Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (23 page)

“What are you so afraid of?” I asked, wondering what kept him from dropping his guards whenever we were together.

He pondered how much he should divulge before responding, “I have one singular fear, Lucy. And it keeps me from doing a lot of things. You have no idea how much I’ve struggled with doing what I want to do and what needs to be done.”

We were practically standing nose to nose when I heard a soft squeak at the doorway. Sophie stood sheepishly outside the threshold.

“Um, sorry. I was going to get some research done. I can come back,” she offered quickly.

“No. It’s okay, Soph. I was just leaving. I’ll catch up with you later, though. Okay?” I asked, sneaking past her while trying not to make eye contact with her or Gavin, afraid she’d witnessed too much already.

“Um, sure,” she answered. I bolted and briefly wondered if she would put two and two together, realizing Gavin West was the not-so-human guy I fell hard for.

The world sat before me, calm and serene. But hidden beneath the white-tipped canopy of pine waited a bloodthirsty killer seeking vengeance for the rash decisions of my past life. Whether he worked alone as a revenge-seeking rogue assassin or he still acted under the First’s long arm of so called justice, I remained his sole target.

The perch on the roof of my turret offered minimal peace tonight. Gavin had been right. I knew I was more afraid of letting everyone down than I was of dying. I accepted this life a long time ago, but knowing others counted on me to save them, instead of them being blissfully ignorant of my role in their safety, seemed different. I mastered the role of a killer years ago, but how does one take on the role of a hero so readily?

I wanted to rage and scream. I wanted to go back to maiming vampires without the consequences snowballing. It forced me into this cautious, tame version of me. Acquiescent even. I hated it.

I also hated that Gavin was holding back and wouldn’t give me a real reason for it. I suspected he thought it was for my safety, but I didn’t understand it. He was still keeping things from me, and I needed answers. Fury boiled under the surface of the calm façade I wore since moving in. I worked myself into a frenzy of banked energy.

My breathing deepened as I seethed, and hurting someone became a very real possibility if I didn’t work out my frustration. Landing agilely on the top floor of the turret, a knock on my bedroom door echoed through the chamber. I listened for the heartbeat and found it, slightly accelerated but not belonging to anyone of the supernatural variety.

The bookcase door was still open and my bedroom door unlocked. I couldn’t risk someone finding this area. Gavin’s and my interactions were tumultuous at best and darker than any black abyss at worst, but I refused to give up his secrets. Even if I didn’t agree that he kept them. But I was also in no shape to be around people right now.

The knock came again, more insistent, and I decided to get rid of whoever it was as fast as possible. Hastily closing the hidden door behind me, I reticently cracked open my bedroom door, only to be assaulted by the disgusting chemicals Nick wore.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, my voice clipped.

My irritation grew at the sight of him standing there, a cocky smile plastered to his face. His boldness irked me. Why didn’t he understand how dangerous it was to be near me?

Then, I noticed his disheveled appearance and half-slit eyelids. The stench of alcohol wafted out of his pores.

“Lucy, where have you been? There’s a party going on. You should be there.”

“I’m not up for socializing. Nick, now isn’t a good time. You should go.”

“Come on. You seem on edge lately. You should loosen up.” He leaned in and placed a hand on my arm, either to regain balance or to flirt.

The reason for the move was lost on me. I stiffened at the pulse throbbing steadily in his palm. Through the alcohol, I scented the rich tang of blood. What was once a soft calling was now a blaring siren, reverberating in my veins.

“Lucy, just give me a shot. I can help you loosen up. I think you’ll like what I can do for you.”

I forced myself back, one agonizing step after another. Through gritted teeth, I warned him to stay away. “No, I won’t. Don’t touch me again. I could hurt you.”

For as drunk as he sounded, the wide display of emotions across his face impressed me. Settling on incensed, I battened down for the inevitable outburst.

“Is that what it is, Lucy?” he shouted “I’m not strong enough for you? I’m not man enough?” He paused to consider something. “I know what it is. I’m not vampire enough for you. Not like that West guy I saw you with. What is it? You only like the ones with a little monster in them? Did you give it up to him?”

