Blind Impulse (24 page)

Garin rubbed the back of his neck catching the strange note in Simon’s voice.  He could not define it and dismissed it as w
eariness.  “But Juliana has strong motive to betray me, Simon.  If I lose this bid, she gains all she wants, including Peter Naworth.  Why would she try to protect Alyna?”

“
Perhaps, that question can only be answered by your sister.”

“
Aye, Simon,” Garin re
plied tightly.  “And that’s exactly what I mean to do.”  He strode into the keep and up the stairs, turning for his room but he heard a voice and hesitated.

Brother Martin spoke with someone down the hall. 

Garin scowled.  “Brother Martin?”

“
Your excellen
cy, we have your wife settled in this room.”

Garin’s scowl deepened.  “Why is she not in her own room?”

Martin hesitated.  “My lord, surely you understand she must remain apart from you.  Even though she is your wife, it is not proper for you to be with he
r in her unclothed state.  Even I cannot touch her except to perform bleedings and administer sacrament.  Lady Cecily and Lady Juliana are helping me care for her.”

Garin’s heart thundered in his chest and his thoughts spun in confusion.  They would not al
low him to be with Alyna?

“
How bad is her wound?”

“
I am sorry but the blade bit deeply.  She has not yet awakened.”

He grimaced and stepped toward the door.

“
Baron, please, you must not go in,” Martin said and grabbed his arm.  “She has not yet been purged
and may taint you.”

Garin shrugged him off.  “I will attend my wife.”

He opened the door.  A foul odor assailed him and staggered him a step.  He clenched his teeth and took a breath of fresh air before entering and closing the door behind him.

“
Garin,” C
ecily said, touching his arm.  “Let me help you, there are many things in the way.”

“
Thank you,” he said, still trying to adjust to the terrible odor.  “God’s teeth, what is that stench?”

“
They are smoke pots which burn foul herbs designed to purge Alyna,”
Cecily
said tightly, her voice laced with disapproval.  “Brother Martin will not allow us to open a window to get a breath of air.”

Garin also noticed the room was inordinately warm.  Within moments he sweated terribly.

Cecily guided him to a chair beside
Alyna’s bed.  She placed Alyna’s hand in his then stepped away.  Hesitantly, he touched Alyna’s face, fearful of what he would find.  Alyna’s hair was damp with sweat and her skin clammy.  She lay still under a mound of blankets.

“
Alyna,” he whispered, ho
ping his voice would awaken her.  “Can you hear me?”

She did not stir.

Garin’s heart twisted and tears burned in his eyes.  “Cecily, please let me have a moment with her.”

“
Of course, Garin. Juliana, come with me.”

For the first time, he heard Juliana move
.  “Juliana, wait for me in the hall.  I would have a word with you.”

“
Yes, Garin,” she said softly, her voice choked with tears.

“
Garin,” Cecily said.  “Please call me before you try to leave.  These fool pots are all over the place.”

He scowled, catching
her derisive tone.  “You do not approve of Brother Martin’s methods?”

“
Nay,” she said, her voice lowering to a whisper.  “You know Alyna is well learned in healing and this...this is something she would never do.”

“
But Brother Martin’s efforts saved my li
fe when I had the fever.”

“
Praying your pardon, Garin, but Alyna saved your life.  She was the one who tended you when you first fell ill until your mother forced all of us to sequester ourselves because of the fever.  I have seen Alyna’s healing talents t
oo many times to know she would never do this and she hates bloodletting.  Brother Martin did not save your life, Garin.  Alyna is certain his practices caused you to lose your sight.”

Garin’s mouth went dry.  He heard Cecily close the door behind her but
his thoughts spun.  He did not remember Alyna tending him, only snatches of visions he thought were hallucination.  But Cecily would not lie to him.  His hand tightened on Alyna’s.  Was it true?  Could Brother Martin’s practices hasten Alyna’s death?

His h
eart twisted and he carefully moved the blankets away from Alyna.  His fingers lightly traveled down her body, feeling every curve and nuance he had memorized so totally, then stopping at the bandage on her left side.  His jaw went slack when he realized t
he size of the wound.  Dear God, had Peter run her through with his sword?

