Blackness Within (57 page)

“It’s nice to meet you,” Natasha says tightly, extending her hand to both of them.

“Your boyfriend is somethin’ else,” Angie says after shaking Natasha’s rigid hand. “Some prick decided he could hump me while we were shootin’ pool. Brian here taught him a lesson in pub etiquette.”

“I’m glad he could be of assistance.”

Natasha’s pissed off. I’m not sure why, but she’s not happy.

Two cars pull in the parking lot as we stand in tense silence. One of them is Finn and the other I don’t recognize. Both park and men pile out.

“Ang, I told you to wait for us,” a large burly man bellows as he stalks toward Angie.

“Liz wouldn’t wait,” she informs him as he wraps an arm around his wife and drops a kiss on her waiting lips.

“Jeff, this is the guy that started a bar fight for me. Brian, this is my husband Jeff,” Angie introduces and I feel the tension leave Natasha’s body.

“Man, I owe you a beer. A whole fuckin’ case. Thanks for that,” he says grasping my hand firmly in his.

“No thanks necessary. You’ve got a great wife.”

Angie and Liz both beam at me as Finn and Aidan round the front of the girls’ U-Haul.

“Get in gear, O’Sullivan,” Finn chides before kissing Natasha on the cheek.

“Liz?” Aidan questions in an almost fearful voice.

Oh shit.

“Aidan,” she drones emotionlessly. “It was nice to meet you, Natasha. I’ve gotta get unpacking if we’re gonna get done today. Are you movin’ in or out?”

“Out. My brother’s still here though, so I’ll be around,” she responds kindly.

“Hopefully I’ll see you soon then. Nice to see you again, Brian.”

With that she turns on her heel and stalks to the men unloading her boxes.

“Yeah, we better get to it. Seriously, man, if you ever wanna take me up on that drink, here’s my card. I really fuckin’ appreciate what you did for Angie.”

I take his card and bump his fist before he turns his woman away and goes to help Liz. I look up to see Aidan staring at a dude with his hand on Liz’s lower back like he wants to dismember the guy.

“You fucked up,” I say through a laugh.

“Fuck you, O’Sullivan,” he growls before prowling up the stairs.

“What was that about, Grey?” I ask once we’re alone, turning her across my front.

“When you fought that night, the guy you punched asked if Angie was yours. You said yes,” she mutters staring at my chest.

“Grey, I was fightin’. He didn’t need the specifics. I played pool with Liz and Angie tryin’ to distract myself from bein’ nervous about you showin’ up. I didn’t touch her. She’s happily married. I was just doin’ the right thing when that motherfucker got outta line,” I assure her, forcing her eyes to mine with a finger beneath her chin.

“You were waiting for me?” she whispers, her stormy grey swirling with love.

“Been waitin’ my whole life, Grey.”

I’m thankful my wait is over.

Natasha

October

“You’ve got a shit ton of mail,” Kav informs me as I make my way in from the garage.

“It’s nice to see you too, Kav,” I snark.

“If I spend all my time tellin’ you how good it is to see you, I won’t get shit done. Mail’s on the bar. I’m headed to the gym to meet up with the guys. Kid’s nursing Mary-Ann. The boys just went to bed. Did you have a good shift?” he asks, zipping up his hoodie.

“I did. Did you have a good day in court?”

“Slam dunk, Tosh. See you in a few hours,” he murmurs against my hair before kissing the spot.

I move to the bar, set down my bag and start going through the large stack. It’s mostly junk that I set in a pile to recycle. There are a few bills that I hide so Sully can’t try to pay them. He’ll find them and he’ll pay them. That’s what he does.

I slide my finger under the edge of an envelope hand-addressed to me. Here, not forwarded from Blake’s.

I pull out the heavy, expensive feeling paper and unfold it. Then I collapse onto a stool as I read.

Dear Natasha,

Please don’t throw this away without reading it. I know I have no right to ask you for anything, but please find it in you to read this letter.

I’m sorry.

Those two words don’t convey enough of an apology so allow me to explain.

I did wrong by you. I harmed you for the benefit of my job. I should have cherished you from the moment I found you, but I chose to complete my op instead. That will always be my biggest regret in life. I’m sure you know this already, but I’m an agent in the DCA. I was undercover when Ben Horowitz forced our meeting. My intention was never to keep you or begin a relationship with you. But being undercover meant I had to behave in a certain way once the Bratva discovered Ivan was missing and the money had been stolen.

My life is the DCA. It changes a person when you have to live as someone else for years at a time. When I met you, I was consumed with being Vojtech. So much so, that I had lost all of the good in me. You brought that back. I stole the light that glows from you and used it to bring myself back to life. It was selfish and cruel because I didn’t allow you to keep any for yourself.

You have that glow once again. I saw it beaming from you the moment you laid eyes on Brian O’Sullivan the first night he came to the warehouse. I saw it again when he saved you. And I saw it again before he rightly beat me within an inch of my life. I wanted that light for myself, but it was his.

I was heartbroken when I lost you, Natasha.

I was in love with you.

I shouldn’t have, but I fell for you. You made me want a different life, filled with joy and happiness. Please know that I regret every harmful thing I did to you. I loathe myself for causing you pain and anguish. I won’t ask for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. I deserve to live in the prison of my mind, torturing myself. I will continue to do that until my last breath.

I hope you’re happy in your life. I hope that you have everything you deserve. I hope you’re able to love without regret. I hope you’re able to fill your life with family. I hope you’re able to live an untainted life.

Goodbye, Natasha. Not another day of sorrow will find you. I assure you of that.

