Blood Deep (Blackthorn Book 4) (33 page)

‘That
you
can’t afford to have raised,’ she said, her jaw tense, her pulse racing as she turned to face him again. ‘Which is why you’re here now, isn’t it? To make sure I don’t let something slip?’

‘You said it yourself: Pummel’s watching me. He’s watching
every
move I make. If I let my guard down for one minute, this is over. For both of us. It’s a game,’ he said. ‘And the odds are staying alive. Of keeping us both alive.’

‘And that’s precisely what I am to you, isn’t it? A game – the ultimate challenge. Well, I should have trusted my instincts,’ she said, turning away again. ‘The fun’s over. The deal’s off.’

‘You think this is fun for me? You think I’m enjoying this?’ This time his grip on her arm was firmer as he pinned her back against the wall. ‘You think I want to see you this angry, this upset? You think I want to have you looking at me like I’m the bastard in this when my insides are dead potentially fucking someone I feel nothing for – when I’d rather be with you where it feels real, where I feel real. I’m a caricature in there, Jess. I have to be a caricature when I’m with anyone but you. I thought you saw that now.’

His eyes penetrated deep into hers like they had up in her bedroom. Like they had too many times now. But she wouldn’t allow herself to absorb his words, the pain of the potential of what they could mean too great. ‘This is over,’ she declared.

‘We
have
a deal.’

‘Let me go,’ she said quietly, firmly.

His eyes narrowed as they searched hers. ‘Why does what you saw up there matter to you?’

She shoved him back against the wall opposite, against the handrail. ‘
Stay
away from me,’ she warned, her fists bunched in his T-shirt as she pinned him there for a moment. She stared deep into his dark eyes, her gaze skimming down to his lips before she forced herself to pull back, making her way down a couple more steps.

He caught her arm again. This time he slammed
her
back against the wall. He caught hold of her jaw. ‘Glower all you want, I’m not afraid of you.’

‘You should be.’

‘Like you’re afraid of me? Afraid of how you’re feeling despite all these numbers on my arm.’

‘I feel nothing for you,’ she said, shoving him back up against the handrail only to have him slam her right back against the wall again, this time pinning her hands either side of her head. She swiftly managed to counteract it, windmilling her hands to free herself and pin his against the wall opposite in turn, her fingers struggling to encompass his wrists.

‘It’s like déjà vu,’ he said, his gaze unflinching on hers. ‘Only I seem to remember showing you who’s boss last time. Are you looking for a reminder?’

Her stomach flipped, the dark and playful glint in his eyes reminding her of a situation that was the last thing she needed to recall right then. She wanted no recollection at all of how he’d made her feel, how
good
he’d made her feel, how alive, how free, how unrestrained.

‘Because that’s what this is all about, isn’t it, Eden – you moving in here, into Pummel’s patch? I’m even starting to think this niece story is bullshit – a little bit of emotional blackmail thrown into the mix.’

His eyes darkened in a way she hadn’t yet seen. ‘You’re out of line.’

‘Am I? If your plan comes into fruition, are you going to keep reminding me of that? How will it be, Eden, now that you know all my secrets? Are you going to go that one step further than Pummel thinks he can? Will you be using my blood whenever it suits whilst fucking me every night, all the while pleasuring yourself with Tatum and whoever else takes your fancy? I should have let those cons kill you,’ she said. ‘
I
should have killed you.’

His eyes narrowed but his gaze didn’t flinch. ‘But instead you want me. Why else would what you saw up there bother you this much?’

‘You’ve made a fool of me.’

‘No, I’m doing what I have to. For both of us.’

‘Such a martyr. It looked
so
painful having Tatum’s tongue thrust down your throat. I feel for you. I really do,’ she said flippantly.

‘You have no
fucking
idea,’ he hissed. ‘What do you want, Jessie? What do you want from me more than I’m offering already?’

She stared at him. She wanted to say for him not to be with anyone else. Not to make her feel as used and discarded as Pummel made her feel. To let her have another moment feeling like she did when he looked at her like she was all he could see, all he wanted. That she didn’t want to ever see him that intimate with anyone else again. That she didn’t want him kissing anyone but her.

But even as those thoughts seeped into her head, they felt ridiculous, childish, naïve.

‘I want nothing from you,’ she said, shoving him away again.

Eden pushed her back up against the wall, forcing her hands back against it either side of her head. He kicked her legs apart with his, using every ounce of strength he had, pinning her there with the force and angle of his hips. ‘Don’t fight mad – it puts you at a disadvantage. Fuck mad, but don’t
ever
fight mad.’

