Blue Angel (16 page)

They kissed hard, and he pulled her into the bedroom. He kissed her face, her neck, all the while unbuttoning her blouse while she wiggled out of her pencil skirt. He pressed his face between her legs, and she felt his warm breath through her thin lace panties. She started tugging them down, and he helped her, kissing her inner thighs on the way back up. She pulled his face into her pussy in that shameless way she had never done with anyone before him, and he obliged her, licking her, his few days of stubble rough against her slippery wetness. She couldn’t help thinking that while she had enjoyed being with Bette—there was something new and soft and taboo about their bodies pressed against one another—it could never be this: strong arms encircling her waist, rough skin against her softness, a hard cock pressed against her, signaling how much she was wanted.

“Come here,” she said, pulling at him to move up. She wanted to say,
I want you inside of me,
but she had a hard time expressing things like that—talking dirty. Of course, she didn’t have to say a word—he knew what she wanted. He pulled up next to her and she stroked his cock.

“I don’t want to rush,” he said. “I’ve missed you so much. . . . I just want to take you in.”

She felt the same way, and what she wanted even more than to feel that first push of him inside her was to take him in her mouth.

“Lie down,” she said, and he lowered himself next to her. She kissed his chest, running her tongue over his nipples, then down to his belly button, further until she reached the base of his cock. She ran her tongue along his shaft, and he groaned, roping his fingers through her hair. After she moved up and down the length of him a few times, she closed her lips around the tip, circling it with her tongue, then taking him into her mouth. She used her hand to stroke him in rhythm with her mouth, and she tasted the first bead of semen. She worked her hand and mouth faster, taking him deep into her throat, but trying to control him so that he didn’t push too far. She remembered once she had been giving Alec a blow job, and she had gagged a little and felt embarrassed. But Alec told her it turned him on—the fact that it was something uncomfortable for her made it hotter somehow. “I don’t want you to be upset or hurt or anything, but sometimes little things change the dynamic or make it more intense.”

She’d shared this little tidbit with Julie and Allison, who were appalled.

“First of all, there is a difference between giving a guy a blow job and a guy fucking your mouth so hard you almost puke,” Allison said.

“There’s a name for that, you know,” Julie had put in.

“Yeah—fellatio.”

“No. When you give fellatio, that’s the woman being active and the guy being passive—receiving. Some guys can never be passive in bed, so even when you are trying to give them a blow job, they are essentially fucking your mouth, and that’s called irrumation.”

Mallory didn’t tell them that Alec was into irrumation sometimes. She could tell by the way they were talking that they viewed it as overly aggressive. But that was one of the things that got her so hot about Alec. He was such an alpha dog. She loved that he pushed her around in the bedroom a little. But at the same time, he was incredibly generous and was so tuned in to her body, he sometimes knew what she wanted better than she did. Like right now.

“Get on my cock,” he said, his voice hoarse. She slid up and hooked her legs around his hips, lowering herself slowly on top of his penis. She felt like it was throbbing inside of her, like he could come at any second.

“You feel so good,” she breathed, bracing her arms on either side of him, moving her pelvis so he could go deeper inside of her.

He moved his hand to her ass, his finger circling her anus while she rode his cock. She felt the first wave of spasms in her pussy, and he must have felt it too, because he pressed his finger into her ass at the exact same moment, making her come in shudders that shook her entire body.

She pressed her head against his chest, his cock still hard inside her. His heart was pounding almost as fast as her own.

“Oh, my God,” she said. “That felt so amazing.”

“Come here, baby—turn around.”

She slid off of him, and he pressed her gently onto her stomach. From behind her, he pulled her hips up so that her ass was readily available to him. She braced herself on her forearms, not sure what he wanted. Did he want to fuck her in the ass? They didn’t have anal sex often—she couldn’t take anything more than his finger without it hurting. A few times she had almost relaxed enough to feel good, but those moments were few and far between. For the most part, she did it for him—because she couldn’t say no to him. She didn’t
want
to say no. In her mind, a good sexual partner was someone who was willing to go places even if there wasn’t a physical payoff—even if it hurt. Maybe even especially if it hurt.

