Black Hills Angel (Black Hills Series) (19 page)

Chapter Eighteen

Andy woke up to the South Dakota sunshine streaming into her bedroom. She hesitated to open her eyes any further than a crack due to the monstrous headache that beat away in her skull.
Oh God!
Her eyes burned and her throat was as dry as the desert! If she didn't have a vivid memory of last night, Andy would have thought she had went to bed wasted.
Not that you ever have been wasted!
Although after the night she'd had, she could have settled for a couple just to take the edge off.

She swallowed, rolling her face into the soft pillow. With one wandering look, she noted with a sigh that Matt was not beside her. The indentation on the other pillow was the only mark left that he had really been there. A large knot constricted her breathing. She was a mixed bag of emotions this morning. The range was far beyond her comprehension and she didn't feel like sorting them all out into neat, understandable categories.
Maybe tomorrow.

"Is it safe to come in?" Nora asked after she had knocked on the door. Andy wanted to just roll over and shut out the world, but it wasn't likely to happen. Nora seemed to know it was up to her to pull Andy back into the world of the living. Matt's sister toted Harper on her hip. Harper looked happy and playful this morning in her yellow sundress.

"I hope she wasn't too much trouble last night." Andy groaned as she turned over and sat up. Her head spun like a lopsided top. Nora smiled softly, seating herself down on the bed.

"Harper is a doll. I actually miss Drew being this little. They grow up so fast." Nora ruffled Harper's downy blonde hair. Andy felt a pang of guilt as Harper grinned and ducked her head into Nora's shoulder. Rubbing her eyes and wishing for some Tylenol, Andy took a couple of deep breaths. She really felt out of her element. Everyone knew what happened last night. How was she to get past it all?

"Everything goes so fast! One day here and the next day gone." Andy said in a measured voice. She didn't try to make eye contact with Nora. Matt's sister was all grown up and a single mom to boot! She knew what Andy meant.

"Not everything goes away. You don't stop being a mother or protecting your child. If anyone understands that, I do. You were brave enough to tell Matt last night about Harper's father. I'm not brave enough to even admit it to myself, let alone Randy." Nora plopped Harper onto the bedspread and tickled her cute little toes. A sloppy gurgle spilled out of Harper's pink lips.

"I didn't tell him, because it was the right time. Matt found out Lance Harper's name and did some digging." Andy sighed loudly, tipping her head to the ceiling. "I told him, because I don't want him freaking out on me. Matt has been an angel and I know he dotes on Harper so much. Besides I am not a very good liar." Andy slipped out of bed, tugging her shirt down and resettling her pajama pants.

"She is your daughter, Andy, and they are your secrets. I agree Matt is an amazing guy and he absolutely loves you and Harper, but he isn't entitled to know everything. I'm sorry if I come off as a
bitch
, but it's how I feel. You don't give trust; you earn it." Nora wore a frown, her beautiful blue eyes sparking. Andy knew where she was coming from. Being a single parent was hard and Andy didn't think she could be strong enough to continue doing this all on her own. She wasn't prepared for it.

"I agree that trust has to be earned, but to me, Matt has done that. He has been protecting us from the moment he met us. From Monica mostly, but also from myself. I needed someone to be there for me and he just came out of the blue. No warning. No questions. No ultimatums." Andy slid open her dresser drawer to pull out clean underwear, socks, shirt and jeans. She slip it shut with a snap. "I
want
to keep Matt in our lives and I don't want to keep any more secrets than what I feel I absolutely must." Andy felt more than saw Nora's surprise and then a small smile creeped over her fine features. Nora nodded gently and turned back to Harper on the bed. Andy left the room to take a shower.

***

She felt clean, physically refreshed, but her brain kept whirring around like the inside of a washer. Agitated, on edge and bewildered by the need to share her feelings, Andy gathered Harper's diaper bag. It was time to get out of this house. She needed some air and the bright sunshine to remind her that life went on as it always did. Time didn't stop because she didn't know what to do with it.

