Sure,’ Dougie croaks.
‘You say that Darren Gibson, and your friend – Martin Robertson? –’ Dr Petersen turns his name into a question as he quickly checks it against his notes – ‘disappeared. Can you explain to me what happened to them?’
‘I told you. Martin walked off alone, and Darren vanished from the cove when he and Emma were collecting firewood. Heather was with me. Both times.’ Dougie’s expression is set, defensive. I shoot him a grateful look but he doesn’t see.
Dr Petersen smiles. ‘It is noble of you to defend your friend, Douglas. But you are here to explain to us what happened, not to give Heather an alibi.’
‘It’s the truth,’ Dougie says bullishly.
‘Were you with Heather when Emma Collins disappeared, Douglas?’
Horrible silence. It goes on and on. My eyes are on Dougie, but on the edge of my vision I see Judge McDowell frowning.
‘Douglas?’
‘We were all on the beach.’
‘Together?’
Another awkward pause.
‘No,’ Dougie finally says.
‘So you didn’t see what happened to Emma Collins?’
No. That’s the truthful answer, but I can see that Dougie doesn’t want to give it.
‘They were only a hundred metres away. I could see the torch. Heather was only gone for a few minutes.’
But a few minutes would be enough. That’s the thought I can see on Dr Petersen’s face, the lawyer’s. I scrutinise Judge McDowell, but his thoughts are unreadable.
‘You were ill during the trip, were you not?’ the lawyer asks. Dougie twists his head to look at him, confused by the change of direction. ‘I’m sorry, Douglas. I am Mr Thompson, I work for the Procurator Fiscal. Can you tell me, were you ill during the trip?’
‘I had a bit of a cold,’ Dougie hedges.
‘Just a cold? It says in your medical records that you were admitted to hospital with a fever. You had a dangerously high temperature as well as your head trauma. The doctor at the time commented that you would likely have been suffering dizziness, nausea, possible vomiting. Do you remember having any of those symptoms, Douglas?’
‘So what if I did?’ Dougie asks. ‘What are you trying to say?’
The lawyer smiles, accepting the yes hidden in his words.
‘What I’m suggesting, Douglas, is that you may have been so ill that your memory is lying to you. Taking that into account along with the trauma to your head, you –’
‘I’m not lying,’ Dougie interjects.
The lawyer smiles wider. ‘I’m not suggesting you are,’ he assures Dougie – and the judge. ‘But you might be remembering things differently to how they actually happened. Because of your illness. I understand, you want to help your friend, but it is important that you don’t bend the truth, or fill in gaps, even the tiniest bit, Douglas. Being absolutely honest about what you remember, that is the best way for you to help Heather.’
‘I’m telling you what happened,’ Dougie spits through his teeth. ‘I felt a bit unwell, but I didn’t imagine anything. I hurt my ankle as well. Are you going to tell me I imagined things because of that, too? Or that it was Heather who broke the branch, trying to kill me?’
‘Douglas.’ Judge McDowell steps in, a half-raised hand acknowledging the rising tension. ‘Take a breath. We are all here to try to help Heather.’
This time I do snort a laugh, but it’s so quiet I don’t think anybody hears it. I have only one friend in this room, and I am terrified that he is not going to survive the interrogation tag team of Dr Petersen and the lawyer, Thompson.
‘Douglas,’ Dr Petersen leans forward again and Dougie shifts position in his wheelchair so he can face him. ‘You need to understand that Heather is ill.’ I lock my face down so that no one will see how mortified I am to be discussed as if I’m not here. ‘She believes an evil spirit is responsible for the deaths of your friends. A dark shadow who swooped down and stole them away.’
I catch my breath, aware that this is a very dicey moment. Petersen has just laid a trap for Dougie, a very clever trap. Agree with me and he’s as delusional as I am; maybe we were in it together. Disagree, and I’m a lunatic. Lunatics do crazy things … like killing people. Disagree, and Dougie sends me back into Petersen’s clutches.
He doesn’t do either. He laughs.
I stare at him, not understanding, but Dougie looks confident not wrong-footed.
