Blessed Tragedy (29 page)

“Come on, my dad's here. Are you really going to deny him the opportunity to see me on stage again? Remember, he missed out on years of seeing me sing.” Yeah, I was playing dirty but I didn't care. I missed singing. I missed the adrenaline rush of being on stage. I missed all of it.

“Exactly. Your dad's here. More than him missing out on seeing you sing, he's missed out on spending time with you. So please, for him, come and see us play tonight. Spend time with your family. And then, once they go home, you're more than welcome if you think you're ready.” Okay, so I wasn't the only one who could resort to dirty tricks.

“Jon's right, babe. Give your dad this time with Maddie. I'm sure that no matter how proud of you he is, he'd rather see Maddie than Rain.” Colton kissed me one last time before heading to the balcony.

“Fine.” I rolled my eyes. There was no point fighting him. If I tried, I had no doubt Jon would get my brothers to take his side too. I sulked dramatically into the kitchen to start making lunch. 

There's no way to explain how much it sucks to get ready to go to a concert when you want to be up there playing and you're instead going as a spectator. Mike tried to bring me out of my pissy mood by telling me I could see the show from a different perspective and let the guys know what we could be doing different. Logical, but it didn't ease my mood one bit.

I took one look at myself in the bathroom mirror and knew I looked damn good. I'd pulled out a pair of comfy black skater pants with a red plaid corset-style top. Unlike the corsets I'd been forced to wear by the bitch from hell, this one was comfy and completely me. Not to mention the low, scoop neckline would drive Colton crazy every time he caught a glimpse of me and I was looking forward to that last little bit of torture. The only part of my outfit that required thought was my footwear and I opted for my Skechers over my clunky combat boots. Being totally honest, there was a part of me still holding out hope that the guys would change their minds at the last minute and I'd be up there with them.

The pre-Thanksgiving show was unlike any other. It wasn't in a huge arena; it was a more intimate gathering of about twenty-five hundred fans, most of whom had won tickets from various radio stations in the upper Northwest. Mark and Dale got to town about three hours before the show started and we went to dinner while the guys got ready.

As much as I hated to admit it, Jon was right. I needed the time with my family to make things right with them and they needed some time with me being able to just be Maddie. Over dinner, my dad shared with me that he'd known since before Mom's cancer came back that he wasn't well. Heart disease apparently runs on his side of the family and years of ignoring the warning signs were catching up to him.

When he told me that he'd come to terms with it and been okay with the thought of dying if it meant being with Mom again, I was crushed. Even with as low as I'd found myself in the past, I couldn't imagine being so lost that death would be a better option than living.

As if that wasn't enough to deal with, he then said me coming home was the only reason he went back to the doctor and started taking his medication. He was terrified that, if he didn't, the family that was just coming back together would be shattered if we had to deal with losing him too. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility and I was thankful that he'd noticed that.

Slightly bleary eyed from our emotional dinner with my eyeliner smudged but no longer running down my face after a trip to the ladies room, we made our way down the block for what I prayed was the last Blessed Tragedy concert I wasn't a part of.

Not wanting to cause a scene but now eager to get the full concert experience, we made our way along the side of the stage after the lights went down and joined the front row of fans. Having cut my hair once again so it fell to mid-shoulder and opting for chocolate brown with caramel highlights instead of my usual bright dye jobs, no one immediately noticed me standing along the barricades.

That is, until Colton spotted me. He walked back to Jon, pointing in my direction causing everyone to strain to see what had caused their little confab. With a few quick words to Travis and Jared, Colton made his way back to the front of the stage.

“How's everybody doing tonight?” He asked. It was one of those questions we asked at every show that made me laugh. Just once, I wanted to see what would happen if he asked and the fans started screaming that the show sucked. I didn't want the show to suck, of course, but as a joke to see their reaction would be funny as shit.

Of course, tonight wasn't the night for my twisted sense of humor to kick in and the crowd went wild. Even though it was a smaller crowd than normal, the energy was at max capacity. It was the type of crowd that made you want to stay up on stage and perform every song you ever learned to play, including Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

“That's what we like to hear,” Colton shouted pumping his fist in the air. “Now, you might have noticed, we're short one very important person up here tonight,” he continued, looking down to me. “Rain's been taking personal time the past month or so and we're happy to announce that very soon, she'll be getting back on stage doing what she does best. But first, there's a little something us guys need to do for her.”

I looked up at Colton, thoroughly confused and more than just a little nervous. He crooked a finger to call me up on stage. When I shook my head, he picked up the mic again. “Okay guys, apparently Rain's a little shy tonight and thinks she can hide out behind her brothers. How about I get a little help coaxing her to get her sweet little ass up here?”

With more than two thousand people chanting my name, Matt picked me up, launching onto the waiting hands of the fans. Every show, I'd watch fans crowd surfing and wondered what it would feel like. It was a rush. A terrifying rush. A rush that left me feeling just a little violated with the places on my body that fans touched as they passed me to the middle of the crowd into the waiting arms of a security guard. Before I could settle on my feet, the guard hoisted me to Travis and Colton who were waiting to pull me onto the stage.

“You're dead,” I yelled into Colton's ear so there was no doubt he could hear me around the ear plug. He smiled and kissed me on the cheek before setting me down.

“So, here's the deal guys,” Colton said turning to the crowd. “Some shit went down a while ago and we were a bunch of assholes to Rain. So much so,” he looked at me and then back to Jon who nodded to him, “that we almost lost her. Not like she got upset and threw a tantrum, but like she let us know in writing that we'd fucked up. Bad. With a little bit of time and a whole hell of a lot of groveling, she's agreed to keep us around for a while.”

