Black Knight, White Queen (15 page)

Izzy watched him, a great hole slowly widening inside her chest. Why now? When she was still struggling with Angie’s death? And why him? Why not some other, simple, easy, in-touch-with-his-feelings kind of guy?

It wasn’t that she couldn’t handle love. She just couldn’t handle loving Aleks.

“Izzy?” He stood in front of her and leaned forward, his hands on either side of her thighs, warm body pressing against her knees. “Your bath is ready.”

She blinked, noticing the bath was full of froth. Jesus Christ. Aleks the Russian ice-man had run her a freaking bubble bath. A lump rose in her throat. “Bubbles?”

“I thought you might like it. I can empty it out and start again if you don’t.”

“No, don’t do that.” She blinked away the sudden prickling behind her eyes. “I love bubble baths.”

Perhaps the easiest thing tonight was not to think about it. Just spend this time with him. Live in the moment. She was good at doing that, wasn’t she?

And when tomorrow came? Well, tomorrow could look after itself.

Chapter Ten

Aleks woke the next morning and reached for the woman his subconscious told him should be there. But his hand closed on nothing but cotton sheets.

He opened his eyes. Where the hell was Izzy? Did she have some kind of problem with staying in bed for Christ’s sake? Yes, they’d decided to say goodbye this morning, but surely she couldn’t have gone already? He wanted some lazy, sensual morning sex and then perhaps room-service breakfast.

Isn’t it easier this way? Simpler?

Aleks flung back the sheets and got out of bed.

Maybe it was simpler. If she’d gone, it meant he could head straight into his chess prep, no hanging around with awkward goodbyes.

The thought didn’t make him feel better, though. All it made him feel was pissed off.

Not bothering with clothes, he went out into the lounge and instantly the pissed off feeling faded at the sight of Izzy in the middle of the room, standing with her back to him, rummaging around in her bag. She wore clothes, more’s the pity, but that could be remedied easily enough.

He went over and slid his arms around her, pulling her in close and turning his face into her hair, smelling the lavender from the bath oil he’d put in her bubblebath last night. Expecting her to soften against him, he was surprised when she stiffened instead, pulling away from him.

“Izzy?”

She turned around, an odd, tight expression on her face. “Oh hey, you’re up. I thought you were still asleep.”

“What are you doing?”

“Actually…” Her hand gripped the strap of her bag. “I thought I’d take off now.”

He frowned. “Now?”

“Yeah. I’ve got some…stuff to do and since we agreed we’d say goodbye today…” She trailed off, shifting on her feet, blue gaze sliding away from his.

“But you don’t have to leave now. I was hoping you’d want to stay a couple more hours. At least until after breakfast.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point?” With an effort, he tried to get a handle on the slow-building anger that had started to simmer away in his gut. “I was going to see what you wanted to eat and then maybe spend some more time in bed.”

“So sex and food.” She blinked, looking away out the windows. “Sorry, Aleks. I might give that a miss.”

He didn’t like that answer. Not at all. “Why? You didn’t seem to mind last night.”

“That was last night. I’ve got things to do today.”

“So you’ve said. But they can wait a couple of hours, can’t they? It’s still only eight a.m.”

Her gaze came back to his. “No, I don’t want to, okay? I don’t understand why you’re arguing with me about this.”

“Because I don’t want you to go just yet.” He took a couple of steps toward her, needing to move, needing to touch her, pull her into his arms.

But Izzy stiffened even more, her chin lifting, a don’t-touch-me vibe coming off her. He ignored it, reaching for her anyway, pulling her closer.

Her hands pressed hard against his chest. “Don’t,” she said in a low, fierce voice.

“Why not?” He looked into her eyes, trying to figure out what was wrong, what had changed from the night before. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Why should I tell you? I’m not your girlfriend.”

“But you’re my friend. Or at least that’s what you told me yesterday.”

“Like you care.”

“Of course I care. You look upset.” His fingers tightened on her hips. “Is it something I’ve done?” He could see anger burning in her blue eyes. Anger and what looked like pain.

“Yeah, actually, it is.”

“What? What did I do?”

“You…” She stopped, her mouth tightening. “Let go of me, Aleks.”

Something was wrong. Something had changed. Last night had been incredible. He’d never let himself go with another person like that before. Not since Viktor. Never dropped his guards, his barriers. Allowed himself to feel a real, emotional connection to someone. For the first time in his life he’d decided not to question it. Had just accepted it. And it had been so good.

But now things were different. She was different. Guarded and angry, and he didn’t know why. A sense of panic began to rise, reminding him of a different time, a different person. A place where there had been rules he didn’t know about. Rules he’d broken.

“No. Not until you tell me what’s going on.”

Abruptly she wrenched his hands away. “Christ, Aleks, can’t you do a single thing I ask?”
 

He didn’t want her like this. It bewildered him. What he wanted was more of what they’d had last night, that connection, not all this inexplicable anger and tension. His fingers curled into fists at his sides, clenching hard to stop himself from reaching for her again. “Tell me what the fuck I’ve done, Izzy. Now.”

Her eyes glittered. “I don’t want to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” Her throat moved. “Shit. Aleks, you’ve made me fall for you. That’s what you’ve done.”

It felt like someone had poured a cup of iced water straight down his spine. “What?”

“I think you heard.”

“Fall for me?” The words sounded weird as he said them. Alien. “What do you mean fall for me?”

Her jaw tightened. “Fall in love with you, you bloody idiot.”

A second passed. Then another.

“I don’t understand,” he said blankly. “How could you fall in love with me? We’ve only just met.”

“I know. Believe me, I know.” The hand gripping her bag strap was white knuckled. “It’s not like I fall in love with every guy I happen to meet on a hotel rooftop.”

“Why?” His voice had gone hoarse. “Is it the sex? Is that why?”

