Blackout (50 page)

“Take off your shoes, there’s a good girl. Now, lie down.” She patted the cot’s pillow.

I shouldn’t have left the old man’s fringed pink pillow there on the pavement
, Polly thought.
It’ll be stolen. I should have put it inside the incident perimeter
.

“Lie down, that’s a good girl,” Miss Snelgrove said. She covered Polly with a blanket and switched off the lights. “Try to rest.”

Polly nodded, her eyes filling with tears at Miss Snelgrove’s surprising kindness. She closed her eyes, but the moment she did, she saw the wrecked church, and it seemed to her that she was not looking at the church but at the people in it, mangled and smashed and splintered—the rector and Mrs. Wyvern and the little girls. Bess Brightford, aged six, died suddenly, from enemy action. Irene Brightford, aged five. Trot—

“You won’t hear it,” Mr. Dorming had said. “You’ll never know what hit you.” Was that true? She hoped fervently that it was, that they hadn’t had time to realize they were trapped, to feel the church crashing down, to know what was going to happen to them.

Like I do
, Polly thought sickly. She pushed the panic forcibly back down.
You’re not trapped. Just because the drop is damaged doesn’t mean they can’t pull you out. There’s plenty of time
.

But that was just it. Oxford didn’t need any time. They had all the time in the world. Even if they had to repair the drop, and it took weeks—or months—they could still have been here as soon as it happened.
So where are they?

Perhaps they couldn’t find me
, she thought, the panic pushing up into her throat again. She hadn’t checked in, hadn’t told them her address.
And there was no one at Mrs. Rickett’s to tell them she lived there
.

But Mr. Dunworthy would have made the retrieval team check every room and flat listed under “To Let” in the newspapers. And they knew she was working on Oxford Street. Mr. Dunworthy would have made them check every department of every store.

But I’m not in my department
, she thought, and flung the blanket off. She sat up and reached for her shoes, but before she could put them on, Marjorie came in carrying a cup of tea and a parcel. “Did you manage to sleep for a bit?” she asked.

“Yes,” Polly lied. “I feel a good deal better. I’m ready to come back up to the floor now.”

Marjorie looked at her measuringly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re still looking very peaky.” She handed Polly the tea. “You need to rest, and besides, there’s no need to. We’re not at all busy.”

“Has anyone been in asking for me?” Polly interrupted.

“You mean from the ARP or Civil Defence? No, no one’s been here. Did they have to dig you out?” Marjorie asked curiously, and Polly realized they thought her boardinghouse had been bombed.

“No, it wasn’t where I lived,” Polly tried to explain. “It was the shelter. At St. George’s. They had a shelter in the basement where I spent the raids. I wasn’t there—”

But if she hadn’t tried to go to the drop, if she hadn’t been caught in the tube station—or if she’d gone through to Oxford earlier in the week to check in—she would have been there with them when the parachute mine exploded, when the church came crashing down, crushing—

“How lucky you weren’t there,” Marjorie was saying.

Lucky
, Polly thought. “You don’t understand, they…” she said and had a sudden stabbing image of them sitting there in the cellar in the moment before they died: Miss Hibbard knitting, Mr. Simms petting Nelson, Lila and Viv gossiping, Bess and Irene—with her thumb in her mouth—and Trot huddled against their mother, listening to a fairy tale. “They… there were three little girls…”

“How dreadful,” Marjorie said, setting the parcel down on the floor and sitting on the cot next to Polly. “No wonder you… you really shouldn’t be here. Where do you live? I’ll ring up your landlady and tell her to come take you home.”

Home
. “You can’t,” Polly said.

“But I thought you said—”

“She’s dead. Mrs. Rickett was at St. George’s. And all her boarders—Miss Hibbard and Mr. Dorming and Miss Laburnum…” Her voice faltered. “… there’s no one there to tell—”

“And that’s why you said you can’t go home. I suppose you can’t. I don’t know what happens to the roomers when a boardinghouse’s owner is killed,” Marjorie said, as if to herself. “I suppose someone else takes over… do you know if Mrs. Rickett had any family?”

“No.”

“But if they would decide to sell… And, at any rate, you can’t stay there all alone, after… Is there anyone you can go stay with? Have you any family or friends here in London?”

