Blackbird (21 page)

“Goodbye Claire,” he said turning away from her.

It was now or never. “Do you like me, Nate?”

He stopped and turned to her once again. “Excuse
me?”

“Do you like me? More…” She took a deep breath.
“More than as a friend?”

His face turned hard, making it difficult for
Claire to work out what he was feeling towards her.

“Why do you ask that?”

She bit her bottom lip. “Your sister…She told me
you liked me…”

“And you want to know the truth?” He took a few
steps closer to her.

“Yes…” she whispered.

Her hands were shaking by her sides. Every now and
then Nate could turn the tables and intimidate Claire.
Strong,
stubborn Claire.
This was one of those his moments.

He walked closer to her until he was
towering
over her. He reached out and touched his palm to
her cheek.

“Yes,” he breathed. “Yes, I like you, Claire.”

“Why?”

Nate let out a brief laugh. “I tell you I like you
and you ask why?”

She didn’t respond.

He cupped her face in both of his hands now.
“Because you are everything I didn’t know I wanted until I found you. You make
me want to be a better person. You like me for me.” He dropped his head,
laughing at himself. “I don’t even understand it myself,” he said,
then
his face turned serious once again. “All I know is that
I like you, Claire. I like you so much that I’m pretty sure I’m in love with
you. And I know you’re confused with everything, but I need you to know how
much you mean to me. This isn’t a feeling that’s just going to pass and go
away. I will love you for a lifetime and I promise I’ll never hurt you, Claire.
I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever if I have to because we are meant to be
together, and one day you’ll realize it.”

He leant forward and kissed her forehead. Her eyes
closed at his touch.

“And now you know,’ he said.

She held her eyes closed as she felt his hands
leave hers. When she eventually opened them, he was gone.

CHAPTER
TWELVE

Claire left the club with
Layla
not long after Nate’s confession.
Layla
offered to keep her company, but she needed to go home by herself and sleep on
it.

The next morning she woke up, decided she needed
to talk to someone and called Stella.

“Stella? It’s me, Claire,” Claire said into the
phone.

“Hey, Claire, what’s up?” Stella replied.

“I need your advice.”

“Sure, ask away.”

“It’s about Dave… and Nate.”

Silence.

“Figures.”

Figures?

“What do you mean by that?” Claire asked,
confused.

“It’s obvious isn’t it? You’ve got feelings for
Nate.”

Was it obvious?

“How can you tell?” she asked quietly.

“I’m not stupid. You talk about him constantly. If
I didn’t know you were with Dave I could swear Nate was your boyfriend. You
like him, don’t you, more than a friend?”

“Yes, I mean, I don’t know. How can I like him
when I’m with Dave?”

“Look, I know you and Dave have been going through
a rough patch.”

That’s an understatement.

 
“But have you ever thought why?”

Claire had thought of why, she thought of it every
day.

“It’s because of Nate.”

“Is it because Nate is your friend, or because you
have feelings for him? Does Dave know about Nate?”

“No,” she replied softly.  “It’s wrong,
Stella. I know it’s wrong. A relationship is built on trust and honesty, yet
here I am seeing Nate behind Dave’s back. I kept telling myself we were only
friends. It shouldn’t matter who I’m hanging out with if they are only friends,
but it does. I know it does.”

“So, what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know. What can I do? Break up with Dave?
Stop my friendship with Nate? Either way, someone will get hurt.”

“Of course someone will get hurt. Does Nate want
to be with you?”

“Yes. He told me last night... He told me he loves
me and he’ll wait forever for me if he has to.”

“Wow,” Stella said, surprised.

Claire could feel tears forming. “What do I do,
Stella? It’s not like the past few months have meant nothing. I was with Dave.
I gave my heart to him. When we were good, we were great.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes. It might have
been a simple scenario to someone on the outside, but they weren’t living it,
breathing it. Dave was someone she’d always wanted to be with. He was
successful, driven. He was good to her…
well,
he had
been good to her until of late.

Nate was different in every way, but there was
something there. Something she couldn’t explain. With him she was herself.

“You have to choose.”

“How do I know it will be the right choice?”

What if she chose wrong? What would it be like if
she chose Dave and then spent her life wondering what would have happened if
she had chosen Nate?

What if she chose Nate? What if their relationship
never got past the friendship stage? She knew she liked him more than a friend,
but could their relationship ever work?

Stella replied, “You won’t until you make it, but
you have to make it soon, okay?”

“I know.”

“It will work out, Claire, trust me. You just have
to look at who makes you the happiest. Who makes you a better person, and that
will be the guy that you’re meant to be with.”

She knew who that was, but could it be that
simple?

“Thanks, Stella. I’ve got to go, but I’ll talk to
you soon, okay?”

“Of course.
Call me
anytime. Bye, Claire.”

“Bye,” she said, hanging up the phone.

She slid down the wall until she was sitting on
the ground, her legs curled up against her. She buried her head in her knees.
What
was she going to do?

***

The beach.

The beach was the only place she felt at ease,
like she could conquer the world.

She hadn’t replied to Dave or Nate’s text messages
or anyone else’s for that matter. Before Nate’s confession, and the fight with
Dave, she’d come to recognize her relationship with Dave wasn’t going the way
she intended. It wasn’t broken, but slowly there were cracks appearing. Cracks
that had worried her into denial that it
was
just
Nate’s presence that had messed with her relationship radar.

But now, after learning the truth, she’d come to
realize that it was because of Nate, but it wasn’t because he was messing with
her head and confusing her. Sure, he was confusing her, but it was because she
had feelings for him. The feelings she’d denied and tried to hide were real.

