Black & Ugly as Ever (5 page)

Our kitchen always made me relaxed. The royal blue painted walls with yellow highlights on the borders gave it a rustic and quiet appeal. And the stainless steal refrigerator, countertops and cabinets made it look even more powerful. I had prepared dinner and all of the lights were out with the exception of the long candles I lit on the table.

Although everything appeared perfect on the outside, for real it wasn’t. I caught Smokes putting something in my toner and I needed to know what it was. The sad part is, I’m afraid to ask.

“How’s dinner?” I asked Smokes as we enjoyed our meal. I looked at his handsome face across the candle’s glow. I prepared steak, mashed potatoes and garlic green beans.

“It’s cool; I got some things to take care of later so I can’t eat long.” He placed the silver fork in his mouth before reaching for another bite.

“I understand,” I said cutting a piece of my steak. “I have a few things to talk to you about, though.”
“Like what?”
“Today… I came in the bathroom and saw you putting something in the toner for my face? What was it?”
He dropped the fork and carefully picked it back up. He looked as if I’d caught him in something. But what?
“It’s nothing. Just skin bleach.”
Skin bleach?
I thought.

“I don’t understand,” I frowned and could feel my blood boiling. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m looking out for you that’s why,” he said with ease. I sensed that he didn’t care about how he made me feel. “Anybody on my arm has to look the part. You know that.”
“Oh,” I whispered. His reason hurt. One minute I was pretty enough and the next minute I wasn’t.
“So what’s the other thing?”
“Huh?” I asked still confused by his response.
“You said you had to talk to me about a
few
things.”
“Oh yeah,” I focused on my plate instead of his face.
“Cause I actually want to talk to you about a few things too,” he took his final bite before dropping his fork on the plate.
“Did you want to go first?” I questioned wondering what he could possibly want to talk to me about.
“Naw…tell me what else is on ya mind. It’s obvious the bleach thing wasn’t all you wanted to know. You been kinda short all day.”
“Ok,” I wiped my mouth with a paper towel. “Baby, this is hard for me but it has been on my mind. Uh…ah…don’t know how to begin.”
“You want to know if I still plan on killin’ you and your friends.”
Long silence.
I stared into his eyes wondering how long he had known that I wanted the answer to that question. And most of all why he kept me in suspense so long.
“Yes. That’s it.” I was unable to look at him.
“I got to give you credit.” He laughed. “Talk about unconditional love. You waited until now to ask me about that shit accepting my ring and everything. You pretty, gangsta.”
I felt desperate.
“But since I plan on makin’ you my wife we might as well get the shit out in the open. But after this, I don’t want to talk about it again. Got it?”
“Yes.” I smiled weakly.
“Cool,” he paused. “when I found out that my wife had been killed at the party ya’ll went to, I was fucked up. I couldn’t understand how number one somebody could get me wrong by fuckin’ with mine,” he pointed at himself. “and number two how they could kill somebody who ain’t do shit to ‘em. First I thought it was drug related. You know…a nigga tryin’ to get at me got at her instead. And then I find out that Sky killed her from somebody at the party. And then I remembered meeting her at the movie theater one day earlier that week.”
“At the movies?”
“Yeah…her and that nigga
Jay
,” he placed emphasis on his name. “came up there when we were catchin’ a flick,” Smokes folded his arms revealing his sparkling diamond Rolex Presidential watch. “This bitch Sky was doin’ everything in the world to get my attention. She was giving me the eye while her nigga was buying snacks and bending down in front of my dick. She was on it hard. So I knew she was sweatin’ me. And I ain’t gonna lie; I woulda smashed her if sheda waited. So when she was killed,” he breathed heavily.
I started putting everything together. Ida neva thought she would go as far. I mean…she was on some whole notha shit to take my wife’s life. I knew you, Daffany and that faggy ain’t have shit to do with it, but I didn’t want the heat brought to me from ya’ll snitchin’. So I sent Cannon to be sure. And you know the rest,” he ate some more of his meal. “But when I met you, I didn’t even know who you were. Back in the day when I use to see you, you were fightin’ and playin’ in the streets. I was surprised to see you come up and I couldn’t believe how good you looked. So I had to check you, to see what you were like.”
“It didn’t bother you that I got with Cannon?”
“Naw. It didn’t.”
I didn’t believe him.
“Trust me, I ain’t trip off of none of that shit,” he said as if he’d been reading my mind. “If I plan on wifin’ you that means I trust you. And I trust you now.”
I smiled.
