Blood & Thunder (28 page)

Sloane nodded and Dex didn’t give it another thought. He laced his fingers with Sloane’s and led him to the stairs. Wrapping an arm around him, he helped Sloane upstairs. The guy looked like he was ready to pass out. As soon as Dex switched on the bathroom lights, Sloane made a dash to the toilet. He dropped to his knees and hurled into the bowl. Well, this was nothing he hadn’t done for his brother and vice versa. He knelt down beside Sloane and rubbed a hand soothingly over his back.

“It’s okay, buddy. Let it all out.” After giving Sloane’s back a pat, he rose and went to the cabinet underneath the sink. He grabbed a small plastic cup, a couple of paper towels from the roll he kept down there, and a bottle of mouthwash, then took a seat on the floor beside Sloane. When the guy was finally done, Dex handed him a paper towel, followed by some mouthwash. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Sloane grumbled, before spitting out a mouthful of the minty blue liquid into the bowl. “I must reek.”

“You do, but you left behind a couple of T-shirts and a pair of sweatpants. I’ll get them for you.”

“You ever wish you were anyone else but you?”

Dex paused. He opened his mouth, but Sloane waved a hand in his face. “Don’t answer that. You don’t. I know you don’t. Why would you? You’re so good.” Dex’s confusion must have shown, because Sloane cupped Dex’s face in his big hands. “Being around you… I don’t hate myself so much.”

“Why would you hate yourself? Hey, look at me.” Dex ran a hand over Sloane’s head. “Whatever happened, it doesn’t change the fact you’re a good guy.”

Sloane shook his head, the tears in his eyes catching Dex by surprise. Jesus, what the hell had happened? This was the first he’d seen Sloane like this.

“I keep telling myself I should walk away from you, that it would hurt less than you walking out on me, but I’m too much of a coward. Can’t walk away, can’t stay. I don’t know what the hell to do anymore.”

“Why would I walk out on you when all I’ve been trying to do for months is convince you how much I want to be with you?”

Sloane shook his head, his hands falling to his sides in defeat. “You don’t want to be with me, Dex. You shouldn’t be.”

“Stop. I don’t know what’s happened, but nothing’s changed.”

Sloane let out a harsh laugh. “It will.”

“I’m not going to walk away.”

“You have to,” Sloane insisted, his words slightly slurred. “For your own good.”

“Damn it, Sloane, what the hell is going on?”

“I need to go.” Sloane moved to get up, and Dex put a stop to that, his hands on Sloane’s shoulders. He gave them a squeeze.

“You think I’m letting you out of my sight while you’re like this? I’m getting you a change of clothes, and you’re crashing here.”

“Leave me alone.” Sloane pushed himself to his feet, wavering and grabbing onto the sink to steady himself.

“Not a chance.” If Sloane thought Dex was going to back off that easy, he had another think coming. There was no way Dex was letting Sloane leave this house, even if he had to knock the guy out himself to keep him there.

“Fuck off!” Sloane spat out.

“I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

Sloane turned, looking distraught. “You don’t understand.”

“Then help me understand.”

Sloane pushed past Dex, stumbling through the bedroom. Before he reached the stairs, Dex grabbed him by the shirt and jerked him back. The last thing he wanted was for Sloane to break his neck on the stairs, or bring them both crashing down. Sober, Dex wouldn’t have been able to budge him, but shitfaced was another matter. Sloane flailed and hit the hall carpet with a loud thud. He rolled onto his side, making a low growling noise. Ignoring him, Dex reached down to help, only to have Sloane grab his ankle and pull it out from under him. With a groan, Dex found himself on his back with Sloane leaning over him, a fist hovering over Dex’s face. Making sure not to make too sudden a movement, Dex reached out and wrapped his hand around Sloane’s fist. He remained silent, his eyes not moving from his partner’s.

The fist in Dex’s hand started to shake. Pulling it away, Sloane fell back onto his ass, his knees drawn up and apart as he hung his head in his hands. Not knowing what to expect, Dex carefully sat up and nudged closer inch by inch, when Sloane grabbed his arm and dragged him onto his lap. Dex shifted his position so he could face Sloane, slipping his arms around him and feeling a sense of relief when Sloane held him tightly to him, his face buried against Dex’s neck, whispering, “I’m not a monster.”

Dex ran a soothing hand over Sloane’s head. “I know that.” Sloane shook his head, a shuddered sigh escaping him, moisture against Dex’s neck.

