Blackout: Stand Your Ground (4 page)

 
“Yea! I got every right to beat your ass you nigger bitch! Anytime you try to elude the police, I have the right to use violent force! I know you’re going to say
well you’re not a police officer
, but I told your ass I was making a citizen’s arrest!” The white man took his belt, folded it; swung it, and knocked the wind out of
Meesie’s
body.

 
Boom!

 
Jawan
pulled the trigger and the bullet went through the man’s torso like it was a basketball hoop. He got out and walked around to the other side of the car where his fiancé was laying bleeding.

 
He put the gun to the man’s head and created a fireworks display. He pulled the trigger until the cartridge was empty; and when he was out of ammo, he pulled out an all-purpose keychain that had a hunting knife on it. Without even thinking twice about it, he took it and dug it inside of the white man’s gut.

****

Jawan
left the man lying in the middle of the street choking on his own blood. He’d put
Meesie
in the car and drove to the nearest Walgreens for a first aid kit. She was hurt badly and it was all his fault. If he’d never gone out on this rampage none of this would have ever happened.

           
That same nauseated feeling that caused him to pass out came back again, but he swallowed it down. He wanted to drop
Meesie
off at a hospital and run, but she would never forgive him for that. All he could think about was her losing their unborn and her possibly dying.
How could I put her in this situation?
Jawan
thought as he pulled
band-aids
, peroxide, and gauzes off the shelf.

           
He felt so inadequate and felt like this could go no further. He’d never meant for
Meesie
to get hurt. All he wanted to do was protest. Protest for those that had fallen victim to this horrible justice system that was designed to protect the white and the rich.

           
Jawan
looked around the store and then grabbed a couple bottles of Tylenol that he stuffed down his pocket before leaving. He broke out into a light jog toward the car, and got inside.
Meesie
was resting in the passenger seat with her hands braced over her stomach.

           
 
Her breathing was light with soft moans that escaped her lips every few minutes.
Jawan
could tell that she was in a lot of pain and it caused damage to his soul. He’d wanted more for her—more for them.

           
As
Jawan
pulled out of the Walgreens parking lot, he wondered if he should go to his uncle’s house or if he should go somewhere else. As much mayhem that he had single handedly caused he knew that the police were out looking for him. A part of him wanted to continue to stand his ground and the sensible part of him told him that he needed to stop while he was ahead. His priority was
Meesie
and the little child that was growing inside of her.

           
Jawan
reached over and grabbed
Meesie’s
hand squeezing it for reassurance. He’d let her down, but he was going to make up for it. He wasn’t going to hurt anyone else. This wasn’t the way to go about getting justice and this wasn’t going to get the lawmakers to change their laws. They were probably sitting behind their offices now smiling and rubbing their chubby hands together, thankful that another black man had fucked up. That thought alone pissed him off. The fact that he was an endangered species like some damn animal caused chills to run through his body.

           
“
Meesie
, I’m gonna make up for this shit baby. I promise you that I am,”
Jawan
told her. He kissed her hand, and then put both of his hands onto the steering wheel. He had no clue on what their next move should be. One wrong move could send them both to jail. He couldn’t even think straight long enough to think of anything rational.
Meesie
was normally his voice of reason, but since being inured she hadn’t said a word.

           
He continued driving around Sanford, keeping his eyes peeled for the police or anyone else that he deemed a threat.
Jawan
took a sharp right at the light and
Meesie
began to whimper.
This is bad.
Jawan
shook his head and blinked back the tears while his mind began to play tricks on him.

           
Where did that man come from? I know I wasn’t out that long. Who sent him? Somebody had to have sent him.
Jawan
angrily thought.
Shit, I need to get a hold of my seizure medicine. I can’t go passing out like that again, leaving
Meesie
all unattended. What if I had stayed out any longer? She could be dead right now!

           
He slammed his hand against the steering wheel over and over again, releasing the mounds and mounds of frustration that had built up. The urgency to kill someone hit him. He wanted to hurt someone just so they could feel what
Meesie
was feeling.

           
“Somebody’s gonna pay for your pain
Meesie
!”
Jawan
cried. He took the back of his hand and wiped the tears away. Nothing about this was fair to him.

           
“Enough—
Jawan
—“
Meesie
began to cough and gripped her hand over her stomach.

           
“
Meesie
, baby, don’t try to talk right now. I’m a find somewhere safe to pull over and I’m a help you get cleaned up,”
Jawan
said frantically.

           
“No,
Jawan
— enough has been done already. You’ve killed three people tonight. No one else needs to pay. Think about your father and if this is what he would’ve wanted.”

           
The mention of his father didn’t make him feel any better. It only made him reminisce on the time they’d spent together before he was brutally murdered. He thought about all the times he needed his father growing up and the times he would insanely become jealous of seeing his friends with their fathers.  He missed him and felt that now was a good time to speak with him. He didn’t know what his future held. Would he get locked up or would he be killed? Either way he wanted to be for certain that he spoke with his father before anything happened.