She couldn’t help but be drawn to him. Their
similar attitudes, though, didn’t help in certain circumstances, so they
bickered and made snide remarks to each other. But it was the feeling she felt
with him that gave her comfort.

Could they be more than just friends? Could she
even have a relationship with Nate beyond what they were?

Dave was still away and wouldn’t be back until her
graduation
in
a couple
of days. She knew a choice had to make, but she wanted to wait until her
graduation was over so she had a clear head.

When Nate wasn’t in the picture,
her and Dave’s relationship seemed strong, unravelled by anything.
The
moment Nate stepped into her life, her relationship with Dave became strained.
The more time she spent with Nate, the worse it got.

Nate had a way of making her question her
relationship with Dave. Not only that, he made her question life. With Nate,
the lines of what should and shouldn’t be were blurred. With Dave, life was
predictable.
Safe.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Claire didn’t even bother looking up from her seat
on the surfboard.

Nate.

“I needed to think,” she replied, playing with the
sand.

“Understandably.”

He sat down next to her on the surfboard. He
didn’t say anything to her, but then he’d probably said enough.

The close proximity wasn’t helping her at all. The
silence definitely wasn’t helping

She stood up, deciding to go for
a surf
. She picked up Nate’s board that she’d brought down
with her and walked towards the water.

“You’re not going out in that are you?” Nate said
catching up to her.

“Yep, sure am.”

“I really don’t think you should go out in this
type of surf, Claire,” Nate advised as they approached the water’s edge. It was
the biggest surf she had seen since she started surfing with Nate.

Claire looked out at the break. There were other
surfers out there, experienced no doubt, but what was the point of doing it
unless she took risks?

“I’ll be fine. The worst that could happen is I
get thrown off the board.”

She stepped
forward,
her
board tucked up under her arm, but was pulled back by Nate’s grip on her arm.

“No, Claire, that’s not the worst that could
happen and you know it.”

“Stop, Nate. I said I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want you to go out. It’s too dangerous
and you only just got a tattoo, you’ll ruin it Please don’t.”

She looked at her tattoo. “It’s tiny. It will be
fine.”

“I’ve heard that one before.”

She tried to shrug off his grip but his hold was
too tight. She stared at his hand then back at his face. “Let go.”

“No.”

There was no joking or tone of humour in his voice.
Nate was dead serious.

“I’m going to ask you one more time to let go,”
she said demandingly. The stubborn side in her was in full action mode and she
wasn’t about to back down.

“And I’m going to tell you one more time, you’re
not going out in that surf. I’ll throw you over my shoulder and carry you back
to the car if I have to.”

“Nate! This isn’t a joke anymore. Let go of me!”

He stared at her eyes, his face stern and
determined.

“Seriously, Nate, if you want this friendship to
continue you’ll let go of me right now.”

Nate let go and took a step back. “Fuck, Claire.
Why do you have to throw that shit in my face?”

“Because you always tell me how it’s my life and I
can do what I want with it. Well, I’m doing just that.”

“But it’s dangerous. Even experienced surfers are
having trouble.”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?” she said,
strapping the leg rope to her ankle.

“It’s taking every part of me not to grab you in
my arms keep you from going out right now.”

Claire looked up at him. “I know. I’m sorry, but I
want to do this. Stay here, I’ll be fine.”

He bowed his head, not wanting to look at her. She
took this as her cue to leave and walked off into the water.

The paddle out to the back was harder than she’d
thought it would be. The force of the waves was hard and rough. Her muscles
ached, and she hadn’t even got on a wave yet.

She looked back at Nate on the shoreline. His arms
were crossed and although she couldn’t see his face she was certain he was
angry.

She watched the waves break behind her, suddenly
wishing she hadn’t been so stubborn. Nate was right. She was way out of her
league here. She decided she would catch the next wave in and give in to
defeat.

She turned her board and paddled hard, feeling the
wave form beneath her. She mounted her board and angled it to her left, but the
wave was closing in too fast. She pressed down with her back leg to gain speed
but it was too late. The waved crashed over her, sending her off her board.

She opened her eyes, but all she could see was
whitewash. Then she felt a piercing pain as her fin drove into her thigh. But
she didn’t have time to pay attention to the pain. She needed to find the
surface.

She kicked and pushed her arms through but the
weight of the board in the whitewash pulled her down. Without hesitation she
curled over and brought her ankle to her, unfastening the leg rope and letting
it be dragged away. This time she was able to kick towards the surface, but as
soon as she reached it to take a breath, she was pushed under again by another
wave. It spun her around like a rag doll. Her heart ached as the panic set in.
She didn’t know which way was out. Her body was limp as the wave took her with
it. It was all happening so
fast,
she barely had time
to think.

She could see the wave thinning out now, light
shining from the surface. She swam as hard as she could, desperate for
salvation. She gasped for air, air that was vital to her survival, air she
craved.
Then  Nate
was by her side, pulling her
into his arms.

He pushed her onto her back and gripped her waist.
Using his body strength, he pulled them through the water until they were at a
depth where they could both stand.

He pulled her upright and helped her walk through
the water. When they were in water shallow enough, she fell to her knees,
coughing out the water she had swallowed.

“Are you okay?” Nate asked, bending down and
wrapping his arm around her.

She was okay now. Now that Nate had saved her once
again.

“Yes I’m fi-”

“Don’t you dare say you’re
fine.
”

He picked her up in his arms and carried her off
the beach to the car in silence. His heart pounded against her body. He didn’t
dare look down at her. She put her hand to his cheek, guiding his face to hers.

“You’re always saving me. Thank you.”

He took a deep breath. “If you
ever
do that
to me again-”