Blue Boy 1: Bullet (13 page)

“Well, as fun as this is, I’m beat.” Sonny moved to get out of the car. He paused with his hand on the door. “My apartment is number twenty-four if you change your mind.”

“About what?”

Sonny shook his head. “About letting go of whatever’s tearing you up. You don’t need to be on your own, Levi. I don’t know why I give a shit, but I do. I’ll be here if you change your mind.”

He slid out of the car and walked away before Levi could formulate a response.

* * * *

Levi drove home, tired beyond belief but unnervingly wired. His apartment was cool and quiet, something he loved,
craved
, when he was elsewhere and surrounded by heat and noise, but just then he found it suffocating. He felt restless and agitated.

After a long shower and some clean clothes, he opened the refrigerator and stared. Seeing nothing of interest, he let it swing shut, only to lower his standards and open it again. This time he reached for sandwich fixings and threw together the first plate of food he’d seen in days. It tasted like cardboard, but he forced half of it down before admitting defeat and dumping it in the trash.

The rest of the evening followed a similar pattern. It was Saturday night, and he had nothing to do until an appointment at the funeral home on Monday morning. He thought about calling Cam, or AJ, or even going down to the garage and finishing up some overdue jobs. But he didn’t. Instead he sat on the sofa and stared at the blank screen of his TV.

He fell asleep sometime after midnight, his mind still in bits. His dreams were fragmented, flipping between alternating images of Bella’s broken body and Sonny’s beautifully weary face. Though some part of his unconscious mind knew he was asleep, that they weren’t real, he felt powerless to stop the carnage when they merged, and it was Sonny who was battered beyond repair and dying in his arms. Sonny who was gone forever.

“I’ll be here if you change your mind…”

He woke with a strangled gasp, rolling off the couch. The wooden floor was hard against his knees, but he didn’t feel the jarring impact. He stumbled to his feet and to the front door, taking the stairs two at a time until he burst out into the fresh air of the street.

The three-block jog to Sonny’s apartment passed in a blur, and he found himself, shirtless and barefoot, outside the right door before he knew what he was doing. He knocked. Sonny opened the door, rubbing his eyes. Levi cast his hand aside, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

Sonny let out a grunt of surprise, but he responded without resistance, opening his mouth for Levi’s tongue and pulling him inside.

Levi kicked the door shut. The loud slam echoed in the dark silence of Sonny’s apartment, but he paid it no heed. He backed Sonny into the opposite wall, kissing him like a man possessed. Though he’d had more sexual encounters this year alone than he could remember, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d kissed a man. It had been
years.

He let his hands roam Sonny’s body. Like him, Sonny was shirtless, dressed only in a well-worn pair of sleep pants. Smooth, warm skin met Levi’s curious touch. He’d started this on set all those hours ago. Now he wanted to finish it, explore every inch of Sonny he could reach.

Sonny pulled away, his eyes wild. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to fuck me.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them, before he could stop to reconcile what he was asking for, but he meant them. He wanted Sonny more than he’d ever wanted anyone, wanted to feel him, to be consumed by him.

Sonny stared at him, panting, then held out his hand. “Come to bed with me.”

Levi took his hand without hesitation and let Sonny lead him through his cluttered apartment to his bedroom. The room mirrored the rest of his apartment—clean but messy, like a whirlwind regularly passed through. Books and clothes littered the dresser and floors. Beyond the bed, a well-loved guitar took pride of place on the window ledge. Levi scanned the textbook titles, all of them related to psychology.
No wonder he gets along with Cam
. It seemed Levi was doomed to spend his time with some kind of wannabe shrink.

Sonny sank his teeth into Levi's bare back. “Come here.”

He tugged Levi to the bed without waiting for an answer and pushed him down. Levi sat on the edge and leaned back on his elbows. The sheets were still warm where Sonny had been sleeping before Levi had woken him, and a sliver of moonlight peeked through the closed blinds. He wanted to feel bad for disturbing Sonny, but he didn’t.

Sonny eyed him like he wanted to say something. Levi beckoned him forward and pulled Sonny down on top of him. He didn’t want to talk, least of all about this. It seemed that
this
was something they’d talked about enough, albeit in a totally different context.

He kissed Sonny, holding him tight by the back of his head. Sonny’s skin was intoxicating, and Levi made the most of it, so soft and warm beneath his fingertips and against his chest. He shifted his weight, eager to get Sonny out of his sleep pants. Easy enough, but his own jeans were more problematic.

