Blind Delusion (22 page)

Next she tried calling Veda, but didn’t have any luck in contacting her either. Brenda figured Veda could be anywhere, doing just about anything so there was no point leaving a message for her. Finally, there was no one else for Brenda to turn to except her last and worst resort—her mother, Irene Adams. She didn’t want to call her mother because she knew her mother would start right in on Jerome. “
Where is he and why isn’t he ever around when you and the baby need him?”
Whenever Brenda relied on her mother to help or to give her advice, it proved to be more trouble than it was worth. Brenda dialed her mother anyway and braced herself for the tongue-lashing ‘I told you so’ to come.

Brenda’s parents lived on Primrose Street just off the 16th Street Gold Coast as it was called in the old days and even today. She figured it would take her mother at least twenty-five minutes to get there. But she was wrong. Irene was at her front door in fifteen minutes. Her mother never drove within the speed limit so Brenda should not have been surprised at her lightening speed arrival. Brenda couldn’t help noticing when she opened the door that her mother arrived looking fabulous. Even in a crisis, Irene Kenmore Adams had to look good. Irene breezed through the door wearing a black pencil skirt that came just above her knees, high-heel black shoes, and an emerald-green cashmere sweater that matched her green contact-lenses and honey-beige skin tone.

Brenda gave her mother a tear-soaked and lingering hug. Having her mother there to hold onto felt comforting. Even a mother who was not very motherly was better than no mother at all, thought Brenda. Not having anyone else to turn to, Brenda sat down and confided everything to her mother—Jerome getting fired for failing a random drug test and pretending to go to work everyday when God only knows where he really was. Brenda had no idea where he really was since he had lied and said his shift wouldn’t end until six in the morning.

Brenda stood up and began pacing the living room floor. “Mama, wherever my husband is, he planned to be there all night,” she said. “Or maybe Jerome’s hurt or something terrible has happened to him.”

Irene pushed aside wisps of blond-feathered hair so that Brenda could visibly detect her obvious ‘eye rolling’ towards the ceiling. Then, she let out a deep groan before addressing her daughter. “Baby Girl, don’t be so gullible. Your first mistake was trusting that no good husband of yours. Sweetie, I’m worried about you and little Justin. I think you both should come home with me.”

“I appreciate your concern Mama, but I just can’t leave my home and uproot Justin. Besides, you’re too far from my job,” said Brenda. “No, I need to wait here until Jerome comes home and explains all this. Running away is not going to solve anything.”

“Too far? I got here in 15 minutes,” said Irene, frowning, “But go ahead and suit yourself. I know what I’d do. Where do you think he is right now anyway?”

Brenda shook her head and wiped away a tear with the back of her hand. She sat down and massaged the throbbing temples of her forehead while Irene gently rubbed her back.

“Humph, I’ve got a pretty good idea, if you don’t,” said Irene, wearing a look of disgust on her face. “Once a hussy always a hussy.”

Brenda knew her mother was implying that Jerome was with his ex-girlfriend, Leenae Lewis, who both he and Brenda had known since high school. She didn’t want to believe that but what other explanation could there be?

Irene got up and walked over to the window and drew back the curtains to look out into the darkness. Both of them knew Jerome probably wasn’t coming home any time soon. After a brief moment of silence, Irene spoke up. “Honey, you better get on over to that slut’s house and catch him in the act. You’ll need evidence for your divorce.”

Irene walked back over to the couch, plopped herself down, removed her heels and crossed her feet on top of the coffee table. “You’ve got ample grounds for divorce, Baby Girl.”

“Divorce! Mama, you just can’t break up a marriage at the first sign of trouble.” Brenda shot up out of the chair and began pacing the floor again.

Irene folded her arms under her chest, “Honey, you need a man, not another baby to take care of. While you’re out working everyday, taking care of Justin, cooking, cleaning, and whatnot, his ass is over there right now Livin’ La Vida de Loca with that ghetto tramp.”

Brenda stopped pacing and looked at her mother. “Mama, we don’t know for sure that’s where he is.”

Irene sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes again. “Listen to me, Honey. Your marriage to Jerome was a big mistake from the get go. Despite what your Doctor Boss and all those other self-help gurus have to say, not
every
marriage should be saved.”