‘Then do it,’ she said, her lips against his, her breathlessness fusing with his.

He looked into her eyes, pulled back just a couple of inches.

‘What you came down here for – just do it,’ she said, blinking away tears of hating herself for needing him at that moment. ‘Prove what you are. Prove me right. The real you. Not the mask you’ve been showing me.’

Breathlessness escaped through his parted lips – breathlessness from arousal, from their scuffle, no doubt from her glare locked on his.

Her anger soared that it felt so right. That despite needing to shove him away, she desired only to pull him closer; wanted nothing more than to feel him inside her, to feel him take control, to make her feel safe again, secure, to feel his skin against hers, his heat, his strength – to claim him back for all of the wrong reasons and none of the right.

‘And lower my defences in the process?’ he asked. ‘Are you going to finish me off this time? One way or another? Is that why you’re holding back?’

‘I thought you said you weren’t scared of me.’

He braced his legs, created a solid wall against her. Knotting her wrists, he pinned them above her head with one hand to free the other. She heard the clink of metal as he unbuckled his belt before he eased the crotch of her knickers aside.

She instinctively slammed one foot to the wall opposite, just above the handrail as she felt him push his way inside her just an inch. She snatched back a breath, lowered her head to his shoulder, bracing herself for what she knew wasn’t going to be a gentle penetration.

And she was right.

Grabbing the back of her other thigh, he lifted her knee to his waist as Jessie instinctively slammed that foot against the handrail too. He thrust in a move that was prolonged, forceful, agonisingly controlled.

She breathed deeply into his ear as he pushed to enter her further. ‘I hate you,’ she hissed.

He knotted his hand at the nape of her neck to tug her head back so she was forced to look him in the eyes. ‘For now, I’ll let you.’

But there was no anger, no hatred, no hostility in
his
gaze – just thick, palpable desire as he held her there with every ounce of strength he had, his parted legs braced, one held back slightly more than the other to secure his balance, his counterweight holding her against the wall.

She knew that was the time to fight back, but she didn’t want to. As he trapped her against the wall, filled her completely with his final hard thrust, she stared right back at him, their mingling breath as ragged and uncontrolled as each other’s.

And she let him wrap his arm around the small of her back, slam her onto her back on the stairs with such force that it could have damaged her if she was human.

He let her go only to tear off his T-shirt, to rip the buttons off the front of her dress as he tore it open, snatched her underwear off before tugging down his own. As he quickly found her sex again, this time he didn’t pin her hands down, instead he clasped the back of her neck, slammed his free hand onto the dusty step at her shoulders, his bent and braced arm flexing every bicep, every muscle in his abdomen tensed as he lowered his head, his penetration even less restrained.

She drew her knees high up his taut, firm sides, consumed with the desire, the need, to take him as deep as she could. She stared at the ceiling, dug her nails into his waist before she curled her head into his neck.

‘I want you,’ he whispered in her ear, his fingers entangling in the hair at the nape of her neck. ‘I want to be with you. And it’s killing me.’

Her insides clenched. She instinctively wrapped both legs around his waist, keeping him close to her, inside her, not caring that the steps dug into her back.

In the distance she could hear the window with the loose catch banging in the breeze, the smattering of rain against the thin glass, and pounding on the concrete outside like horses galloping past. The music resounded above, not even the laughter passing the door throwing Eden off his pace as he continued to penetrate her relentlessly.

She grabbed his hips before she clutched his bare behind, solid and tense in her hands as he thrust, sliding in and out of her with ease as their wetness mingled. She pressed herself against him under the force of his penetration, curled into the hardness of his chest, his neck wet from her lips. She dug her nails into his back then his shoulders as she cried out, one hand clutching the hair at the back of his head, the other slamming to his solid chest.

And she came, came so hard that she wrapped her arm tight around his neck, pulled him down onto her, deeper into her as ripples of pleasure shot through her body nearly as powerfully as his climax that followed seconds behind hers.

Lights flashed, darkness ebbed, her body ached as every nerve ending fired in defeat. The sensation, the freefall, was intoxicating. She bunched her hand into a fist against his back, felt the rhythm of her breathing match his, let his perspiration bathe her as she surrendered herself to the intimacy of him spilling inside her.

Just for a moment, she held him.

Then she fell lax, her hand covering her eyes, the other covering her mouth, her chest burning, her legs trembling.

He withdrew moments later to sit against the wall, allowing her to close her legs again, to push her clothing back to mid-thigh before she eased back against the wall opposite.

