Authors: Susan Colebank
Black Tuesday (26 page)
“Our girl Tammy is contemplating having sex with her boyfriend for the first time. We are here to listen to her make her own decision. Nothing else. Got it?”
Jayne nodded. She was weak with relief. It wasn't a suicide call.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, God.
“You ready?”
Jayne nodded.
“Are you able to talk, Jayne? This call is yours. I'll just be listening in.”
Jayne caught herself in the middle of yet another nod. “Um, yes. Yes, I am ready.”
“Good. Now pick up the phone.” Maria uncovered the mouth of her phone. “Put her through, Ryan.”
“This is Jayne at Arizona Outreach. Is this Tammy?” At least Jayne had read enough of the manual to figure out how to start the conversation. Based on Maria's approving nod, she'd gotten it right.
“Yeah. I mean, yes.” The girl sounded like she was twelve.
“How old are you, Tammy?” Jayne couldn't go on without knowing her age for sure.
“I'm sixteen. I'll be seventeen next month.”
“And what do you want to talk about today?”
“I . . . I've been thinking about having sex.” After a brief pause, she added, “With my boyfriend. Just so you know, I'm not about to have sex with a random guy or anything.”
Tammy laughed, a little too loud and fake. She was nervous. Jayne decided to take some cues from Larry to get to the meat of this conversation. “And how do you feel about that, Tammy?”
“IâI guess I'm ready.”
This Tammy
chica
was sounding a lot like Ellie. Unsure, wishy-washy. In need of guidance. Jayne felt something stir in her, the same something that had given her the energy to pull unsuspecting guys off her sister.
chica
was sounding a lot like Ellie. Unsure, wishy-washy. In need of guidance. Jayne felt something stir in her, the same something that had given her the energy to pull unsuspecting guys off her sister.
“You guess?”
“Well, I mean, does anyone know for sure?”
Jayne didn't even know if Maria was okay with what she was saying or not. She didn't even think to look at her. “For something as important as sex, I think you need to be sure.”
“But how do you know?” Tammy's voice was soft, and it sounded a lot like she was near tears.
Jayne twiddled the phone cord between her fingers. How did a person know? She went with her honest opinion. “I think you know when you can look into your boyfriend's eyes and know he's your best friend. And that he'd be the last person in the world to hurt you.”
The line was silent. Jayne looked up at Maria. She gave her the thumbs-up sign.
Tammy's voice asked, “What if you really, really like the guy, though?”
“I think that at one time or another, we all really, really like something. Like me, I really, really like ice cream. But if I give in to it, I'll get really sick. Ice cream is not my friend.”
Tammy didn't say anything. Jayne counted ten Mississippis, and then she pulled a Larry: “Tammy, what are you feeling right now?”
“Like maybe I can't honestly say I can trust him.”
Jayne quietly exhaled her breath. She hadn't even known she'd been holding it. “And do you want your first time to be with a guy who might be with someone else tomorrow? Or has an STD he hasn't told you about?”
“No.” The answer was barely audible.
Silence came over the line once more. Jayne mouthed to Maria, “Now what?” Maria mouthed back, “Just stay on.”
A minute of silence followed. Jayne was keeping track with her watch.
“I still don't know.” The girl on the other side let out her own breath. “Can't you just tell me whether I should or shouldn't?”
Jayne caught Maria shaking her head at her. “I can't, Tammy. All you can do is trust your gut.”
There was a muffled sound in the background. “I've gotta go now. Thanks. Bye.”
“Tammy . . .” But she'd already hung up.
Jayne dropped the phone back on its hook, disgusted. “That was hugely unsatisfying.”
“That's how most of the calls go, though.” Maria hung up her own phone and came over to Jayne. “All you can do is guide them, not tell them what to do. You know, that whole teach-a-man-to-fish philosophy.”
Maria squatted in front of her. “By the way, nice job. Especially for your first time out.”
“I know I screwed up . . .”
Maria waved a hand. “You're always a lot harder on yourself than anyone else is. Do you know that?”
“Tom told me that. Ellie, too.”
“See?”
Jayne swallowed. It was time to come clean. She respected Maria too much not to. “I didn't finish the manual.”
Maria smiled. “None of us do. We all think the manual's a waste of time. Until we're thrown into our first call. Then we all seem to speed-read the sucker.”
Jayne smiled. Maria did likewise.
“I guess I'll go do that.”
“Sounds good.” Maria got up. “By the way, I never told you. I love the hair. It suits you.”
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