Blind Reality (19 page)

[Theme music plays]

“Tonight our newlyweds will be playing for their first luxury vacation. Who will be crowned victors for the eight-day stay in Tahiti? Also tonight, we’ll learn of a new twist. One that is sure to rock the house and make the spouses think twice. When we return, we’ll join our favorite newlyweds and see how they’re doing.”

[Make-up fix]

[Check lighting]

[Break over]

[Audience applause]

“Welcome back. When we last left our houseguests, Amanda and Gary were getting cozy in the master suite.”

[Audience oohs]

“Let’s go live to the house to see how life is treating them, and to see if everyone is ready for tonight’s competition.”

[Audience cheers]

[Switch to the live feed]

“Hello, newlyweds.”

[All respond]

“Gary and Amanda, how are you enjoying married life?”

“W
ell, Patrick, the jetted tub in the master suite is to die for. I don’t think I ever want to leave,” Amanda’s reply is a bit too bubbly for me. She’s bouncing in her seat right now, happy to be the center of attention. Not that I blame her, it is nice when the focus is on you, unless you’re me. I’d rather not be the focus of anyone’s attention until this stupid game is over.

“Oh yes, I hear it’s fabulous. I may have to come in and try it.”

Creeper!

I feel like yelling out that they should try the shower, but it’s probably not appropriate and would likely lead to more questions, like “how are you and Josh?” Me and who? Oh yes, my husband … the one who told his roommate his devious plan to wed and not bed, on national television so he could win half a million dollars to save the community center where he grew up. He’s noble, I give him that, but the rest of him needs work.

Patrick Jonas carries on, while I tune him out. You can tell who his favorite houseguest is, and right now it’s Amanda. It could be because of her clothing. She’s taken to altering the “outfits” we’re given to wear for competitions, and made them more … well, Amandaesque. The tops are cut to show off her ample, and likely fake, breasts and her shorts are rolled so high … You get the picture.

Amanda has also resumed the former and now active hobby of staring at Joshua, all the time. At first, when the show started, it bothered me because she was so nasty to me. Making snide comments about how I didn’t deserve someone like him. She’d touch him, running her fingers down his arms and he’d laugh. He placated her because it’s his job. But now, now that she knows Jules Maxwell has rocked our boat, she thinks she has a chance with him. Her new daily routine consists of doing yoga while he’s working out; making sure her rump shaker is facing him. I applaud her ability to bend and twist, but for the love of all things holy, no one wants to see your beaver dam, especially not Josh.

If there’s one thing I know about Joshua Freaking Wilson it’s that he doesn’t do plastic, and Amanda is as plastic as they come. Sad to say, but I’d much rather he ends up with Jules instead of Amanda. But my opinion doesn’t matter. Once the show is over, I’ll never see him again. Right now, I can’t even fathom being friends with him. It’s not worth the heartache.

Joshua taps me on the shoulder, getting my attention. I smile at the creeper, Patrick, and listen to him explain what we’re competing for.

“Tonight you’ll compete in your first luxury competition. The winners will be flown to Tahiti for an eight-day excursion.”

Everyone in the room claps or let’s out some kind of excited squeal, except for me. I don’t want to win. There’s no point.

“So if we win, do I get the trip?” I whisper into Josh’s ear. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, but doesn’t appease me with an answer. Needless to say, our relationship is not what it was before the video messages were shown to us. I know it’s not his fault that Jules said what she did, but it definitely drove the final nail in my proverbial coffin as his wife. I had been hanging on by a thread with breaking down his walls and getting somewhere in his heart. I had hoped that when the show was over, he’d take me into the green room and profess his undying love for me by ripping up the annulment papers. That hope no longer exists. It’s not going to matter what I do, I’ll be single in a few shorts week.

Jules Maxwell made sure of that.

“Newlyweds, we’ll meet you out back.”

Everyone is in a hurry, rushing for the door, except for Josh and me. I don’t want to win, there’s no reason to. We won’t be taking the vacation together so I’m not even sure why we’re playing.

“We should be the first out,” I suggest. “No reason to even compete.” Standing up, I turn and face him, giving him a shrug. I feel like a mediocre person in this game, like it’s not going to matter what I do or what competitions we win because it’s all for nothing. It’s all over for me once the final vote comes in.

Joshua stands and run his hand through his hair, he forehead wrinkling as he frowns. Is he frustrated? Maybe, but this is what he wanted, minus me willing to lose. “I don’t want to throw the competition, Joey.”

“So I get the trip?”

“I told you I’m sorry about Jules.”

I scoff. “This has nothing to do with Jules. You want an annulment at the end of the show. I want a vacation and I have no intentions on taking one with an ex.”

He shakes his head with narrowed eyes. He opens his mouth to say something, but quickly shuts it. It’s a victory for me, another wall going up to protect my heart, until it isn’t. His lips are against mine before I have time to flinch. Fingers grip the back of my neck, intensely. I let out a small whimper because dammit, I want this. I want him.

But he doesn’t want me or maybe he does, but my heart can’t take it. I’ve had a taste of him, and yes I want to feast on his platter, but he’ll be the death of me.

Pushing him away, I run the back of my hand across my face, slowly and with emphasis. “I think it’s best if we don’t show any affection when people aren’t around,” I say as I walk away from him. The need to protect my heart is greater than receiving delicious kisses from Josh. Even if they’re toe curling and goose bump inducing.

