Blackness Takes Over & Blackness Awaits (72 page)

“You haven’t held him yet?” Kid whispers in a guilt-filled tone.

“I wanted you to do it first. You’re kind of a baby hog,” I joke. She giggles softly.

“You shoulda said something Kel. I figured you held him before I got here.”

I shake my head no as the door to our room opens and Maggie and Mary walk in.

“Good morning,” they whisper in unison beaming equally bright.

“Morning,” Kid shines back.

“All right Daddy,” Kate says and hands Johnny to me. He fits easily in my hand, one hand. His dark blue eyes open and he gazes at me with a question lurking in them. “Where’s my momma?” I smile down into his face.

“I know I’m second best bud. You got boobs comin’,” I explain in a soft voice. Probably not the best first conversation to have with my son, but I’m learning. Kid rests her hand on my thigh, thumbs the pendant I gave her (which makes me beam) and sighs a contented breath. Mary sniffles and Maggie clears her throat, those two and their crying. I lean down and place a gentle kiss to his forehead before Kate takes him back to Kid. Kid cradles him across her chest and my little man devours her nipple. Like father, like son. No help needed from Kate, Kid’s a pro. We all listen and watch as he suckles away. Kid’s glowing.

“This hurts so bad,” Kid says in the happiest voice ever, making me chuckle. Johnny’s legs shoot out in a startle. Kid turns and glares at me before going soft.

“I’ll leave you to it. Leave him on for at least twenty minutes. I’ll come back and start the feeding then,” Kate says leaving the room.

Mary and Maggie take the chairs on the other side of Kid and watch their daughter being a mother with pride.

“How’s the milk induction goin’?” Maggie asks.

“Kid’s doin’ great. Got a few drops this morning,” I explain because Kid’s in a daze.

“She sleep at all?” Mary asks.

“She was up pumpin’ every two hours. The nurses told her she didn’t have to but you know Kid.”

“I’m sittin’ right here,” Kid chides. We all snicker.

“Everyone’s gonna stay through the weekend. Mary and I’ll stay until you can take Johnny home,” Maggie explains.

“Thank you guys. It’ll be nice to have the help,” Kid says softly.

“We’d like to come home with you too. Stay for a few weeks until you’re settled. If you’d like?” Mary says softly brushing her hand across Kid’s cheek.

“Yes. God I don’t know what I’m doin’. I need you two,” Kid accepts gleefully.

“You may think you don’t know what you’re doin’, but you are a star,” Maggie says full of pride.

Johnny takes a long pull, swallows and gasps. We all freeze watching for I don’t know what.

“He just got some milk,” Maggie says excitedly silently clapping her hands. “He’ll be goin’ home in no time.”

“They said he could be here a few weeks,” Kid replies.

“We read all about it last night. He needs to be eating on his own, gaining weight, maintaining his temperature, you two have to take a CPR class and he has to pass a car seat test,” Mary explains.

“That’s a lot of stuff. Could take a while,” I say thinking we’re a long way off on some of those points.

“He’ll fly through. He’s your son, a fighter,” Maggie says to us confidently. “Karl brought all of the essentials with him on his flight, the car seat, stroller and some clothes. Johnny’s too small for those clothes so we started shoppin’ online last night for preemie clothes. Wait ’til you see the things we bought.”

“Ma you didn’t have to do that,” Kid says appreciatively.

“He’s my grandson. I’ll buy him as much as I want. The spoiling has begun.”

“I second that,” Mary chimes in.

“Kavy thinks I’m gonna put him in ballet,” Kid says with a smile.

“Uh,” I grunt. Kid looks at me and starts to laugh silently bouncing the baby up and down. He smiles around her nipple and goes back to eating. He’s a boob man.

We sit and talk about nothing while Kid nurses. Johnny does a few more big swallows and maintains his breathing. Kate comes back and hooks up his feeding and Kid suggests I do the kangaroo care for a while. I pull my shirt off and Kate places Johnny on my chest covered in warm blankets. He squirms around a bit trying to get comfortable.

