Blonde and Blue (16 page)

We could do nothing more. I stared into the living room for a long time, wishing I could do something. I couldn’t even close her eyes or cover her up; it was best to touch nothing.

Only my loved ones presence kept me standing. I wanted to sink to my knees beside Lena and sob like a little girl. I felt like a worm on a hook. Sooner or later, we would have another confrontation with Maxwell and Claire. How many more people were going to die because of my actions?

Jez pulled Kale to his feet. Misery clung to him, bitter in its intensity. I didn’t want to leave. It felt like I was abandoning Lena, leaving her there alone. I had no choice.

When everyone had left the apartment, I used a dish towel to pick up the phone and punch in 911. The operator’s voice came on the line, asking what the emergency was. It wouldn’t take them long to dispatch when no response came. I left without looking back. Burying the pain deep inside, I concentrated on what I was going to do to Maxwell and his crew when I got the chance.

“The cops are on their way,” I announced when I joined them in the lobby. “We should head back to The Kiss for now.”

“I’ll go with Kale,” Jez swiped a hand through her tears. 

Arys was unusually quiet during the ride back to The Wicked Kiss. The vampire that never apologized for his actions was sitting in silence, lost in regret. I stared out the passenger window, watching in the side mirror as Kale’s black car navigated the city streets behind us, until a changing light left the others behind.

  It ate at me, the knowledge that Lena had been dead before I’d ever laid eyes on Maxwell and Claire. It made me sick. “We can’t let them get away with this, Arys. They have to suffer for what they did to Lena.”

His voice was low and menacing. “They’ll be kissing sunrise when we’re done with them.”

* * * *

Sunrise was quickly approaching. I stood behind the bar, a bottle of whiskey raised to my lips. It did nothing to fill the hole I felt inside.

The club was empty. Last call had been an hour ago. It had taken me that long to convince Jez, Shaz and Arys to go home after Kale disappeared into the night. I wasn’t ready to leave yet.

I was in a dangerous frame of mind. I didn’t want to think or feel. I just wanted to be numb. The blood hunger carving out my insides promised relief if I would just give in. My weakened state made me an easy target, and I felt myself slipping.

Just let go.
The thought whispered through me. I had no strength to resist, not after what Maxwell had done to me. On every level, I was defeated. The emotional distress of Lena’s death lurked behind the wall I’d built around it. It too would crash down and swallow me.

I don’t remember abandoning the liquor or leaving the bar. I moved automatically, following the deep-rooted vampire instinct that guided me to the back hall. Like every time the bloodlust took hold, I became a rabid mess, moving and acting but not thinking.

I spun in a slow circle, feeling the energy in each of the occupied rooms. A noise drew me down the hall, the sound of a vampire and his blood whore lost in the throes of sexual gratification. Their heady tantric energy was sweet like candy as it rolled over me. A smile tugged at my lips.

The door exploded off its hinges as I entered. Everything moved in choppy scenes, like it all happened too fast for me to follow. Blood was a thick, seductive aroma in the room. Ravenous and wild, I was on them before they could react.

Dragging the vampire off his partner, I flung him aside. Without glancing his way, I held out a hand and drew the energy from him. With the other hand, I grabbed his human lover around the throat and pulled her close. She stank like prey, having been bitten previously. I tore into her viciously so that flesh tore and blood sprayed. She never even got a scream out first.

The vampire tried to fight me off, but it was too late. I had a strong hold on him, and I pulled hard on it. As I sucked him dry of his power, I delighted in the hot crimson fount that ran over my tongue. Blood and power poured into me, and I fell into a state of euphoria. Nothing felt like this.

Letting go and giving in to the bloodlust released me from the chains I’d inflicted upon myself. I drank down the scarlet nectar, delighting in the way it scratched the eternal itch inside me. The rush of blood and power, dancing together around and within me, was thrilling and more importantly, comforting.

It wasn’t borrowed hunger anymore. I needed this. As much as I tried to deny that, to escape it, in that moment it was painfully and irrefutably clear. I wanted to savor the magic of falling headlong into the abyss of dark bliss, to feel like this always, free of pain, spiritual and physical … free from the emotional agony of Lena’s blood on my hands. None of that existed as long as that warm human blood passed my lips.

The vampire fell to the floor, drained of everything he had to give. His body burst into dust before it hit the carpet. My victim’s heart had slowed, beating its last. I was breathless and exhilarated when I let her drop to the bed.

There was a lot of blood. Such a waste. My fangs had torn a gaping wound in her throat, causing blood to spray and splatter. I licked a smear off the back of my hand and surveyed the
mess.
I was detached, unable to feel anything about it other than mild acceptance. It was what it was. I stared around at the mess I’d made, and I was at peace.

Drunk on blood and power, I lost my balance and fell on my ass beside the bed. I giggled like a lunatic as I scrambled to my feet. I was on sensory overload, keenly aware of everything. The lights in the hall hummed with an irritating high-pitched squeal. Anxiety rolled off the other vampires in the building as they wondered if I’d come for them next. The scarce traffic far beyond the back exit sounded much too close and far too loud.

I was a disaster. I crashed into the wall on my way out of the room, catching myself before I went down again. Draining a human and a vampire simultaneously had overdosed me. Though I laughed to myself like it was the world’s best joke, I was going to have to come down sometime and face reality. But not yet.

I returned to the bar, stopping to stare at the dark, empty interior. It felt so much bigger without the throngs of people littering every square foot. The remnants of their energy still hung on the air, though it was faint now. Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror behind the bar, my jaw dropped.