“No, actually, it’s not really to do with that, though the sex is pretty fantastic. It’s because of you. You’re…you’re an amazing guy, Aleks.” Her throat moved, her eyes shimmering. “The way you listen to me, the way you look at me, makes me feel like I’m the centre of the entire universe. And I love that. I love the way you take notice of me.
See
me. It’s like… It’s like you understand me in a way no one else does.”

Pain threaded through him. “No. You shouldn’t feel that way.”

The expression on her face twisted. “I’ll feel the way I want to feel, damn you. Jesus, why does everyone in the entire world think they can dictate my emotions to me?”

“I’m not trying to.” The pain gathered tighter. “You just have to understand that if you want anything more from me, I can’t give it to you.”

Her throat moved. “I’m not expecting you to.”

“You are. I can see it in your face. You’re hurt.” An old anguish, buried deep, ached. “I hurt you.”

A tear glittered on the end of one pale lash. “I’m not hurt.”

It felt like there were shards of glass embedded in his heart. “It’s not you.”

“Oh Christ, Aleks, not that old excuse. Please spare me that, at least.”

“No, Izzy, it really isn’t. It’s me. I’m the problem.”

His American mom looking at him, upset and teary
. I’m sorry, Aleks. We can’t have you here anymore. You’re disturbed. You need help. And the kind of help you need, we can’t give. We think you’ll be better off back in your own country.

“My background means I have difficulty forming attachments. I can’t have relationships with people. I don’t understand them and can’t empathize with them, and this—”

“Bullshit.” The intensity of her expression stopped him dead. “That’s so much bullshit, Aleks.”

“It’s not bullshit, Izzy. It’s the truth.”

“It’s a fucking excuse, that’s what it is. Who told you that you have attachment difficulties? That you can’t empathize or have relationships with people?”

A terrible frustration joined the ache inside him. “No one told me. It’s just a fact of life.”

“Oh that’s crap!” Anger blazed bright in her face. “What was your relationship with Viktor? Chopped liver?”

“That wasn’t a relationship. He was a kind man who—”

“It bloody was so.” She took a couple of steps toward him. “Don’t dismiss him, Aleks. Don’t dismiss what you had with him because you’re too scared to admit you loved him. That he meant something to you. That denies every single thing he did for you.”

His own anger flared. “You know nothing,” he said harshly. “Nothing at all about what I had with Viktor, so don’t you even speak his name to me.” He closed the gap between them, unable to stop himself. “And as for the rest, you know nothing about that either. You think my mom would have sent me away if I was just like every other child? No, she wouldn’t. She would have punished me in some way, but that would have been it. But I wasn’t like every other child and I was sent back to Russia.”

Izzy didn’t back down. “That wasn’t your fault! None of that was your fault.”

“No, she was right to send me away. I was a disturbed little boy. Emotionally, behaviourally. I was broken, Izzy. And I’m still broken.”

“That’s so much shit!” The expression in her eyes burned fiercely. “Please don’t tell me you actually believe that. Some lazy excuse for a parent? Who adopted a kid then couldn’t be bothered when it got too hard, so they got rid of him? No, Aleks. You don’t believe that, I know you don’t. You’re just using it as an excuse.”

“An excuse? An excuse for what?”

She stood right in front of him, toe to toe. Tall and slender, wearing her anger like a suit of armour. Reflecting his own anger back at him. “An excuse so you don’t ever have to actually connect with people. So you can keep yourself safe in your own little bubble. So you don’t ever have to get hurt like all the rest of the bloody world!”

“It’s not an excuse!” His shout echoed around the room, off the walls, off the floor, off the hard surfaces of the coffee table. And he felt his grip on his control begin to slip, a long suppressed rage beginning to seep out.

Smashing glass. Blood. His mother’s pale cheek. Her shocked face. Looking at him as if he were a monster.

Izzy’s face had gone white but her gaze was all fury. All passion and rage. Desire flooded through him, a raw desperation for her that didn’t seem to have decreased in the time he’d spent with her. No, all it had done was become even more desperate.

It burned like a furnace inside him, and he wanted to hold her. Keep her here in his hotel suite until it had burned itself out. Until he stopped feeling it anymore.

But he wouldn’t. She could tell herself all she liked it was an excuse, but that was only because she didn’t like the truth. He was screwed up. Fucked-up. Broken. And the best thing for everyone was if he kept his distance from people. That way he’d never hurt anyone the way he’d hurt his mom.

That way he’d never hurt Izzy.

“Get out,” he ordered roughly. “Get the fuck out of here.”

Her chin snapped up. “Hey, no problem, asshole. I’m gone.”

A tear had caught on her lashes, sparkling in the morning light coming through the curtains. And he almost reached for her. Almost told her he didn’t mean it. That he wanted her to stay.
 

But she turned before the thought could become action, moving swiftly over to the door and pulling it open. And going through it without looking back.

The door closed after her with a heavy thud.

Aleks walked right up to it, stood there for a moment then went back over to the windows. Turning. Pacing. His hands in fists, trying to get rid of the anger, the helpless rage at his own lack of discipline, at the way he just couldn’t seem to control himself and his feelings around her. And, unfair as it was, at her for making this so damn hard. For the fact that she’d fallen for him—whatever that meant. For how she pushed him and kept pushing him.

He stopped by the desk and in a brutal, vicious movement, shoved everything on it to the floor. The resounding crash made him stop. Take a breath.

Fuck. What was he doing? It was time to move on with his preparation, not lose his shit entirely. Time to stop thinking about her and start thinking about his game.

Aleks went over to the chessboard on the coffee table, crouching down to set up one of his favourite chess problems. But as he studied the board, all he could see was Izzy sitting on her cushion, unwinding the blue silk from around her body, challenge in her eyes.