Blissful Vol. 1 (7 page)

“Be careful,” I say, and I put her on her
feet again.

“You smell funny,” she says, and she
sniffs.

“Daddy’s just tired. Makes him smell
bad.”

She laughs and hugs me. Her warm tiny hands
are pulling my hair, but I like it.

“
Daddy, what are you doing?”
She’s probably peeking over my
shoulder, and now I know she’s seen the mess I made.

“
Nothing, sweetie. I just dropped
something. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up later.” I kiss her on the
forehead. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

I pick her up and carry her to her room
upstairs. When I lower her again, I notice she’s already fallen
asleep on my shoulder. I place her down in her bed and pull up the
covers. Smiling, I tuck a strand of her loose hair behind her ear
and caress her cheek. My little angel. She’s all I have, and she
saves me from the misery I put myself through time and time
again.

***

The first thing I do in the morning is call
Ben and ask him for a new engine.

“
Sure, Ja
ck, but it’ll take a few days.”

“Can’t you get it sooner?”

Ben sighs. “Well … I could get them to
deliver ea
rlier, but
it’ll be expensive.”

“
Ah, do me a favor, will ya? I’ll repay
you, I promise.”

“
Fine. I’ll pull some strings. The earliest
I ca
n have it is
tomorrow at noon.”

“Perfect,” I say.

“But you owe me one, big time.”

“I know. Thanks, bud.”

I put down the phone again. Amy appears
out of nowhere, scaring the shit out of me.

“And, and?” she says, her voice
cheerily.

“Tomorrow. Noon.”

She gasps and claps her hands
togeth
er. “Oh,
wonderful. Thank you!”

She leans forward, and then I feel her
lips against my cheek. I turn frozen solid and my eyes dart her
way. She withdraws again and she blinks a couple of times.
Immediately, she pulls back and gazes at me as if she doesn’t know
what she’s doing.

I can still feel her wet lips on my skin.
The warm mark they left is searing into my cheek, and it creates
goose bumps on places I don’t remember feeling anything. My cock
stirs in my pants, but I will it down.

Stop it. She’s just a girl you’re helping.
This is not going anywhere. She’s not …

“
Sorry,” she mutters, and she quickly
turns
around and bolts
to the kitchen, as if she realizes what she did was …

I stand there still in place, unable to
breathe for a second or two. I don’t know what the fuck to do
anymore. Not with her, not with myself.

After a while I find my way to the kitchen
and
see her decking the
table. There’s a whole buffet spread out on the table. Buns, toast,
peanut butter, jelly, bacon, boiled and baked eggs, and even
pancakes.

My eyes widen. “Did you make all this?”

“
Pancakes! Pancakes!” Maddy
yells. She’s already in her
seat, ramming her fork and knife against the table.

“Stop making so much noise, Madeline,” I say
to her, grabbing them from her hands and putting them neatly on the
table again.

Amy pulls a chair back. “I wanted to make
up for yesterday. Do something nice.”

“Wow,” I say, and she chuckles. She points
at the chair, and I sit down while she scoots my chair forward.

“
I thought, with you working so
ha
rd to get my car
fixed, I should do something in return. I didn’t really know what
else to do, and I’m rather useless on a farm. But this I
can
do.”

I stare at all the deliciousness in front of
me, watering my mouth. Damn, and I thought I was a good cook.
Nothing compares to this.

Amy grabs some of everything and stacks my
plate to the rim.

“Wow, hold on, my stomach ain’t that
big.”

She giggles. “But you should try
everything.” She sits down next to me and picks up my fork,
pricking a piece of bacon with it. “Take a bite.”

She pokes my lips with the
fork
, and I open my
mouth. It’s delicious, just like I expected it to be after looking
at it. Damn … I wish someone would cook for me like that every
day.

A humming noise of delight
esc
apes my mouth, and
she chuckles.

“
See? Told you.
Good, huh?”

“
For a girl who complains a lot, you sure
make amazing
breakfast.”

