Blind Delusion (37 page)

“I know you are. Deek?” she hesitated, “I have a favor to ask.”

“Sure Doc, what is it?”

“I’d like to be involved in the investigation. I’m not talking about heavy police work but I can offer a psychological criminal profile of the killer based on his actions, as well as, come up with some theories to help catch this person. If you want to check my credentials you’ll see I do have expertise in criminal psychology.”

“Renee, I really don’t think that’s a good idea and I’m sure …”

“Deek, please. I need something important to occupy my mind right now and I can’t think of anything more important than this. I know I can help this investigation.”

“I understand,” he said, “but you haven’t had time to deal with what your doctor told you this morning. And now, this.”

As always, Deek honed right in on her feelings. He was so in tuned to her needs just like a soul mate would be for someone they loved. Yes, Renee desperately wanted to help Brenda find her baby and her husband’s killer to make sure justice was done. She knew she certainly wasn’t emotionally prepared to treat a full caseload of patients. But those weren’t the only reasons she wanted to be involved in the case. Renee needed to be close to Deek as much as possible and working with him on solving this arson/homicide/abduction case would provide that opportunity.

“I can’t promise you anything,” he said, “Let me talk to my partner about it. But if we do decide to let you join the team, you have to promise to stay clear of going out on your own to follow-up on leads or doing anything that might jeopardize your safety. We’d welcome your insights about people and observations on the case, but that’s the extent of it. Agreed?”

“Of course,” she said, beaming like a schoolgirl, “Thank you Deek.”

“Will you be okay?”

“Yes. I think so. I’m not thinking about myself.”

“I know. Neither am I. Call me if anything comes up or if you just need to talk. I’ll always be here for you. I’m sorry about the way I stormed off earlier this afternoon,” he said.

“Don’t apologize. You had every right. Listen, I can’t talk about that right now. Goodbye Deek and thank you again.”

Renee hung up the phone and started towards the stairs to check on Brenda. If she found her at least half-awake, she’d tell her what they found out so far. They knew her baby was not in the house during the fire because they didn’t find any other victim’s remains besides Jerome’s. They still didn’t know yet if the baby was safe or where he was. But at least there was still hope of finding him alive. That was something to be thankful for.

Irene Adams rushed towards Renee. “Was that news about my grandson?”

“Yes, they didn’t find his body in the house. The police suspect he’s been kidnapped. I have to try to wake Brenda right away and tell her. I pray the baby’s safe somewhere and the person who took him will bring him home unharmed.”

“Yes, me too,” said Irene solemnly and dabbed at her dry eyes. “Did they find out how the fire got started? Could they tell if it was an accident or deliberately set?”

“No,” said Renee and left it at that. She had no intentions of divulging anything else to this woman. There was no telling what she’d say to Brenda. Mrs. Adams would have to get her information like everyone else—from the 11 o'clock news.

“Why would somebody take a three month old baby? Maybe they plan on selling Baby Justin or torturing him for some sick, perverted pleasure,” Irene moaned.

It was clear to Renee now why Brenda had not wanted her to call her mother to come over. This woman was incapable of consoling anyone’s pain. As a therapist, Renee was able to grasp the depths of some people’s criminality but she would never have revealed any of those terrible possibilities to Brenda or to her mother.

Renee couldn’t stop Irene Adams from following her upstairs. Irene wore a concerned look when she saw her daughter lying on the bed in a drowsy lethargic state. Renee didn’t want to tell Brenda everything that Deek had said on the phone with her mother there. She hoped after a brief visit she would see that Brenda needed rest and would finally leave. She would say no more in front of Brenda’s mother than what she had already revealed to her downstairs. Irene shoved Renee aside and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her daughter. She gently rubbed Brenda’s cold hand. To Renee’s surprise, a real tear settled in one of Irene’s eyes. “My poor, poor baby doll,” said Irene, “Everything’s going to be all right. Mama’s here now.”

Irene glanced up at Renee and noticed an icy look on the psychologist’s face. Perhaps Brenda’s boss wasn’t as gullible as she first thought. Irene decided she’d have to keep a close eye on this nosey bitch and make sure she didn’t meddle in her family’s business and ruin her plans to get some of that insurance money now that Marvin had reduced her allowance to a mere pittance until she paid back that $20,000 in personal credit card debt. The sooner she got Brenda out of there and took her home, the better.