‘That was a story,’ he says. ‘A ghost story I told us to try and freak everyone out. It wasn’t real.’
‘It’s real for Heather,’ Dr Petersen says quietly.
Under the table I grip the arms of my chair with both hands, ignoring the searing pain in my right. This is not at all going the way I want it to. I want to speak, but I know no one will listen. I am the crazy person, after all.
‘Is it?’ Dougie asks, somehow cool and calm. I suppose it’s not his head on the block. He continues before Petersen can confirm his words. ‘There was no wraith, no monster.’ Dougie pauses, looks at me, takes in my horrified face and smiles grimly. ‘But there was a man.’
A man? I blink at Dougie but he doesn’t wait to see my expression. He turns and levels a look at the judge.
‘I saw a man. Several times. At first I thought he was a dog walker, up high on the hill, but I never saw a dog with him. Not that first time, or the next day, when he came back. He was there, high up, watching us, just an hour before Martin disappeared.’
‘A man?’ the judge says slowly.
Dougie nods at the same time as Thompson barks out, ‘What did he look like?’
Doubt is written across the lawyer’s face. Dougie doesn’t react to the derision in his eyes but shrugs his shoulders at the question.
‘Don’t know, I couldn’t see. He stayed too far away. All I could see was his outline. He wore dark clothes, I know that.’
‘And you saw this man the day Martin disappeared?’
‘Yeah.’ Dougie jerks his head in a short, sharp nod.
‘Did you see him after that? Did you see him the day you say Darren went missing?’
Dougie makes a face.
‘I’m not sure. Heather and I hiked up to the road and I thought I saw a van, parked far off, but by the time we’d walked higher it was gone.’
‘Can you remember any details about the van, Douglas?’ the judge asks.
‘It was far away,’ Dougie reminds him.
‘Colour?’ The judge pushes gently. ‘Size?’
Dougie opens his mouth but Dr Petersen jumps in before he can answer.
‘Heather has never mentioned a man. Not once, in all our sessions together.’
And everyone looks at me.
My parents: expressions carefully blank. The judge: curious. I can’t read the lawyer and Petersen is wearing his typical look of disdain. I focus on Dougie, my port in a storm. He is looking at me expectantly. Waiting for something.
I don’t know what.
I do the only thing I can think of: I burst into tears.
They’re impressive. Loud and wet, my breath hiccupping. It takes no effort: I am so strung out I’ve been fighting tears anyway.
‘I w-was scared,’ I babble, swiping at my nose which has already started to run. ‘M-Martin and Darren and Emma were gone and then Dougie –’ I break off, choke on a sob. ‘He was hurt and the fire was out and I couldn’t see what had happened to him. I … I tried to light it again but I was shaking and the lighter fluid got all over me and when I struck the match –’
My body’s shaking so hard that it’s tough to lift my hand, but I do. I hold it up and see the judge’s eyes take in the deformed claw, the hideously scarred skin. He winces.
‘Heather.’ Petersen tries to command my attention but it’s easy to ignore him, crying louder, huddling into myself. Now that I’ve started weeping I can’t seem to stop. ‘Heather, you’ve never talked about this man. You told me about the wraith, remember? The spirit at the cairn.’
‘I – I –’ Thoughts whirl around my head. Sudden inspiration hits. ‘I thought he’d come after me too!’
I dare to glance up and see that one corner of Dougie’s mouth is hitched up in the smallest semblance of a smile.
If the tables had been turned and I’d been the one to fall, the one to slip into a coma, and Dougie had been left to save us, I know for a fact that he would not have been as foolish as me, that he would have been waiting for me to come round, free and living his life. He would have done what I was too slow to understand: made it a story, made it a lie. Left a hole and trusted the police to fill it with a monster they could understand. A serial killer, a local madman. If I had not screamed quite so loudly about things that no one in their right mind would believe in, who would have suspected me?
But I am a year too late for my epiphany. All I can hope is that my situation is salvageable. Finally, I tear my gaze away from Dougie’s face and look to Judge McDowell.
He’s the one who will decide my fate.
