Blinding Light (The Bloodmarked Trilogy Book 2) (36 page)

I wanted to let the numbness take over and the sea drag me into its abyss. I woodenly scaled a larger rock face, rounding it before coming up against the cliff. As I made my way to the wall, my keen eyesight caught on something abnormal in the distance.

It was a body strewn across jagged rocks.

It was him.

Ignoring the stabbing pain on the soles of my feet, I darted toward him. He was face down, and I gently rolled him to his back.

At some point during the fall, the sliver of wood protruding from his chest broke off, leaving a smaller piece still embedded there. I used my fingers to wiggle it up far enough to get a proper grip. Pinching it between my fingers, I yanked it out and tossed the offending item as far away as my strength allowed.

He hadn’t turned to ash. That had to mean something. He wasn’t truly gone. He was still here. So why wasn’t he moving? The blood flowed freely from the open wound, like he was merely human. Why wasn’t he healing?

“Please…” I begged, not sure what it was I was pleading for. I wanted him to come back to me. I wanted divine intervention. I wanted someone to save him. What I didn’t want was to live in a world without him.

Seeing that beautiful face with no sign of life in it left me with permanent scar tissue on my heart. I choked on the first sob. My mind still refused to process the information given to it, but my heart has caught on to the situation I can’t name. I loved him so damn much.

That did it. Loved. One word.

Like with Holly, subconsciously using the past tense hurt worse than anything I’ve endured in my life. The sobbing turned to uncontrollable weeping with gushers for tears rather than drops. An earsplitting scream trumped the turmoil of the ocean. I screamed so loud, I tasted blood in the back of my throat. I let it all out like I could remove all the scars on my heart by force.

When I had nothing left in me, I looked down to Gavin’s still form and felt empty. I leaned over to press my forehead to his. In a final attempt, I pleaded against his lips.

“Please, Gavin. Don’t leave me. Please, baby, I need you. I can’t win this war without you by my side. I won’t argue with you anymore. I’ll do anything you ask. Just please, stay with me.”

The sound of feet crunching against gravel startled me, but I didn’t turn from Gavin. I needed to be looking at him. It grounded me, knowing he hadn’t fully disappeared on me.

“Lucille, I’m sorry. Let us help you back inside,” said Soren.

When they came to stand beside me, I finally peered up at him and Elias, keeping my hands on Gavin’s chest and face. I attempted to stop the blood flow. How much blood did he have left, anyway?

“Is it possible he’s… I mean, could he still be…” I trailed off, unable to fully voice my last thread of hope, like it could be frayed by the slightest amount of influence.

Elias stepped forward with pity in his eyes. “Lucy, I’m sorry…”

“But he’s still here,” I argued, clinging to the last source of said hope.

“Your boyfriend was different. You know that. He wasn’t soulless like the rest of us. We turn to ash because our human shell can’t withstand the death of our demonic side. It’s merely the vessel for us evil creatures.” He smiled ruefully at that. “Our demon blood, mixed with human blood keeps the body sustained, but without that blood supply and a heart to pump it, the demon is rather forcibly ripped from the body and dragged down into the pits.”

Holy shit. I never had anyone explain that to me before, and it seemed like a pretty depressing life for a vampire. I briefly wondered if I would share the same fate, but I needed to know how that applied to Gavin.

“So…” I pressed.

“So,” he continued. “Your boy, here, has a soul. His human soul. His body would die like a human body would.” He paused to let me absorb this new information, but when he saw the slow acceptance on my face, he elaborated. “Even though he has demon blood in him, it doesn’t rule him anymore. His body and soul are one again.”

They gave me time alone with him as they quietly discussed the need to move, now that they’ve ‘been discovered by an outsider.’ They didn’t want to take any chances. What they didn’t seem concerned about was that Shane now knew I was working with them, and he could use that information any way that would benefit him. It also meant my… father knew. The word felt alien to me.

If it was true, then Shane was right, and his blood would be marked the same way as mine. The two bickering ancients above me discussed their exit strategy. How dependable could they really be in a fight if they only seemed concerned with saving their own hides? They didn’t care about others or me, and why should they?

I didn’t either. I didn’t care about the many threats looming over my head. I didn’t care about a prophecy that said I was supposed to save the world. None of that mattered anymore when I was staring down at the still form in my arms, watching my future crumble before my eyes.

“Come on, Lucille. We’ll help you to a room,” Soren said.

“No. I won’t stay here. And I won’t leave him behind. Shane knows we’re here. I need to go,” I responded, my survival mode kicking in.

Elias gentled his tone before speaking. “Lucy, he’s gone. We can have a burial here if you-”

“No,” I snapped sharply.

Panic rose at the idea of leaving him behind. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. I didn’t even think I could, but if the time came, then I wanted to be alone with him.

“Okay, Lucille. We’ll fly you to Thunder Bay. We have a safe house there you can use,” Soren said calmly.

I glanced between the two vampires standing above me, and when I saw the truth in their gazes, I relented and let them help me carry Gavin back up to the castle.

