Blessed Tragedy (10 page)

“About that coffee...” I looked at my phone and realized we had to hurry if we were going to get to the church on time. I had to be there an hour before the funeral for one last viewing and the guys were going to use that time to get set up.

As I stood at the back of the church greeting mourners who'd come to celebrate Mom's life with us, I couldn't help but steal glances to the front of the sanctuary where Travis and Colton were squeezing in a last minute rehearsal. I think they were more nervous about playing at the funeral than I was. Mike elbowed me when he heard me stifle a laugh. I couldn't help it, watching them sweat over performing in front of fewer than a hundred people who had no clue they did this for a living was cute.

“Sorry,” I said, lowering my eyes and biting my lip.

“No worries. Bad timing but it's good to see you smile.” Mike reached over to squeeze my shoulder. “Really good.” He winked before turning back to the line of people waiting to enter the church.

Leaving was going to be harder today than it had ever been before. Funny how learning your family doesn't hate you can have that effect on a person.

I followed my brothers to the front pew of the church we'd attended since I was a toddler. My guys were sitting at the far end of the pew waiting for me. Colton reached for my hand as soon as we were settled. I didn't resist. I didn't care what anyone thought about us, he was my rock and I needed him.

Once the pastor was done with his sermon, he nodded in our direction and we took our places in front of the lectern. I took a few deep breaths, saying a silent prayer for the strength to get through this one song. I did my best to ignore the hushed whispers throughout the church as we prepared to start. I looked to my dad, nervous for a moment that this was a bad idea but he winked and Matt gave me a low thumbs-up. Those two simple gestures settled me enough to focus.

I should have known there was nothing to worry about. The three men standing next to me could pick up a new song and it would sound amazing within hours, so the classic rock ballad wasn't a challenge. You could almost see heads snapping to the front of the sanctuary as Travis and Colton started playing their beautiful duet arrangement. Colton looked to me a few bars before the intro ended to see how I was holding up. I nodded slightly to him, letting him know I was fine. That was a total lie. I had no clue how I'd managed to stave off the tears I could feel pressing against the back of my eyes.

I couldn't bear to look at the tears streaming down my dad's cheeks so I shut my eyes as I started singing. When my voice faltered near the end of the first verse, Colton and Jon both joined in with Colton on melody and Jon on harmony. I felt Colton's eyes on me as the violin solo bridge started. I'd gone over the fingerings so many times last night I started to feel like it was a nervous tick. I'd forgotten what a release it was to pull the bow against the strings and just feel the music. When the last chord echoed across the vaulted ceilings, there was stunned silence.

When my brothers stood to take their places along the right side of my mother's casket, my guys stood and walked to their instruments. My eyes grew wide, begging them to explain what they were doing but Jon simply nodded in my direction, letting me know it was okay. The sounds of an
Amazing Grace
duet on acoustic guitar filled the sanctuary as everyone walked to the back of the church. My dad looked at me and winked when I turned to see what was going on. I couldn't believe he knew about this and didn't tell me. I couldn't believe the guys had found time to talk to him about doing this for us. I was a very blessed, completely undeserving woman in many ways.

After the funeral, I once again joined my family as we accepted condolences for our loss. While I understand the practice, that didn't make it any less annoying. Seriously, how many times can you hear “I'm so sorry,” before you start to go insane? There are no words that will do anything to change the fact that she's gone and only time will work to deaden the pain.

Unlike during the visitation, Colton made it a point to stand just behind me in case I needed anything. After he poured his heart out to me and I slayed him for it, we had a more civil conversation this morning and I asked him to be there for me. I didn't want him feeling like he had to hold back because I wasn't ready to take things to the next level with him and I sure as hell wasn't going to pick today to start caring what anyone else thought.

A few people reached between me and Mark to shake Colton's hand, thanking him for performing. I laughed when one of my mom's former co-workers asked if we were available to do weddings. Colton graciously told her that wasn't something we typically did while I bit my lip to keep from laughing at the thought of Colton, Jon and Travis dressed in bad tuxedos playing adult contemporary music.

My dad surprised the hell out of me when he asked the guys to stand with our family during the burial service at the cemetery. Their body language told me they weren't completely comfortable with the request but they accepted without hesitation. It seemed that everyone was working to meld my two families into one. No, it's not something any of them would have had to do but I think being the baby of both factions made them want to do whatever they could to make my life easier. I'll never understand what I did in some former life to deserve this kindness when I've spent so many of the past years hurting those closest to me.

I was quickly learning that the strangest things can be trigger points when you're emotionally vulnerable. The sight of a rental car sitting in the driveway when we got back to my parents' house caused tears to well in my eyes. It was a reminder that, just as I was starting to get along with my family, it was time to go.

Chapter Eight

The last two weeks of our first national tour flew by. With ten shows in fourteen days, there was little time to think about anything other than the next performance. That was the blessing. The curse was it was getting harder and harder to be around Colton without feeling the awkward tension growing between us.

It wasn't until two hours before our show in Jackson, Mississippi that I realized that what was going on between us was impacting the entire band. The very thing I used as my excuse for not getting intimate with a band mate was happening
because
I wasn't willing to take that step.

“I don't know what in the hell is going on with you two, but you need to get the hell over it.” The way Jon came storming down the hall, I knew he was pissed. Sure, Colton and I hadn't been as close and comfortable as we were before my mom's funeral but I really thought we were the only ones who noticed. The way Jon stood in front of me with his arms crossed tightly across his chest made me feel like I was ten years old and in trouble with Dad.

“What do you mean?” I knew
what
he was talking about; I just didn't know what we were doing that made it obvious.