****

           
The sun had begun to rise into the car awakening
Jawan
from his sleep. After cleaning up
Meesie’s
wounds as best he could and giving her some pain medicine, he’d parked nearby the cemetery where his father was buried. The cemetery shut the gates when the sun went down and opened them as soon as the sun rose.  

           
Jawan
looked over at
Meesie
whom was sleeping peacefully with her head resting against the window. He was glad to see that she was feeling some type of relief even if it had been just a little. He hated to see her in so much discomfort and was slowly juggling his thoughts on what he would do. Her injuries were too severe to go untreated by a medical professional, but he couldn’t go anywhere near a hospital. He knew she would have a fit if he tried to suggest dropping her off and leaving, but something had to be done.

           
Taking a deep breath,
Jawan
stepped out of the car, stretched his body, and then looked around before crossing the street. He entered the cemetery’s grounds and took on a brisk walk toward his father’s burial site. This was a place that he visited quite often, especially during times when he felt like there was no one else in the world that understood him. It was a place of peace and the only place he could find calm in the wake of a storm.

           
He knelt down on one knee, and wiped the dirt and debris away from the headstone. He could feel his pulse rising and felt his self about to break into a nervous sweat. This was how it had always been anytime he was in his father’s presence—dead or alive, he continually wanted to please him. His father had been a great man and he couldn’t help but feel as if he had disappointed him.

           
“On my way over here, I kept thinking about the day you took me to see the Miami Heat play the New Orleans Hornets in the first round playoffs. It was the first time I fell in love with sports. I was so infatuated with the athletes and their skills that I couldn’t stop smiling that whole damn week. It was so powerful seeing the grace in which our people moved! I remember going outside everyday practicing them same moves I saw that night. Every time you would go to work, you would tell me how good I was doing and how proud you were of me. That always made me feel good, just to know that I made you proud.

           
I’ve fucked up. You would’ve never wanted me to carry on the family name like this. I’m just so sick of the way they do us—so sick of the black on black crime, and I am sick of these white people thinking they can just do us any kind of way and get away with it. We deserve so much more than they give us and I just feel like we gotta go out there and take it,”
Jawan
expressed, he shook his head and allowed his emotions to spill over.

           
“I didn’t
wanna
shoot that cop, but he wanted to take my freedom. That immediately brought me to thinking of how enslaved I would feel if I allowed him to take me in—I just couldn’t allow it.  And then it was the dude celebrating the loss of life of a teenager and his killer going free. That shit pissed me off and I stood my ground like he would’ve claimed if he had killed me. You know that’s what they all claiming now. Killing little black boys, and claiming they stood their ground. It’s just another way to demolish the black race if you ask me. Them laws damn sure wasn’t made by no black man.

Anyway, I know that you don’t agree with my actions, but I’m a make it right some kind of way. Violence isn’t the way and I know that.
Meesie
is pregnant and I’ve pretty much messed up any chance I had of being of father. Tell me what to do Pop. What should I do, to make this right for
Meesie
? I’m so lost right now.”

Jawan
lowered his head and let the tears flow. He placed his hand on top of the headstone and began to pray. He needed his father to speak to him and needed a word from God. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else but he couldn’t help but feel like nothing had been accomplished. Three people had died, but would they understand why? Would they know the reasons behind their deaths, and would everyone else know?

“I know what I have to do. It’s what you taught me to do, what a real man would do,”
Jawan
nodded his head and stood to his feet to walk way. He had to do what he had to do and there was no other way around it,
Meesie
would just have to understand. He then decided that they needed to find somewhere to rest until he could put things in order.

***

 
         
“We have issued a statewide manhunt for
Jawan
Louis and
Meesie
Hall. They are wanted for their involvement in the shooting deaths of three men, including one police officer. We have reason to believe that they are armed and dangerous, and if you see either one of the two individuals shown on this television screen, please call the authorities.”

           
The room was silent as
Jawan
and
Meesie
stared at the television set.
Jawan’s
uncle had been eating potato chips, and stopped chewing in the middle of a chip when the news came across the television. They had been hiding out at his house for the past couple of days in order for
Meesie
to be able to heal from her injuries. They had been all over the news for the killing of the police officer, but now it seemed as if they authorities were able to connect them to the other two as well. This was the first time
Jawan’s
uncle had seen the news.

           
“Wait a got damn minute
Jawan
!” His uncle said loudly.
Jawan
had told him how upset he was about the verdict of the trial that struck the nation, but he didn’t know he’d taken things this far. “What the fuck is going on? You trying to get me sent to the got damn electric chair? If they find you in here, they’ll charge me for aiding and abetting. You’re a fugitive for murder boy. You and that damn lady you’re with, y’all need to grow up and turn y’all selves in!