“Mama, you just don’t get it. Marriage means for better or worse. I know you think I’m a fool, but I still love Jerome. I’m not going to be like one of those drama queens and go over to Leenae’s and create a scene. I’ll hear Jerome’s story when he comes home. Then we’ll work things out together.”

“You got that right,
his
story,” Irene sneered. “Look, Brenda Jewel Adams, I didn’t raise no fool. Just get your tail on over there, girl and see what’s going on for yourself. Why are you gonna sit here and wait for him to come home and tell you a bunch of damn lies? I’ll stay here with the baby until you get back.”

Brenda slumped down at the opposite end of the couch and buried her head in her hands. Irene scooted closer to her daughter and patted her back.

“Mama, I don’t know what to do.” Brenda looked up with a faraway gaze in her eyes, “Would you mind leaving me alone now? I’ll be fine. Don’t worry, Mama. I need to be alone to pray on it.”

“Pray on it! What the hell is praying gonna solve?” said Irene, throwing up her hands, “You’ve been praying to Jesus all your life thanks to that fanatic nanny your father hired to take care of you. Bengi, I think her name was if I recall.” Irene turned up her face in a scowl. “I swear I’m surprised she didn’t brainwash you into joining a convent or some cult. Come to think of it, that might have been better than marrying that loser you married.”

“Mama please,” said Brenda, with a frustrated sigh, “I do appreciate you coming over here but will you please leave! I’m sure Daddy’s worried about you being out this late.”

Irene shook her head, playfully. “Not hardly. He should be used to it by now. Besides I’ve got my overnight bag in the car.” Brenda’s face turned ashen gray at the thought of her mother spending the night and continuing with her tirade against Jerome. She didn’t know if she would be able to stand it.

“Don’t worry, Baby Girl,” said Irene, grabbing her purse. “I don’t wanna be here when he finally does come home. I don’t trust myself to be in the same room with him. No telling what I might do.”

“Call me when you get home, Mama,” said Brenda, not able to hide the relief on her face as her mother headed towards the door, “So I know you got home safe.”

Irene nodded as she reached for the doorknob. She turned back to look at her daughter. “You know Brenda I just don’t get it. You’ve been carrying the full weight of the family ever since you and Jerome got married. This isn’t even his house. It’s his grandmama’s house,” said Irene, shaking her head and holding onto the doorknob. “As your mother I feel it’s my job to protect you, but I don’t know what else to do if you won’t open your eyes and face the obvious. This man is never gonna make you happy. No matter what you try to do to fix it.”

Irene left and closed the door behind her, leaving Brenda to her own thoughts and misery.

Chapter 16
 

A
fter last night’s storm had cleared up, sunlight glittered between the trees and pushed through clouds. It was 7:00
am
when Deek and Renee set out to return home to Washington, D. C. On the way back they enjoyed the beauty of a clear Saturday morning. Deek wanted to take her on a tour of Kent Island before they left the Eastern Shore, but Renee told him she needed to get home to see about her cat. That wasn’t really the reason. She had left Angel enough extra food and water to last until early evening. The truth was that in case Bill called she didn’t want to lie about where she’d been all night. Even though nothing really happened, she couldn’t deny the sexual tension between her and Deek. Renee was glad she resisted acting on it. While music from 102.3 FM’s Oldies but Goodies station crooned from the radio, Renee remained silent on the ride home in spite of Deek’s efforts to draw her out.

Once they reached the gates of Foxhall Crescent Estates, Renee gave him the passcode to lift the security gate. Deek punched in the code on the keypad and drove through.

In his rearview mirror he noticed that the gate took several minutes to lower. He drove along the neighborhood’s winding, tree-flanked streets, and periodically took his eyes off the road to sneak a glance at her profile. When Deek reached her house, he parked in the driveway. Before Renee could grab the car door handle, he gently turned her chin so their eyes met. “I’m sorry for putting you in an awkward situation last night. If you want me to keep my distance, I will. Is that what you want, Renee?” While he hoped it wasn’t, he needed to hear the truth from her.

Renee looked away in silence. She had strong feelings for Deek, but didn’t know what to do about it. She wasn’t ready to make drastic, permanent changes in her life. Not even for him. She needed more time. Time to think. Time to find out if there was anything salvageable left in her marriage.