Sonny growled, frustrated. Levi felt Sonny’s dick, hard against his still-clothed thigh, felt him tremble in his arms, and a slow fire began to smolder in his belly. He lifted his hips. Sonny ripped his jeans down his legs and tossed them over his shoulder before he could blink. In some distant part of his mind he’d expected some resistance from Sonny, perhaps even feared rejection, but there was none, and he’d never felt so wanted.

They kissed again. Levi’s lips felt swollen and bruised, his skin felt rubbed raw by the addictive stubble on Sonny’s jaw, but he couldn’t get enough. He flipped Sonny over, his palms falling either side of Sonny’s head, and sucked at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark.

Sonny writhed beneath him, groaning and raking his nails down Levi's back. “Thought you wanted me to fuck you? Keep going like that, and it’ll be the other way round.

He had a point. Levi wanted to fuck him, badly, but not as much as he craved the unknown feeling of having Sonny inside him. He rolled over again, letting Sonny take the lead. Sonny kissed him hard before he pulled back, his chest heaving. “Get in the bed. I want to do this properly.”

Levi chuckled, amused, but Sonny’s expression was earnest, so he did as he was told and folded his body into the bed to lie on his side, his head propped up on one arm. Sonny slipped in beside him and turned to face him. “I don’t want this to be like anything you’ve ever done before.”

“Nothing you do to me is like anything I’ve ever done before.”

Sonny smiled and reached over him to the nightstand. He tossed a bottle of lube and some condoms on the pillow between them. Levi eyed the lube warily as Sonny squeezed some onto his fingers. Sonny caught Levi's face in his clean hand. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

Sonny stared for a moment, then let go and trailed his hand down Levi’s body. Levi shivered, goose bumps covering his skin as Sonny’s devilish fingers grazed his abdomen, trailing lower and lower until he took hold of his cock.

Levi looked down, fascinated by the sight of Sonny working him over, and by the sight of Sonny’s cock, rock hard and leaking. He longed to take Sonny in his mouth again, but he knew he couldn’t, not now. He was at Sonny’s mercy, the way he somehow knew he always had been.

Sonny lifted Levi’s leg and slipped a slick finger into him. Levi’s breath caught. Sonny’s fingers were slimmer than his, but they were sure of their path. One finger quickly became two, and then three, stretching him so gently that instead of squirming in pain, he burned—burned with a pleasure so hot he wanted to scream.

He arched his back, pulling Sonny to him and crashing their lips together in a desperate, bruising kiss. Sonny groaned and pushed hard against his chest, forcing him onto his back. He broke away, panting. “Are you ready?”

Levi couldn’t see his face in the faint light, but he was sure of his answer, so fucking sure. “Do it.”

The tear of the condom wrapper punctuated the eerie quiet of the night. Levi reached out and took it, rolling it onto Sonny with steady hands. Sonny let out a shaky breath and lifted Levi’s legs, opening them—opening
him
. He positioned his cock somewhere Levi couldn’t see and paused, staring at him, like he was waiting for a last-minute rejection. Then the moment passed, and all Levi could see were blinding white lights as Sonny pushed into him.

It hurt. There was no denying it, but it was the best kind of pain, the kind of pain that inspired and exhilarated a man. Levi let out a long, low moan. “
Fuck
.”

Sonny rubbed a soothing hand over his clenched muscles, smoothing them out one by one. “Breathe. It’ll fade, I promise.”

Levi shook his head. He didn’t want it to fade, didn’t want it to ebb away into nothing. He liked the pain, needed it. “I want to feel you.”

Somehow, Sonny knew what he meant, knew what he needed. He brought his hands up to the headboard and braced himself, rolling his hips in a long, slow circle. Sweat glistened on his beautiful skin as he lowered his lips to Levi’s ear. “Feel that, Levi? Feel it all. This is what it’s supposed to be. This is what’s real.”

Levi closed his eyes, giving himself over as Sonny moved inside him, steady and sure, like the beat of a drum, then faster, deeper and harder, until the tattoo of stampeding pleasure became too much to bear. Or so he thought, until Sonny lithely folded his body in two and took Levi's cock in his mouth.

Levi's eyes flew open, and he gasped in a harsh breath.
Sucking and fucking? Is he kidding me?

