Blogger Girl (6 page)

In another indisputable win for the devil on my shoulder, I tossed my lunch bag in the garbage can by my desk and texted her back, “I'm on my way.”

***

If the line at the famous Shake Shack burger joint in Madison Square Park wasn’t long when Caroline had sent her text, it certainly was by the time I arrived. And to make matters worse, there were two separate lines: one to place your order and one to pick up your food when it was ready. It was not unusual for the process to take an hour or more. I scanned the order line and thanks to her height and shiny blonde hair, I quickly spotted Caroline smack in the middle.

I tapped her on the shoulder, clearly taking her by surprise as her feet lifted slightly in the air. “Hey there,” I said. I took in the smell of juicy burgers radiating the air. “Great idea.”

Smiling down at me, Caroline said, “So glad you were free.” Scrunching her face in concern, she said, “Are you still upset about Nicholas?”

Trying to make light of it, I said, “I don’t even really know the guy. I just think he’s hot. I always assumed he had a girlfriend or was a player anyway.” I knew my statement made sense logically, but no matter how hard I tried to convince myself, I kept playing back our lunch together in my head and the way my heart fluttered whenever he smiled at me and those slight crinkles appeared around his eyes. “It sucks though,” I admitted.

“Well, like I wrote in my text, you don’t know who that girl is. He might be single and he might be interested in you. Try to let things play out naturally.”

I shrugged. “Okay. How was yesterday?”

“Seeing the little man was fun. I wish I could say the same about watching my dad slip Monica the tongue all day. Literally. All Day.” Caroline stuck a finger in her mouth and made a gagging motion.

“Yikes. That sucks, I’m so sorry,” I said, patting her on the arm.

Giving me a closed-mouth smile, Caroline said, “It is what it is. Let’s change the subject, shall we? What are you getting?”

“Shack Burger and a strawberry shake,” I said without hesitation.

“No fries?”

I shook my head. “Too much food. Either burger and fries or burger and shake. I can’t do all three and expect to be productive this afternoon.”

Caroline looked at me in envy. “Self control. That’s why you’re so skinny. I must have all three!”

I gave Caroline a once-over. Although I would not describe her as “skinny,” she wasn’t the slightest bit heavy either. I rolled my eyes and was about to tell her she was insane when I caught a glance of a familiar looking blonde walking over to the pick-up line. As it dawned on me why she looked familiar, the sight of Nicholas right behind her confirmed my suspicion. Although he was somewhat far away, I recognized the blue and white gingham shirt he was wearing when I spotted him in the elevator bank. I felt an ache in the back of my throat. “Oh God.”

Her eyes wide as saucers, Caroline said, “What’s wrong?”

I looked toward my feet, chewing on a fingernail. My stomach was rumbling with nervous energy.

Caroline placed her hand on my shoulder and in a soothing tone asked, “Kim? You okay?”

“Nicholas is here,” I whispered as if he could hear me. “With the girl.” I shook my head again. My appetite had completely left the vicinity.

“Where?” Caroline asked, looking frantically around the park.

I cocked my head toward the pick-up station. “Over there. Tan leather jacket over a blue and white gingham shirt . Please be slick. I don’t want him to see me!” I placed the hood of my winter jacket over my head and stood behind Caroline hoping her tall frame would hide my short one.

“I can’t see him well enough from here to tell if he’s cute.”

“He is. Trust me.” I fought the urge to ask what he and the girl were doing. Were they holding hands? Sharing a French fry like
Lady and the Tramp?
I didn’t want to know.

“Kim. Get a grip,” she said with a weak smile.

“Easy for you to say.”

Caroline looked me in the eyes and in a steady voice said, “You already knew he was going somewhere with that girl. Seeing him here doesn’t tell you anything you didn’t already know. And it doesn’t change what you still
don’t
know.”

I nodded. “I know.”
I don’t know.
Before there was still a possibility she was a client. Now I knew for certain it was a lunch date. Delectable burgers notwithstanding, Nicholas would never take a client to the Shake Shack. “Just the same, I don’t think I want to eat in the park. If you don’t mind, I’m going to bring my food back to my desk. I really don’t want to watch them. And I don’t want to risk him seeing me. It’s too cold anyway.” I kicked at the dead grass beneath my feet.