“But I do want you to be real wit me,” he said seriously. “Are you fuckin’ that kid Jay?”
“What you talkin’ ‘bout?” I asked as I almost choked on my steak.
“Parade, don’t play me. Remember I said I trust you, don’t fuck that up.” He said pointing the tip of his fork at me.
“No I’m not,” I replied as my hand unconsciously shook against my plate. I wondered if someone saw us in front of the IHOP acting like freaks.
“You sure?” he said eyeing my hand.
I moved it. “Yes…I’m positive.”
“Cause I’m hearin’ things I don’t like to hear around the way,” he told me. “And you know I still run the Manor.”
“I know. But have you been hearin’ things recently?”
“No.”
“Cuz I promise you its over between us. It was over a long time ago.”
“Good, you still want to be with me?”
I waited to answer the question. My soul didn’t feel completely safe with Smokes anymore yet I became accustomed to the lifestyle I was living.
“Yes…I still want to be with you.”
“Good, cause we have something else to talk about. I might need you real soon. Really, really soon and I need to know I can count on you.”
Smokes had been saying that a lot and whenever I asked him what he needed me to do, he’d never answer.
“Well what is it? You know I’d do anything for you.”
“We’ll talk about it later,” he told me. “On some other shit, Sweets told me you let
Mr. Chokes-on-dick
interfere wit’ our business.”
“Not really. It’s just that I think some of that shit she was pickin’ out, she was tryin’ to set me up.”
He laughed and stroked his goatee. “Parade, you new money, baby. Don’t act like you know everything there is about living the life. You still got a lot of work to do before you start venturing off on your own. Now let Carmen help plan the wedding. And keep ya friends out of my business. There might come a time when you’ll have to cut them off altogether, anyway. They’re not in your league anymore.”
“But they’re my friends.
“You heard me right?”
I nodded.
“Aight? That’s my, girl.” He said softly. “The bleach is working too. Your complexion is clearing up.”
“Thanks.” I nodded.
“Now finish your meal,” he winked. “But don’t eat too much. We gotta watch that figure.”
“Can you meet me at sixth district?” Miss Wayne yelled in my cell phone. I switched to my Bluetooth so I could have my hands free.
“What for?” I asked in between washing the dishes. Smokes didn’t like them in the dishwasher so I cared for them by hand. I’ll be so happy when the maid comes back from vacation because this house is too big for me to clean on my own.
“Miss Daffany is in jail.”
“So?! She stays in and out of jail.”
“But she’s pregnant too,” he told me. “
Now
can you meet me?”
I dropped a plate, grabbed my purse and ran out the door.
“Hey, pretty!” Miss Wayne said wearing a one piece white Lycra dress and white high heels. He let his hair grow out long enough to wear tracks. He kept his hair in what he called the
Beyonce
, which consisted of a goldish long flowing weave. “Can you believe this shit?”
“No what she do?” I asked, as we sat down in the seats waiting on her to appear. Miss Wayne had already paid her bail.
“They said some indecent exposure shit. I’m just happy to find her. I can’t believe it took all this?” he said reaching for my hand. I gave it to him and squeezed his lovingly.
“How did you find out she’s pregnant?”
“She told me. I guess she didn’t believe I’d come without telling me. But you know I been tryin’ to find this chile for months now. I’m worried about her, Miss Parade. They say she fuckin’ wit heroin now.”
“Heroin?” I yelled looking into his eyes. “Are you serious?”
“Yes! Between my mother and you guys, I don’t have any other family. I can’t see losing somebody else. Sky was enough, Miss Parade,” he said, squeezing my hand almost tighter than I could stand. “We have to keep what’s left of us together and you and Miss Daffany are gonna have to bury this beef.”
“Yeah…maybe we can get pass this
if
she can accept my husband.” I sighed. “I doubt she’ll be able to though. She’s made that clear.”
“Yeah well one step at a time.” He laughed. “The first thing is repairing
our
bond and
our
family.”
Just then I stared at the door and could’ve sworn I saw a ghost. This dusty girl came rushing into the police station and she looked so much like Sky, it was eerie. Miss Wayne must’ve thought so too because he looked at her and than back at me.
“Doesn’t she look like-,”
“Sky?” I finished.
“Hell yeah!”
Just then Daffany came out. We stood up and stared at the unsightly mess before us. She looked so terrible I was about to cry. She was completely skinny with the exception of her protruding stomach. We went to greet her but she walked directly to the Sky look-a-like.
“Miss Daffany,” Miss Wayne said tears in his eyes as he walked behind her. “What has happened to you?”
We walked over to them.
“What you talkin’ ‘bout?” she asked, tugging on her dirty t-shirt as if straightening it would make her look better. “I’m fine.” The girl remained by her side looking us up and down. “And what the fuck is she doin’ here?” Daffany asked pointing at me.