Her broad smile also puts one on my face,
and the three of us enjoy a wonderful morning meal.

We spend the rest of the day on the ranch,
feeding the animals, cutting the grass, watering the trenches,
cleaning the stables. Most of the time Amy just hands me the tools,
but when I finally have enough, I hand her a shovel and ask her to
make a pile of the hay. I have to get it all out so I can scrub the
floors. That shit really needed cleaning. Lucky Amy’s here
to
help me out. I help
fix her car; this is her favor in return. Mutual interest, I’d
say.

She’s moping less, though, which is a big
plus. I guess she realized it wasn’t getting her anywhere. Her
phone buzzes, and she stops working to check it. She’s leaning
against the open door of the stables, probably reading a text
message. Her gloomy face worries me.

She sniffs
, and her body starts shaking. Oh shit. This
doesn’t look good. She squints, her lips quivering and moving down.
Oh, please, no. Don’t start crying, please, don’t cry.

Her eyes are getting watery, and before I
know it she runs out the stable.

“Amy!” I holler, but she doesn’t stop.

I go after her. I need to know what’s
bothering her so much that she’s crying all the time. I can’t let
someone around me be so sad. It hurts me, too.

She’s clenching a fence somewhere up
ahead, her blonde hair whisking in the wind.
She looks stunning. The breeze makes her
whimpers almost inaudible. Almost. My heart aches just from hearing
it. I don’t want to see her sad.

I walk toward her, but find her cell phone a
few feet away from her. I pick it up and hesitate, but I can’t stop
myself from glancing shortly.

‘
I’m sorry, Amy. I shouldn’t have kissed
her. Please, tell me this isn’t the end. XOXO, Ronnie.’

So she has a boyfriend. Or had? I don’t
know. Shit. I shouldn’t have looked at this. Fuck, what am I doing?
Amy’s crying
, and now I
know why. I should get over there and comfort her.

I don’t wait another second and walk up to
her. She’s clenching the fence tight, as if it’s the last thing she
has to hold on to. I can her hear snivel, trying to hold back the
tears. Oh, Amy …

I stand next to her and gaze at the field.
It’s quiet for some time. I don’t know what to do. I’m not good
with this. If I were, I’d know how
to comfort myself, but I don’t.

“Want to talk about it?” I say after a
while.

She shakes her head, but then another
whimpering session begins. I rub over her shoulder and try to
soothe her as much as I can.

“
My ex. He kissed
her
. My best friend,” she suddenly says.

Okay, so she shakes her head, yet still
talks? I swear I don’t get girls at all.

“On my wedding day!” she yells.

Oh. That’s fucking bad. Like hellish.
“Shit …” is all I say. What else am I supposed to say? She’s
bawling her eyes out, and it’s all because of that fucking jerk.
All I can think of is wanting to crack him open and spit him out,
spew shit about him, and swear as if there’s no tomorrow, but I
can’t do that. It’s her ex. She’s crying over him, so that means
she still cares about him. If I’d call him all sorts of things I’m
sure she’ll be angry with me instead of him.

“Yes, he’s a fucking bastard!” she yells.
“You cheating asshole!” she screams, leaning over the fence as if
she’s hoping the words will cross the land and find their way to
his ears.

Then she turns around and buries her head in
my chest.

My body freezes. I gasp, pondering what to
do. She’s crying against me, making my shirt wet, and I all I can
think of is wanting her closer. Damn, Jack, when
did you turn into such a sissy?

She wraps her arms around my neck, howling
swear words while sobbing. Oh, I give up. I put my arms around her
and pull her closer. She needs this. She needs me. I’m not sure
what I want or need, but I have to be here for her. She can use me
to cry onto. She can shout at me, beat me up,
and crash into me. If it stops her from
feeling sad, I’ll do anything. I can’t bear to hear her cry. Not
another soul.

My hand brushes back and forth over her
back. I try to calm her down by shushing and rocking sideways.
She’s still crying, but it’s slowly lessening.