“Not as soft as Momma,” I apologize to him. I rest my hand on his butt and the pressure settles him. I immediately feel a calm wash over me and my eyes drift closed. I’m happy.

Shannon

“I think there’s some biological thing that happens when a man has his baby on his chest. It’s like a sleeping pill in the form of skin contact,” Mary says gazing at Kel and Johnny sleeping together. “You tired sweetheart?”

“I’m good,” I say over the hum of the breast pump I’m eternally hooked up to.

“How are you holdin’ up with everything else?” Maggie asks her chocolate eyes concerned behind her black rimmed glasses.

“I don’t know. Cassie’s dead and I don’t know what to think about that. She had cocaine in her system. I’m so mad, I can’t think of anything beyond that. Johnny will never know her and I worry how he’ll deal with that as he gets older. And what about her parents? They haven’t even shown up here.”

“Honey they were arrested at the airport when they landed early this morning. The DEA picked them up,” Maggie explains. I guess we’ve been living in a bubble here. “And you’re his mother. Any issues that come up you’ll deal with, but I wouldn’t worry on that too much. Enjoy your time with him. Worry later.”

“Okay.” I shut off the pump, hand Mary my bottles containing more than a few drops of milk and close my eyes just for a moment.

Kavanagh

O’Sullivan, Cal and I walk into the NICU to find Kellerman asleep sitting in his chair with Johnny on his chest, Kid asleep in her chair right beside them. I thought the baby looked small before, surrounded by Kellerman’s giant frame…it’s unreal. Maggie and Mary come and greet me and their sons while we scrub our hands.

“They’ve been out a while now. She was up every two hours pumpin’ overnight. They let the baby nurse almost two hours ago!” Mary explains excitedly. Can I just say this whole, I didn’t have the baby but I can still breastfeed, situation freaks me the fuck out. Not that I’ll utter a word to Kid about that.

“It’s good they’re in here because the media are outside. After the arrests this morning there was a short press conference and the Yates’ lawyer announced Cassie’s death. Clusterfuck out there,” I tell the new grandmas in a grumble.

“Great,” Maggie huffs. “We’re gonna head out and do some shoppin’ for Johnny now that you’re here. We’ll see you boys later.” They give kisses to Kid, Kellerman and Johnny as they all continue to sleep.

The guys and I take seats and wait for them to wake up.

“Is this not bizarre?” O’Sullivan asks pointing at the breast pump (machine intended for torture).

“Beyond,” Cal says with big bright blue eyes.

“Her boobs are gonna get even bigger,” I chime in.

“Stop talkin’ about my woman’s tits,” Kellerman mumbles. He sits up a little straighter palming Johnny with one hand. If I had a man crush it would be Kellerman. His body is ripped, he’s fucking funny, and he’s about as laid back as they come…I don’t have a man crush though. He looks up at the clock.

“We’ve been out a while,” he whispers looking over at Kid. “I’m glad she’s sleepin’.”

“Ma said she’s been up all night,” Cal says.

“Yeah, the whole pumpin’ thing is a chore. You know how she is though, dedicated if it kills her. I need to take a piss. Can one of you hold him?” All three of us freeze, making no offer to hold that tiny precious life. We’re not the most delicate bunch.

“I’ll hold him,” Cal says in something of a whisper. Kellerman sits forward pulling the blankets away from them, leans forward laying Johnny into one hand (ONE FUCKING HAND!) and passes him over to Cal like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Cal’s hands are shaking, but he grabs the baby laying him across his arm, careful with all the wires and tubes. Those twinkling blue eyes are working overtime.

“Be back in a sec. I’m gonna grab some water too,” Kellerman says pulling his shirt over his head and pressing a kiss into Kid’s hair. Cal doesn’t respond, just stares at Johnny.