I blinked twice and all I could do was stare at him in disbelief. There were so many things wrong with what he said, I didn’t know what to address first. He picked one of the issues from my expression and ran with it.

“Oh, yeah. I know what he is. I’m not stupid. The dent you two put in the wall kind of gave it away. Was that all part of the foreplay?”

Ignoring his jabs at my sexual preferences and assumed promiscuous nature, I was more concerned about how this information would implicate Gavin. Would everyone turn their hatred for vampires on him if they all knew? Jesus, I had it bad.

“You haven’t told anyone what you know, have you?”

He barked out an incredulous laugh like I was a moron for even asking. The amount of adrenaline coursing through him made his veins more enticing. Against my own volition, I leaned toward him.

“I think everyone has a right to know,” he threatened.

His words pissed me off, but for the life of me, I could no longer understand why they did. I couldn’t think straight anymore through the delusional haze of thirst.

“In fact, I think I’ll go spread the news about our new house member,” he slurred before spinning on his heel.

That did it.

“No!” I screamed.

Grabbing him by his shirt collar, I hauled him into my room. From there, my actions became a blur, and the only thing I remembered, the only thing that mattered, was the exquisite, savory liquid gliding down my throat.

Through the commotion, I heard a voice calling my name, and two strong hands grasped my shoulders. I fought against them as they tried prying me from the delectable goodness.

“Lucy! Enough!” the voice shouted irritably. His next words broke through the fog. “You’ll kill him. I know you don’t want that. You need to stop.”

Like opening the floodgates, Nick’s distress and anger clawed at my insides until they overwhelmed me. Resentment for what I’d done crashed into me, and I broke away from him so fast he slumped to the floor in a heap.

He groaned in pain but slowly stood, grasping his left wrist. “Ouch. I think I broke something.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Gavin growled.

He had maneuvered both arms around me, and his fingers bit into my skin. But at this point, I didn’t know if he was holding me back or himself. Violence radiated off of him in waves. He was a lot more pissed off than I was that Nick put himself in danger by coming here. Maybe there was more to it than that. Maybe there wasn’t.

“Sorry, dude. I didn’t know she was taken,” Nick spat.

“Out. Now,” I hissed, trying not to breathe through my nose while the thirst fought for dominance.

The best thing for Nick was to be far away from here before one of the monsters in the room attacked.

He finally moved to leave. “Fine. Whatever,” he said before stumbling out the door.

When he was out of sight, I noticed Gavin hadn’t moved. His arms were still banded around me, and the urge to lean into him rivaled the bloodlust. We both needed a distraction.

I turned in his embrace as it loosened, but I couldn’t bring myself to step out of it. His appearance and the ice in his eyes chilled me, and I said the first thing that came to mind.

“Jeans and a hoodie? Really? I thought we talked about this,” I chastised him for his wardrobe choice. I remembered doing the same thing when he swapped out the suit for street clothes in order to take over my hunting duties. I hadn’t taken it well.

The ice thawed slightly before he responded. “I dressed it up with a nice jacket, though.” The side of his mouth kicked up playfully, but the furrow between his eyebrows produced light worry lines and pulled at the skin surrounding the scar above his left eye.

Instinctively, I reached for it before I could stop myself. My fingertips brushed softly over the smooth skin and coarse hair of his brow. He closed his eyes, absorbing my touch. A contented sigh slipped through those luscious lips.

“Where did you get this?” I asked.

He peered down at me with hooded eyes and the smirk widened. “I was at Oktoberfest with my cousin, and he pulled a knife on me after finding me in a… compromising position behind the Bavaria statue with a girl he liked.”

“He cut you over a girl?” I asked incredulously. “Was he trying to kill you?”

“I think he was, but we were both pretty smashed. His temper got the best of him. But it wasn’t the knife that gave me this,” he said, gesturing to the scar.

“When I moved out of its path, I lost my footing and crashed head first into the base of the statue. I was out cold for a solid two minutes.”

