Black Number Four (27 page)

“He’s been pretty persistent since Friday,” Jess notes.

“Yeah, well,” I say, leaning back against the sea of pillows on Erin’s bed. “He’s the only Alpha Sigma brother talking to me right now, so there’s that.” Adam has texted me every day since the dance and we talked for a while on Sunday at the beach, but he hasn’t brought up what was said Friday night and I’m not sure if it’s because he doesn’t feel that way toward me anymore or because he’s waiting for me. Either way, I’m grateful for the temporary escape.

I notice my Little is quiet now, sipping from the bottle when it’s passed her way but keeping her eyes down otherwise. I can’t help but wonder if she’s upset that Kade hasn’t talked to her since the dance. It’s my fault and we both know it, but neither of us bring it up.

“Are you going to hang out with him?” Ashlei asks.

I sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I probably should after the shit I said Friday night but it was all a lie, so everything’s just going to get messy if I see him. I doubt he still has feelings for me but if he does, then it’s not like we can just hang out as friends like we have been.”

“So you don’t like him that way anymore?”

“No, not even a little bit.” I shake my head, taking a long slug from the bottle. It’s already half empty at this point and I feel the buzz setting in.

“You need to be honest with him then,” my Little says, finally looking up from the bed. “You can’t lead him on, too.”

I frown. “I’m not leading him on, Little. But I can’t just tell him that was all a lie. He’d tell Kip and then there’d be an even bigger mess than there is now. I just have to play this stupid game a little longer. Maybe hang out with Adam a few times and then tell him it’s just not working out or something.”

Her lips purse together. “I don’t think that’s fair to Adam. He doesn’t know about this sick game and he shouldn’t have to be involved like that.”

I can’t help but feel the sting from her words paired with the glare she’s giving me right now. “Little, I’m not trying to hurt anyone. Adam will be fine, we’re friends and we have been since the first time we broke up. He will probably feel the same and it’ll be mutual just like before.”

She rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Keep digging yourself deeper and deeper into your shitty hole, Big.” Cassie takes one last chug from the bottle and jumps off the bed, storming out the door and down the hallway.

“What the hell was that about?” Jess asks. I stare at the door thinking the same thing as her words settle around me. I know she’s right about me digging a hole too deep to get out of. My mouth is the shovel and apparently it doesn’t know when to say stop. I feel the light disappearing, the dirt rising higher and higher all around me, threatening to close me in completely.

I clutch my chest, suddenly feeling short of breath. Jess turns back to me and her eyes grow wide. “Shit, Sky, are you okay?” She rushes over to me and grabs my shoulders in her hands.

“I’m fine,” I say, holding up one hand as I use the other to hold my forehead. I’m falling apart and I absolutely hate it. I need to pull it together, but I don’t know how. “I’m going to turn in for the night. I have class early and Bear is meeting me for breakfast beforehand.”

Jess and Ashlei look at each other and frown before turning back to me. “Okay, girl,” Jess says, letting my shoulders free. “You know we’re here if you need us, right?”

I nod, standing and walking toward the door. “I know. I love you girls.”

“And we love you too, Poker Star,” Ashlei says. I smile but don’t even bother turning around to let them see it as I walk through the door and down the hall to my room. Climbing into my bed, I pull the covers up over my head and inhale deeply. I will my mind to be quiet, to let me sleep, but it races with thoughts of Kip and Erin. Flashes of her laughing and him holding her hit me hard and I squeeze my eyes closed tighter. I imagine his lips that felt so perfect on mine touching hers instead and I groan, rolling over and pulling the covers up more.

Trying to focus, I draw in a breath and push it out completely, letting the hot air fill the space under the blanket. Slowly, my thoughts drift to me and Kip on the beach, the sun warm on our skin as we walk the edge of the water. I think of his eyes, his smile, his hands. I feel him pull me closer, his body flush against mine as he bites his bottom lip. I inhale sharply, wetness pooling between my legs as I remember the way it felt to have his fingers inside me, the way it felt to come apart at the touch of his tongue. I remember the way he felt in my hands, the perfect, husky groans he made when I stroked him. My hand drifts down below the hem of my sweatpants and I image it’s his again, letting my fingers graze the lace of my panties. A moan escapes my lips and my eyes fly open, panic setting in as I realize what I’m doing. Quickly, I remove my hand and throw the covers off, letting the cool air attack my sensitive skin.

Shit.

It’s going to be a long night.

“Gah!” I huff, my arms crossed tight as Clinton and I enter the cafeteria. “How is it that it was seventy-six degrees yesterday and then this morning it’s forty-eight?! I can’t handle this.” I rub my hands together and bounce a little as we find the end of the line. The smell of fresh coffee and bacon mix together in a magical combination that makes my mouth water. I haven’t eaten very well in the past few days and I doubt this morning will be any different, but at least I have an appetite.

“Psh, Floridian.” Clinton laughs, tucking his hands in his coat pockets. He towers over every other person in line and I glare up at him before sticking out my tongue. “You wouldn’t last ten minutes in a Pennsylvania winter.”

This time of year in Florida is always so strange. Random cold fronts still sweep through from time to time while spring tries desperately to push through. Half my sorority sisters are getting sick from the constant back and forth. But, honestly, as much as I hate the cold, I do enjoy the break from the insane humidity that always lingers in this state. Anything that makes a nice hair day easy to come by makes me happy.

“You’re damn right, I wouldn’t. Who wants to live in Pennsylvania, anyway?” I tease, nudging him with my shoulder.

At that he laughs. “Hell if I know. I got out of there as soon as I turned eighteen.”