She felt his face against her ass, his tongue licking the outer lips of her pussy from behind. He pressed one finger deep inside her while his tongue worked outside, and she felt herself start to come again. Sometimes it was like that with him—he got her to this plateau where she was so turned on, she could just orgasm repeatedly. Once she was in that state, he could do anything to her; those were the times when she could let him fuck her in the ass, and it almost didn’t hurt.

But he wasn’t going for that tonight. Instead, he eased his cock into her pussy with extraordinary slowness. She reached behind her and grabbed for him, trying to signal him to go all the way inside her. He knew what she wanted, and he was ignoring her—it made her crazy.

She pulled away and flopped over on her back.

“What are you doing?” he said.

“You’re teasing me.”

He lay next to her, stroking her hair.

“God, I missed you so much. We have to work this stuff out, Mal.”

“I know. I’m miserable.”

He kissed her face, then her breasts, cupping them and running his tongue over her nipple.

“I want you to come,” she breathed.

“Wow. You’re almost talking dirty,” he said. “If a few days apart gets you talking dirty, maybe a little arguing is okay now and then.”

“Shut up!” she laughed. And then his hand moved between her legs, and she couldn’t talk anymore. Her breath quickened.

“You’re so wet,” he said.

“You keep making me come.”

He moved on top of her, and she grabbed his ass as he entered her. As he moved inside of her, he looked into her eyes, and the intensity of feeling she had for him in that moment almost brought tears to her eyes. She loved him, there was no doubt. Whatever issues there were, they had to figure them out. She couldn’t lose him.

She felt his cock pulsating inside her, the way it did just before he came. She felt herself cresting one more time, and it was the most intense sensation she’d ever experienced. She felt flooded with love for him, an absolute certainty that she was his and he was hers.

He cried out as he came, and her physical pleasure was intensified by hearing how good she made him feel, too. When he collapsed on top of her, she wrapped her arms around him, and he kissed her forehead, her nose, her brow.

Her body was covered in his sweat when he rolled off of her. They lay side by side, and she looked over at him. This was always when he looked the most beautiful to her—his cheeks were flushed, his blue-gray eyes bright.

She hooked her arm over his chest. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

“I don’t even know why we were fighting,” she said.

He sighed.

“What?” she said.

“This all goes back to that original conversation—I think you’ve been feeling insecure about this relationship ever since you moved to New York, and now you’re insecure about your job because you failed the bar, and you’re questioning both, even though both are just as right for you now as they were last year.”

“First of all, I love you, Alec. There’s no question about that. And I’m not second-guessing our relationship. I tried to tell you I was rethinking my career in law, and you jumped all over me and turned it into a referendum on my character.”

“I wasn’t judging your character. I think you were being reactive to some recent bumps in the road, and I wanted you to put things in perspective. And instead of thinking calmly about all of this, you ran off and did something crazy and impulsive and hurtful with that dancer.”

“You’re right—I wasn’t thinking calmly. But I wasn’t trying to hurt you, either. You constantly talk about other women, about wanting to see me with another woman; you take me to a burlesque show on my birthday. I didn’t think that what I did was outside the scope of our relationship.”

“Okay, well, let’s try to put that behind us. No more burlesque craziness. I’m ready to focus on you and us, and I hope you can do the same. And I think it’s important that you give this job a chance, Mal. You’re so smart, and you’re good at this—I know you are. We both need to be strong in our careers in order to be strong in this relationship. You always said you wanted an equal partnership, and I think work is a big element in that. So promise me—no more Blue Angel. Focus on work and us.”

This is not good, Mallory thought.

“Yeah. About that. I . . . got fired today.”

Alec pulled away and sat up.

“What are you talking about?”

