Bloody Acquisitions (Fred Book 3) (18 page)

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Authors: Drew Hayes

Tags: #undeath and taxes, #fred the vampire, #Vampires, #paranormal, #the utterly uninteresting and unadventurous tales of fred the vampire accountant, #vampire humor, #paranormal satire, #vampire satire

BOOK: Bloody Acquisitions (Fred Book 3)
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That was my cue. I rose from the desk, contracts in hand, and made my way around the large table, now almost completely cleared off of all the clutter we’d needed to work with. I laid a stack of documents in front of Ainsley, then Zane, before returning to my seat, where an identical packet was already waiting. They began flipping through the pages the moment they got them, and before I was even settled, I heard Ainsley’s voice echo through the room.

“Joint custody?”


Temporary
joint custody,” Asha corrected. “Since neither of you is willing to give up your claim on the tools, it seemed like this was the best way to determine who should get them. For the next year, you’ll alternate days where the enchanting tools are yours to use. In that time, you will both work to build the Clover business as best you can. You’ll find and book your own clients, do your own work, and make your own money. After a year’s time, Fred and I will sit down to look at the numbers. Whoever does the best business will get the tools. Couldn’t be more fair.”

“Why should I have to compete for my rightful inheritance?” Ainsley demanded.

“Because it’s not yours yet.” I actually hadn’t planned on speaking, but sometimes poor social skills means blurting out the things you didn’t want to say as much as losing the chance to say the ones you did. Still, I’d stepped in it, so it seemed the best course of action was to press on. “Your father’s will left you both equal claim to these tools. Maybe he did want you to have them; everyone seems to agree you’re the better enchanter. But maybe he wanted you to earn them, rather than just be given them. This way, neither of you ever has to wonder if Herbram chose the right person to carry on the legacy. The winner will be the one who proves themselves most worthy.”

My eyes may have flicked to Zane at that, and I caught sight of a small grin on the corner of his lips. To my surprise, Ainsley actually seemed to calm down as well. Maybe she and Zane weren’t so different, after all; they both wanted the chance to show that they were the rightful heir.

“Now, obviously, there is always the chance that in the coming year you might need to work together on something,” Asha said, bringing us back to the technical arrangements she and I had planned out. “The Clover name is a prestigious one, and Zane might find a client who needs an enchantment that even Herbram would have struggled with. In those cases, rather than doing a slipshod job or turning the client down altogether, there is a provision allowing him to work with Ainsley. You both get equal credit for the job, and the payment is split evenly into both your ledgers. Much as we want to see who the best is, I think we can all agree that preserving the Clover reputation is equally important.”

Zane and Ainsley both nodded, almost in unison. It was possibly the first thing I’d seen them agree on since arriving at the mansion. Asha was visibly relieved; getting this far along meant that they weren’t dismissing the idea outright. Truth be told, we didn’t have a Plan B if this failed, aside from waiting for one of them to crack. For their sakes, I hoped they went along with our idea. It seemed a good bet that either one actually winning sole ownership of the tools would drive a wedge between them that would not be easily broken. And nothing, not even a generations-long legacy, was worth losing their family over.

“There is one more provision to discuss.” Asha turned a page in her own packet, a signal for them to do the same, which neither twin picked up on. “Should the year end and you decide that more time is needed, perhaps because there are joint projects to finish or business to wrap up, you can elect to not call us back for the review. In which case, the agreement rolls over for another year. However, and I cannot stress this enough, should that happen, then the rules change slightly.”

Zane and Ainsley leaned in closer, as did Bubba and Amy for some reason. I guess after being cooped up for so long, even contract discussion was exciting for them to watch.

“The first year is an impartial timeframe. You both start from the same place and get the same amount of time to work in,” Asha explained. “After that, it’s a little different. One of you could backend your business, destroy in the second year, and then call us in to review what looks like a successful business when it is really an emptied out pipeline. So, in the interest of fairness, if you collectively choose not to call us in at the end of the first year, the contract stays in effect until you both agree to have us make the determination. Neither of you gets to pull a fast one on the other. Any objections?”