“Whatever you hear, whatever they say, please… don’t believe it.” Dex opened his mouth to reassure him, when Sloane’s choked voice whispered in his ear. “I never meant to hurt her. I’m not a monster.”

Dex held Sloane, whispering soothing words and rubbing a hand over his back. When Sloane had stopped sniffing and let out a shuddered breath, Dex gently urged him to stand. With great effort, Dex helped his sluggish partner to his feet and into the bedroom. He guided Sloane to what he considered his side of the bed and sat him down. Sloane lay on his side, his eyes bloodshot, dark circles around them. Dex kissed him, brushed his hair away from his face, and went about undressing him. Sloane was out for the count by the time Dex had him dressed in the spare T-shirt and loose sweatpants. He emptied out Sloane’s pockets before collecting the clothes and carrying them downstairs to the basement to chuck them in the washing machine. Once back upstairs, he turned off everything as he made his way back to the bedroom, feeling numb.

Tonight had been a strange and disturbing night. He didn’t know what had brought all this about, but he sure as hell was going to ask his partner about it in the morning. Once he’d brushed his teeth and changed, he climbed into bed beside Sloane who’d rolled himself onto his back. There was so much Dex didn’t know about his partner, about his past, and he tried not to dwell on it. Sloane was a good guy, he knew that much. Dex trusted him, though at times he thought he was crazy for doing so. His eyes landed on Sloane’s hands, and Dex took one gently in his. He gave the back of it a kiss before turning it over, his thumb brushing over the faint line on his wrist. Sloane had suffered in his youth. So much so, he’d been desperate to escape any way he could. That much he’d told Dex.

“Why won’t you let me help you?” He held onto Sloane’s hand and closed his eyes, hoping Sloane might explain tomorrow, though he wouldn’t hold his breath. He had to try to get through to his partner for both their sakes.

T
HE
NEXT
morning, Dex had gotten up before Sloane for the first time ever. Most likely due to the fact he’d barely slept. He dragged himself out of bed and made coffee, and breakfast. After he’d eaten, he sat at the counter wondering if he should wake Sloane up before Dex headed out, when he heard Sloane coming down the stairs. His heart squeezed at the sight of Sloane standing in his pajamas and unlaced biker boots, looking disheveled and fragile.

“Hi,” Sloane croaked. He cleared his throat and rubbed his arm, trying again. “Hi.”

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“As shitty as I probably look.” His voice was hoarse, and he shifted uncomfortably, but he didn’t move from where he stood.

Dex waved a hand in dismissal. “Nah, you look fine.” Sloane narrowed his eyes at him, and Dex cringed. “Yeah, okay, you look pretty shitty.”

“I appreciate your honesty.”

“Coffee?”

“No, thanks. I’m uh, gonna go. Thank you for not slamming the door in my face.”

“You’re my partner.” Dex got up, but didn’t move from his spot, afraid if he did, Sloane would leave. So far, he’d said he was going to, but hadn’t. Dex took that as a good sign. However, Sloane’s inability to look him in the eye, wasn’t such a good sign.

“How can you keep being so good to me? I don’t deserve it.”

“I’m worried about you.”

“I’m worried too.”

Dex couldn’t hold back anymore. He walked around the counter and approached his partner. “Sloane? What’s going on? You’re really freaking me out here.”

“I gotta go.” Sloane turned, but Dex caught his arm. He couldn’t let him leave, not like this, not without giving him
something
.

“Goddamn it, Sloane. Last night you were so shitfaced, I’m amazed you managed to stay on your feet, yet out of everywhere you could have gone, you came here. You came to me. Why can’t you let yourself trust me? Forget what is or isn’t going on between us. Trust me.”

“I’m scared.”

Sloane’s confession startled Dex. “Of what?”

“Of going back there. Of not being strong enough. I can’t drag you down with me.” Again, Sloane tried to walk off, when Dex called out after him.

“What happened to her?”

Sloane stopped in his tracks. “What?”

“Last night. Before you passed out, you told me you never meant to hurt her. That you weren’t a monster.” He watched Sloane rub his hands over his face in frustration, before he cursed under his breath. “Yeah, I figured you probably never meant for me to hear that. When’s the right time for me to hear it, Sloane? When you’re gone? When I’m helpless to do anything to help you?”