A couple of glimmering droplets of perspiration slid down his bare chest as he wiped the back of his wrist across his forehead. He eased the front of his shorts up but left his jeans open and low on his hips, hinting at the dark smattering of hair dipping deep below his abdomen. Though waning, his bulge still pressed through the gap in his jeans, his legs apart in a masculine stance. One arm fell lax on the step beside him, his other clutching the handrail behind his head, flexing those arms and chest muscles again.

With a sigh, he rested his head back against the rail, looked at her from under his eyelashes. There in his eyes she saw sadness, as if now the moment was over, reality had struck again. As if he had that sinking feeling, just as she did, that this was the best it was ever going to be. That even if he was telling her the truth, even if she had misread the situation, it could never be anything more. One day he’d either be out of there, long gone, or she’d be nothing but invisible to him like she was to the rest of them, watching on like a ghost as he built his life in Pummel’s walls – or owned them.

If any of them survived that long.

Thoughts of anything beyond that and she was fooling herself.

And it hurt. Deep in the pit of her gut, it hurt like hell.

She reached for her underwear and moved to stand but he rested his hand over the top of hers. It was a move than made her heart skip a beat, then plummet. Because she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t allow herself to keep falling deeper into a bottomless darkness where the pain would only intensify, the loneliness eventually consume her.

She looked back at him, nearly melted under his gaze. ‘I can’t do this,’ she said, the words catching in her throat before leaving her lips with more reluctance than she would have thought possible. ‘I should never have agreed to this. I’m sorry.’

And she pulled her hand free from his, making her way unsteadily down the rest of the stairs.

H
is whole body ached
, but no more than his heart. Because his titanium, third-species target had said more in those few moments as she’d stared back at him, as she’d pulled her hand away, than she had in the three days he’d known her.

He clenched his fist against his forehead.

There, in the pit of that row, in an act that could have been as raw and sordid and brutal as it could have been, it had been anything but sex for him and, as he had then seen in her eyes, for her too. She
liked
him. And it tore at him and scratched at him and made him bleed more than if she had physically retaliated. She’d given himself to him
again
and it made him feel like more the bastard than he knew he already was.

But he wasn’t. More than anything, the compulsion to follow her told him
this
was the final game changer. Because the pang in his heart convinced him she had become more than just his target – Jessie had become someone to him. And there was no way he was letting her believe there was no hope when she’d just shown him that he was now fighting for even more than what he’d come there for.

He would free her from that dark, twisted, malignant row that held her – whatever it took.

Eden yanked up his shorts and jeans, grabbed his T-shirt and followed behind her.

He would
make
her believe in him.

He reached the bottom of the steps. Scanned the room. He looked behind crates and abandoned pieces of furniture, but she had gone. He felt a surge of panic until he noticed a glimmer of moonlight coming through the boards ahead. Sliding his fingers between them, he felt them move. He pushed them aside and barely squeezed through the gap, one that, no doubt, would have been effortless for her.

He stepped out into the breezy, rain-soaked courtyard, but there was no sign of Jessie. He continued on through the gap into the next. Then ahead, he saw it. In the brick wall was a gap, this one a deep and narrow V. As he looked through, seeing the alley beyond, he worked out exactly where Jessie had come from that night – how she got in and out of the lock-up so furtively. And now she was stood in front of it, slamming a rock against the padlock with a force he’d not yet seen, the rain pouring around her, a flash of lightning igniting the alley, the music and laughter spilling out from the buildings behind.

Too big to squeeze through the gap, he instead used the jutting bricks as an aid to climb over the wall before nimbly descending the other side.

He reached the mesh door just as she slammed it before hurrying across the room to her inner sanctum, no doubt with the intention of locking him out of there instead.

But he got there just after her, the door almost rebounding off him from the force as he kicked it open. He caught it in his hand as he stared through the darkness.

He leaned against the doorframe, knowing she’d be able to see him even if he couldn’t see her. ‘Jess, we need to talk.’

It was a couple of minutes before he heard a match being struck, saw a soft glow of light to his left.

Seeing her perch on the edge of the sofa, he closed the door behind him.

As darkness pressed in on her from every corner, she clutched something in her hands. And he knew what.

He’d passed the tiny store on the way back to the row earlier when he’d headed back with the contents of Pummel’s list. The packet of pencils in the window had caught his eye. At first he'd walked past, but then he’d backed up.

He’d left them on the sofa for her to find.