“My sister and I sometimes have . . . issues . . . seeing eye-to-eye,” Zane said. “It might take a while before we can agree on a year when we both feel like we’ve got a shot at winning.”

Which, in truth, was exactly what Asha and I were counting on. These two were skillful in their own right, but neither would be as strong alone as they were together. If they could never agree on a year to bring us back, then they’d be stuck with each other, building the family business bigger and more respected than it ever was before. And, more importantly, neither had to lose or resent the other over their father’s legacy.

“Then just have us come in at the end of the first year,” Asha replied, keeping a far better poker face than I would have managed. “We added that stipulation for your benefit, not ours, in case you decide one year isn’t long enough. Either of you can call us to make the determination at the end of that first year. Of course, since this is a competition, I’d have to advise you to keep your books secret from one another. But honestly, they’re your records, do what you want with them.”

“About that . . . .” Ainsley’s voice had cooled; quick as she was to anger, she was just as fast at letting it go—at least when not being continually provoked. “Zane and I aren’t really the best record keepers, and this seems like it requires a lot of that.”

“I’d recommend you both hire personal assistants, then,” Asha suggested. “You’ve got the cash for it, and I’m sure there are countless younger mages that would jump at the chance to work for the Clover family. Just to ensure accuracy though, Fred has agreed to do a quarterly review of both sets of books. For a fair rate, of course.”

Neither had an immediate argument for that; I was about as independent a party as they were going to get. Instead, they looked at each other across the table, for what might very well have been the first time they’d made eye contact since their initial fight.

“I’m okay with this if you are,” Zane said, breaking the silence first. “We both get a fair shot at Dad’s tools, and it’s not the best enchanter or schmoozer that wins. It’s whoever does the best business.”

“My quality versus your quantity.” Ainsley actually smiled as she spoke, nodding her head just a bit. “At least we can put the argument to bed. And I want you to know that, when I win, there will still be a place for you in the company. Those valets need supervising.”

“I was about to say the same to you, though I was going to let you know that your new office will be in the corner of the basement,” Zane teased back.

Just like that, the tension that had been filling the mansion since that red bubble first appeared began to dissipate. Asha pulled out several pens and slid them down to where the twins were sitting.

“Let’s get you to sign those documents, and when you’re happy with that, we can have you autograph Herbram’s will and get the hell out of here.”

“Sounds good to me,” Zane agreed, reaching for a pen. “And, Ainsley, I’m sorry. Not just about this fight, but about all the partying lately. It’s just that the mansion feels kind of . . . empty since Dad passed. I guess I was trying to avoid that as much as possible.”

“I know,” Ainsley said, picking up her own pen as well. “I always knew that was why you were doing it, but instead of leaving my workshop, I just shut the doors tighter. That’s where he and I used to do most of our work, and if I got deep enough in a project, I could sort of forget that he was gone for a little while. But I should have come out to check on how you were doing, instead of leaving you alone. So, I’m sorry, too.”

The loud pop that filled the air rattled the table, along with everything else in the room that was not bolted down. Right on the heels of the burst was the screech of music that I’d managed to forget was playing, along with the chatter of hundreds of people out on the lawn, moving about like nothing had happened. Which, for them, it hadn’t.

We all stared at each other, momentarily shocked by the sudden change. All save for Amy, whose now glowing orange eyes merely swept the room before she gave a half-hearted shrug.

“Guess you just needed to apologize, after all.”

 

 

 

8.

