Blowing on Dandelions (30 page)

Chapter Thirty-Five

Micah paced the floor and looked at his pocket watch for the hundredth time, wondering if it was too early to approach Mrs. Cooper in her room. Breakfast was over, and she hadn’t appeared, but he’d expected that after her swoon last night. Actually, he was relieved she’d been absent, as he feared he might lose his temper if she spat any more ugly words at Katherine. He loved that woman so much, and he’d never again allow that type of disrespect if he had anything to say about it. He still marveled at the way love had sneaked up on him, then exploded into full bloom.

All this time he’d assumed Emma would hold his love forever. Now he realized she’d always have a special place in his heart, but it was time to move on.

Near panic gripped him for a moment. If Katherine would have him, that is. That thought left him quaking. He’d never boldly spoken of his love to Katherine or asked if she’d consent to become his bride. Should he have asked her first before approaching her mother?

No. He ran a hand over his hair. Mrs. Cooper’s acceptance was one of Katherine’s biggest concerns. If she didn’t give her blessing on their union, he didn’t know if Katherine would be willing to accept his proposal. He understood Katherine’s misgivings, as he’d been the recipient of the sharp edge of Mrs. Cooper’s tongue more than once in the past and living with it full time wouldn’t be easy.

Besides, there was a proper order to all things. When he’d wanted to marry Emma, he’d gone to her father and asked for her hand. Katherine’s father wasn’t alive. The logical—if not preferred—choice was Mrs. Cooper. If only it didn’t have to be this way…. But Katherine’s mother would probably remain with her daughter the rest of her life. Even if Katherine did consent to marry him, he couldn’t ignore her mother or cast her aside and have any hope of peace in the family.

He’d sent word to Mrs. Cooper that he would appreciate a bit of her time, and she hadn’t refused. Should he have invited Katherine to join him? Of course not. He wouldn’t consider it if her father were living.

He admitted feeling rattled, and he’d best get a grip. He was surely a big enough man to take anything verbal Mrs. Cooper dished out. At least, he hoped so.

Enough stalling. It was time to approach the dragon in her lair. He grimaced. Or the queen in her bedchamber, if kindness were uppermost in his thoughts. If she didn’t chase him from her room in disgust that he’d entered her private domain.

He tapped on the door and waited, then tried again. “Mrs. Cooper? It’s Micah Jacobs.”

“Just a moment, please.” The words quavered a bit, not at all like Mrs. Cooper. “All right, I am presentable now.”

He stepped inside, expecting to see her propped against her pillows, but instead found her sitting, fully clothed, in the stuffed chair near the window.

She beckoned him forward. “I am sorry I do not have another chair to offer.”

Right now he wished he had a hat in his hands so he’d have something to clutch. He felt like such a big oaf, standing in the middle of her room. The words he’d so carefully planned fled. “I’m fine, thanks.”

She nodded. “All right.” A couple seconds passed. “You wanted to talk to me, Mr. Jacobs?”

“Yes. I did. I do.” He licked his dry lips and tried again. “Yes, ma’am. I came to see you about Katherine.”

Her face darkened, and he winced but stood his ground. “Please. I don’t want to hear anything more about what you think she’s done wrong. There’s been enough of that already.”

“Yes, there certainly has.” She lifted her head.

Confusion almost addled his brain. “I beg your pardon?”

“I was remembering my uncharitable comments the last time we spoke. My reaction now was no reflection on my daughter. Forgive me for the way I spoke to you last night, and please proceed.”

Now he was completely flummoxed. He’d come in expecting at least a semblance of a battle, if not a full war, and she was asking for forgiveness?

He didn’t want to bumble this even more. “I love your daughter. It might come as a shock, seeing as how Katherine and I have only known one another for a short time.”

“Not at all. In fact, it would surprise me if you did not. Katherine is a very special woman.”

All he could do was stare. He was certain his hearing had dimmed. “Did I hear you say she’s special?”

“Yes, young man. I hope you think so as well, or you are not half the man I suppose you to be.”