I was all fangs and bright blue eyes. Arys’ eyes. The spatters of blood that decorated my face and hair were deep scarlet in the dim lighting. I was drawn closer to my image, as horrified by what I saw as I was intrigued. I couldn’t keep seeing myself like this.

Nothing human remained behind my eyes. The wicked light that glinted in my unnatural orbs was pure predator. Both the wolf and the vampire were present together, something I didn’t like to see. It scared me, usually. Intoxicated laughter spilled from me, and I turned away from the mirror before it could become manic sobs. My emotions were all over the place, several hitting me at once.

With the damp bar towel I gave my face a halfhearted wipe. The scent of human blood clung to me. I felt Kale enter the building, and I jerked into action, frantically scrubbing at my face as if it would remove the evidence of what I’d done, but when I pictured him finding the mess I’d left in the back hall, I smiled.

I felt him, every step he took leading him closer to me. Stepping out from behind the bar, I waited for him. Temptation called as his honey sweet energy rolled over me. Kale was a hunger that had never been sated.

He appeared in the doorway, a strange look on his face. “Alexa?”

“That’d be me.” I stood there, adorned in the blood of my victim, and I met his gaze evenly. “What are you doing here, Kale?”

“I was going to crash here for the day. Looks like you’ve been busy. Are you ok?” The concern etched on his face was shadowed by the lust in his eyes. Finding my kill had turned him on, I could feel it.

“Lena’s dead. It’s my fault.” I felt detached from my words and even from myself. “I kill for demons and was naive enough not to know that. I handle the bloodlust like a junkie, and I like it. I am not ok.”

He quickly crossed the space between us. Placing a finger beneath my chin, he forced me to meet his eyes. Our auras touched, and I trembled. Kale searched my eyes for something, I wasn’t sure what. Sanity perhaps.

“What happened to Lena is not your fault. Don’t you dare try to take the blame for this one. Nobody could have stopped this from happening.” Pain filled his eyes, and I knew he was hurting, too. We’d both loved her.

I swallowed hard. “It’s because of me that they targeted her in the first place. Because Shaz and I killed Harley.”

“I know.” He stroked a hand down my cheek, pausing to wipe a streak of blood away. “Alexa, you can’t bury yourself in guilt. There was nothing else you could do.”

I wasn’t alone in my personal agony. Kale felt it, too. I refused the tears that stung my eyes. “You don’t really believe that. Do you?”

“Yes, I do.”

His nearness was teasing my senses, inviting me to wrap that saccharine power of his around me. I pulled away, tearing my gaze from his. I’d swung from giddy drunk to moody sorrow in seconds. I was conflicted by how easily his presence had affected me. What was it about Kale that always broke down my defenses, exposing the raw emotion buried deep inside?

The silence was deafening. All I could focus on was Kale. I wanted to feast upon him as I had with my two victims, but my hunger for him wasn’t the same. Whatever it was we shared, it was always there, and I knew I’d never be free of it. Not as long as I tried to fight it. I was just so tired of fighting, but I knew that giving in had never proven to be the better alternative.

“I’m not sure I can do this, Kale. Claire and Maxwell have the drop on us, and they know it. If I don’t give them what they want, they’ll target somebody else. I don’t feel like I have a choice.”

“You can’t just hand yourself over to them.” With a shake of his dark head, Kale gave me a lingering look. “I wish we could turn back time and redo tonight. I really do. But, what happened does not give them power over you. Only you can give that. Don’t.”

“I wish it was that simple.” My guilt convinced me that the situation was hopeless. “I don’t know where to begin to deal with this. I just don’t want to see anyone else I love get hurt.”

Kale’s heady energy was strong and pulsing. It reached out to me, and I shuddered. He watched me with intrigue in his eyes.

“You can kill them, and you will. I don’t doubt it for a second. Neither should you.”

“But who else is going to die first?”

Kale had no answer for that. Despite how little his reassurance did to make me feel better, I loved him for trying.

“You should go home, Alexa. Get some sleep.” Kale forced a rueful smile. “You’re growing very hard to resist.”

I blushed, my body temperature rising. His energy was running hot. It called to me, bringing forth the laughter that had quelled when he arrived. “I’d apologize but I’m not sorry. I’m so tired of resisting.”

Kale’s expression grew dark, smoldering. I was suddenly painfully aware of just how close he was. Even in the dim light, I saw his pupils dilate. This wasn’t the time or place to play with fire. But, as I watched him react to me, felt it, I reacted too. I had left my self-control in the blood-soaked room down the hall.

“No, Alexa. Don’t do this. I told you, I can’t do this anymore.”

“Then don’t.” I raised a brow and smiled suggestively. “God, you feel good.”

I closed my eyes and breathed him in. He was like metaphysical candy. I gasped when he stepped up to close any remaining space between us. Sliding a hand into my hair, Kale brought his lips to mine, just barely touching.

“You’re damn lucky I’m not riding a hell of a high the way you are. I’d have you naked on that pool table already.” His lips moved on mine as he spoke, and I melted just a little.

“What’s stopping you?”

He kissed me then, a passion pouring forth from him that shook me internally. Kale’s soft tongue swept the inside of my mouth. Unlike our last kiss, this was slow and sensual, knocking the breath from me. Disappointment flooded me when he pulled back.

“The only thing stopping me from taking you right here is the fact that your decision is power-driven. When you come to me on your own with nothing to encourage you but the way you truly feel, I promise you, I will love you in ways you can’t even dream of.”

Kale placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and turned to go. I didn’t try to stop him. The weight of his words penetrated the fog in my head. I was shaken and excited but sobering quickly as reality crept in.