"How many bottles should I pack?" Nora calls from the kitchen. Andy came around the corner just in time to see Nora fumbling with bottles, nipples, and the formula container. Jumping at Andy's unexpected entry, it all goes flying.
Bang! Plop! Ping!
The girls looked at each and then busted up laughing. Nora threw a hand over her mouth when Andy snorted hysterically. Andy's eyes watered as she doubled over, her insides hurting. Bracing herself against the island's countertop, she gasped for air.

"Oh shit! Now that was awesome. A much needed laugh." Andy's face was red, her eyes bright. Nora tried to contain her own laughter and nodded.

"Indeed! You scared the crap out of me!" Nora began to gather the scattered items. Andy helped clean up the half spilled formula contents. Once the floor was swept clean of formula and free of the bottles, they repacked Harper's bag. They wouldn't be gone for long. A short trip to the grocery store to get food stuffs for dinner. Andy still didn't know what to make. The weather was amazingly beautiful for a September day in the Black Hills. It was pleasantly warm with the first signs of autumn coming. It could be a good night for the guys to grill outside and leave the doors open to the house. Just a simple dinner, picnic style.

Andy loaded Harper in her car seat into the Ford Escape that Matt had leased for her. It was higher off the ground than her old car and it made it less trouble to secure the seat. Once the car seat was clipped into its base, Andy tucked a light blanket over Harper's bare legs and gathered some soft toys for her to play with. Nora opened up the back door on the passenger side and slipped the diaper bag onto the floor beneath the seat. Both Nora and Andy got into her car and buckled up.

"I was thinking of having Garrett and Matt grill out tonight. What do you think?" Andy asked Nora as she put the keys into the ignition to turn the motor on. It came smoothly to life.

"I love grilled food. We could get some Portabella mushrooms and grill them. They are fantastic!" Nora shifted in her seat. Andy considered that. Grilled mushrooms?
Hmm.

"I'm going to give Matt a ring before we head off. Just to make sure he doesn't need anything else." Andy slipped her cell phone out of her purse and hit the speed dial button. Her stomach clenched.
What should I say to him? Should I act like last night never happened?
One ring. Two ring. Third ring.

"Hey babe." Matt's voice was smooth and divinely male. "I am so sorry about last night."

"Um...thank you, but I am calling to see if you need anything from the grocery store. Nora and I are going to pick up some stuff for dinner. We thought about having barbecue, if that's fine." Andy motored through her speech, her heart racing and her mind skipping along. A pause and then Matt answered.

"Barbecue is great. Hannah is going to come over too. If you could pick up some beer and whatever you girls want to drink, I can't think of anything else." Matt cleared his throat. Andy's heart pounded.

"Sure. No problem. Beer. Check." Andy met Nora's eyes and pursed her lips. There was no censure. Andy had an ally in Matt's sister and for that she was grateful. Still she was stupidly nervous about what Matt would say. Everything just felt so off balance.

"Andy, before you hang up on me, I want you to know I'm sorry. I feel awful for making you so upset last night and for not trusting you to tell me in your own time." Again a weird silence. Andy swallowed hard, wondering what to say. Should she absolve him or make him sorrier for what he did and didn't do. No answers came.

"I know you are." She said as she put her sunglasses on, shading her eyes from the sun and Nora.

"We can talk about it tonight. I have a meeting in a few minutes. As soon as I am done, I will be on my way home." Matt offers in an informative voice. Someone must have walked in. Probably Margaret.

"Yes, all right. I will see you later." Andy says and hangs up the phone. She drops it in her cup holder in the console and prepares to back out of the driveway.

It is a short drive to the grocery store. Andy vaguely noticed all the traffic and stops along the way. All the driving seems to have been done on auto pilot, which punches her in the gut.
What are you doing? Get your head on straight! Harper is with you in the car!
Andy closes her eyes, fighting back a wave of tears. She feels so overwhelmed, but she needs to be a mother to her child. Her daughter doesn't deserve to be passed from one stranger to another while her mother checks out for a while. She let the cold, calm wave of anger brew and stiffen her spine. She prefers it to the ever present ache of despair and loneliness.