Levi was done. He arched his back and yelled out, pounding his fist into the mattress. His climax ripped through him, roaring through his body, leaving no nerve untouched. Sonny swallowed around him, teasing him with his tongue until he was utterly spent and could take no more.

Sonny released him, dropping his head to Levi’s chest. “Oh God, oh God.”

Levi dug his fingers into Sonny's shoulders and wrapped his legs tight around him. “Keep fucking me,” he said hoarsely. “I wanna see you come.”

It didn’t take much. Levi gritted his teeth through the aftershocks as Sonny picked up the pace again. Dirty grunts became groans, then desperate moans as he chased his own orgasm. Levi moaned too, clawing at Sonny, the bed, the headboard above him, desperate for anything to brace against the rapid thrust of Sonny’s hips.

A violent shudder ran through Sonny, and he stilled. Levi held him close, felt the jolts of energy run through him, felt the pulse of his cock as he filled the condom. Levi felt everything, and the residual pleasure was so intense he could’ve wept.

Maybe he did.

Sonny rolled to the side, taking Levi with him and wrapping him in a tight embrace. Levi opened his mouth to speak, though to say what, he wasn’t quite sure, and nothing but a strangled moan came out.

“Shh.” Sonny pressed his lips to the side of Levi's face. “It’s okay. Let it go.”

Sometime later, Levi woke to find Sonny staring at him, tracing the healed cuts and fresh bruises on Levi's body with the pad of his finger. Something in Sonny’s face bothered him. He forced his scratchy eyes open. “What’s up?”

Sonny shrugged and made to look away.

Levi caught Sonny's face in his hand, forcing him to stay put. “Tell me.”

“I feel like I’m missing something, something huge.” Sonny tapped the side of Levi’s head, his expression pensive. “Something’s wrong. I know it is, but you make me kinda crazy, like I can’t help myself.”

Levi rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. An odd, dull pain throbbed at the base of his spine, but he found it comforting—grounding, almost—like it was just enough to remind him this was real. He opened his mouth. Shut it again.

Sonny sat up and scratched at Levi’s chest. “What is it? Tell me.”

“My mom died.”

There, he’d said it. Sonny’s nails faltered on his chest. “When?”

Levi’s brain failed him for a moment. He glanced at the clock. It was Sunday morning, four a.m. “Friday.”

“How? Was she sick?”

“Kinda…” Levi stopped and took in a shaky breath. “She was an alcoholic. She walked in front of a truck on Thursday night.”

“Oh, God. Levi, that’s awful. Why did you come to the shoot?”

Now there was a question. Most of Bella’s debts had died with her. His porn career was over if he wanted it to be. Levi shrugged. The room was dark, but he knew Sonny could see him. “I don’t know. Maybe, on some level, I thought I needed to do it. I…I don’t know.”

He was at a loss to explain. His daddy’s death had left him with an ingrained sense of responsibility, a need to honor every promise he’d ever made. Perhaps it was that.

Or perhaps it was the need to be with the man in his arms. For weeks, he’d found himself torn between a real fear of what was to come next and an unbelievable desire for Sonny. Now, despite the shadow hanging over him, and despite the fact that there was so much more to say, with Sonny in his arms he felt at peace. He could tell him the rest later. Or not.

Sonny was silent for a while, the persistent light scratch of his nails the only sign he was even awake. Then he shifted and roused Levi from the light doze he’d fallen into.

“You know I wasn’t going to let it get that far, don’t you? With Rex?”

“Huh?” Levi opened his eyes drowsily. “What do you mean?”

Sonny finally stilled his fingertips, sat up, and put his chin on Levi’s chest. “I knew you weren’t ready…in any sense. I could see it in your eyes. I was going to jump you before he could, then let him take his revenge on me after.”

“You’d take that bullet for me?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Sonny groaned and ducked his head. “Oh, God. I don’t know. I told you. You make me crazy. I couldn’t see you get hurt like that.”

Levi pulled him up and kissed him. “Trust me, darlin’, I get it. Why do you think I kicked that douche bag across the room?”

Sonny shivered. “Man, you and that accent. Gets me every time.”

Levi grinned, but though he was at ease in Sonny’s bed, the nagging question of what came next was eating away at him. The sky was beginning to lighten, and with the dawn came reality and the looming prospect of going home to an empty apartment.