I lasted the whole trip without once losing sight of him. I refused to leave his side when they showed me to the room I used to change back into the clothes I wore upon arrival. My borrowed shirt brought tears to my eyes. I held him tight through the plane ride and the car ride to the safe house, watching his pallor go from sickly to ghostly transparent. The chest wound still bled, but it was just a trickle now.

The safe house turned out to be a small, nondescript apartment in the heart of Thunder Bay. Once we arrived, I was shown to the tiny one bedroom and given instructions to return the key to Jerry at the front desk when I left. The two quiet sentries who escorted me the whole way had left with a brief message about being in touch when it was safer.

I rested beside Gavin on the queen-sized bed in the cozy, light yellow bedroom decorated Grandma style with flowers on the quilt and wallpaper, complete with a rocking chair in the corner. In any other circumstance, I would have had something witty to say about the décor, but in my current state of exhaustion, I struggled to keep my eyes on Gavin.

I was so sure that if I fell asleep, he would be lost to me forever. Like when I woke up, reality would finally catch up to me and he would be gone, along with that last shred of hope I still clung to for dear life. Right now, he was still here with me.

I tried calling Helen to find out what she knew about this, but she wasn’t answering. After three calls and one long, distraught voicemail, I tried calling Max.

I didn’t even know what time it was, but after four rings, his groggy voice reached me. “Hello?”

“Max, it’s Lucy. Is everyone all right? Where are you?”

Sensing distress in my voice, he was instantly alert. “Luce?” he said. “Is it really you? Dude, we didn’t know where you were when we woke up. No one could find you, but Helen told us you were fine and that we needed to separate. I haven’t heard from anyone since then. What happened?”

Ignoring his question I asked my own. “Helen took off without any instructions or explanations? Did she say where she was going? I need to talk to her.”

“No, just said it was for the best we didn’t know where she was going, and that we should separate until after the shit hits the fan and we’re in the clear. Those were my words, not hers.”

“Uh huh,” I murmured, not really hearing him anymore.

Why would she disband the group, leaving them to defend themselves and then go into hiding? Suddenly, all her suspicious behavior came to mind. Those times she seemed drunk and… scared. Something was most definitely up with her, but I shoved that query to the back seat for the time being.

“Lucy, you still there?” Max asked.

“Yeah, listen, I’m dealing with something big right now. I can’t meet up with you guys for a while. I’ll be in touch when I can.”

“Wait! Luce? Did you find him? That’s where you went, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah… I found him,” I said, my voice hitching over the last word.

There was a pause on the other end. Then, he spoke hesitantly. “Is everything… is everyone alright?”

“No,” I whispered dejectedly. “I just… I just need some time, Max. I’ll contact you soon, and we’ll inform the others what the next step is.”

Another pause. “Okay, Lucy. We’re behind you, no matter what you decide. You saved our lives. We owe you everything.”

“Yeah… Bye, Max,” I choked and disconnected as the first tear in my tenth sob fest sprang free.

Exhaustion from the trials I faced in the past two days beat down on me, and I laid my head on the pillow to watch Gavin’s pale face blur between my gathering tears. The cravings hit me hard when I arrived in the city, surrounded by so much fresh blood, but since each of my heartstrings had been frayed, weariness took first place among the physical struggles. Hunger was the least pressing matter as I fought to keep my eyes on Gavin.

I couldn’t lose him. It was too soon. There was so much we had to experience together. Without even realizing it, I had already begun to picture him in my future, in my life after the First. If there would be one. I never knew how badly I wanted it until now, when it seemed impossible.

I wanted to grow together, learning everything about him. I wanted to go to Germany with him to see where he grew up and the places that shaped the man he had become. I wanted to travel the world with him beside me, and I wanted to do all those obnoxiously cute coupley things with him.

We had both agreed not to cave to our more basic desire for one another because it could end up killing someone. Or at least, until we could control it. But losing the ability to experience love has thoroughly destroyed me. I held back with him for so long because of naïve biases and fear of feeling, but more recently out of danger to others.

I’ve broken my promise to Holly to live and experience everything. I wouldn’t do that again.

As my eyelids drooped, I snapped them open, only to feel them sagging again. This routine continued for another hour, and when my eyes were open, they couldn’t focus on anything. My consciousness waned and transformed from the granny bedroom to something else entirely.

The next thing I saw was a pasture. Fresh, green blades of grass and the sun shining mockingly above greeted me.

No! Wake up, Lucy! Wake up!

I had to go back. I couldn’t be here, wherever here was. Not one thing looked familiar as I observed my surroundings. Not the thatched-roof bungalows rimming a field that was outlined by a jagged mountain range, and not the sheep dotting the expanse before me.

Where was I?

“Took you long enough to fall asleep.”

My breath hitched. The deep timbre in his voice shot straight through layers of sadness to get my heart pumping wildly again.

I spun on my heel, the action tossing my dark hair around to slap me in the face. He stood ten feet away, looking a little pale but astoundingly alive. I launched myself at him, closing the distance. Circling my arms around his neck, I squeezed him hard enough to keep him glued to me permanently.