"All set?" Nora says softly from her seat. She had removed her seatbelt but remained in the car. Andy threw her a brave smile and nodded. Opening the door, Andy grabbed her purse and tucked her car keys inside the small pocket. Zipping it up, she closed her door and opened Harper's. Little waving arms greeted her as Harper struggled to get free of her three-point harness. Andy smiled.

"Hey baby girl! Let's get you out of there." Andy quickly slipped the latch free and squeezed the inserts apart. Harper squealed. Nora appeared beside them with the diaper bag and a couple of the cloth bags she was firm they use. Matt's sister with her many earrings and tattoos used cloth grocery bags! Who would have thought!

Settling Harper on her hip and her purse over her shoulder, the women headed across one row of parked cars, down a short sidewalk and into the store. Andy sighs. It's cool inside compared to the warming early-afternoon outside.

"Okay, so Matt said to get beer and whatever we want to drink. Hannah is coming." Andy snagged a shopping cart and set Harper inside, buckling her up tightly and putting her purse and diaper bag on either side to steady her. All in all the almost four month old sat well. Nora giggled at Harper's new view of the world.

"She's too cute." Nora said, smiling at Harper. "I don't mind beer, but I could go for some wine coolers. Maybe Mike's Hard Lemonade?" Nora raised a sculpted brow at Andy. Andy must not have wiped the surprised look off her face soon enough.

"You look more like a hard liquor girl." Andy answered and Nora chuckled. Andy's cheeks reddened.

"Sometimes, but I'm not looking to get plastered. There's enough entertainment at the house without me dancing on the tables!" Nora winked and Andy blushed further.
She's right there!

"I happen to like Mike's too. Any particular flavor? I'm partial to the cranberry." Andy maneuvered the cart around an elderly lady who had stopped to feel the produce.

"Oh definitely cranberry! By far the best one." Nora says as she picks up a green bell pepper. "My brother makes some mean potatoes on the grill. I think we need green bell peppers, onions, potatoes, cream cheese and some butter." Nora put a bell pepper and onion into a plastic produce baggy. Andy stopped to pick up a small bag of little red potatoes.

"All right, I'm sure we have butter. We need cream cheese, beer, Mike's, and whatever we want to grill. Any ideas?" Andy asked as they neared the meat counter. Nora bit her lip, looking over all the pre-cut meat in plastic and styrofoam containers.

"Let's do a mix. T-bone steaks, pork ribs, and chicken breasts would cover the spectrum. I've only met Hannah a couple of times and we went out to eat. I don't remember if she is one of those vegetarians or just has a principle not to eat red meat." Nora screws up her face. Clearly she isn't the biggest fan of Garrett's newest flame. Andy had come to find out that Garrett goes through girls like a sick person with tissues. It's sad really. He is such a nice guy.

"Sounds good to me." Andy tossed a couple of cream cheese bricks into the cart along with a package of shredded cheddar cheese. She met Nora at the liquor stations. They found a case of Bud Light and two six-packs of Mike's Cranberry Hard Lemonade. Harper played with a cold bottle of water, chewing on and sliming the cap.

"I think that will do us. Do they have enough tin foil?" Nora asked as they walked past the plastic baggies and plastic wrap. Andy tried to remember if she had seen any.

"Let's grab one of those just in case." Andy slowed the cart to a halt as Nora selected and dropped the aluminum foil into the basket.

"I think that should be all of it." Nora says as they clear the isle and head for the checkout lanes.
Oh dear! I hate long lines!
Andy takes a deep breath and parks the cart behind a woman with the least amount of items, which is still almost a full cart!

"Well this will take some time." Andy sighs, straightening Harper into a better position. Her daughter didn't seem to care. She continued to gum on the water cap.

"It gives us some time to chat." Nora grins at Andy's sudden posture change. Andy steeled her spine for whatever was going to come from
chatting
with Matt's sister. "Don't look so scared! You forget that I have been where you are and in some ways, I still am." Nora grimaced slightly.