Blind (11 page)

The pencil snapped in Gaia's hand. “Josh did
not
dump me.”

“Of course not,” said Heather. “Because he's not just your everyday psychopathic murderer who just happens to be gorgeous and dress in designer clothes, he's also a compulsive liar with delusions of grandeur.” Before Gaia could reply, Heather stuck a glass stirrer into the beaker full of DNA and came out with a pile of shiny, translucent strands. “I think we're done with the experiment.”

Megan leaned in closer, her nose prewrinkled in case of smells. “Is that how it's supposed to look?”

Gaia wasn't too sure, either. The mess looked kind of like glass spaghetti, not like the neat double helix that was shown in all the textbooks. Of course, that was just what DNA looked like on a microscopic scale. It was probably stupid to expect any structure like that when dealing with a cup full of the stuff. The transparent strands slipped off the stirrer and fell back into the beaker with a plop.

DNA. Four little compounds in a few simple arrangements. Cytosine, guanine, thymine, and…

Gaia froze. The alarms in her head weren't little buzzers now. They were air raid sirens. She snatched the lab sheet back from Heather and confirmed what it said about DNA. Four compounds. Arranged in pairs. Only four combinations.

Now she remembered where she had seen something
like that before. It was on the note, the note she had taken from her father's apartment. The whole bottom half of the note was covered with four colored symbols arranged in pairs. DNA? It had to be. That meant that the note described the DNA of… something. But what?

A strange tickling started in the pit of Gaia's stomach. Her uncle had told Gaia that her fearlessness was a result of experiments her father had performed on her as child. That he had given her some drug to drive out fear. Her father said that Gaia being fearless was a fluke. That she was born that way.

What if they were both telling the truth? What if Gaia had been born fearless but born that way because someone had screwed with her DNA, rearranging the compounds to take away the feeling of fear shared by every other human being—every other animal? The note might have the explanation for what had caused the difference.

It could be the blueprints for Gaia Moore.

He had done it, though. He had sliced open his chest and handed his heart to Gaia on a silver plate.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT something more to eat, Edward?”

Ed held up the cookie he had been handed. “Uh, no, thanks,” he said. “We'll, um, we'll probably get something to eat later, anyway. I need to leave some space.”

Natasha smiled at him. “I'm glad that Tatiana met you. She's really enjoyed your company.”

“That's great,” said Ed. “I mean, she's great.” Ed shifted uncomfortably on his chair. He looked at the door hopefully. There was still no sign of rescue. Tatiana's mother seemed perfectly nice. Kind of cool, as parents went, what with the Russian accent and the movie queen looks, but there was only so much time anyone could spend with
anybody's
parents. And Ed had definitely reached his threshold the last time he'd spent quality time with Natasha.

“Have you seen Gaia lately?”

This broad sure knows how to ask the questions.
Ed turned his flushed face back to Tatiana's mother. “Not really. She's been keeping a pretty low profile lately.”

“That's a shame,” said Natasha. “I think Gaia needs good friends. Perhaps even more than my daughter.”

Ed wasn't sure how to respond to this.
I agree. And as a matter of fact, I happen to still be in love with Gaia even though I've been spending most of my time going out with your daughter on things that look a lot like dates. So glad you understand.

For several very long, very uncomfortable seconds they sat and looked at each other. Finally Natasha rose and smoothed down her skirt.

“You must pardon me, but I have to return to my work.”

Ed struggled to get to his feet. “I guess I'll clear out. I can come back later.”

Natasha held out her hands. “No, no,” she said. “The girls will be home anytime now. You're welcome to stay.”

This display of hospitality was completely foreign to Ed. He hardly knew how to respond. “Uh… okay,” was about the most he could come up with as he collapsed back into his chair.