“My point, exactly.” I smile, grabbing a blueberry muffin and dropping it onto my tray. We move through the line quickly and grab a small table by the window facing the fountain and library. Taking a bite of my muffin, I try to keep up my smile and focus on eating. Clinton is like a big brother to me and I know he’s worried. The least I can do is try to convince him he doesn’t need to be.

“So, how are you?” He asks, building a sandwich with the bacon, eggs, and toast on his plate. “I’m still kind of pissed that we haven’t hung out since Rush week.”

“I know, I suck and I’m sorry. But I’m good. Counting down the days to Spring Break. You?”

Clinton narrows his eyes. “Cut the shit, Sky. I know what happened Friday night, everyone on Greek row is talking about it. So are you going to tell me how you are for real or am I going to have to tickle it out of you?”

I smile, shaking my head. “Please don’t tickle me. Didn’t you learn your lesson last year, Bear?” Clinton has a thing for finding my weak spots and tickling information out of me. Last year, though, he didn’t stop in time and I ended up peeing myself. It was hilarious since it was just the two of us, but he’s laid off the tickle-method since.

We both laugh, but he takes a bite of his sandwich, waiting for me to talk. I sigh, picking at my muffin. “Bear, honestly, I’m okay. I’m not good and I’m not bad, I’m just okay. That’s all I can really say right now. I love you and I know you’re here for me, but I just really don’t want to talk about it. I got involved in something I never should have agreed to and now I’m paying for it. It’s my fault, so it would be stupid to ask for sympathy from anyone. Even you.”

Clinton offers a small smile. “I’m sorry, Sky. I don’t know what you got yourself into, but I know you don’t look like someone who just blew off a guy after using him to get back at an ex. You look like someone who was on the other end of the break up, actually.”

I shrug. “Well, there’s a lot behind the situation that nobody knows.”

“You like him, don’t you? All that shit about Adam was bull crap. I know you and you were over Adam the week after you broke things off.”

My chest feels heavy and I cross my arms, tucking them into my chest for protection and warmth. “Yeah, I do like him. But it doesn’t matter because Ex is into him and they have a past. And now they’re talking, which was what she wanted from the start. So, whatever, my part is done I guess.”

Clinton lifts a brow. “So you were playing him for your Big? Shit, I should have known. No one has a better poker face than you.”

I laugh, shaking my head. “Yeah, well, my poker face pretty much goes to shit when I’m around him. I’m pretty sure he knows I fed him a lie, but he doesn’t know the truth so he won’t call me out completely. But then again, he moved on to her pretty quickly, so maybe that was his plan all along, too.”

Clinton chews his food while digesting that little tidbit and I take a sip of my orange juice. After a moment, he looks up at me again. “I don’t think it’s like that. I mean, I don’t know the kid, but I saw him at the auction and the bonfire. He put himself out there for you and, to me, it seemed like he didn’t give two fucks about what anyone else thought. Including Erin. I think he’s just trying to get to you by talking to her now. Does he know you know about their past?”

I nod.

“Well,” he continues, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Then this is probably his way of calling you on your bluff. You said you wanted Adam all along and maybe he knows that’s bullshit so he’s pulling the oldest trick in the book to see if you get jealous.”

I hadn’t thought of that, but it does make sense. Kip isn’t the kind of guy to take crap from anyone and it probably pissed him off that I claimed feelings for Adam when clearly I was into him. Maybe
he
is bluffing now.

“You might be onto something, Bear.”

He smiles. “I mean, I am a genius. You should know that by now.” I return his smile and take another small bite of my muffin. It’s not the most nutritional breakfast, but anything is better than nothing right now.

“So what about you? Anything new going on?”

Clinton shrugs. “Not really. We’re almost off probation, so I’m looking forward to that. Do you know how shitty it is to be in a fraternity that can’t drink or party? We’re going crazy trying to figure out new ways to sneak booze into the house.”

I laugh. “Yeah, I can’t imagine Stanksy or Baldwin going more than twenty-four hours without a beer.”

“Stansky is moody when he’s not drunk. It’s like living with a girl on her never-ending period.”

“Ha! That must be an entertaining spectacle. Well, at least Spring Break isn’t too far away. You’ll be off probation by then.”

“Yeah, I’m fucking stoked. I am pretty annoyed that Alpha Sig and DBG are going on the same cruise as us now, though.”

I choke on my juice. “What? They are?”

Clinton nods. “Yeah. Fucking lame, right? Whatever, it’ll just be a bigger party, I guess. I just hope there’s not too many fights. You know how my brothers are when we get in a room with another frat.”

I roll my eyes. “God, do I. Should we start taking bets on how many fights will break out now?”

“I’m calling six.”

“Oh no, I’m thinking at least double digits. I’ll say thirteen.”

“Wow, what faith you have in us, Sky,” he says, shaking his head and finishing the rest of his coffee. I smile, but my stomach falls at the realization that Kip will be on the same cruise as me for an entire week. I’ll most likely be with Erin at least eighty percent of the time, and that means I’ll be seeing him just as often. I swallow hard, willing my breaths to stay even.

“You okay?” Clinton asks.

I nod. “Yeah, fine.” Putting on my most convincing smile, we stand and walk our trays to the trash. “Thanks for asking me to meet this morning, Bear. I’ve missed you.”

“You know I had to check on my baby sister,” he says, smiling. Just like Cassie is my Little, Bear thinks of me as his. We aren’t related, but we might as well be. Now I feel even worse for not hanging out with him all semester until now. “Just stay away from pledges and maybe we can hang out more. I couldn’t have you cramping my style before.”