The backyard is transformed into a mini Tahiti. I instantly hate it. I’d love to see Joshua and me sitting on the beach under the sun. Relaxing by the cover of shade trees and eating dinner under the moonlight. Midnight strolls, hand in hand, along the beach with waves crashing over our feet. Waking up under white gossamer with the sun filtering through the open window and the smell of the sea air making us feel calm. It’s all a dream that I thought was within my grasp.

“I made you a drink, Joshie.” Amanda bounces up to him, making sure her breasts are on full display. I glance at Gary who looks defeated. I’m not sure if I feel sorry for him or not. He likes her, maybe even loves her, and at one point she liked him.

That is until Jules happened.

I raise my eyebrow at Josh, who looks green. “I’ll take it,” I say, grabbing the red liquid filled glass from her hand. Without hesitation, I bring it to my lips and drink solidly, downing most of the cocktail. “Hmm, this is good. Want to try it, Joshie?” I add emphasis the “ie”. At most, I called him Josh and thought about calling him honey or babe, but never Joshie.

“I’ll take anything you give me,” he replies, taking the glass from my hand. His eyes never leave mine as he drinks. When he pulls away, he leans forward and kisses me with his cold, but flavored lips. Amanda huffs in the background; her annoyance matches mine where she’s concerned. Maybe I should use Joshua to help Gary out. The only problem with that is I’ll get hurt in the long run. I have too much to lose, even if I don’t have him now. Dignity costs a lot in my eyes.

Josh pulls me behind him to where our names are listed in front of the wave pool made to look like an ocean, complete with sand. The producers have gotten fancy and have the sound effects of the beach playing overhead. It’s as real as it’s going to get for me unless I figure out a way to put my stupid anger aside and play this game to win. A half million dollars is enticing, and could be well spent on a whirlwind vacation. Who knows, I could go to Italy and meet my dream guy.

Except my dream guy has me wrapped in his arms with his mouth dangerously close to my ear while we listen to Patrick Jonas explain the rules.

“Each couple will take their place on the surfboard. One spouse must stand the entire time, and neither may touch the water. The last couple will be crowned the winner. Please step onto your surfboard.”

We do as we’re instructed. The board wobbles a little, and Josh stills me with his hands on my hips.

“If we’re both going to stand, I think we should hang onto each other. We’ll take breaks sitting down.”

“Or we could just jump in now and get it over with,” I offer the easiest solution.

He cups my face, shaking his head. “We’re not losing. If we don’t go together, you can have the tickets.”

Except in the end, we lose to Amanda and Gary. I’m not sure how it happened, but it did. I was standing against Josh, my head on his shoulder and with my eyes closed. The sun had already set, and we were soaking wet. He was holding me, trying to provide some warmth, but it wasn’t working. I was shivering, and we lost our balance. The surfboard started to wobble, and when a gust of wind was blown on us, Josh slipped with his foot going over the board and touching the water.

Ten hours of standing and we lose.

After a long hot shower, I’m somewhat warmed from the chill. I crawl into bed, in the white room, and close my eyes. The bed dips and I feel Josh get in beside me. He pulls me close so that we’re spooning. We haven’t done this in weeks, not that I’ve allowed him to touch me. I missed this, though, even if I couldn’t admit it to him.

“Please stop ignoring me,” he whispers against my skin. For a brief moment, my heartbreaks at the pain I hear in his voice. I don’t have a choice. I’m not like him. I haven’t been trained to be able to shut off my emotions like a light switch. I’ve liked him for so long that when I found out I was married to him, it was a dream come true. Sure, it’s a fantasy type dream, but nonetheless it was my dream and it was happening. Regardless of how long our marriage lasted, it was my fairytale. And yes, he shattered that fairytale early on, but he never shut me out. Josh treated me like I was his equal; his friend and partner.

I wish I were the type to tell him how I feel. Aside from him knowing that he’s my celebrity crush, he doesn’t know that I genuinely like him and I’ve fallen for him while we’ve been in this house. He doesn’t know, each day, up until the fateful date of the video messages I hoped and even prayed we’d walk out of this house hand in hand and into his waiting car. Destination unknown, but we’d be together and willing to start a life with one another. The only thing he’s willing to start is a past. Again, I don’t know if I can be his friend after the show.

Two options are in front of me. Pretend I’m already fast asleep, or tell him how I feel and what I want, even though I know he’ll never be able or willing to reciprocate the feelings. I keep thinking that if he knew me, the real me, he’d see that I’m more than a woman whose mother thought she was so desperate that she put her on national TV to find a husband. I can be the wife he needs if he’d just open himself up to the chance of falling in love with me.

My mind is made up for me when my body turns in his arms. His beautiful brown eyes are sad. The usual spark of life seems to be missing. I trace his frown lines, hoping that they’ll magically disappear with my touch.

“I wish I could be enough for you. I wish that when you looked at me you saw your future, not someone temporary. When I see you, I see the stars lighting our path through life. I see us doing something great and magnificent. I don’t care that you’re famous because that’s not how I see you anymore. To me, you’re the one who makes sure I’m warm at night. You make me feel like I matter, and I want the opportunity to show you that
you
matter to me as well.”