Caroline smiled softly and gave me an understanding nod. “No worries. I don’t blame you and I’m actually slammed at work. This line is taking longer than I thought. But at least we got to spend time together.”

“True.”
I should have eaten the damn tuna fish sandwich.

***

Later that afternoon, I tried as hard as I could to concentrate on my work and not make a bigger deal out of the Nicholas situation than it warranted. Maybe he was a douche bag and I dodged a bullet. Maybe he was a horrible kisser. Maybe he had a tiny penis.

“Hey Kim. Good weekend?”

I looked up to see David standing at the side of my desk with a wide toothy grin. “Yes, it was decent.” Looking at the smile still painted on his face that had reached his kind blue eyes, I said, “But why do I think yours was better?”

“Can I tell you a secret?” He leaned his stocky body in closer to me.

“You most certainly may,” I said. I sat forward and angled my chair in his direction.

His eyes sparkling, David said, “I’m proposing to Amy this weekend.”

“Oh My God, that’s awesome, David! What’s the plan?” I had met his girlfriend Amy at the firm’s holiday party a couple of months earlier. She was a bit nondescript but as nice and wholesome as David. They seemed like a perfect couple.

“Well, I’m taking her out to dinner,” he whispered as if he was afraid Amy would overhear.

As I leaned in closer to him to maintain the private nature of the conversation, I saw Nicholas approaching my desk out of the corner of my eye. Continuing to talk to David, I said, “So far so good. Where are you taking her?” I had assumed Nicholas was headed to Rob’s office but he stopped right next to where David was standing and appeared to be in no hurry to move. My heart began beating at an accelerated pace but I tried to ignore it.
And him.

“And then I’m going to propose over champagne and dessert,” David said excitedly.

Unfortunately, I had been too distracted by Nicholas’ appearance to hear most of David’s story and I had no idea where this engagement dinner was taking place. Feeling too guilty to confess to my half-assed attention span, I cleared my throat and said, “Sounds like an awesome plan. So happy for you.”

“Thanks, Kim!”

“Did you need to see Rob?” I had never seen David’s posture so relaxed before and he radiated happiness. I hoped whatever Rob wanted wouldn’t interfere with his elation.

He shook his head. “Nah. I came over to share the good news with you.”

I stood up and gave him a hug. “I’m so glad you did.”

When we separated from our embrace, David looked over at Nicholas and smiled. “I guess you heard too.”

Nicholas smiled back and slapped David lightly on the back. “I did. Congratulations! Very happy for you.”

“Thanks!” Glancing at his watch, David said, “Shit. I gotta get back to work. See you guys later.”

After he walked away whistling to himself, I sat back down and started writing a fake email. Nicholas was still standing there and so I looked up and gave him a half smile. “Hi.”

Grinning broadly, he said, “Hi yourself. I’ve been thinking about you.”

Against my better judgment, his words warmed my heart. But I found it hard to believe he was thinking of me while having lunch with another girl. Skeptical, I arched an eyebrow at him. “Really?”

Leaning toward me, he said in his trademark deep whisper, “Yeah. Was curious whether you accepted that girl’s friend request.”

I jerked my head back in surprise that he had given that conversation any thought, but quickly nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

“Was it a tough decision?”

Although he focused his attention on me like he truly cared, I couldn’t get the image of his hand on the blonde girl’s lower back out of my mind. He was simply being nice. It meant nothing. “Actually, it was. My left hand practically ripped my right hand from the socket as I clicked ‘confirm.’” I shrugged. “But my friend Caroline convinced me it was the right choice.”

Nicholas gave me a soft smile. “For what it’s worth, I agree with your friend Caroline.” As he opened his mouth to say something else, Rob’s voice boomed out, “Nicholas!”

Nicholas glanced behind him to Rob’s office. “The boss beckons.”

I nodded. “Bosses do that sometimes.”

“I better get in there,” he said without moving.

“Strong!”

“Okay!” Nicholas rolled his eyes and smiled at me again. “See you.”