It feels wrong to be standing in the sunshine, but there’s not a cloud in the sky. It almost adds cheer to the place, picking out the vibrant green of each blade of grass, the dots of colour from every bouquet of flowers. But there is just too much grey. Row upon row upon row of forbidding slabs of stone. The three in front of me are shinier than most.
Martin. Emma. Darren.
Names on a tombstone. And beneath that, dates which to me feel like yesterday.
Beside me Dougie coughs, trying to clear his throat, looking away so that I won’t see his face. Though his friends were buried almost exactly a year ago, like me this is the first time he’s ever stood in front of their graves. His parents wanted to take him, to be there for him – to keep him in sight like they have almost every moment since he opened his eyes – but he refused. Refused because I wouldn’t have been welcome. No matter what Dougie said in court – or the judge said as he signed my release form – to them I am guilty. To them I am the reason they lost a year of the life of their son. I can’t blame them; even my own parents treat me with suspicion.
I sigh heavily, and out of the corner of my eye I see Dougie turn in my direction.
‘You okay?’ he asks.
I nod my head, knowing he’ll see, because I’m not altogether sure I can talk. Standing here, looking at their names etched deep into the flecked granite, it makes their deaths real. I mean, I knew that; I knew they were gone. But there’s a difference between knowing it and feeling it. Today I feel it.
Dougie reaches up, rubs my back. I smile briefly at the warmth of his hand through the thin cotton of my t-shirt, still keeping my gaze straight ahead. His touch is mostly friendly, I know, but there’s still a thrill attached to the gesture. Half and half. Like us; after everything we’ve been through together, we’re more than friends. But not more than that. That’s okay, though. Right now, with Dr Petersen’s voice still rattling around my head and open spaces feeling too wide, too free, it’s about all I can handle.
I am grateful to have a friend at all.
Besides, there’s plenty of time. In just a week we are going to university together, to do the archaeology course we were supposed to start last summer. As if the last twelve months never happened.
‘Are you ready to go?’ I ask quietly. I am hoping he’ll say yes. I don’t like being here. It’s empty, dead. I can’t feel any connection to the three people beneath my feet. Wherever they are, it isn’t here.
‘Yeah,’ he says, and we turn in tandem, begin to wind our way down the rows, heading for the exit.
There’s something I’ve been meaning to say to Dougie but haven’t. But I know I really should. I know it needs to be said, and better now than later. Without it, I’ll never really be able to put all this behind me.
I walk slightly closer to him so that our shoulders bump.
‘Thank you,’ I say.
Dougie looks at me quizzically and I make myself meet his gaze. Our footsteps slow.
‘For what?’ he finally replies.
I take a deep breath.
‘For standing up for me. For backing me up. You could have …’ I tail off, then make myself continue, ‘… you could have left me in that place.’
Dougie’s puzzled smile freezes on his face. We have purposely avoided talking about the camping trip and I can see he’s in no rush to do so now.
‘You didn’t have to help me,’ I say. Because he didn’t. With the dark cloud of suspicion hanging over me, with everyone else already having condemned me to the gallows. He didn’t have to do that.
The smile is back, and this time it’s untroubled. ‘What else was I going to do, abandon you?’
That had been my fear. I should have had faith, but after a year in that hellhole, a hopeless year, faith had been hard to come by.
‘We were in it together,’ he says. ‘You and me.’
‘Yeah,’ I whisper. ‘Together.’
There is a lull in the conversation as we once more begin the morose trip out of the cemetery. Chitchat seems disrespectful in this place. Dougie frowns and stares down at the ground as we walk.
‘There is just one thing that troubles me,’ he finally says as we meander out through the gates of the cemetery. ‘You said that we went swimming together –’ I look at him curiously as we walk, nodding slowly. Where is he going with this? ‘But you went after Martin. The two of you took the back path up to the road. You watched him flag down that car, cadge a lift off that old couple. That’s what we agreed.’ He pierces me with his eyes and I stop dead in my tracks.
‘I –’ I start to speak but words escape me. Dougie reaches out a hand and grips me firmly by the upper arm. I don’t try to get away; I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
‘It didn’t exactly go to plan,’ I remind him.