I laughed. It was difficult picturing the carefree human version of Gavin when he only displays the hardened serious version. But I knew he existed underneath all the toughness. I’ve seen glimpses.

“So, Oktoberfest existed back in the Dark Ages?” I teased.

He snorted. “Clever, Lucy,” he deadpanned, unimpressed by the old-age wisecrack.

“You know, vampires age differently than humans,” he explained. “Eventually, you do learn from your mistakes, but I’ve made the same ones time and again. I still have the mentality of a twenty-two year old. And the temper of one.”

It was my turn to snort. He ignored it and continued. “I’ve gained wisdom, but it takes much longer with that kind of attitude. It’s difficult to explain, but I’m still a young guy on the inside. I’ve simply learned to control the urges and impulses.” He looked me up and down. “Mostly,” he added.

My face grew warm with the appraisal. Surprised by how much he shared with me, I remained silent to see if he would continue.

He didn’t.

“I’m going to go make sure Nick made it to the infirmary. I’ll stop by the kitchen and bring you back something to help with the residual cravings.” With one last glance, he turned to go.

A short while later, he returned with two thermoses. His expression turned stony, and when I asked him what we should do about the assassin, he responded with a clipped dismissal, stating we’d come up with a plan the following day. Then, he was gone.

Welcome back, Mr. Hot and Cold.

†

Dreams of a familiar white light and dead bodies occupied my sleep, and I woke just before dawn broke, restless as ever. I sat up and clutched my charm bracelet tightly to my wrist like a brace.

An early a.m. yoga session with John and Rachel helped relax me to an extent. I tried not being offended when they kept their distance from me, knowing they heard what happened with Nick. In fact, everyone I passed in the halls this morning gave me wide berth and cast fearful glances in my direction.

I stayed away from the others for the most part, giving meditation another shot. After weeks of ‘centering myself’ and blocking out all the unwanted thoughts, I kind of went in the opposite direction with today’s session.

Instead of avoidance, I dealt with every worry and issue that crossed my path in the past few months. Instead of blaming myself for tragedies I may or may not have inadvertently triggered, I acknowledged the fact that they happened and the real enemies were still on the loose.

However, I still claimed guilt for Holly’s murder. I accepted personal responsibility for her safety when we first met, and I failed her. Her death was on my watch, and I wouldn’t stop until her killer’s cold, undead heart was trapped in my merciless fist.

By nightfall, I hadn’t fully come to terms with those pesky inner demons plaguing me, but I felt lighter when I exited the smaller, less-traveled training room. I went in search of Gavin. Killing the assassin required a well-conceived plan, and my frazzled brain lacked in that particular department.

Most of the others would be in the dining hall at this hour, so when I spotted Sophie in the library, I snuck in to check for any late-breaking news she might have. She was in a dark corner with only the soft glow of both the table lamp and her laptop illuminating her frail figure. When she noticed my approach, she sunk further into her chair.

“Oh, um… h-hey, Lucy,” she stuttered, reminding me of a frightened deer ready to bolt.

“Hey, Soph,” I said, trying to sound appeasing. “So I take it you heard about Nick?”

“Um, yeah, I saw him earlier.”

“How did he look? Was he okay?” I asked, taking a step closer. I eased into the chair across from her deliberately so she wouldn’t get spooked.

“Yeah, he looked okay. But he was really quiet, almost withdrawn. Everyone kept trying to get details out of him, but he wouldn’t say anything about it. It was kind of strange.”

“Sophie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I promise. I wasn’t in the best mood when he came to me, and…,” I stopped, the excuses sounding too lame to bother with an explanation. There was no excuse for it.

“It’s okay, Lucy. You didn’t really hurt him, and I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Still, I need to apologize when I see him.”

“You already missed him. I think he and Brody went down to Thunder Bay to get away for the night.”

“Oh. Well, I’ll just catch him tomorrow then,” I replied, carefully lifting myself out of the chair to leave her to her peaceful isolation. “Have a good night, Soph.”

“Lucy, wait. I found something else out about the Sword.”

“What about it?” I asked, once again sliding back into my place in front of her.