“Of course I do. Quite honestly, I didn’t think
you
believed that. All I’ve seen and heard have convinced me of the opposite.”

She nodded slowly, but no rage appeared, merely a tinge of sadness. “I can understand why you would say that. Now, you came in here to tell me something.”

Micah straightened. “Yes. Of course.” He couldn’t think of any other way to phrase the words. “I want to marry Katherine and came to seek your permission, if not your blessing.”

“I give them both, with gratitude that you would care to ask.” Her lips smiled, but her eyes remained untouched. Only sorrow lingered in their depths.

“I beg your pardon, ma’am?”

“You heard me correctly. Now fetch that daughter of mine. I have something to say to both of you, and I plan on answering your questions as well.” She waved her hand at him. “Go along with you, Mr. Jacobs. I am not growing any younger.” The sharpness was back, but without its usual bite.

Micah turned and fled, certain that he’d dreamed the whole thing and worried she’d change into her old self by the time he returned. But a small part of him rejoiced in the words she’d spoken. Blessing as well as permission. Now if only Katherine agreed.

Katherine’s heart nearly pounded out of her chest, and she thought she’d lose her breakfast before she reached Mama’s room. Why did she need to accompany Micah there? Surely Mama had tormented him enough when he’d gone alone. Katherine had about given up on anything ever changing in her life, at least where her mother was concerned. Micah would do well to learn it sooner, rather than later. It saved a lot of heartache not setting up false expectations.

“Relax, Katherine. It’s going to be all right.” Micah touched her shoulder and nudged her into the room. “Trust God with this.”

She almost laughed. The man who’d been angry and stubborn for years was preaching at her to trust God? Fine. She’d make an effort, but so much that pertained to Mama had gone wrong in her life that she was afraid to try.

Mama sat in her chair as though she were royalty, and Katherine choked back a laugh. Yesterday had been nothing but an act, based on the way her mother looked now. Fully clothed and sitting ramrod straight, as was her custom. “I see you’re feeling better.”

“Yes, a little more rested, although I still tire easily.” She beckoned to Katherine and held out her hand. “Before Micah has his say, I need to have mine. You are wondering why I asked you to come when it appears I am perfectly able to walk to the parlor.”

“The thought occurred to me.” Katherine reluctantly took her mother’s hand and tried not to wince. How awful that this gesture was so foreign she didn’t know what to expect when it happened. She couldn’t remember the last time Mama had hugged her or volunteered a gentle touch.

“Appearances can be deceiving, Daughter. I am fully dressed because Mr. Jacobs sent word this morning that he wanted to speak with me. I have remained this way because I believed I could better say what was needed if I wasn’t huddled under my covers like an old woman on her deathbed.”

Katherine felt as though she’d been slapped. “Are you saying you believe you’re dying?”

Mama motioned her concern away. “Of course not; it was simply a figure of speech. Although I suppose we are all dying a little bit each day. I simply desired to be fully clothed to keep my courage up.”

Katherine withdrew her hand from her mother’s. “What do you need courage for? You didn’t appear to be lacking in that capacity last night.”

Her mother winced. “Do not think I am not well aware of the fact that I deserved that. That, and a lot more.”

“I beg your pardon?” This was not what Katherine had come expecting to hear. Where was the woman who had raged at them for impropriety, then ordered Micah to pack and leave? It was a rare occurrence for Mama to take responsibility for
any
wrongdoing.

“You heard me, Katherine. I am still very new to this apology business, so please do not expect me to repeat myself when I admit I have been mistaken.”

Katherine bit back a smile. The old Mama was back. “Fine. But if you’d care to explain, I’d appreciate trying to understand.”

“Why don’t you sit on the bed?” She turned and eyed Micah. “Mr. Jacobs, normally I would ask you to leave the room, but considering the circumstances and why you are here, I will allow you to stay. Please step over by the door and do not make any comments while we talk. Is that acceptable?”

“Of course.” He moved to where she indicated and leaned against the wall.