We all sit in silence watching Johnny in Cal’s arms like he’s going to sit up and start telling us his life story.

“This shit is un-fuckin’-real,” Cal murmurs finally looking at us with a broad smile tattooed on his face his dimples painfully deep. “He doesn’t weigh anything. If I wasn’t lookin’ at him I wouldn’t know he was here.”

“Somehow I don’t believe that,” O’Sullivan whispers as he snaps a few pictures with his phone.

“You wanna hold him and find out?” Cal dares him. There’s a pause before he scoots toward Cal to take the baby. After the world’s slowest baby transfer O’Sullivan looks like he might throw-up once Johnny’s settled into the crook of his arm. Cal takes over picture duty.

“Okay, he doesn’t weigh anything. But I’d know he was here no matter what.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the baby as he talks. “Dude, you have been born into the coolest fuckin’ family. Your mom…you hit the jackpot. And your uncles, the three of us who have to be your favorite uncles, will teach you how to piss her off like no other.” The three of us chuckle softly. “All right Kav your turn.”

I don’t want to hold him. I’m scared to death of him, but if these pansies did it so can I. I swallow a huge gulp and lean toward O’Sullivan scooping Johnny into the crook of my arm. I could hold ten of him at once, he’s so small. Whatever that cunt Cassie did to make him come early, I’m glad she’s dead. We’re lucky he’s healthy…so goddamned lucky.

“You know little man you grow up to be the size of your dad no one will believe you started out like this,” I say softly gazing down at his little pink body. Cal snaps a couple of pictures.

“We’ll have proof,” he says waving the phone at me.

“How is it possible to love something you just met?” I ask the guys.

“No fuckin’ clue. Never loved anyone like I love Kid, until I saw him yesterday. Just saw him…that’s all it took,” Cal says surprising all of us. He’s a man of few words and they’re never about love.

“No shit. Holdin’ his foot yesterday…I don’t know man, that shit did somethin’ to me,” O’Sullivan agrees staring down at the baby with gooey non-man love in his face. We’ve turned into pussies over a baby. Johnny starts to squirm and I go stiff looking to the guys for help. They look at me pleading for me to make it stop somehow and then he squeals like a piglet. Fuck me I’m freaking the fuck out.

“Hand him here, Kavy,” Kid calls quietly from next to me. Thank Christ! I quickly hand him to her. She lays him across her arm, pulls her boob out, and he goes at it like a champ. Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. All three of us are staring at him suckling away (I’m shockingly not turned on by Kid’s naked tit).

“That was the sweetest thing to wake up to guys. You three passin’ him around like that,” Kid says with a giant smile. “I want those pictures. And Sully you teach him to piss me off and I’ll teach him how to break your neck.” She offers an idle threat, making all four of us chuckle.

“How ya feelin’?” Cal asks.

“Amazing,” she sighs. “Didn’t know this existed. Can’t imagine life without it now.”

Kellerman comes back in with bottles of water smiling at the sight of his woman and child.

“Just saw Kate comin’ this way with his next supplement,” Kellerman tells Kid kissing her hair before he takes his seat. He opens a water and hands it to Kid. Johnny makes a weird sound and takes a deep breath. Before we can freak Kellerman explains, “He’s learnin’ how to breathe while he eats. Don’t freak.” We relax as ordered. I didn’t know babies had to learn to breathe and eat but again, he’s not supposed to be here for another six weeks. That’s a long time in the baby cooking department.

“Where’d the mas go?” Kid asks.

“Shoppin’,” we all say in unison. Kid smiles and shakes her head. This baby is going to be so spoiled.

“They offered to come home with us. I think it’s a good idea, but if you all don’t want ’em to they don’t have to,” Kid explains rubbing a nervous hand across her forehead.

“You know we don’t care. Why are you even askin’?” O’Sullivan scoffs.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to put you guys out with a baby and grandmothers.”