He carefully returned the blankets and leaned over her.  “Alyna, you must hear me,” he whispered, his lips brushing her cheek.  “You must survive this, please.”  He still smelled he
r gentle lavender scent tainted with the foul odor from the stinking pots.

Garin again felt tears burning in his eyes and squeezed them closed.  Slowly, he gathered himself and lightly brushed his lips over hers.  “I love you,” he whispered.  He stood, cal
ling for Cecily.

The door opened as Garin wiped away his tears.

Cecily gently took his hand.  “Martin has gone to create more concoctions. 
Juliana awaits you in the hall.”

“
Have...have you told Geoff about this?”

“
Nay,” her voice caught with deep emotion
.  “Not yet.  Geoff is better but he is still very weak.  I do not know how he will take this news.”

“
You have your hands full
tending
to Geoff and Alyna.”

“
Juliana has been a wonderful help, Garin.”  Again he heard a weighty pause.  “Listen carefully t
o what she has to say.”

They moved out the door and Garin stepped forward.  “Juliana, come with me to the solar.”

Chapter Thirteen

The room Garin shared with Alyna now seemed terribly quiet and empty.  He escorted Juli
ana in, shut the door and poured himself a cup of wine.  His hands shook, but he did not spill it. 
All because of Alyna.

“
Would you like one?” he asked.

“
No thank you,” Juliana replied.  Her voice sounded thick with unshed tears.

Garin sank into a chair,
suddenly exhausted.  “What happened, Juliana?”

Her sobs broke and she sat in a chair across from him.  “Oh Garin, it was all my fault,” she said, her voice muffled and he imagined her hands covering her face.

His chest tightened.  “Tell me.”

“
I...I had bri
bed the guard at the sally port in order to get messages to Peter.”

Garin felt a headache threatening.  “And?”

“
Peter devised a plan to end this siege without bloodshed.”

His headache intensified and a sickening knot formed in his belly.

“
He swore to me no
one would be hurt.”

“
Do you hate me so much that you would betray me like this, Juliana?”  Garin asked, his jaw clenched.

“
Nay!” she cried with a vehemence that startled him.  “I know you think me petty after all of my foolishness.  But I did not do this
to destroy you, Garin.  Don’t you understand, even if you prove you can be baron, the church will never allow this?  You are only making enemies by resisting the inevitable and the church will be that much harder on you for it.”

“
Juliana, Father Thomas sai
d--”

“
The decision is not his to make!  Even if he agrees, this will go to the arch-deacon or even the bishop.  They will not allow a blind man to be baron no matter how hard you slap them in the face with the truth.”

“
So you plot with my enemy?  I know y
ou want this inheritance, Juliana, but I never imagined you would stoop to betrayal.  Good God, what happened to you?  You were once a charitable girl, one I was proud to call my sister.”

“
It is so easy for you to judge.  You had a future.  You were the sp
ecial son.  I was nothing, only a prized brood mare to be brokered to the highest bidder.  What is so wrong for me to want to love whom I marry?”

Garin’s stomach clenched.  “Nothing, Juliana.  Father tried to garner your betrothal to Peter even though he d
etested the family.  That’s why he sent you to foster with them hoping they would love you too.”

“
Speak not of father!” she screeched in agony.  “He sent me away because he hated me.”

Garin’s jaw went slack.  “Hated you?  Juliana, he loved you with all hi
s heart.”

“
So that’s why he told me he wished I was not his daughter?”

Garin’s thoughts scrambled and he found himself mute with shock.  Slowly, he gathered himself.  “He told you what?”

Juliana sobbed so hard he could barely understand her words.  Brokenl
y, she told him of the night their father had railed at her after Simon saved her from the boar.

Garin rubbed his temples, his head pounding.  Their father was a good man but was also known for a powerful temper.  Still, it was no excuse for the words he h
ad flung at a very young Juliana.  “Juliana, despite popular belief, parents are far from perfect.  They are human just like you and I.  Father only spoke as he did because you had frightened him so terribly.”

“
Frightened...?”