No
, Polly thought, feeling the panic rise again.
I’m all alone here, in the middle of a war, and if the retrieval team doesn’t come for me—

Marjorie was looking at her with concern. “No,” Polly said. “No one.”

“Where are your family? Do they live near London?”

“No. In Northumberland.”

“Oh. Well, we’ll think of something. In the meantime, here, drink your tea. It will make you feel better.”

Nothing will make me feel better
, Polly thought, but she needed to persuade Marjorie that she was recovered enough to come back up to the
floor, so she drank it down. It was weak and barely lukewarm. “You’re right, that helped,” she said, handing the cup to Marjorie, and attempted to stand up, but Marjorie stopped her.

“Miss Snelgrove said you were to rest,” she said firmly.

“But I’m feeling
much
better,” Polly protested.

Marjorie shook her head. “Shock takes people in odd ways. Mrs. Armentrude—she’s my landlady—her niece was on a bus that got hit, and Mrs. Armentrude said she seemed perfectly fine, and then an hour later went all white and shaky. She had to be taken to hospital.”

“I’m not in shock. I’m only a bit banged up, and I want—”

“Miss Snelgrove said you were to rest,” Marjorie repeated, “and that I was to give you this.” She handed Polly the parcel. It had perfectly even ends, and the string around it was taut and tied in a precise bow.

“Is this to practice wrapping on?” Polly asked.

“No, of course not,” Marjorie said, looking at her oddly. “You
are
shocky, no matter what you say. Here.” She took the package back from Polly. “Let me open it for you.”

It was a black skirt. “Miss Snelgrove said it cost seven and six, but that you’re not to worry about paying her the money and the ration points till you’re on your feet again.”

“Seven and six?” Polly said. That was nothing at all. A pair of stockings cost three times that. “It can’t have—”

“She said she bought it at Bourne and Hollingsworth’s bomb sale. Water damage.” She handed it to Polly.

It was clearly not from a bomb damage sale. It was brand-new and spotless and, Polly guessed, had come straight from Townsend Brothers’ Better Ladies Wear department and cost five pounds at the least. Polly held the skirt in both hands, too overcome to speak. “Tell her it was very kind of her,” she said finally.

Marjorie nodded. “She can be almost human on occasion. But she’ll have my head if I stay down here any longer.” She took the skirt gently from Polly and draped it over a chair back. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Yes. Tell her I’m ready to come back to my counter.”

“I most certainly will not. You’re not thinking clearly and you’re still white as a sheet. And there’s no need for heroics. This is Townsend Brothers, not Dunkirk. Now, lie down.”

Polly did, and Marjorie tucked a blanket around her. “Now stay there.”

Polly nodded, and Marjorie stood up to leave. “Wait,” Polly said,
grabbing her wrist, “if anyone asks for me, if they ask if I work here, you’ll tell them where I am?”

“Of course,” Marjorie said, giving her that odd look again.

“And you’ll ask Miss Snelgrove if I can come back to the floor this afternoon?”

“Not unless you promise to try to sleep,” Marjorie said and left. She was back in a few minutes with a sandwich and a glass of milk. “Miss Snelgrove says you’re to rest till three,” she said, “and then she’ll see. And you’re to eat something.”

“I will,” Polly lied. The thought of food made her ill. She lay back down and tried to sleep as ordered, but it was no use. What if the retrieval team didn’t ask Marjorie if she was there? What if they walked through the department, pretending to be browsing, and when they didn’t see her, concluded she didn’t work there and left? She flung off the blanket, got up, grabbed the skirt, and went into the ladies’ to tidy up.

And was horrified by the sight of herself in the mirror. No wonder Miss Snelgrove had given her a skirt. Hers was not only dirty and brick dust–covered, but one entire side was torn. She must have caught it on a jagged timber. And no wonder they were all being so nice to her—she looked ghastly. Her hair and face were white with plaster dust, and her cheeks streaked with tears. Blood from her knee had trickled all down her leg and clotted her torn stockings.

They both had wide ladders in them, and several holes. She washed the blood off, but they still looked dreadful, so she stripped them off and stuck them in her handbag. It would be all right—young women had gone bare legged because of the shortage of stockings.

