Blackness Within (8 page)

“I’m here to keep your sister safe,” I reply blankly.

“Now answer my question,” he growls.

“I barely know him. Stop bein’ such a dick!” Natasha grinds out.

“You barely know him and he’s in your house, cool with Zeus and holdin’ you like that? What the fuck, Tosh?”

“It’s a long story,” she mutters, fussing with the baby.

“I guess the baby doesn’t belong to the other people that were in your house last night?” I ask, moving away from the uncomfortable topic of my relationship with Natasha.

“Crazy and Snatch?” Blake asks surprised at my question.

“Are those the names of the people that you were with last night?”

“Yeah. It’s not their baby.”

“Can you remember anything before you got the baby?” I push forward.

“Nothing outta the ordinary. Hangin’ around and shit.”

I’m assuming hanging around and shit means getting high and not giving a fuck.

“We could be in real trouble, Blake. What if this baby belongs to someone dangerous?” Natasha pipes in.

“I don’t fuck with dangerous people, Tosh,” he scoffs.

She snorts.

“Right, you spend your time with nuns and saints.”

“Sorry, I’m not perfect like you.” His tone is skirting in a direction I don’t like. I feel my chest puffing up and a fight building within me. I’ll beat this motherfucker to a pulp if he’s not careful.

“Do me a favor, Blake. Watch how you speak to your sister. She’s riskin’ everything to try to keep your ass outta jail. Respect that,” I order in a low growl.

I see a flicker of fury pass through his bloodshot grey eyes before his shoulders drop and his chin sinks to his chest.

“You know I don’t mean that kinda shit, Tosh. You’re all I’ve got,” he whispers.

Natasha scoots free from my grasp and passes me the baby before wrapping her brother in her arms. They hold each other fiercely, whispering and comforting. The baby looks up at me with big blue eyes full of questions. I have no answers for him.

“You need a shower and some clean clothes,” Natasha says, pulling back from Blake after five minutes of holding each other. “Probably a good meal too.”

He nods solemnly and moves toward the bathroom. Once I hear the water begin to flow, I open my mouth to speak only to be cut off by Natasha’s succulent voice.

“Thank you for holding me earlier. I’m not usually that needy, but with everything goin’ on and the lack of sleep…I needed that. I’m sorry about Blake. He’s always been protective of me and just because things are different now doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love me. I love him too. I’m sure that’s difficult to understand, but he’s my brother. He took care of me from the time I was born and still does what he can. I’ve taken up enough of your time today. You can leave now. I’ve got this under control. Blake and I can figure this out. We always do,” she finishes strongly.

She clearly doesn’t want me here. She was scared before, but now that her brother’s here, she has what she wants. Her go-to in life. She seems confident in Blake’s abilities regardless of his current state. I’m not sure I can do anything for her anyway. I’m an attorney, not a criminal. If she’s arrested, I can help her out and I will. But I won’t insert myself into her life if that’s not where she wants me.

I nod and pass the baby back to her. I shrug on my jacket and move to the door, Zeus and Natasha following close behind. Handing her my business card, I capture her soft fingers in mine.

“Call me day or night if you need me. I’ll always come for you,” I assure her ardently, pulling her knuckles to my lips. I press a long kiss to her skin and then, begrudgingly, release her. I pat the baby a few times and scratch Zeus’s head before turning on my heel.

“Sully, wait.”

I halt my progression, but I don’t turn to face her. The need in her voice tells me I’m doing the right thing by walking away.

“You’re not trouble. You’re a great man. You should let more people see that,” she says in a determined voice.

“You need to work on your people reading skills. I’m trouble, Natasha. You were right the first time you saw me. Don’t question that. Take care of yourself and that baby,” I instruct and move off her porch to my car.

I don’t look back and I don’t let the strange feelings bubbling below the surface affect me as I drive home. She’ll be fine without me. She’ll be better off without me. No one as good as her needs me in their life. I’m trouble. The blackness within me makes me more dangerous than anything else in Natasha’s life.

Natasha

I shut my front door with a soft click and feel heavy-hearted as I do. I shouldn’t have sent Sully away. But I don’t know how to do this. It’s always been Blake and me. We’re a team. I’m not so sure we’re a winning team this round.

I settle the baby in his bed and set about making dinner for my brother. He’s emaciated and sick. I’ve never seen him as bad as he looks right now. When he was eighteen, he was a sight to behold. Broad shoulders settled on top of a chiseled frame that made women of all ages drool. He was a welder back then, working with his hands and his pride. Everything fell to shit when he failed a random drug test on the job. He’s never been the same since then. The man living in his skin is a pathetic version of the man that I know he could be…the man he is.

Lemon pepper chicken sizzles in the pan as I throw together a toasted pecan salad when Blake finally emerges from the guest room. The shower, shaved face and clean clothes help but only just.

“Smells good,” he compliments, wrapping his arms around my shoulders from behind me. I miss what his embrace used to bring me. I used to feel cocooned in warmth and safety in his arms, now I feel sad and alone.

“Thanks,” I say dismissively.

“I know you’re pissed, Tosh. Not used to seein’ a dude all over you like that. Where’d he go?”

Blake plops down in a chair at the kitchen table and waits. He knows I have a lecture building and he’s waiting for the professor within me to unleash.

“I told him he could leave. You’re here now.”

“I’ll always be here.”

“No, you won’t,” I whisper sadly.