He never bought gifts unless they were for his family, but the urge to get her something had been overwhelming. And it had been about more than just another attempt to win her over. He knew a bigger part of him wanted to do it because he wanted to make her smile, his way of letting her know that someone had thought about her.

Even as he’d retreated, he’d turned back to look at them once more, had wondered if he’d done the right thing. Thankfully, he’d left them there.

Now she clenched his gift in her hands. ‘What’s this?’ she asked, meeting his gaze.

‘I thought they’d come in useful.’

Her eyes narrowed. ‘For bribing me?’

He sat down beside her. ‘You might find this hard to believe, but people
are
capable of doing nice things sometimes, Jessie, simply because they can. It’s not always about ulterior motives.’

‘But I know what your ulterior motive is, remember?’

The suspicion that remained in her eyes hurt more than he knew it should have – for her sake, as well as his. ‘You don’t even
know
how to handle someone being nice to you, do you?’

‘And that’s what
that
just was, was it – you being nice?’

‘You asked for it that way. I told you I have no qualms in giving you what you want.’

‘Except to leave me alone – because that doesn’t suit you, does it?’

He frowned, irritation striking his chest again. ‘I’m getting a little sick of this toing and froing, Jessie. This one step forward and two steps back.’

‘You and me both. Which is why I told you this is over,’ she said, placing the pencils aside before pulling away from the sofa. ‘It’s not fair to either of us.’

‘You want out of here,’ he said, following her, ‘and
I
want you out of here. What’s the fucking complication? What do I have to do to make you extend a little bit of faith in my direction?’

‘I did,’ she said, spinning to face him. ‘Then I walked in and saw you with Tatum. Saw you…’

The pain in her eyes struck a chord way too deep.

‘You can’t even say it, can you?’ He closed the gap between them, needing to be rid of the space between them. ‘What was it that did it, Jessie? What was the clincher?’

He already knew. He just needed to hear her say it. He needed
her
to hear her say it. He needed it out in the open. Now.

‘What do
you
think?’ This time her steely glare was molten. ‘You gave me hope up in my room, and then you kissed
her
. I know you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do – I’m not naïve. I know how this works. You could have let her kiss you but… you kissed her back, Eden.’

His heart pounded a little harder as her true feelings finally unravelled before him. ‘You’re jealous?’

‘I’ve been jealous from the moment she touched you. What just happened in that lounge was worse though. Even around here, a kiss can mean something. And if you’re even thinking of telling me it meant nothing to you, all you’re admitting is how cold, how hard, how determined you really are.’ She paused for only a second. ‘You said you’re not my enemy – that kiss
made
you my enemy more than anything else you’ve done.’

Warmth saturated his chest. ‘Then what was that on the stairs if I’m your enemy?’

‘That was closure.’

‘No,’ he said, stepping closer. ‘You don’t get to walk away from me, Jessie – not with how I felt back there. You think I’m going to give up because you’re having some kind of hissy-fit?’

Her eyes widened with indignation. ‘Hissy-fit?’

‘Yes, Jessie,’ he said, his hands low on his hips, his gaze staring hers down. ‘A hissy-fit. That’s what I call it when someone is so confused, the feelings inside so intense, so messed up that the only thing they can do is throw up barriers rather than face what’s going on inside. You care about me but what terrifies you more is that you now know I care about you. You felt it back on those stairs as much as I did. The only difference is, I’m less scared of facing it than the prospect of losing you, whereas you’d rather lose me, let me walk away, than face the alternative.’

She took a step back. ‘You have no idea what the alternative is.’

‘Because you’re too fucking distrustful, too consumed by this place to
help
me understand.’ He closed the gap between them again. ‘Do you want to know how many times I’ve let myself come like that? Unprotected? Been that at ease, that relaxed, that caught up in the moment that I didn’t care of the implications? Once. Back there. That was my first time.’

Her eyes flared for a moment. But then they narrowed again. ‘Because there were no implications.’

‘
Don’t
,’ he said, hoping the gravity in his voice was as clear to her as it felt to him. ‘Don’t you
dare
fucking treat that admittance like it’s another lie.’

‘But that’s just it. You’re asking me to give up everything based on
your
word – my home, my security, my freedom, my life – and hand it all to you. Three days, Eden – I’ve known you less than three days. Have you any idea how crazy that is?’

He held her gaze for a moment longer before he dragged himself away. He grabbed the first thing he could – a ball from the pool table – and smashed it against the far wall.

J
essie flinched
, her attention dropping to the ball as it clinked to the floor before she stared back at Eden.

He stood with his back to her, taking deep and steady breaths, his interlaced hands clenched at the back of his neck.