“
I know,” he said waving her
off.  “Father feared nothing, but when he found out how close he came to losing you to that boar, it terrified him.  He did not handle fear well and that can best a man.  That’s why he said what he did, the only reason why he said it.  I just wish you woul
d have told me then.”

“
Was going to but before I could work up the courage to speak of it, he shipped me off to Naworth.”

“
Only because you begged him ceaselessly,” Garin snapped.

“
I did it to irritate him!  He deserved it after what he did to me.”

“
I see
I’m not the only one to inherit a bit of father’s temper.”

“
I never expected him to send me away.  But I found myself at Naworth’s.”  Her voice again choked with tears.  “To Peter I was pretty.  He said he loved my fire and could not understand why my fath
er would hate me so.”

Garin’s illusions crashed down around him.  The vainglory suddenly became nothing more than a wilted posy.  Their father’s ill-tempered words had destroyed Juliana’s heart and Peter had taken full advantage of the disaster.

“
Even thou
gh I knew the truth in my heart,” Juliana said.  “I decided then that father purposefully left me such a small dowry in order to thwart any plan of me being happy.  I cared for Peter and I thought Peter felt the same.  I wanted Kirkoswald simply to hurt fa
ther as much as he hurt me.  Then you were struck down with the fever but shocked everyone in continuing in your bid to be baron.  That’s why I was so angry with you and Alyna at first.  I thought she filled you with false hope.  I thought her a treacherou
s woman.  I could not bear to see her destroy you, to see your hopes dashed upon the rocks like a floundering ship.  I thought you should not have tried this fool’s errand - it would only mean your heart’s destruction.”

He shook his head, agony making his
senses reel.  “Don’t you see, Juliana,” he whispered.  “Alyna did not give me false hope, she gave me real hope.  Even if this is doomed to failure at least for a short time I knew joy.  Alyna loves me and I her.  When my world went black Alyna became my s
ilver star.  And you know something?  I would not change a thing because I have known happiness.  That is all a man can ask for in life and I have it.  I hold it to my breast every night and awake breathing its scent every morning.  My heart is filled with
joy and every morning I thank God for allowing me to savor it one more day.”  A single tear leaked down his cheek.  He wiped it away gruffly.

For a moment, Juliana’s sobs stole her ability to speak.  “All I could see was what
she was doing to you.”

“
Aye.
Look at what she did to me.  I am a blind man who knows every step of this castle, who can ride a horse, and tilt the quintain.  I am a husband and a baron.  Would you prefer me to be a beggar in a filthy alley?  Or in a hospice where loneliness is my onl
y companion?”

“
Nay
, Garin,” she gasped. “I am saying that is what I first thought.  But then I saw the change in you, how you were living life again, and I began to doubt my beliefs.  I started to resist Peter’s plans, especially when he told me he wanted t
o lay siege to the castle.  I tried to convince him to find another way, but he refused.”

Garin’s anger boiled.  He wanted to throttle his sister. 
Listen carefully to what she has to say,
Cecily had said.  He scowled and forced himself to take a drink of
wine.  “And then what happened?” he asked, speaking calmly despite the rage coursing through him.

“
Then Peter told me of his plan to end the siege.  Garin, he swore to me no one would be hurt.  So, I...I opened the sally port to him.”

Garin bolted to his f
eet, snapping a curse under his breath.  Somehow, he managed to control himself, raking his hand through his hair.

“
I am sorry, Garin,” she whispered.  “Right as Peter stepped through the gate, Alyna discovered us.  She was going to scream a warning and Pe
ter reacted instantly.  I saw him pull his dagger...I knew he was going to kill her.  Garin, I may have my differences with Alyna but I could not abide her murder.”

Garin froze, his head bowed, trying to listen to Juliana through his fury.

“
I grabbed Peter
’s arm.  The dagger struck Alyna in the side instead of her heart.  Then she fell, making the wound worse.  I couldn’t believe what was happening.  I tried to help her.  That’s when Peter told me he planned to kill both of you all along.  He lied to me Gar
in.  Then he tried to kill me because I refused to move out of the way.  We would both be dead if it had not been for Simon.”