“Tosh,” he urges me to turn and look at him.

I do.

“Blake, I have a baby in my house and we don’t know where he belongs, who he belongs to. You’re a bag of bones. I thought you were dead last night when I showed up at your place. Do you have any idea what that did to me? What
this
does to me? Switch spots with me for a minute. If you came in a house and found me face down in a puddle of vomit, sixty pounds under weight, living in squalor, seemingly dead, how would you feel? Would your heart break? Would you beg me to stop this shit? Would you want to curl up and die right next to my body because I’m the only person that you have in this fucking world?” My hands are shaking right along with the tremor quaking through my body.

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly.

“You’ll die in prison or you’ll die in the streets. It’s time to stop this shit! Stop thinkin’ about yourself and think about me. You did everything for me when I was a kid. Everything! You set me up in life to depend on you and then you bailed. So I’ve done my time payin’ you back. I’ve spent the last decade doin’ everything I can for you. I’m so tired, Blake. I’m not gonna give you an ultimatum. I’m gonna give you the truth. I. Can’t. Watch. You. Die,” I emphasize each word as I sink to my knees in front of him before continuing.

“My life is barren without your smiles. My heart is empty without your words of love. My laughs are weak without your jokes. My world is lost in despair without you. I need you back. Come back to me. Please, Blake. Come back,” I sob into his chest, clutching at his shirt.

After seconds, maybe minutes…could have been hours, of my heartache reverberating throughout my tiny home, he murmurs into my hair, “Okay.”

My head pops up and my eyes lock on their mirror image in his. He’s not lying. My brother has never stolen from me, exposed me to his life or put me in danger. But he’s lied to me enough that I can see it in his eyes like I can see the sun in the sky on a bright sunny day.

“I’ll go to rehab, Tosh. We need to figure this baby shit out first and then I’ll go. I promise.”

There’s my brother, strong and self-assured. I smash my lips to his scabbed and scarred face before moving back to our meal. He’s coming back to me. The blackness within me fades slightly as I breathe easier than I have in almost fifteen years.

O’Sullivan

I step into the massive kitchen in my house to be hit in the face with my giant weird family. Kid and Kellerman are sitting at the bar laughing about something Johnny is doing on the floor in front of them. Kav and Cal are each playing with one of the twins on the carpet in the great room, giggles and chuckles filling the air. Aidan and Finn are on the huge sectional watching the twins’ show along with ESPN. This is family. This is where I feel my best in life.

The only person missing from our group is Cara, Kid’s baby half-sister. We only found out about her existence two years ago. She was found after escaping a human trafficker. Her story is long and hard…and she’s only nineteen. We’ve worked our asses off to help her heal—not half as hard as she’s worked—and it’s paying off. Her green eyes are no longer masked with fear and rage. She laughs more than she cries and she’s sleeping nightmare free.

That’s because she has three protectors that have made it their mission to keep her safe. Cole, Dane and Sawyer are Nick and Kat Cooper’s kids. Three teenage boys found themselves a readymade family when all their birth parents abandoned them. Nick and Kat adopted the boys two years ago and moved in down the street from us a few weeks later. Cara sleeps at the Coopers’ every night. She can’t sleep unless one or all of the boys are with her. I know something about that. I was one of those boys what seems like a lifetime ago.

Cara’s not here right now because the Cooper family is on a family vacation in South America and she’s with them. Kid hates it as much as she understands it. Where the boys go, Cara goes.

“You look like shit, Sully,” Kid points out as I walk past her.

“You smell like it, so we’re even,” I snark right back.

I don’t stop to socialize, instead opting to throw on some shorts and head to our basement gym. I warm up, jumping rope before I work the speed bag. The rhythm is calming, putting me in a trance so all the other shit spinning in my brain can be pushed to the background.

“All right.” Kid’s voice stops my thudding of bag. “What’s up?”

“Nothin’,” I dismiss her and begin to thrum again.

I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She’s got on black yoga pants and a scarlet red tank top, wrapping her hands. Once her hands are wrapped, she picks up the sparring pads and motions at me to come at her. I oblige willingly.

Kid’s a great fighter. I like training with her. She pushes me and holds me off enough that it’s a challenge. I swing at her head and she ducks easily, rolling her eyes at me. We go a few rounds, each taking as many hits and as we land. Once we’re both heaving and sweating, we stop.

“You ready to start talkin’ or should I kick your ass some more?” she goads me.

“Natasha’s in trouble,” I respond in a shrug.

“And you’re involved how?” she asks in an accusatory voice.

“She called your office and Karl put her through to me. It’s a fucked situation, Kid.”

She passes me a water bottle and waits for me to elaborate as we flop on our asses next to each other. I gulp down the cool liquid thinking through my day and how to explain it. There’s no good way to put this out there, so I just tell her the whole story from beginning to end.

“And you just left?” Kid asks, stunned at the finish of my day with Natasha.

“Yup,” I say popping my
p
.

“Pussy,” she grumbles.

“I am what I eat.”

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot. How could you just walk away? Who knows what kinda danger she’s in with this shit? If that baby isn’t in the news, then the people that’ll come lookin’ for him are gonna be the type of people that don’t leave witnesses. How the fuck did you walk away from her knowin’ that?”

“She’s not my responsibility.”

“Brian,” she growls not liking my attitude. She never calls me Brian unless I’m in trouble.