“Come on, get up, Baby Girl. Let’s go home now,” said Irene, lifting Brenda’s arm and trying to hoist her up. “Let Mama help you, Baby.”
Damn, I shouldn’t have worn these high heel pumps,
thought Irene as she struggled to keep her balance and raise Brenda from the bed.

Renee made a quick study of Irene Kenmore Adams and summed her up in a few minutes. Renee saw before her a self-centered manipulator. And that was being nice. Brenda was the type who could be easily influenced and used. Renee could tell Mrs. Adams would have no moral issue with taking advantage of her daughter’s trusting nature. And, she seemed a little too interested in that insurance money.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Adams but I think it might be best for Brenda to rest here tonight if she’d like to,” said Renee, “Then she can decide what she wants to do in the morning. She’s more than welcome to stay here as long as she wishes. Brenda’s become like part of my family.”

“But she isn’t, is she, Dr. Hayes? My daughter belongs at home with her own family during a tragic time like this.”

“Mama, do you mind if I speak to Dr. Renee alone for a minute?” asked Brenda.

Irene cast a wicked glare at Renee, then smiled at her daughter and said, “Of course not.” She sailed out the room, leaving the door slightly ajar as she waited just outside the room in the hallway. Renee closed the door tight and went to sit on the bed next to Brenda. She saw the open bible on the nightstand where Brenda’s favorite Psalm 91, was highlighted.

“I guess you know I’ve read this psalm over so many times I’ve practically memorized most of it,” said Brenda, and with her eyes close, she recited the first verse. “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”

“What does that mean?” asked Renee, holding onto Brenda’s hand.

“It means that if you believe in God, you become fortified through your belief,” Brenda explained. Renee nodded. She knew Brenda’s faith in God was strong and she’d need that faith to see her through these next few days. She told her everything that Deek had said on the telephone. Brenda cried with relief at the news that her son had not been consumed in the fire with Jerome. She dried her eyes. Renee watched as Brenda silently mouthed a prayer of Thanks to God for saving her son from the flames. Even though she still didn’t know where he was she still gave thanks to the Lord.

“Dr. Renee, I don’t know why this terrible thing happened but I know everything will be okay in time,” said Brenda, “and I know my baby is safe wherever he is and he’ll come back to me.”

“I only wish I had your level of faith,” said Renee and turned away so Brenda would not see the tears welling in her eyes.

“What’s wrong, Dr. Renee? I can tell you’re hurting too. Everything happened so fast with me that I haven’t taken a moment to see your pain. Forgive me for not noticing before.”

“It doesn’t matter, Brenda. Don’t worry about me,” Renee started to rise, but Brenda drew her back.

“Yes, it does matter. I’ve noticed enough outside of my own misery to see that your husband hasn’t been here for you. And something’s weighing heavy on your heart, isn’t it?”

“You’re right, Bill hasn’t been here. My husband and I split up and this time I think it’s for good. I know it’s time I stop fooling myself about my marriage,” said Renee, “But that’s not the worst of it. The thing is Brenda, I found out at the doctor’s office this morning that I have a rare medical condition. Even though my pregnancy test turned out positive, no embryo developed inside my uterus.”

Brenda stared at Renee with a blank, horrified look.

“Bottom line, I’ll never be a mother like you. It’s not in the cards for me.”

“You don’t know that, Dr. Renee,” said Brenda. “Nobody knows that but God.”

Both women hugged and clung to each other for several seconds. Somehow, they understood and it felt better to know they weren’t alone.

“I didn’t want to go home with my mother anyway, Dr. Renee. Now I know I belong here with you. We’ve both suffered a terrible loss. We need to see each other through this.”

Renee nodded and wiped her face with tissues from the box on the dresser.

“We’ll be okay,” said Brenda, patting Renee’s hand, “Sometimes it seems like there’s no hope, no way out. You’re lost. But I believe whatever the problem or the tribulation, He will deliver us if we have faith.”

“I’ll try to believe that Brenda. I really will. I’ll try to learn from your strength.”