Sloane stood, and just when Dex thought the guy was going to make a break for it, he spoke up, his back still to Dex. “Dr. Freedman isn’t his real name. His name is Dr. Abraham Shultzon. He saved my life. Twice. The second time, you sort of know about.” He turned to face Dex, and the expression in his partner’s amber eyes crushed Dex’s heart. It was fear mixed with desperation, self-loathing, and God knew what else. “All you need to know is if the public finds out what he knows…. They’ll demand more than my resignation. They’ll want to see me put in a cage. The THIRDS will lose credibility. They’ll demand to know about all the other First Gen agents. Ash….” Sloane put a hand to his head, and Dex crossed the distance between them, leading Sloane to the couch to sit.

“Take it easy. We won’t let that happen. Come on, Sloane. We can do this. Destructive Delta hasn’t left a case unsolved. I’ll be damned if this becomes the first. We’ll find Dr. Shultzon, and we’ll stop Isaac. But we can’t do it without our Team Leader.” Dex knelt before him, meeting his lover’s reddened gaze. “Shultzon believed in you. He might have helped you become the agent you are today, but that never would have happened if it wasn’t in you. I don’t know what hell you suffered, but the important thing is, you made it out, and you’re stronger for it.”

“Why do you do it?” The words were spoken so softly, Dex barely heard them.

“Do what?”

“Believe in me like that. You don’t know any more about me than what I choose to show you, yet no matter what, you never lose faith in me.”

Dex smiled at him, his hand stroking Sloane’s arm. “You’re my partner, and because I care about you.”

“I… I need to go. Please.”

“Okay.” Dex nodded and stood, taking a step to one side, his hands shoved into his pockets. It hurt. It shouldn’t. Not this soon. Dex was screwed and he knew it. He watched Sloane head for the door and something in him broke. “Don’t go.”

Sloane stopped in his tracks, but didn’t turn around, didn’t speak.

“I know I should let you do whatever you need to do, whatever you’ve always done, but things are different now. You’re not alone anymore, Sloane. It’s not just about you. I know it sounds selfish, with everything you’re going through, and maybe it is, but I want to be there for you. I want to do whatever I can. I’m your partner, but… I’m also more than that, aren’t I? You don’t have to tell me everything. I won’t push you for answers. But please, stay. Don’t make me stand on the sidelines with everyone else.” Dex was exceptionally still, afraid if he made any movement at all, Sloane would disappear. He didn’t want to be on the outside looking in.

Dex held his breath, his teeth worrying his bottom lip. In his head, he prepared himself for disappointment. Months ago, when they’d been doing their dance around each other, Sloane had told him he’d grown up leaning on others, until they all left him and there was no one left to lean on except Ash. Sloane had grown accustomed to not needing anyone for anything until Gabe, and then Gabe was ripped from his life.

“You said it yourself. No matter what, I don’t lose faith in you. Well, maybe it’s time you have some faith in me. You
know
me. Whatever happens between us, you know I wouldn’t walk away from you, so please, don’t walk away from me.”

Sloane let out a shuddered breath and ran a hand over his face. He carried on to the door, and Dex’s heart plummeted. Not wanting to see him disappear, Dex went upstairs, his chest constricted. If Sloane couldn’t stay now, what possible future could they have together? Dex sat on the edge of his bed, trying not to give in to the sense of loss. Maybe that was the point. Maybe they had no future together. Was he really surprised?

The door closed downstairs, the sound reverberating through the silent house, and Dex cursed himself for being such an idiot, for ignoring the warnings in his head over and over. He leaned his elbows on his legs and let his head fall into his hands. Well, what else could he do but get on with it? He still had a job to do, and regardless of how Sloane felt about them, Dex wouldn’t give up on helping his partner through whatever hell storm awaited them. He got to his feet and froze.

“Sorry,” Sloane said quietly. “I was trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t result in you punching me in the face.”

“What makes you think I’d punch you?” Sloane wasn’t wrong. It was exactly what Dex wanted to do, but his stupid heart kept him from carrying through with it.

“No matter how hard I try to stay away, I keep coming back, and you let me.”

If the guy wanted an answer to his unspoken question of why Dex was allowing it, he wouldn’t be getting one, mostly because Dex didn’t have one. “Misery loves company, right?”

Sloane shook his head. “I don’t want you to be miserable, Dex. That’s why I keep pushing you away.”

For all his Team Leader’s smarts, sometimes he could be pretty damn thick. “If you haven’t noticed, that has the exact opposite effect.”