“Harrison fired me.”

“Yeah, I got that part. Why?”

“It’s kind of a long story.”

“Mallory, just tell me what happened.”

“Okay, just hear me out before you freak.” She took a deep breath. “I was hanging out with Bette, and she gave me the chance to participate in the show last night—just picking up between acts, nothing major. Not dancing or anything. It was fun—I got to wear a costume, and they even gave me my own burlesque name. . . .”

He looked at her stone-faced.

“Um, so it was all fine, except when I looked out at the audience—you won’t believe this part—Patricia Loomis was there.”

She thought it best to leave out the part about being set up by Poppy. Let him think it was just an unfortunate twist of fate.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No. So she told Harrison, and they fired me.”

“Mallory, what were you thinking? You have the bar exam soon, and this is how you’re spending your time?”

“I really don’t need you judging me—again.”

“Anyone would judge this! It’s so stupid!”

She jumped off the bed and started pulling on her clothes.

“What? Did you think I was going to tell you they were crazy to fire you? Mallory, you’re at one of the best law firms in the country. Excuse me, you were at one of the best law firms in the country.”

“No, I didn’t expect you to take my side in this. In fact, this is exactly what I expected—and that’s the problem. It’s supposed to be you and me against the world, Alec. Remember that? But I guess that was only as long as I was doing what you approved of.”

Alec reached out for her.

“Sit down. Don’t run out again. That isn’t solving anything.” She sat on the edge of the bed, her clothes balled up in her lap. She felt like crying. Alec ran his fingertips across her back, and it made her shudder. “I’ll help you find another job—maybe a smaller firm. We’ll figure it out. The important thing is to move on from this.”

“I don’t know if I want another law job,” she said.

He stopped touching her.

“Did you sabotage your job on purpose?” he asked slowly.

“No! You think I somehow got Patricia at the show to get busted? I’m mortified! I would never . . .”

“No. Not what happened last night. Did you tank the bar exam?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m upset that I didn’t pass the bar.”

“Maybe on some subconscious level you didn’t want to pass.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, what’s done is done. I think you should still take it again in February.”

“No, I’m not going to.”

“When did you decide that?”

“I don’t know. Today. Just now.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“I don’t think so.”

He sighed.

“What do you want to do? Maybe Allison can hook you up with a job?”

“Maybe. The thing is . . . I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t stop thinking about performing. It felt exhilarating to be on that stage. I’m not sure I want to settle into corporate life just yet.”

“You’re thinking about going back to the Blue Angel? I thought you said it was a onetime thing.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“Mallory, this is irrational. You’re acting out over something, and I don’t know what it is. But I don’t want to be a part of it.”

“You’re breaking up with me because I want to try something new?”

“How can I rely on you, plan my life around you, if you are someone who can just throw away a three-year investment in a legal career? What happens when you decide this relationship is too tough, or someone bright and shiny comes along and you don’t want to do the work in this relationship anymore? Oh—wait. Someone already did. And you fucked her.”

“You are the one who is being irrational. God, Alec! This isn’t about you. I’m still figuring out my life. Just because you were lucky enough to know from tenth grade that you wanted to be a journalist doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t stumble a little along the way.”

But she could tell she was wasting her breath. Alec turned completely away from her and started pulling on his clothes. “So that’s it?” she said.

He shrugged. “I love you, Mallory. But I’m not happy.”

“I’m not happy either. But I don’t want to break up over this.”

“There’s no ‘this.’ It seems to be everything lately. We’re in different places. Or, I should say, you seem to be looking for something, and it doesn’t feel like something that’s going to make this relationship work. I’m going for a walk. I think maybe you should be gone when I get back.”

She lay back on the bed and covered her eyes with her arms. She didn’t let herself start crying until she heard Alec leave the apartment, the door closing with a sharp click behind him.

She woke up at Julie’s in the morning with the depressing realization that she had nowhere to go—and would not have anywhere to go for a while.