The book Dougie dropped in front of me was obviously really old. The spine was cracked and the writing inlaid on the leather front was so faded I could hardly read it.
‘Blood and Dust,’ I read. ‘The Dark Rites of Human Sacrifice.’ I looked up from where I was lying sprawled across his double bed. Dougie sat at the desk, spinning the chair round so that he could face me, a feverish light in his eyes. ‘Where did you get this?’ I asked.
‘Bought it off some guy on the internet. He’s got a shop down in London, specialises in druid stuff.’
‘Wow.’ I flipped it open, wrinkling my nose at the dusty smell that wafted up from the pages. ‘The writing’s funny, looks almost like Macbeth.’ We’d been reading the Scottish Play in English, ploughing through the Shakespearian language. ‘Can you read it?’
‘Most of it,’ Dougie replied.
I pulled my gaze away from the scrunched lines of tiny writing.
‘Enough?’
‘Enough.’ He nodded.
The half-smile on my face widened until it was a grin, then I giggled.
‘Are we really going to – ?’ I cut off the rest of my question, too overcome with the idea.
‘We’re going to,’ Dougie confirmed.
‘Can you imagine?’ A delicious shiver ran down my spine, excitement making my nerves shiver.
‘We won’t have to,’ Dougie promised. ‘It’s my birthday soon …’
I saw it.
Saw the very moment. The instant. The second the light drained out of his eyes.
Saw it, and savoured it.
I felt power rush through me, adrenaline flood my veins.
With hands ghostly pale, I reached out and closed his eyes. The bruises were already beginning to bloom on Martin’s neck.
No, not Martin’s neck. He wasn’t here anymore. On the body. That’s all this thing was now. A lifeless body. It was just like Dougie had said.
We’d hiked with Martin to the cairn – it seemed fitting. A burial mound. A tomb. Ancient, sacrificial.
‘Now, remember,’ Dougie murmured. ‘Remember what we agreed.’
‘He hitched a lift,’ I replied. ‘I saw him go.’
‘Darren knows.’ His voice was soft and came out of nowhere, slithering from the darkness behind me.
I jumped, whirled around to see Dougie’s face lit by the light of the torch, his expression grim.
‘What?’ I asked faintly, though I’d heard him.
‘Darren. He knows.’
My heart stopped for an instant, then began to beat again in double time.
‘How?’ I whispered.
‘He found Martin’s stuff, the book at the bottom of my bag. He went up to the cairn.’
Fear zinged through me, but it was quickly replaced by outrage.
‘What was he doing raking through your bags?’
‘I don’t know. Acting on suspicions?’ Dougie shrugged. ‘I’ve just overheard him telling Emma what he’s found. They’re going to hike out tomorrow and call the police.’
‘What are we going to do?’ A much more important question.
‘What we have to,’ Dougie answered. ‘You deal with Emma. I’ll take care of Darren.’
There was steel in his eyes. Steel, and excitement.
Dougie lifts a finger to my lips. ‘It worked out in the end.’ The finger leaves my mouth and he runs a hand through my hair, pinning it back behind my ear. ‘You did well.’
Did I?
‘But you got hurt,’ I blurt out. ‘If I’d handled Emma properly –’
‘You did well,’ he says again, disregarding my words. He flashes me a grin. ‘We did. It was just like we’d talked about, wasn’t it?’
Well, not exactly. I hate to bring up the names, but … ‘Darren … and Emma.’ My best friend. Her boyfriend. We haven’t talked about that.
‘They should have left it alone,’ he tells me, no hint of recrimination or regret in his words.
‘They should,’ I say. ‘If they’d stayed wrapped up in each other, like they were supposed to …’
I reach up, cup my hands around his jaw and he grins at me. Then suddenly we’re kissing and it’s all tongues and gasping and clashing teeth. Right there in the cemetery. I go up on my tiptoes, desperate to be closer.
‘It doesn’t matter anyway,’ I whisper, breaking away. ‘We did it.’
The light in his eyes is devilish and full of excitement, matching mine. ‘We did it,’ he agrees.