Black Wolf (43 page)

She didn't get
mad, simply shrugged and smiled. "If I go, there's no one left to
keep everyone else away, so you'll have to put up with me."

His stomach
growled at him, so he picked up the plate and sat down on the bed
to eat. "Like anyone cares."

"Everyone
cares. You could have come to me, or to Sam or Eva, y'know, instead
of running away."

"Yeah, right.
If I thought I'd make it past the gates, I'd be out of here by
now."

"Back to where
nobody cares?"

"Back to where
nobody tells me they trust me and lies!"

She sat on the
floor, legs crossed, facing him. "Haven't you ever made a mistake,
Jess? Kev can make mistakes too. Kev feels so awful that for about
two weeks Sundark was in serious danger of falling apart."

Jesse stopped
mid-bite. No way. They'd never break, they'd be together as long as
any of them were alive.

Gisela,
watching him closely, nodded. "They really were, and nothing I did
helped. Jess, Kev gated to the city to stop that mage from getting
you, remember? For the second time, actually, apparently he had to
chase off the same one back just before you met me. He really
cares. We all do. It was only that everybody was so stressed out,
and Rebecca used that..."

"Rebecca? What
does she have to do with this?"

"Avryl's in
her coven. Rebecca set up a trap. No one talks much about her and
Kevin, or you'd know just how evil it actually was. Believe me, she
managed to hurt you and Kev about equally badly, and everybody else
through the two of you."

"What do you
know about hurting?" he flung at her, suddenly wanting to do just
that, make her hurt like he did.

"You aren't
the only one who's ever been hurt. Listen to me, Jess. Your life is
your own, you can do whatever you want with it. As soon as you get
your strength back, no one can stop you from going back to the
city, that's your choice. But if you do, you should at least think
about all the consequences. Like the fact that Kev will never
forgive himself—and I'm not exaggerating. Like the fact that Sam
hasn't ever been happy like she is when you're here, and she's been
miserable ever since you ran away. Like the fact that Bane has been
alternately moping and snapping. I could keep going for a long
time. But I'm not going to, because right now you need to finish
eating and then rest. I'll come back in a while." She got to her
feet, left the room.

Gisela
wouldn't lie. Anybody can lie. No, not 'Sela, she wouldn't lie, and
however tired I am my nose still works, I would've smelled it.

Sort of like I
smelled Kev lying when he told me we're friends?

So either
they're both lying or both telling the truth.

Damn it all!
How come I have to get hurt every time I trust somebody? Nobody
else seems to. How come I can't have a family? Any family except
Shaine, anyway. And even Shaine lied to me, when he told me to get
out.

He finished
the food, gulped the juice, and curled into a tight ball on his
bed, everything inside spinning in confused tangles. Shaine had
lied, made him stay in Haven, so Shaine was part of it... for all
he knew, Kevin might have sent the grey wolves to chase him back to
Haven... except that if Kevin really didn't care, why would he?...
how should he know? He didn't know why that mage was after him,
either, or for that matter what the real source of Rebecca's grudge
against Sundark was, no one would ever talk about it... was that
supposed to mean he could trust Kevin and Shaine and Rebecca all
about equally? And what about his faith in Bane and the rest of the
pack, but Bane had been there too and felt the same as Kevin and
had abandoned him... Nothing made any
sense
anymore!

Hob hopped up
next to him and snuggled close, purring at high volume. Jess rubbed
his throat and ears absently, grateful for the friendly company and
certain that at least this member of the household had no ulterior
motives.

He must have
dozed off; when he opened his eyes again, the sunny windows had
turned dark, Hob was gone leaving only black fur that wasn't Jess'
own, and Gisela was beside him though he hadn't heard her come
in.

"Suppertime."
She smiled when he growled in annoyance, the sound rumbling deep in
his throat. "Jess, you wore yourself out thoroughly. Expect not to
do much beyond eating and sleeping for a few days. Even for wolves,
and even for the wolf that other wolves are calling tough, there
are limits. You reached them and then some."

"Great. First
Shaine's going to be glad I'm alive. Then he's going to kill
me."

"Any way to
get ahold of him?"

"There's no
phone, if that's what you mean."

"I could tell
someone to go find him. Even bring him here, if you want."

Jesse weighed
that, risks against benefits. "Yeah, sure, why not. Flynn's been
there, but I doubt he remembers." He rolled over to grab the pad of
paper in the drawer of the table, tried to clear his thoughts
enough to give directions that would work in a car, and then put
approximate times on the points in their usual daily routine when
Shaine might actually be there. "That's where the apartment is, and
more or less the times you might catch him there."

She accepted
the sheet of paper he handed her. "I'll find someone. Do you want
him to come?"

"Doesn't
matter what I want. Shaine does what
he
wants."

"How careful
do we need to be?"

"He knows I'm
wolf, never even blinked."
I'd love to know why elvenmage
battles and werewolves don't throw him at all...

"Okay.
Supper's on the chest."

Alone
again.

He ate without
even tasting the food.
Wonder what Shaine's going to do. Other
than tear strips out of my hide, 'cause I promised I'd be back
within a couple of days. Shaine in Haven. Poor Haven.

* * *

"Jesus, Jess,
can't I
ever
take my eyes off you for an hour without you
getting into trouble?"

Jess jerked
awake sharply, out of restless confusing dreams—something to do
with a silver dagger lying under water, but every time his hand
touched the surface the dagger disappeared in the ripples like a
reflection. He rolled over to find Shaine standing there, arms
crossed, expression dark.

"Stop yelling
at him!" Gisela protested. "He's in bad shape!"

"The hell he
is. You've never seen him in bad shape."

"He needs
rest, not lectures!"