Colton led me to the back of the stage where there was a tall riser. He lifted me onto it, giving me another deeper kiss before returning to his place. At this point, I my eyes were flitting from one band mate to the next trying to figure out what was going on.

One of the techs brought Colton's acoustic onto the stage and he looked back at me as he adjusted the strap. “This song isn't one of ours, but we couldn't come up with the right words on our own this time. Hopefully she'll forgive us that.”

As much as I hated being put on the spot, I couldn't help but melt just a little bit when I heard the opening chords of
Sorry
by Buckcherry. I didn't expect them to do anything publicly to apologize since we'd managed to keep most of the drama behind the scenes. This was all them trying to tell me what they felt in a great way.

When the song ended, the audience erupted into applause and screaming as I made my way from one person to the next, telling each member of my band how much they meant to me. When I got to Colton, he wrapped his arm tight around me and whispered, “Don't think you're getting out of here that easy. Love you.”

“Who thinks Rain needs to get her ass back to work right. Fucking. Now?” Jon yelled into his mic and the crowd got even louder. Annie appeared from the side of the stage with my ear monitors. I looked down to my brothers and my dad as we hooked up everything and saw them laughing at the stupefied look on my face. The wiggle of Dale's fingers told me everything I needed to know. This was all a setup. They knew exactly what was going to happen. And I loved them for it.

I bowed out after three songs, knowing that I'd gotten up there cold, but those three songs were amazing. If it was possible, being up there with them felt more right than it ever had in the past.

Epilogue

Sitting at my mom's grave on the one year anniversary of her death, it still hurts like hell to know she's gone. I'll never get to see the look on her face when I get done with a show. I'll never get to hear her tell me she's proud of me. Yes, it's incredibly selfish but I want those things for myself.

As much as it hurts, I've stopped wishing that things were different. If I hadn't had the problems with my family, I probably wouldn't have turned to partying and drugs. Sure, life might be simpler if I wasn't a recovering addict, but it's that addiction that led me to Travis, and in turn to Blessed Tragedy.

Joining the band opened so many doors for me it's impossible to list them all. Most importantly, Colton and I became best friends without any expectations of more. For a long time, that was enough for me.

And it's because of my difficulties with my family that Colton and the guys refused to let me deal with Mom's death on my own. While I've never said as much to him, I think I fell in love with him the morning I got off the bus to come home. The way he was there for me even when I was pushing him away showed me the depth of his feelings for me.

Losing my mother too soon will always be one of the most painful moments in my life. I wish like hell she was here every day, but today is, without a doubt, the worst.

I wish she was here to help me get dressed. I wish she was here to meddle and worry about crazy things no one cares about. I wish she was here to give me that last piece of advice as I take my dad's arm for him to walk me down the aisle.

The only comfort to be had from losing her is the thought that she's somewhere out there and had a hand in leading Colton and I together. I know, if she was here, she'd love him just as much as I do.

“Thanks, Mom. For everything,” I whisper towards the sky. I place a single calla lily from my bouquet on her headstone so I know she'll be with me as I begin the rest of my life as Madeline Bradford, wife to Colton and still the biggest badass bitch in the business.

Blessed Fate

Coming May 2013

You know Rain's side of the story, now it's time to hear it from Colton's side...

Prologue

“Okay guys, you need to have an open mind,” Travis warned.

We'd been sitting around his crappy studio apartment for the better part of three days trying to figure out what we could do to get more gigs. Our band, Blessed Tragedy, had a loyal following at Wilson's Pub but we all knew it was time to branch out a bit.

Jon and I looked at one another and shrugged. At this point, I don't think there's anything we weren't willing to try if it meant we'd be able to make our mark on the world. Okay, so that might be a bit dramatic, but if you're gonna dream you gotta go big.

“Lay it on me,” Jon said, leaning forward on Trav's ratty sofa left over from the seventies.

Travis picked up his cell phone and sent a quick text while he grabbed another round of beers out of his fridge. “Okay, so I've been thinking. We've got a good thing going here, but we need to change it up. And I think I have just the thing.”

About that time, there was a light knock on the door. Travis opened it slowly, said something to the person on the other side. He looked back to us and swung the door wide open. “Guys, meet Rain.”

I had no clue what Travis was thinking, but standing next to him was one of a beautiful girl who look utterly terrified to be here. If she worked at the ring in her lower lip much harder with her teeth I was worried she'd rip it right out. Between that and the way she was twirling a lock of bright red hair around her finger, it seemed like she'd rather be anywhere but in our presence.

“Hi,” she said, her voice barely over a whisper.

“Rain, meet Jon and Colton. They're the assholes I was telling you about,” Travis said pointing to each of us. “Guys, you have
got
to hear this girl sing. I really think that if we re-arrange some of our current stuff, she's gonna kill it up there.”

Rain turned to Travis, “I never said I was going to do it. I said I'd come over and see what was going on.” Even though she was nervous around us, I could tell from the way she snapped at Travis that she was feisty. I liked that and looked forward to the day she'd feel comfortable enough around me and Jon that I could make a point to push her buttons.

“I know, I know. But you need a band, we need a change, it's a win-win. You'll see.” Jon glared at Travis, appearing more than a little put off by him taking control on such an important decision. While we'd all formed the band together four years ago, Jon had always been at the forefront of all of our decisions.

Jon stood and made his way across the tiny living room in three long strides. “Nice to meet you.” It took her a minute to take in the sight of Jon and I didn't blame her. He towered over her the scowl that seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face could intimidate even me and I'd known him a hell of a long time. “Come grab a beer,” he said, motioning her further into the  apartment.

Jon handed her the beer he hadn't yet started to drink and grabbed another for himself. Rain looked around the living room for a place to sit.
Bad news, little girl, it's the couch or the floor.
Yeah, it was going to be fun getting to know her.