Jon pulled his phone out of the front pocket of his jeans. “Take a look at this shit, Rain. People are starting to talk.”

A Tragic Situation?

It seems to be there's trouble in paradise for Blessed Tragedy guitarist Colton Bradford and lead singer Rain Maxwell. Just days ago they were spotted cuddling and kissing but that most definitely wasn't the case last night in Baton Rouge. Is the blessed coupling over before they began? (see inset)

Two pictures accompanied the article. The first one made me want to kill someone. It was a picture of Colton kissing my forehead at the cemetery. Of course, the assholes had strategically cropped out anything that would put the picture in context but there was no mistaking when it was taken given what we were wearing. The thought of someone from my hometown betraying me that way, taking pictures of me at my mom's funeral and turning them over to some celebrity gossip site, made me physically ill.

The second shot was from last night's concert. The look on Colton's face was one of pure adoration. My own face, on the other hand, looked like I was ready to tear into him.

“Jon, you know these sites are full of shit. You can tell we're in the middle of a fucking song, how much attention do you think I pay to what looks I'm giving anyone? You should know as well as I do that you don't really
see
anyone or think about anything when you're in the zone.”

Make no mistake, I was upset about the article but the fact that Jon hadn't thought of this hurt. It felt like he was trying to find a reason to snap at me. We used to Google our names on our off days just to see what ridiculous photos had been posted from our shows. Everyone thought they were a first-class photographer catching the perfect moment in a show when most of them couldn't take a decent shot if their lives depended on it.

Jon knew this and yet he was taking the words on the small screen of his phone as gospel truth. If he was buying into it, what hope did we have that the rest of the rags weren't going to run with this crap?

“The difference is there's a grain of truth here.” Jon put the phone back in his pocket. “Now, I don't know what's going on or what happened between you two when we were at your folks' place, but it needs to get cleared up. We're trying to get higher billing on a bigger tour for winter and that's not gonna happen if we have bullshit drama between two of you. No one wants to get in the middle of a messy situation. No one's going to take a chance on us if there's a possibility that you two are going to implode and leave us up a creek.”

Jon rested his arm over my shoulders. “I love ya, kid. You know that. But you have to figure it out.”

“What makes you think I'm the one who needs to figure out anything?” I didn't like feeling like he was saying our problems were my fault. That
I'm
the one who's in the wrong.
Am I?

“Honey, that boy's been in love with you since the day you walked into Trav's apartment. How you've made it this long without him getting in your pants is beyond me.”

“You're full of shit. He might have wanted to screw me at first, but that's not love,” I snapped. Sure, Colton said he cared about me and wanted us to be a couple, but that's still not love.

I debated telling Jon that Colton and I were going camping as soon as the tour ended so we could talk about us but decided against it. We'd decided together that it would be less complicated if people didn't know what we were doing. This conversation with Jon was a good example of why we didn't want our business to be made public.

“I'll talk to him,” I said quietly. “Just...please let me handle it. If you come at him the way you came at me, he'll get all pissy and things will be even worse. This way we just have to deal with you being pissed at me and me trying to forget that I'm supposedly pissed at Colton and breaking his tender heart.” Sure, I was more sarcastic than I needed to be but that was my favorite defense mechanism.

“Rain, I'm not pissed at you. I'm just stressed out and we don't need crap like this floating around. How did they get that picture of you two, anyway?”

“Good question. Now you know why I'm not quick to trust anyone from there. They're a bunch of busy-bodies with nothing better to do. And apparently, someone saw an opportunity to make a few bucks. At least, I sure as hell hope they did this for money and not because they were wanted to make my life hell.” 

Jon gave me a quick hug. “It'll work out. Sorry for snapping like that, I just don't like finding out about shit like this when I'm supposed to be on a call working out the deals for the next tour. I looked like a real asshat. Now, go give Colton a heads up.”

I nodded and turned to walk away. “And Rain?” Jon called out from down the hall. “Try to behave tonight.” I knew he was trying to lighten the mood because he blew me a kiss.

Colton didn't look up from his laptop when I stepped onto the bus. I had a bad feeling I knew what I would see on his screen.

“Hey,” he said, motioning me to sit across the table from him. “You know anything about this?”

Without looking at the screen, I shook my head. I knew just as much as he did; that the media had us splitting up before we'd even decided if we were going to get together. What did that say about our chances for a successful relationship?

“This is why I wanted us to talk that night in your room. Now, I'm the asshole a week before our trip.” I looked back towards the bunks to see if all the curtains were open. When we were parked, the curtains were only drawn if someone was sleeping; that way it was easy to know if we needed to keep the volume down. In this case, it was a sign of how much could be said.

“You're not the asshole. If you look at that story, I'm pretty sure they're giving me that title.” I pointed to the picture of us on stage. “Look... you tell me who's the bad guy in that picture. It sure as hell ain't you. I'll probably need extra security tonight to protect me from angry groupies.”

Colton laughed but the way he tugged at his long blond hair told me he was on the verge of his own freak out. “Look, this is your deal. I've already said my peace, you know what I want. Of course, this kinda changes things, doesn't it?”

“Why would it change anything?”

“Oh, I don't know...maybe because the very thing you worried about is happening now and we're not even a fucking couple. It's like I'm getting all of the bullshit that goes along with a relationship without the satisfaction.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I had a feeling I knew, but if Colton was going to throw shit around, he'd better be willing to say what he meant, not dance around it like a ballerina.

“Seriously, it doesn't matter who we hook up with. If it's anyone more than just a quick lay, there's always going to be some asshole taking pictures, twisting situations around to their benefit. Well, we have that right here. At least if we were in a relationship there'd be something other than sleeping going on in the bedroom.”