“I’m not always strong,” said Brenda. “Like everybody else I have my bouts with spiritual failure from time to time, but do you know what Dr. Renee? Talking to you earlier today and reading those scriptures to you, helped me reaffirm my faith. They’ll find who’s responsible for Jerome’s murder. My baby is safe some where and he’s coming home to me. I can see the whole thing in my mind.”

Suddenly, they heard a forceful knock, followed by the door swinging open and Irene Adams’s irate presence waltzing through the room.

“How long is this girl talk crap going to last?” snapped Irene, “It’s getting late and your father expects me home soon. Are you ready to leave now?”

“I’ve decided to spend the night here, Mama. Why don’t you go on home and I’ll call you tomorrow. I promise.”

“Well! This is really just too much, Brenda Jewel Adams,” said Irene, posed at the end of the bed, with both hands on her hips.

“I’m still Mrs. Brenda Johnson, Mama. I’m not dropping my late husband’s name,” sighed Brenda, wearily and leaned her head back on the pillow.

“Humph. I’d never expect this kind of disrespect from you.”

“I’m sorry, Mama. I’m not trying to disrespect you. I think I can calm my nerves better here. I just want to spend a quiet night alone so I can pray and meditate. Please try to understand.”

“Well, I don’t understand! I don’t understand any of it. Sometimes I wonder whose child you really are because you sure as hell don’t take after me,” she said and snatched a linen handkerchief from the crevice of her breast. She cried dramatically into the handkerchief. “I’ve devoted my entire life to being there for you and all I get is ridiculed.” Irene whined, “Your father’s not much better. He completely ignores me now. I can’t get two words out of him these days except ‘How much did that cost?’ What am I suppose to do if I’m no longer needed as a wife and a mother.”

Brenda massaged her aching forehead. Irene, suddenly, grabbed her daughter by the torso and attempted to lift her from the bed. “Come on, Baby Girl. Enough is enough. You’re coming home with me,” she said, forcefully.

Brenda pushed her mother’s hands away, “No, Mama. I said I’d like to rest here tonight.”

Renee stepped closer to Irene until she was inches from her face. She didn’t know what had come over her but suddenly she felt as though she was transferring her suppressed anger for her long deceased Aunt Clara onto Irene Adams who actually reminded her of her overbearing aunt. Renee never had the nerve to stand up to Aunt Clara, but if she had been able to tell her off, she knew what she would have said. Renee gave Irene a hard-eyed stare. “Look Mrs. Adams, I know you’re Brenda’s mother but let’s get this straight. This is not about you or your need to control everything.”

In a shift move, Irene unfastened the single button that tugged at her midriff and flipped her jacket open. She crossed her arms and stood in front of Renee. Her squinted up face wore the distorted look of someone who was not only capable of violence but who was quite comfortable with it. “I know you don’t want me to take off my earrings,” said Irene, defiantly. “I can tell you’re an uptown girl and might not know what that means. But let me make it clear, you don’t wanna rumble with me tonight.”

“Mama, please! You’re making me feel worse. You really should go home now and stop worrying about me. God wouldn’t bring me this far to let me down now.”

“Goodness gracious, Brenda, I wish you would be more realistic about people. You trust strangers too easily. You’ve always been that way. That’s why you got stuck with that Jerome Johnson in the first place.”

Brenda tried to reason with her mother. “All I want to do right now is be alone so I can get down on my knees and pray for my dear husband’s soul,” Brenda said, wearily. “I know Jerome’s at peace. It’s not going to be easy the next few days putting him to rest but I’m not alone. None of us are. I only wish you had enough faith to believe that.”

“Humph, you’ll find out soon enough, Baby Doll, just who you can really count on. It’s not your so-called friends,” Irene said, her eyes like bullets that shot at Renee, “and not some mythical spirit in the sky. The only thing you can count on is blood kin, Baby. Everybody else will end up betraying you sooner or later.”

“Mama, if I didn’t know better I’d think you just got initiated into the Mafioso. You sound like something straight out of The Godfather.”

“That’s all right, Brenda. Go ahead and make fun of me but you’ll see what I’m talking about one day.” Irene stormed out the room and went downstairs to get her coat and hat. Renee and Brenda didn’t know what to say after that. A few seconds later, they heard the front door slam shut.