“Don’t bother answering, Doc. But just so you know, it’s not the end of my wanting you no matter how you feel about me.”

“Deek … I … Our friendship means the world to me. I wouldn’t want anything to ruin that.”

“Uh oh, the 'Let’s be friends' speech—the kiss of death. The last thing I want is to cause you misery,” he said in a serious tone, “Just do me a favor, don’t ask me not to care because I can’t ever do that.”

Before driving off, Deek leaned out the car window. “By the way, call your security management firm and tell them the gate is defective. It’s coming down too slowly. Anybody could piggy-back and drive right through behind you.”

“All right. I’ll call them,” she said with sadness in her voice. Renee stood there, not wanting to leave.

He got out of the car and walked over to her. When he kissed her goodbye his trim mustache brushed against her lips. She let her gaze follow him as he got back in his car and drove away. Renee went inside the house and headed straight for the kitchen to check on Angel. All of a sudden her vision blurred and her feet gave way from under her. She knew this sudden unsteadiness could not be the effects of the Lexapro that Helen had prescribed for her because she had not taken it for the past two days. She grabbed the arm of a nearby chair just in time and fell into it, letting her head drop between her knees so the blood could rush to her brain. Perhaps she was anemic. A year had passed since her last physical when she was diagnosed with borderline iron deficiency. And then she wasn’t getting any younger. Perhaps, this was the first stages of menopause creeping up on her. Renee shuddered at the thought of how quickly time was running out.

Renee staggered to the kitchen cabinet and gulped down an iron tablet. Soon after swallowing, her stomach convulsed and she ran to the powder room toilet to throw up. Once she had composed herself, she retrieved her phone book and dialed her general practitioner’s emergency number. The weekend answering service noted her symptoms and paged the physician on duty. Within twenty minutes, the doctor on duty called. After asking a battery of questions that Renee quickly responded ‘no’ to, the physician asked, “When was your last menstrual cycle, Mrs. Hayes?” The question took Renee by surprise. She had no idea.

“I’d like you to come into the office for an exam and pregnancy test. If you call on Monday morning at nine, the receptionist will give you an appointment. In the meantime, if you feel nauseous again eat some dry crackers and try a little ginger in your tea. Avoid dairy products and fatty foods for now until one of the OB/GYN’s can examine you.”

Renee covered her hand over her mouth after hanging up the phone. Pregnancy test? And here she thought her delayed periods were from the onset of menopause. No way would she wait until Monday to make an appointment and then wait even longer to find out if her prayers had been answered. She grabbed her coat and rushed out to the drug store to buy a home pregnancy kit.

Once back home, she sat down to study the instructions in the kit, not wanting her nervous enthusiasm to cause her to skip a crucial step and affect the results. She was sure she followed each step correctly. There was no mistake about the results. The green line meant the test results were positive. Renee couldn’t believe it. Her heart raced, but this time it was from joy and not an anxiety attack. A smile stretched across her face as she sat up on the bed with her arms folded about her knees. She found herself chuckling aloud with excitement. She couldn’t wait to tell Bill when he returned home from India. She had needed a purpose in life and this was it. She couldn’t remember exactly when it happened, but obviously it had happened at least a month ago. Becoming a mother would give her life meaning. She’d been cheated out of motherhood at sixteen and now at 45 years old, this was her last chance.

She and Bill would have to try harder to save their marriage. She didn’t feel the type of passion for him as she now knew she was capable of feeling, but that didn’t matter any more. She would forego passion so that her baby would grow up with both parents. She had counseled enough adult children of divorced parents to witness the far-reaching emotional scars later in life. Always in a psychoanalytical frame of mind, Renee raced through the implications of how a divorce might effect her baby later in life. Many of her own patients who had grown up with divorced parents feared loss, change, and betrayal in their own adult relationships. They could appear fine on the outside, but once they tried to have relationships of their own, these fears that were created when their parents divorced often manifested. From her training in psychology, Renee compared children of divorce to what happened in her childhood and saw striking similarities. Divorce resulted in many of the same abandonment emotional scars that occur when a parent is absent due to death. Her mother had left when she was 7 years old, and when a parent is just not there, as in her father’s case …