All my love,

Roman

P.S. I will tell Ivan about the woman that fought for him with everything she had. He’ll always know how much you loved him. Thank you for giving my son that gift.

Tears stream down my cheeks as I finish the letter for the fifth time. I don’t know what to feel in this moment.

He loved me.

He was warring with himself to remain a professional.

He knew I loved Sully.

He let me go.

The relief washing through me is beyond cleansing, it’s revitalizing. I can breathe easy for the first time in ten months. I can release the guilt that’s been tearing away at me. I didn’t do anything wrong. And while Blake was a junkie, he was just as much a victim in this as I was.

Ben was the real monster in this situation. I didn’t see it. I was completely blind to it. I thought he was sweet and quiet. I never thought he could harm a person, much less plot to steal a baby, drug my brother to cover up his crime, plot Blake’s murder and then kidnap me with God only knows what in mind for my future.

Roman didn’t ask for my forgiveness, but he has it. If it weren’t for him, Blake would be dead. If Ben had actually done the things he did to a real crime boss, my brother and I wouldn’t have survived. Roman fell in love with me. I know how much love can cloud right and wrong. He kept me safe from the Bratva and the people that Ben stole money from. He kept me safe. I’ll cherish that moving forward. Because after everything, I’m ready to do just that. I hope Roman’s able to do that too. He deserves the life he wanted with me. I hope he finds it.

I fold up the letter and put it back in its envelope before dealing with the rest of the mail. I walk up to our wing and flop down on our bed. This is now ours. It’s not just Sully’s it’s mine too. He’s made sure of that. My pictures that survived the fire are on the walls. My stuff is all around the wing. My clothes share a closet with his. I have my own dresser sitting next to his. I have a side of the bed and a sink to myself in the bathroom. I’m comfortable here. Happy.

I’m home.

O’Sullivan

I hate days like this. I had to work late and then hit the gym with the guys. I needed the release, but it meant I wasn’t home when Natasha got done with her shift. Kav ran home to help Kid with the boys while Kellerman finished a dinner meeting. I know Natasha got home safely because Kav told me, but I don’t feel comfortable until my gaze lands on her sleeping form in our bed.

I stand at the end of the bed and just watch her for a while. Her platinum locks are spread around her head on the pillow. Quiet breaths move in and out of her crimson lips as her peaceful face relaxes in sleep. I can’t see her beautiful body beneath the navy duvet, but I know it’s amazing. It’s always amazing.

I back out of my room, taking her bag with me. Kav said she had a ton of mail, which means she’s hiding bills. She doesn’t want me to pay them and I’m dead set on taking care of her. I know she can pay her own way and works hard for the money she earns. I’m not paying her bills because she can’t. I’m paying her bills because she’s my woman and I want to take care of her.

I rifle through her bag and find four bills hidden in a notebook. I roll my eyes, thinking she needs to learn how to hide shit better. I shove her notebook in her bag and see another envelope. I figure it’s another bill, but when I pull it out, it’s handwritten. Personal.

I take a moment to consider my actions. Do I go through her bag and pay her bills without guilt? Yes. Do I go through her bag and read her personal mail without guilt? No. But it’s guilt I can live with.

I unfold the heavy paper and read.

Then I sit.

I sit in my leather chair for a long while considering the words on the page. I’m pissed that he contacted her. But somewhere beneath the anger, I appreciate what he did. He tried to apologize to her and he let her go. She deserves both of those things. She deserves everything.

“I was gonna show you that,” Natasha’s voice filters in the room.

I look over to find her leaning against the doorframe wearing one of my T-shirts. Stanford never looked so good.

“I was lookin’ for your bills,” I respond, nodding toward them on the coffee table.

“I need to find better hiding spots.”

She pushes off and walks toward me, her eyes concerned storms.

“You need to just let me pay for shit and quit hidin’ ’em.”

“Okay,” she relents as I pull her into my lap.

“Okay?”

“I’m not gonna fight you about it anymore. If it means so much to you, I’ll let you do it.”

She leans up and kisses my jaw.

“Do we need to talk about this?” I ask, flicking the letter in my hand.

“No.”

I peer down into her face and find it almost as peaceful as it was while she was sleeping. She’s a glowing light again, soft and luminescent.

“I’m gonna kiss you now,” I say the phrase that’s become so familiar to us, yet still holds a spark.

She smiles coyly until I press my lips to hers. I drop the letter on the floor and push it from my mind as I run my hand up her thigh ending on her naked ass. No panties. Hell yes.

My other hand holds the nape of her neck as her hands fist my hoodie. I never knew kissing could mean so much to me. Every time our lips touch, I feel like my lungs are given new breath and my heart can beat a little stronger.

As our tongues tangle and dance, I run my fingers down the soft curve of her ass to find her moist folds. I drag the tip of my finger through the wetness as she shudders at the contact.

“I’m hungry,” I purr against her swollen lips.

Her nose crinkles in confusion.

I stand up with her cradled to my chest. Then I let go of her back, dropping her head near my knees.

“Sully!” she screams in panic.

I move my arm from behind the back of her legs where she’s clinging to me and wrap around her waist, dragging her pussy to my face. I dive in. Natasha stops wiggling and protesting as my tongue laps at her juices.

Once I have her thighs settled on my shoulders, I can eat at her more easily. I also have the perfect view of her plump round ass. I palm it roughly, exposing her tight little hole. I slide my tongue over it a few times, as Natasha’s hands feverishly yank at my sweats. As soon as my cock springs free, it’s down her throat.