But that was later on in the war, not in 1940. Marjorie was right, she wasn’t thinking clearly. She’d have to keep behind her counter and hope the customers didn’t notice. Her blouse wasn’t too bad. Her coat had partially protected it. She sponged the smears off as best she could, put on the new skirt, washed her face, and combed her hair. She needed to put on lipstick—she looked so white—but when she did, it simply made her look paler. She wiped most of it off and went back up to her counter.

“What are you doing here?” Marjorie said when she saw her. “It’s only two o’clock. You were to rest till three. Miss Snelgrove!” she called before Polly could stop her, and Miss Snelgrove hurried over, looking concerned.

“Miss Sebastian, you should be resting,” she said reprovingly.

“No, please, let me stay.”

“I don’t know,” she said doubtfully.

“I feel much better now. Truly,” Polly said, trying to think what would persuade her. “And Mr. Churchill says we must soldier on, that we can’t give in to the enemy.”

“Very well. But if you feel at all ill or faint—”

“Thank you,” Polly said fervently, and as soon as Miss Snelgrove had ordered Marjorie to keep an eye on her and had gone over to the lift to greet Miss Toomley, looked around the floor, searching for anyone who might be the retrieval team.

Marjorie had been telling the truth. They had scarcely any customers at all, and the ones who came in as the afternoon wore on, she recognized as regular shoppers: Miss Varley and Mrs. Minnian and Miss Culpepper. Miss Culpepper wanted to try on pigskin gloves, then decided on woolen ones instead. “The newspapers say it may be an exceptionally bad winter,” she said.

You’re right, it may be
, Polly thought, tying up the gloves for her and watching the lifts, willing the arrows above their doors to stop on third, willing the doors to open and the retrieval team to step out.

But no one came, and by five the floor was deserted except for Miss Culpepper, who had decided to buy a flannel nightgown as well and was over at Marjorie’s counter. All the other girls were putting boxes away or leaning on their counters, watching the clock above the lifts.

That’s why the retrieval team hasn’t come up
, Polly thought. Because everyone was watching. Everyone would see them come out, would see her run toward them, would see the look of relief on her face.
They’re waiting downstairs till the store closes so they can speak to me alone
.

As soon as the closing bell rang, Polly hurried into her coat and hat, down the stairs, and out the staff entrance, but there was no one waiting there.
They’re around front
, she thought, walking rapidly out to the street and over to the main doors, but the only person there was the doorman, helping an elderly woman into a taxi.

He closed the door and spoke to the driver. It pulled away, and the doorman turned to Polly. “Can I assist you, miss?”

No
, she thought.
No one can help me
. Where
were
they?

“No, thank you,” she said. “I’m waiting for someone.”

He nodded, tipped his visored cap at her, and went back inside.

The retrieval team doesn’t know that Townsend Brothers moved up their closing time
, Polly thought, watching the shoppers walking quickly along the street and hailing taxis, the shopgirls and lift boys streaming from the staff entrance and hurrying toward the bus stop and the steps down to Oxford Circus.
That’s why they’re late. They’ll be here at six
. But as the
minutes went by, the dread she’d been trying to hold off all day began to creep in like the fog that first night when she came through.

Where
are
they?
she asked herself, shivering from the cold and her bare legs. She went out to the edge of the pavement and leaned out, trying to see up the street.
What’s happened to them? What if they don’t come at all?

A hand closed on her arm.
“There
you are!” Marjorie said breathlessly. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Why did you run out like that? Come along. You’re to come home with me tonight. Miss Snelgrove’s orders.”

“Oh, but I can’t,” Polly said. If the retrieval team came—

“You can’t go back to your boardinghouse when there’s no one there. Miss Snelgrove and I agree you shouldn’t be alone.”

“But I need—”

“We can go fetch your things tomorrow. I’ll lend you a nightgown tonight, and tomorrow we’ll go over together and see about finding you a place to live.”

“But—”

“There’s nothing that can be done tonight. And tomorrow you’ll feel stronger and be better able to face things. Tomorrow’s Sunday. We’ll have all day to—”

Sunday
, Polly thought, remembering the rector and Mrs. Wyvern planning the flowers for the altar. The altar that had crashed, along with the rest of the church, onto Sir Godfrey and Miss Laburnum and Trot—