Never had she felt so pathetic. Never had she felt more like Pummel had won. Never had she felt more sickened about flogging herself. Only now she was flogging Eden in the process, his powerful response telling her just how much she was putting him through. Something that every instinct told her he didn’t deserve.

Her throat constricted as she fought back the tears – tears that were harder to fight when she heard him sniff back his, taking a deep masculine breath as if to deny them. Tears of anger, tears of frustration, tears of sadness – she couldn’t be sure.

But, like him, she
had
finally had enough of the toing and froing.

She needed one final way to be sure. She made her way over to one of the crates. She lifted the lid and rooted around in the musty blankets. She took the pack of syringes out that she had taken from The Row and removed one. She slipped it into the skin of her inner elbow, as routinely as a diabetic, before drawing out her blood.

Re-joining Eden, hand trembling more than she hoped it would, she handed it across to him. ‘A syringe is all you need. Take it to your niece. The longer it has been out of my body, the weaker it becomes. You won’t have long.’

He looked down at her offering before his red-rimmed eyes locked on hers. ‘It’s your
blood
? It’s your blood that heals? Just like with vampires?’

‘And like I keep telling you: just as temporary. I’m not trying to hurt you, Eden; I’m just being honest with you. I’m telling you I can’t handle it. I can’t handle seeing you like you were tonight. I can’t play this game. I’m starting to feel too much for you. I never intended to, but it’s happening. We’re crazy believing you can get your hands on that necklace in the next two days. And the longer this goes on, the tougher the sentence for me. I really am sorry.’ She wiped a tear from her eye. ‘What happened back there was more than it should have been. And if we keep going like this, you’re going to end up dead and I’m…’ She pressed her lips together. ‘I
can’t
let it happen to you. We both lost it back there. We could lose it again.’

‘I didn’t
lose
it – I
let
it happen. I wanted it to happen. I wanted it to happen with
you
. You talk about a kiss; well I’ve kissed countless women.
You
, I can’t. That should tell you more.’

Her heart pounded as she stared at him. As the darkness closed in on her, she could only see the light – the same metaphorical light that she had seen when he’d looked up at her on his knees that first night she’d laid eyes on him, his life in her hands.

‘It’s got fuck all to do with me not wanting to,’ he added. ‘Because I do. But if I kiss you, I
know
I’m not leaving without you. Whatever that entails.’

‘And that scares you?’

‘It fucking terrifies me.’

She bit anxiously into her bottom lip as she held his gaze, equally knowing what the implication meant. ‘If those pencils really were a gift, no strings attached, that’s the kindest thing anyone’s done for me in a long time. I think this would make us even. That little girl needs you more than I do. I’m big enough to look after myself.’

‘So am I,’ he said, holding her gaze. ‘It didn’t stop you saving
my
life.’

‘That was my choice. You don’t owe me for it. But if you feel you do, then do this for me. Get as far away from here as you can, while you still can.’

He looked down at the syringe in her open, cupped palm again before he looked back into her eyes. ‘I can’t.’

Her throat tightened. ‘Yes, you can. For that little girl, you can.’

He shook his head, his gaze unfaltering. ‘I can save you both.’

She exhaled tersely. ‘Not in time.’

‘Fuck time,’ he said. ‘Nobody ever has enough of it. It’s what you do with it that counts.’

The resilience that once infuriated her now made her want to wrap her arms around him. ‘You’re a fighter to the core, aren’t you, Eden Reece?’

‘Mostly I’m a pain in the arse. But luckily my indisputable charm makes up for it,’ he said with a faint smile. Then the sombreness was back. ‘I feel I should ask if you want me to go, but I know you’ll lie. I’ll know you’ll say yes.’ He closed the gap. He brushed her hair back from her shoulder. ‘But you’ve been telling me to go since the minute I got here.’ He cupped her neck, rested his thumb beneath her chin. ‘So how about, just for a change, you beg me to stay? How about you make the demands
you
want,’ he said, taking the syringe from her hand and dropping it to the floor as he closed the gap between them, ‘instead of everyone making demands of you. I’ll ask you again – what do you want from me, Jessie?’

She still wasn’t convinced she was doing the right thing, but after this she knew she’d know.

Her heart was worth the risk to know.

‘I want you to kiss me, Eden.’

She stopped breathing as his hands cupped her neck, his thumbs beneath her jawline to tilt her mouth to his. His lips met hers – warm, soft, masculine lips that tenderly caressed hers as if they had all the time in the world, as if nothing else mattered, as if everything could just fade away around them.