Prickles of uncertainty ran up Katherine’s spine. What was Mama up to? Only a small touch of her usual tartness had made itself known. There must be some hidden scheme underlying the supposed courtesy. How sad that her relationship with her mother was so colored by mistrust, but she couldn’t change it at this stage of her life. She sank onto the edge of the mattress and rested her hands in her lap, trying to relax but ready for whatever might come.

Mama opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again, but no sound came out. She shut her eyes for a moment, then tried again. “I owe you an apology. I have already extended one to Mr. Jacobs, but I should have done so to you first. You are my daughter. I am proud of you, and I love you more than anyone else in the world.” She rolled her shoulders with a slight smile. “Gracious, that was not as painful as I expected.”

Every bit of the tenderness Katherine had started to feel disappeared in an instant. As she had assumed, this was all an act. “So it’s painful to tell me you love me, is that what I’m hearing? I must say, I’m not surprised. You’ve avoided doing so most of my life. I can’t imagine what prompted you to start now.” She pushed to her feet. “We’re done here.”

Micah stepped forward, but Mama held out her hand. “Wait. Please. You did not understand.” Tears moistened her eyes. “I meant that I am not used to apologizing. I expected it to be ghastly, but it was actually quite cleansing. I am so sorry you thought I meant it was painful saying I love you. Not at all. Please forgive me.” She choked out a laugh through her tears. “Now I have done it again, and it
is
getting a little easier. Soon I will be asking forgiveness of Mrs. Roberts, if I am not careful.”

Katherine wondered what to believe. The tears appeared real, but she’d been fooled before. What she’d give to have Lucy’s clear perception where Mama was concerned. “Why are you saying all this? Something doesn’t feel right.” She wasn’t sure how to express her confusion but hadn’t meant to be quite so blunt. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to criticize or accuse you of a falsehood. I simply don’t understand.”

“You have no need to apologize. In fact, according to Lucy, you have done far too much of that since I arrived.”

Katherine grimaced, certain she knew what was coming. Rarely did Mama condemn anything the girls said or did, so Lucy’s comment would likely be placed at Katherine’s doorstep. “Lucy shouldn’t have said that.”

“Lucy should have said it, and I am glad she did. It was the first thing that started me thinking. And what you and Mrs. Roberts said in my bedroom last night hit me hard as well.”

Katherine blinked. Mama had heard what they’d said? But she’d been asleep. They’d heard her snores. Shame washed through Katherine that she’d been gossiping about her mother, much less that she’d been overheard.

Micah shifted his weight behind her and his warm hand settled on her shoulder. Relief that he’d ignored Mama’s order to stay by the door flooded her. He gave a quick squeeze. “Why don’t you let your mother explain, Katherine?”

She relaxed against him as he moved closer behind her. “That’s a fine idea. I won’t interrupt if you want to talk, Mama.”

“Thank you.” Her mother nodded. “I see that I surprised you. I did not try to deceive you. But nor did I allow you to know I was awake. That was dishonest. I am afraid I am seeing many such places where I have erred over the years.” Her face twisted; then she pressed on. “As I said, Lucy’s disgust started my thought process, as did the shame that consumed me when I realized how unjust I had been in accusing Mr. Jacobs.” She tipped her head toward Katherine. “And you, my dear. Especially in light of the wonderful service Zachary did for our dear little Amanda.”

She placed her hand over her heart and shuddered. “I truly did weaken at the revelation of how close we had come to losing her, but I revived shortly after. I fell asleep for what appears to have only been brief moments after speaking to you and Mrs. Roberts. When I woke, I did not attempt to let you know. I will admit I wanted to listen, although several times it took all my willpower not to sit up and argue.”

Katherine opened her mouth, but Mama waved her to silence. “Not yet. Please. There is more.”

She drew in a deep breath. “Mrs. Roberts had more to say after you left the room, and some of it was quite pointed. She was right, as much as it pains me to admit it. I have buried years of resentment toward your father for his gambling, and I have taken it out on you. I saw him as a weak man, even though I realize now he loved us—especially you—dearly. Gambling was his one weakness, and I could not forgive him for it. I saw your neediness as a child and worried you would become like him.”