“I came to see about you.” I told her, angry she tried to get out on me. I couldn’t even argue because I was consumed with pity. “What is going on with you, Daffany? Look at you? Are you even eating?”
“Bitch, please! You don’t care about nobody but yourself! I don’t want to see you ever again and I mean it!” she yelled at me before focusing on Miss Wayne. “Miss Wayne, can you give me some money please? I have a job that starts tomorrow and I’ll pay you back everything. I just need some money for the bus.”
“You do?” her friend asked looking confused. “When you get an interview?”
“Yo, shut the fuck up!” she screamed. “You betta be glad I don’t jump in your shit for leaving me hanging. I know you saw the cops comin’,” she continued before addressing Miss Wayne again. “Do you got it or not?”
“You know I do, Miss Daffany, but won’t you come with me. I want to help you. Let me take care of you.”
“I don’t need any help.” She told him rubbing her arms. “I just need some money to go to work tomorrow. I’ll pay you back plus the money for bail.”
“Daffany, won’t you just go with him? Nobody came out here to give you no money for you to get back on the streets!” I yelled. “Don’t be as stupid as you look!”
“Why don’t you mind your business?!” the girl said to me.
“Uh…honey…don’t get fucked up.” Miss Wayne told her. “Trust me. I’m saving your life and your narrow ass.”
“Please, Miss Wayne.” Daffany said, interrupting his attention off the bitch. “I need you. Please help me.
Pleeeeaaasse
.”
Miss Wayne looked at her, and then at me. I turned away. He and I both knew what she wanted the money for. So if he wanted to give it to her I wanted no part of it. He reached in his purse and handed her a wad of cash. Before he released it into her grip he said, “If you need me you can call me. I’m serious, baby. No matter what you’re going through, you have to know that I will
ALWAYS
be there for you.”
“I know,” she said hugging him. “I’ll pay you back every penny you’ll see!”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” He said rubbing his hand over her belly. “You know it’s not too late for the baby? The baby can be born healthy without the dis-.”
“Don’t say that!” Daffany yelled, looking at Carmen. I knew then that she didn’t tell her she was infected because she stopped Miss Wayne before he could say
disease
. “Just let me live my life.” With that she was gone with the bitch out the door.
Miss Wayne broke out in tears. I never seen him cry like that in all my years of knowing him. I was hurt because he was hurt. I love Miss Wayne like a brother, but stronger. This shit was not fair to him and he did not deserve it!
“Miss Wayne…you got to pull yourself together.” I told him rubbing his back. “We can’t help her if she doesn’t want it.”
“But I’m worried, Parade.” He must’ve been devastated because he didn’t say
Miss
before my name and that pissed me off even more. He always took care of me so I decided to look after him for a change even if he didn’t want me to. “Give me a sec.” I ran toward the door.
“Where you goin?” he called out.
“I’ll be back.”
I ran out the door and caught up to them quick. It wasn’t hard considering they were on foot.
“Daffany!” I yelled. They both turned around.
“What do you want?” Daffany said pausing for me.
When I got up on her, I smacked the living shit out of her.
Her
fiend
, I mean
friend
stepped like she was going to make a move.
“Try it, bitch and I’ll stomp you back to the first day you fucked your life up!” I promised pointing my finger in her face.
She remained still but crossed her arms over her chest.
“Now let me tell you something, Daffany. You can be mad at me all you want. As a matter of fact, I understand your hate towards me, but that man back there loves you. You walked all over his heart and left me to pick up the pieces and I hate you for it. If you want to smoke that shit up its fine by me. In fact,” I paused reaching in my purse dropping over four hundred dollars in cash on the ground. “Take mine too, but don’t call him no more! Let him get over this shit cause you and I both know you ain’t gonna change. And I promise, if I find out you’re using him, I’ll kill you! And I mean it!”
She bent down picked up the money and wiped a tear from her face.
“Damn, I guess you finally know who you are,” she said looking at the drug money my husband earned in her hands. “Like husband like wife. Don’t worry, I’ll stay out of his life, and yours too. Consider me as dead as Sky. That should make it easy for you.”
“Come on. We can still catch Tyrone if we hurry!” Carmen said uncaring about how Daffany felt at the moment. “Let me hold the money.”
“Bitch, please I got this!” she told her.
She took one last look at me and walked hand and hand with Carmen until they were totally out of sight.
And I wondered, what happened to my friend. But most of all, I wondered what happened to me.