She threw her body over Alyna’s trying to protect her,
Simon had said.

Garin’s fury melted into agonizing sorrow.  His shoulders b
owed under a great weight.  “Juliana, I am sorry for what father did to you, but this time you have been truly foolish.  You trusted the enemy and now may still cause the death of my wife.”

“
Garin,” she nearly wailed.  “I am sorry, if I had known--”

“
If yo
u had not betrayed me, this wouldn’t have happened!”

“
Garin, I know you hate me for this and I don’t blame you.  Peter betrayed me.  The man who I thought loved me was going to kill me as easily as if I had been a stranger.  He not only tried to murder you
r heart’s love, but he succeeded in murdering mine.”

Garin pinched the bridge of his nose, his headache pounding.  “Leave, Juliana.”

Crying, she stood and moved for the door.  “Garin forgive me, please.”

He never thought Juliana would turn so violently on
him.  Not like this, not by destroying the woman he loved more than life.  “Pray Alyna recovers.  Only then will I forgive you and that will be with great difficulty.”

Sobbing terribly, Juliana fled the room.

****

Simon watched the happenings around him
for two days, absolutely helpless.  He
assumed complete control of the castle defense while Garin agonized over Alyna’s deteriorating condition.  She had developed a terrible fever and Brother Martin insisted on bleeding her constantly.

The rift between Ju
liana and her brother grew into a chasm.  Simon’s powers of observation did not go to waste on the situation.  Garin needed him to be his eyes and it was a duty Simon took seriously.  Garin could ascertain many things about a person using his other senses,
but he could not see Juliana’s agonized expression, nor the grief haunting her.

Simon feared Garin’s hurt and anger over Juliana’s behavior clouded his judgment.  Granted, Juliana had been a trusting fool, but Peter had also destroyed her heart.  Simon wa
tched as Juliana worked herself into exhaustion tending to Alyna.  He also saw the terrible self-loathing so plain on her face every time she left Alyna’s sick room to flee to her own.

Finally, Simon knew it was up to him to take action.  The siege showed
no sign of changing its status.  In order to defeat this enemy, those within the castle had to defeat their own personal foes.

While Simon ate a quick meal in the great hall, he once again saw Juliana run for her room and slam the door.  He sighed softly a
nd picked up a bowl of stew, following her.  As he reached her door, he heard her agonized sobs.  Gently, he knocked.

“
Who is it?” Juliana called, trying to stifle her crying.

“
Simon,” he said.  “Please open the door.”

He waited for a long moment, wonderin
g if Juliana would listen to him.  Finally the latch rattled and the door opened.  Juliana stared up at him, her face pallid and her eyes red.

“
Did my brother send you?”

“
Nay,” he said and held out the bowl.  “I brought you some food.”

“
Thank you but nay.
”
S
he turned away and started to shut the door.

Simon pushed his way through, closing the door behind him.  He placed the bowl on the table.  “Juliana, you cannot help Alyna if you waste away into nothing.”

“
I cannot help Alyna no matter what I do,” she said
, her back to him and her spine rigid.  Suddenly, her shoulders slumped.  “Oh, Simon, I have been such a fool and now Garin’s wife could die because of what I did.”

Hesitantly, he stepped forward and placed a hand on her slight shoulder.  “Juliana, you mad
e a mistake.  You trusted the wrong person for the wrong reasons.  Garin is caught in his own hurt and anger, but I do not think Alyna would hate you.  That is not her way.”

She buried her face in her hands, sobbing.  “Nay, it is not her way.  She has alwa
ys been the strongest, most courageous girl I ever met.  And I have destroyed her.”

“
Nay,” Simon said sternly.  “I also know a strong and courageous girl.  She stood before Naworth’s naked blade as bravely as I did before that boar.”

Abruptly she turned, t
hrowing her arms around his waist and burying her face against his chest, crying the anguish of a broken heart.  Awkwardly, Simon put his arms around her, surprised at the strange sensation coiling within him. Juliana had always been someone to guard and p
rotect.  Now those feelings rose within him more powerfully than he ever imagined possible.