His responding chuckle was rough, and he wrapped his arms tightly around my midsection, sending waves of longing and desperation through my entire body. Then, his words registered. He was expecting me.

I pulled back to look at his patient gaze. He waited expectantly as the wheels turned.

Oh my God. This wasn’t my dream. It was his.

“You’re alive!” I squeaked. Shaking my head mechanically in disbelief, I pressed my forehead to his and closed my eyes to block the hysteric tears from falling. “I thought… I didn’t know…”

“I’m okay, Lucy,” he whispered gently. “Everything is fine. I’ll never leave you until you want me to.”

My heart squeezed happily, and before I could turn into a pile of goo at his feet, I grasped for a subject change.

“You called me baby.” I blurted the most random thought to pop into my head, remembering our heated conversation at the ball. “I kind of liked it.”

“If I recall, you said it, too.”

When did I…

He winked at my bulging eyeballs. “And get used to it, baby. It’s going to happen again.”

“You heard me?” I asked in surprise. I thought he had been unconscious, or dead.

He leaned in to whisper against my lips. “I can feel your touch, too.”

The look in his eyes and the fact I was holding him in my arms, after thinking I’d never be able to again, affected the rhythm of my heart and heated my core in a delicious way. I grinned in warning and yanked at the back of his head until his lips were firmly planted on mine.

Everything came out of me in this kiss. Everything I held back all this time. All of my love, and all of my fear of losing him. I was sure he caught every insignificant emotion I experienced since we parted in this kiss alone.

He growled low in satisfaction before gripping my waist harder. He pressed us firmly together, and it felt like coming home. Our hunger and longing for one another built at an almost alarming rate until he unexpectedly slowed things down to a leisurely, achingly tender pace. My heart was put back together and filled to the max with love for this man in that one kiss. He savored me, nipping at my lips and my cheeks, down my neck and back up like he had all the time in the world. And I realized, we did still have time. A fresh round of tears welled in my eyes.

When he noticed the wetness on my cheeks, he pulled away and swiped the big fat baby tears with his thumbs.

“Lucy,” he whispered reverently. “I told you I couldn’t die easily.”

His eyes darted back and forth, and I suddenly felt anxious. “It may take a long time to heal, though. Days. Possibly years. If it was anything besides my heart, it could heal instantaneously, but since it’s the thing that usually does the healing, who knows what that means. I’ve never heard of this happening.”

I nodded emphatically, unable to speak through the lump in my throat. He was right. He was always right. I would never take for granted any information I gathered on his uniqueness again.

The first time I thought I lost him was nothing compared to the impact of losing him again. The first time, I hadn’t exactly known what it was I was losing. But this time, I was fully aware. In my world of darkness and shadows, he was my sunlight. He’s the breath of fresh air when I am surrounded by blood and death. He was my everything, and I loved him so very much. And I was just about to tell him that when his fingertips grazed my lips.

“I know,” he whispered, drawing near to me. “I know.”

He stopped the words from forming, but the look in his eyes before his lips sealed over mine told me everything. For a guy who mastered the art of intensity, I had never seen that level of seriousness and passion in his eyes. It wasn’t just as if he were opening me up to him with that look, like he could so easily do, but he was opening himself to me as well. He showed me vulnerability like never before, like he was afraid I didn’t know the man I was falling in love with. But I did.

He was the man who could see me as I was and care for me anyway. He was the man who could endure my moodiness with that dry wit I craved. I mean, he practically made arguing a sport, but I loved it. I loved him. The beautiful contrast between his slow tenderness and hard edges had me hooked. And he could kiss like a devil and an angel, leaving me utterly confused between wanting to be good for him or very, very bad.

I moaned against his mouth as the hunger drew us both to that make or break point, but then a thought occurred to me.

“Wait, did you say years?” I asked.

He looked away, afraid to admit the answer neither of us could handle.

I needed him by my side in this war. My mental state, along with my physical strength would crumble without him. The only thing that held me together this long was the tiny sliver of hope I kept close to my heart.

My vampire side was powerful, and my mind had to be just as strong and intact to keep up with that power. I was Day-marked, which meant more physical badassness, but it went hand in hand with my confidence level. Nothing beats that ‘can do’ attitude.

Wait! That was it.

An old conversation with Helen replayed in my head, and hope flourished. My awesomeness for the win. I totally had this shit on lock.

Shocked by my revelation, I jumped back and out of Gavin’s arms. His brows furrowed in confusion.

“Lucy?” he asked.

“I know how to heal you,” I blurted.

And I did. An instinct told me so, and I wasn’t about to ignore my instincts ever again. I would bring Gavin back to me, and we would win this war. I felt elated, freed from the weights holding me down all these years. I could float up to the sky if I wanted to. It was like a dam broke free in my mind. I blocked all the answers from myself for so long by my own refusal to accept them.

I was in control of myself. My mind was freed from its own chains. I wasn’t held captive by the vampire. I was in charge. Me. With Gavin as my center, my constant, my beating heart, we would get through this to see the light of another day. To see our future. And it was oh, so bright.

Blinding, even.