“See you.”

After Nicholas walked away, I decided to check my personal email account in order to avoid over analyzing what was simply a friendly conversation. Along with several emails from authors attaching Kindle compatible copies of their books for review, I had a new email from Candy Adams at Novel Inc. PR. I featured many of her clients’ books on my blog and excitedly read the email to find out whose book she wanted me to review this time. Halfway through the third sentence, I felt my face go pale.

Dear Kimberly,

I hope all is well. Great reviews lately on Pastel is the New Black! I am writing on behalf of a new client, Hannah Marshak. Her debut chick lit novel, Cut on the Bias, is being published by Three Monkeys Press this June. I’d like to provide you with the book for review, preferably shortly before it is released. You can read the synopsis on her website
www.hannahmarshak.com

Please confirm that this review will fit into your busy schedule. As always, I am excited to work with you.

Best,

Candace

I leaned back in my chair, my jaw clenched. I should have known the timing of Hannah’s friend request was not a coincidence. The Hannah I knew would never do anything unless there was something in it for her. How could I have been so clueless? I was the creator of a blog dedicated to the review of chick lit books and Hannah was the author of a chick lit book. Why wouldn’t she try to use her connection to me to secure a positive review? I felt a pit in my stomach and was afraid I might purge the Shack Burger I’d just eaten for lunch. Before I could chicken out, I entered Hannah’s website address into my browser. I had to read the synopsis to
Cut on the Bias
. What kind of dumb ass title was that anyway?

Jacqueline Milano graduated at the top of her class at the world famous Fashion Institute of Technology. Snagging the coveted position as an associate designer for the up and coming and seemingly impossible to please, Pierre Siciliano, Jacqueline leaves her family and fiancé in New York City to work in Paris, the city of blinding lights. She thinks her dreams are finally coming true until she is thrust headfirst into the cutthroat world of fashion. Jacqueline is unprepared for the insecure models, the backstabbing colleagues and, most of all, falling hard for Pierre. Will Jacqueline soar in the world of Paris fashion or will she book the first flight home to her parents and the love she left behind?

I took a long gulp of water and stared open-mouthed at my monitor. Much to my utter dismay, the plot actually sounded intriguing. And whoever had designed her website had done a really nice job. The background was the Paris skyline with the Eiffel Tower all lit up. Even Bridget would probably agree it was well done. I bit my fingernails as I read her bio. “Hannah Marshak’s childhood dream of being a writer has finally come true with the launch of her debut novel,
Cut on the Bias
.”
Childhood dream?
I had known Hannah since kindergarten and as far as I knew, the only dream she’d had since childhood was to have more devoted followers than Charles Manson.

Could my day have been any worse? It had to end. Immediately. I looked at my watch. It was almost 5. “I need to leave a bit early today,” I said to Rob over the phone.

There was only one place I wanted to be. One place I
needed
to be. But since the neighborhood Barnes & Noble had sadly closed earlier that year, I walked south towards Union Square. I zipped my coat up to my neck and pulled my knit hat over my ears. When I finally arrived at The Strand, an independent bookstore, my hands and cheeks were numb from the cold but my heart was warm. I walked directly to the fiction section and began pulling books with pastel covers off the shelves. I quickly collected about ten books in my arms, sat in a corner and began reading the acknowledgement sections, where authors thanked the people who inspired and supported their writing journeys. I felt closer to the author when I recognized a name of an agent or promoter I knew from my blog. I grinned when I flipped to the back of
Heaven Can’t Wait
and read,
“Thank you to blogger extraordinaire, Kimberly Long, for providing a pre-publication review with less than a week’s notice and for organizing what I hope will be the best blog tour ever.”

I knew the mention was there since the author had also sent me an autographed hard copy of the book after it came out, but I never tired of reading my name within the covers of a book. Even more than the professional expressions of gratitude, I loved to read what writers said about their families and loved ones. Shaking myself out of my stupor, I stood up and began returning the books to the shelves until there was only one left. Although I had almost twenty unread books on my Kindle, I was incapable of leaving a bookstore empty handed and made my way to the cash register.