Natasha went to a closet in the corner, took out a long red coat, and shrugged it on. There was an elegance to her movements. A wordless class. There were people from every country in the world all over New York, but something about Natasha made her seem very different from the Russian emigrants that Ed had met in the past. Both Tatiana and Natasha had the same high cheekbones and sculpted features, and a certain… attitude. Ed wondered if
Natasha and her daughter were descended from some kind of Russian royalty. The Romanovs of the Upper East Side.

“There is food and drink in the kitchen if you have to wait too long,” Natasha said. She gave one last, regal smile and stepped out the door.

Ed relaxed a bit, but not much. He had come here early, knowing that he would beat both Tatiana and Gaia to the house. It was a game. Or a challenge. Russian girl roulette. He didn't really have a name for this game.

It's called being such a totally unbelievable wuss that can't suck it up and get on with life when a girl has dumped you.

A hundred times over the last few days Ed had thought about confronting Gaia. He wanted to find out once and for all what was going on. Why, not an hour after they had made love, she had climbed out of his bed, out of his apartment, and out of his life. Since that day, he had spoken
to
Gaia. Between classes. In the cafeteria. But they hadn't
talked.
And he wanted answers.

He just didn't want the wrong answer.

He didn't want the answer that went, “I woke up and realized that being with you was a really stupid idea. I mean, what the hell was I thinking? Ed Fargo? Me? What a joke. So I got out of there as fast as I could, and I'm never going back.”

The possibility of that kind of answer had driven Ed to invent this little game. He would get to the house early. If Tatiana got home first, Ed would take her out to dinner as he had promised. It might look like a date, but Tatiana understood about Ed's Gaia fixation. This would be a nondate date. Nice evening, confrontation-free. If Tatiana and Gaia arrived together… Okay, there wasn't much chance of that. Tatiana and Gaia were
never
together. If Gaia got home first, it would be a sign. Maybe not a sign from God, but a sign. Time to Confront Gaia Now.

The front door rattled, and Ed's stomach was suddenly filled with ice. He wondered if he could hide in the coat closet.

Before he could even push himself to his feet, the door opened and Gaia stomped in.

At first she didn't seem to see Ed. She closed the door and started across the room toward the stairs. Gaia looked as gorgeous as Ed had ever seen her. She walked with strong, easy strides, her long legs pressing against the faded gray denim of her jeans. A black sweatshirt was draped over her toned but still curvy form. Her blond hair was held back in a thick, rude, unruly mass that spilled over her shoulders. Her expression was unreadable.

If Tatiana was a Russian princess, Gaia was something else altogether. Gaia was a goddess.

“Hi.”

Gaia spun around, one foot moving back, her hands coming up to her sides. Her fingers were locked together, her shoulders slightly turned. Ed recognized the position. Gaia was ready to fight. If she was a goddess, it wasn't the nice “oh, let me help you with those little flowers” kind. Gaia was more the “hey, I think I'll turn your city into gravel” sort of deity.

Her blue eyes locked on Ed like twin lasers. “What are you doing in here?”

“I came—”

“To see Tatiana, right?” Gaia shook her head. “She's not here.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you here?”

Ed quickly stood up again. He stood with one hand holding the back of his chair, but otherwise he had no support. He thought it was important that he was under his own power when he said these words.

“I love you.”

He waited for a moment then, maybe half a heartbeat. Only half because he wanted Gaia to have a chance to shove in an “oh, Ed, I love you, too,” but not a whole heartbeat because Ed didn't want Gaia to think he was waiting for those words. Gaia made no reply. This gave Ed an opportunity to cut his losses and run, but he charged on. “I've loved you from the
first day you came snarling into my school. I'm not sure I'll ever stop.”

Gaia looked at him blankly.

Ed took a deep breath and moved to statement number two. “The night we spent together was the best night of my whole damn life. Best and most important. Not because we had sex. The sex was just sex. I mean, the sex was great. It was the best sex I ever had. Of course, it's not like I had a lot, but…” Ed stopped.
Rambling much?
He sucked in another long breath. “What I mean is, you were what made that night important. Being with you. You're beautiful and brilliant and absolutely insane and more scary than anyone I've ever met. There's no one in the world like you.”