"He
needs
the common sense god gave seaweed!"

"Chill out,
'Sela," Jesse said, and managed to sit up with a reasonable amount
of grace. "I'm used to it."

"It wasn't
your fault, what happened," she insisted.

"Of course it
was," Shaine said. "Everything is Jesse's fault. Ask him sometime.
If you get him in the right mood he'll give you detailed reasons
why he is directly responsible for some of the most amazing
things."

Well, that's
really Shaine, all right...

"Give him a
chance," Shaine added. "He'll figure out how it was his fault."

Jesse decided
he needed to visit the bathroom. It was sunny out again, he
noticed. Shaine settled himself calmly on the edge of the bed;
Gisela shadowed Jess out to the hall.

"Why do you
let him say things like that?" she asked, keeping her voice
low.

Jesse
shrugged. "Because Shaine is Shaine." He didn't really have a
better answer to offer; she wasn't going to understand if he tried
to explain. "Don't worry about it."

She didn't
look like she liked that idea, which meant she was deliberately
letting him see her dissatisfaction, but she shrugged, and sighed.
"All right." He heard her footsteps on the stairs while he closed
the bathroom door.

"You're an
idiot," Shaine said bluntly, when he returned.

Jess sat on
the bed, facing him. "Why this time?"

"You left a
room like this, in a house like this, with meals like that," he
gestured at another plate of food on the chest, "in a place where
you aren't being abused in any way I've heard you mention. And you
came back to my one room apartment, and eating what we can afford
after the rent's been paid by me fucking strangers and you begging
spare change and shoplifting and occasionally helping me, in
between cleaning out the local urban wildlife. Did you have a short
circuit in there somewhere?"

"I had a
reason!"

"Oh? What?
This I've got to hear."

"They
lied."

"And of course
you've never told a lie in your life."

"I've never
called someone my friend and then hurt him."

"Bullshit."

"When?"

"I'd put
myself on the list a dozen times or so, except I know you too
fucking well to bother getting hurt when you do something stupid.
There's Kevin, starting when he came to the city to challenge an
elvenmage to defend you and we turned around and you were gone. The
fact that you're always complaining that no one ever listens to
your side of things when at the moment you've got a lot of people
willing to listen and wishing
you
would listen."

"He's the one
who judged without asking!"

"Which is
exactly what you're doing." He pitched his voice to a childish
whine. "He hit me first, mommy, so I did it back to him!"

"It's a bit
more complicated than that. I trusted him."

"And he made
one mistake, he was stressed over school and walked into a trap,
and you're going to punish him and yourself and everyone else who
got busy and stressed for a couple of weeks for it forever. Christ,
Jess, for once in your life, would you get your fucking act
together?" He got up, picked up the plate of food and held it out
to him. "Here. Eat. Then go on back to sulking. I'm going to go
back to talking to Flynn—he actually makes sense, which is more
than I'll get up here."

That only made
the chaos inside worse.

Later, he came
half-awake and opened his eyes on darkness when Shaine coiled
against him in bed.

"Thought
you're mad at me," he mumbled, snuggling close anyway.

"You expect me
to sleep with Kevin maybe? And it's hardly the first time I've ever
been mad at you."

"Mm.
'Night."

He might have
imagined the gentleness of Shaine's voice when he said, "Good
night, Jess."

The
Quicksilver Sphynx

Miscellanea, April 1995

Nick 'Winter

Heya, folks! Isn't it
great to have spring back? Not that this was much of a winter.

Aaron Fitzgerald and
Josh Neumann are getting handfasted! Ceremony, I'm told, is going
to be relatively quiet, for close friends and family only, but it's
going to be followed by a huge party to which everyone is invited.
Magda 'Dragonfire being Josh's sister, I'm told Dragonfire are
doing most of the plotting for the handfasting and the potluck,
dance, and general celebration to come afterwards. They're doing it
on the full moon, which is Saturday the fifteenth.

Exotica update. About
a third of Exotica, rather alarmingly, is graduating this year at
the college and some are scattering back to their home towns. Those
remaining are planning to organize a production of the Rocky Horror
Show. Anyone interested in being in it should contact one of the
Exotica folks. We're going to miss the true Exotica performances,
though. You'll be long and well remembered.

There's a Renaissance
Faire being planned for August, tentatively in the park in and
around the trees. I'm told that all ideas are welcome, and the
organizers are hoping to arrange food, entertainment, a market,
costumes, and all manner of other things. Get ahold of Covens Prism
or Shadowstar if you're interested in being part of it rather than
being a visitor.

Coven Sky-Drum is
organizing an Earth Day celebration (Saturday the 22nd) in the
park. Partly Native, including drumming, partly Wiccan/Druidic,
with other stuff tossed in. Apparently there'll be some
tree-planting too, and a healing circle for anyone who feels they
need it. They plan to start around noon and run past sunset, until
everyone goes home.

As usual, Bryan has
some temporary help at the library until all school is out for the
summer, although it's starting a bit earlier this year. This means
it will be open more hours, for the use of all those who are busily
studying for exams and scrambling to finish major assignments. He
already has someone, so don't get hopeful. His name's Shaine, he
came back to Haven with Jesse.

Dion found some
interesting new witch techniques of water magic he'd like to share,
I gather he came across an old book by Morgan 'Starluck himself.
Some he says works better than the rest, but water magic isn't his
strongest area, and he'd like to see one of the water-oriented
witches try it, along with any other witch who's curious. Morgan
appears to have learned it from a Native shaman, who appears to
have had some kind of kin or coven connection with him, but the
exact nature of it remains unstated. If I get a chance, I'll comb
through it and maybe try a couple of things, and give you another
opinion.