 

To my incredible relief, no longer being trapped inside a pocket dimension didn’t dampen Ainsley and Zane’s enthusiasm for the agreement. Asha and I walked them through the contracts, while Bubba and Amy helped the rest of the guards shut down the party. This was done half because we wanted less noise while working, and half because he and Amy had done a lot of cooking and alchemy experiments downstairs, which meant that the longer people were down there, the greater the chance of them noticing the sudden changes. Thankfully, the fight had come after the party was in full swing, which meant most of the guests were too liquored up to notice anything more than a few inches in front of them. Cars were pulled up, drivers taken off break, and one by one, the wealthy and well-dressed guests were hustled off the Clover property.

Meanwhile, we spent an hour and a half walking the twins through every page before they signed, making certain they understood what they were agreeing to. Anyone could see their eyes glaze over after the first fifteen minutes, but Asha and I were professionals, and as such, we were accustomed to that, just as we knew it didn’t change our duty to explain it all anyway. Better bored for an hour than feeling swindled for a lifetime.

Finally, the guests were gone and the last signatures on our contracts were drying. Each got an equal share of the estate—which had been a much easier task after we’d pulled the tools out of the equation—and now, there was only one document left to sign, but it was by far the most important.

Herbram’s will was as thick and largely illegible as ever. Asha set it down at the far end of the table, forcing both Zane and Ainsley to walk over to it. I’ll confess that, up to this point, I’d been worried that there was some other aspect to signing that we weren’t privy to. A magical quill, ink from their own blood, really anything along those lines. As it turned out, a cheap plastic pen and regular ink did the job, as each of the twins leaned over and scratched their signatures onto the bottom of the page. Unimpressive as the signing was, what came next was a sight to behold.

Just as Zane finished scrawling out his name, the pages began to glow a faint red, not unlike the bubble that had held us prisoner for so long. They began to twitch before he’d even fully backed away, quickly escalating to a full flutter, like the wind was rustling only the pages and nothing else in the room. The movements grew more and more violent, until the pages flew up from the table, swirling around the room in an intangible tornado. They danced all around us, always coming close but never quite making contact, before they began to head back to the end of the table. Rather than landing in a pile, however, each page seemed to fold as it drew closer, pressing into the others that had already taken shapes of their own. In less than a minute, they’d all landed, folding and connecting to form a large red box. Slowly, the glow began to fade, and I could see that the object was no longer made of paper. No, now it was a smooth metal covered in rapidly fading runes, zero seams or signs that it had ever been formed from dozens of separate pages.

Ainsley and Zane both reached forward, touching the front of the box. The moment they made contact, a door formed, swinging open to reveal several gems, a pile of scrolls, and one black bag with a single silver buckle in the center. Stylized on the front of the buckle’s shiny surface was an ornate “C.” The Clover family enchanting tools had finally been recovered, it seemed.

“Smaller than I expected,” Asha said, tilting her head to get a good view into the box.

“Trust me, there’s more to it than meets the eye.” Ainsley reached forward and tenderly picked up the bag, cradling it like one would an infant. “The bag alone is enchanted with the work of countless ancestors, and it’s easily the least magical part of the set.” Slowly, she extended her arms, holding out the black bag to her brother. “It’s past midnight, so today is the fourteenth. You get the tools on even days. Part of the contract.”

“I guess it was.” Zane accepted the handoff, though he was visibly uncomfortable pulling them from his sister’s hands. For several long seconds, there was silence as he held the prize they’d dragged us through time and space to claim for themselves. “You know, we’re pretty backed up on orders that came in before Dad died. Maybe we should work together to clear those out before the competition officially begins. Keep the clients happy and give ourselves an even start.”

“Is that allowed?” Ainsley looked at Asha, who managed little more than a shrug.

“Your business. Run it how you want. We just get called in to check the results.”

“Then I think that’s a good idea,” Ainsley told Zane. He offered her back the bag, which she accepted. “Let’s go move everything somewhere safe, first.”

Zane nodded, reaching into the box that was once a will and scooping up the remainder of the contents. The two of them left the study then, discussing which project to start with, not that I really understood the minutia of what they were talking about. Numbers, I got. Magic was a whole other animal.

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