Ed felt like he had run a marathon. Wearing lead shoes. His breath was coming hard, and his chest was tight. The hand on the back of the chair had gone a bloodless white with the effort of keeping him up.

“I love you,” he said again. “I don't know why you left me. I guess I don't give a damn. I just want to be with you.”
There. Take that. Who's a wuss?

For the space of ten very loud heartbeats, Gaia stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked at him. She raised one hand and ran it through the tangle of her hair. She shifted from one foot to the other. Her mouth opened, and Ed thought she was about to
reply, but then Gaia's mouth closed again so quickly that her teeth clicked together. Without a single word Gaia turned and started up the stairs.

Halfway up she paused. “Ed?” she said without turning to look at him.

“Yeah?”

“Mind the gap.” Gaia sprinted up the rest of the stairs. A second later there was a bang as one of the bedroom doors closed.

Ed choked back disbelieving laughter and dropped into his chair. The gap? What was the damn gap, and what did Gaia mean about minding it? It made no sense.

He had done it, though. He had sliced open his chest and handed his heart to Gaia on a silver plate. He was
not
a wuss.
Just an idiot. A freakin' clown.

The front door rattled again, and a moment later Tatiana walked in. As soon as she saw Ed, her pretty face brightened. She dropped her books on a table and hurried across the room to give him a kiss on the cheek. “What a nice surprise.”

Ed blinked and swallowed. He wondered if he looked bruised. He felt like he had been in some kind of accident. Hit by a bus. Maybe a subway train. He fought back an urge to look down and see if he was leaving blood on the pale, cream-colored carpets.

“You ready to go get something to eat?” His voice
sounded like it came from somewhere else. Another world.

“Of course.” She patted a hand against her smooth, flat stomach. “I'm always hungry, and you have promised to show me more sights.”

“I'll show you anything you want,” Ed said. He forced his face into an expression that he hoped looked something like a smile. He got slowly to his. feet, gathered his crutches, and limped toward the door.

Stress
might be what you feel when you're not allowed to hurt the person who really deserves it. But try not getting to love the person who deserves it. That's pure agony.

How easy would it be to run back downstairs and grab Ed? Take him back up here with me and and hold him till my arms hurt. Kiss him till my lips go numb. Drag him back to bed and see if the second time really can be better than the first. See if the third time is better than the second. And if the millionth is better than the hundredth.

But none of that is going to happen.

I walked away from Ed because it wasn't safe for me to stay. Not safe for Ed. That hasn't changed. I'm still Gaia, the plague of human misery.

Earthquake Gaia. Hurricane Gaia. Gaiazilla. Stomping on everything I love. Leaving a path
of destruction a mile wide no matter where I go.

If I let Ed get too close, he's going to get hurt. Just like Mary. Just like Sam. Just like my mom.

I have to keep him away. I have to make him think I don't care. Because I do.

They
say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I guess that's true enough because I've walked through the Museum of Modern Art and seen all these paintings that are supposed to be priceless. Some of them are cool. More of them look like they were made by throwing snails into a paint pan and letting them crawl away. If beauty's there, count me as a nonbeholder.

I've also seen a lot of reports that say witnesses to a crime are totally unreliable when it comes to remembering details. Guy runs through a building with a beard like Santa Claus, no witness reports a beard. Guy robs a store wearing a blue hat, the witnesses say it was red.

Everything is relative and subjective. I mean, come on, there are people who think Tom Green is funny.

That one night with Gaia was the most important night of my life. Completely earthshaking,
life altering, undefeated and untied. The heavyweight champion of nights.

Obviously it wasn't that way for Gaia. She got up from that bed and walked away. And from the way she's acted since then, she had to be absolutely embarrassed by Ed's Big Display of Luv. I definitely didn't feel any warm glow coming back my way.

Oh, Ed, I love you so much, I think I'll just run out of the room mumbling something about a gap. Right. Did she want me to buy new jeans or something?