Suddenly I feel something clench my leg and
squeeze in between us.

Amy lets go of me and peers down between our
legs. Madeline pushed her way through and is now hugging Amy’s
leg.

“Don’t cry, Amy,” she says.

Amy wipes the tears from her cheeks and
pats Madeline on the head. We look at each other, momentarily. She
doesn’t need to say anything to let me know she’s thankful that I
was here when she needed someone.

Madeline quickly runs off, cramming herself
through the fence, and into the field. We watch her dart around,
picking flowers as she goes. She comes back and holds them up to
Amy.

“For you.”

A smile slowly creeps onto Amy’s face. She
gets on her knees, ignoring the fact that her jeans get dirty, and
takes the flowers from Madeline. “Aw. They’re lovely.” She leans
closer and beckons Madeline to lean closer too. “Thank you very
much, Madeline.”

“
You’re welcome!”
Maddy giggles and runs off to chase the birds that
are eating the leftover grain.

Amy watches Madeline
before standing up again. Her eyes are
still red and swollen, but her depressed face is gone. I can see
she’s already falling in love with my sweet Maddy, just like
everyone else who meets her. I chuckle. Of course she
is.

“What?” she says.

“Oh, nothing.”

She gives me a quick jab against the
shoulder, and makes me step back. This girl’s got some punch in
her. Didn’t expect that. I didn’t expect her to get over her
sadness so quickly, either. It’s admirable. I guess in that way
she’s stronger than me.

She looks at me, stares at me even, and I
feel embarrassed.
Her
perpetual gaze is petrifying me. I know she can see it. See
underneath all of the layers, all of the jokes that I hide behind.
It’s as if she’s peering into my soul, gazing at all the
destruction I’ve done. Gazing at the ruin that is my
life.

A chill crawls under my skin. I don’t want
her
or anyone else to
look at me like that, as if they can see all the hurt. As if they
think they can do something about it. I don’t want anyone delving
up my screwed up history. There’s no reason and no way in hell I’m
going to let that happen. Unveiling what I’ve tried to bury for so
long will kill me.

I clear my throat. “Let’s get back to work,
if you’re ready.”

Chapter 6

Amy

We’re in his truck, and I’m sitting in the
passenger’s seat. I can’t help glance at him. My eyes zoom in on
all the little details. His long brown hair caressing his cheeks.
His unshaven stubble. The way his lips move as he chews on a straw.
His hand that move the clutch, wishing they were touching me.

Dear god, Am
y, get a hold of yourself. For God sakes, you’re
almost drooling.

I close my eyes and shake my head, but
it’s no use. My eyes force themselves open. From the corner of my
eye I see him watching me, and my stomach churns. I can’t get him
out of my mind. The way our fingers touched when he handed me the
mug last night, oh my. Heating up more and more, I gaze outside,
trying to ignore the voice in my head telling me I want more of
him.

He was so sweet yesterday, the way he
comforted me after I was bawling my eyes out. I must’ve looked
ridiculous. All because of a text message. I just let myself lose
it. Lose to the tears. Gosh, I’m such an idiot.

No more. I can’t cry anymore. I won’t.
Ronnie doesn’t deserve it. Just as Jack said, he’s not worth
it.

I feel something tap my right
shoulder
, and I turn
around. There’s nothing, even though I’m sure I felt something.
Madeline starts giggling profusely, and when I turn around, she has
her little hands on her mouth.

The little rascal.

Squinting, I say, “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” she says with weird
intonation.

I turn around again after flashing her a
wicked grin, which only makes her giggle more. She taps me again,
this time on my other shoulder. Humming, I reach for the back and
tickle her. She screams from laughter and wriggles around on the
couch, making me laugh.

“
Stop!” she exclaims
in between laughing.

“You give up? Quit tapping my shoulder?”

“Yes!”

I chuckle and stop tickling her. She
manages to get up from the couch and sit back on her bum again. I
turn back around and see Jack looking at me with his totally cute
smile.