Blue Sky Days (25 page)

This sunrise was as spectacular as the first time Nicholas had brought me to the hill to experience the world being born anew. I had grabbed my camera at the last minute before leaving the house, and now I took pictures of the huge fiery ball of light as it made its way over the skyline and into the heavens.

Despite the fact that we both looked exhausted and slightly bedraggled, I convinced Nicholas we should be in some of the pictures. We used the sunrise as a backdrop and smiled into the camera like our lives depended on it.

I took several pictures of Nicholas leaning against the oak tree, his upturned face an ethereal glow of brilliant colours reflected from the sky. “I want to remember this morning forever,” I told him. “Someday, we’ll look back at these pictures and remember all we’ve been through. We’ll know how strong you were and how hard you had to fight to beat the illness that invaded your body. But by then, that illness will be a distant memory.”

Nicholas smiled and kissed me tenderly. My heart broke a little at the look on his face; his expression told me he was afraid this would be the last sunrise we would see together.

*****

The rest of the day passed quickly—too quickly. Sam arrived after breakfast, and Maggie and Vince weren’t far behind. The six of us spent the day sitting around the living room playing board games. We all honoured our agreement not to talk about the cancer or the new treatments, but it was obvious by the tension in the air that it was on everyone’s minds. We had pizza delivered for dinner that night, and we all took our time eating, trying to hold onto the precious remaining hours we had together.

After dinner Sam asked if we would mind if he drove Nicholas to the hospital that night. “I just want a bit of time alone with him,” he explained. I wondered suddenly if Sam wished I wasn’t around as much so that he could have more quality time with Nicholas.

As if reading my thoughts, Sam said, “I don’t begrudge you your time with him, darlin’. You’re the best medicine in the world for him, and I know you’re always there when he needs you. Just tonight of all nights, with him starting the new treatments tomorrow…”

“Of course,” I said quickly, wanting to reassure Sam that I understood. “It’s fine with me. You guys need the time together.”

Nicholas excused us and pulled me into the empty kitchen. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I know we had planned on you driving me back, and I don’t want you to be upset.”

“How could I be upset that your dad wants to spend time with you?” I asked, touching Nicholas’s face. He looked so concerned, I almost laughed. “I’m a big girl, Nicholas. I know I have to share.”

My words had the desired effect, and Nicholas laughed lightly. “I guess this is goodnight then.” He put his arms around my waist and rested his forehead against mine.

“I’ll see you first thing tomorrow morning,” I told him, kissing his cheeks, then laying my lips on his. We continued our private goodbye in the kitchen before joining the others in the living room where there were lots of hugs and kisses, accompanied by promises to visit Nicholas in the hospital soon.

Vince and Maggie left a few minutes after Nicholas and Sam, but not before Maggie offered to spend the night. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness, but reassured her I would be fine. I locked the door behind them and turned to find Daisy standing in the foyer.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” she asked quietly.

I bit my lip, fighting back the sudden overwhelming desire to dissolve into tears. “Just…hold me,” I said, walking into her already open arms.

*****

Nicholas started his next round of chemotherapy as planned on Monday morning. The first week of new treatments was similar to the first three weeks Nicholas had spent in the hospital—tolerable, and at times almost enjoyable, with visits from our family, and doting staff doing everything they could to make us comfortable and keep us occupied.

Nicholas’s moods and energy levels became as unpredictable as the fall weather. Some days he would be fine—laughing and smiling, telling jokes and stories. Other days he was so quiet and withdrawn, we ended up sitting in silence. The October weather was almost always cool now; one day the sun would shine brightly, and the next, clouds would roll in and rain would fall so hard we thought it would never stop.

After a while it seemed like Nicholas’s moods shadowed the weather. On the rainy days, he would become quiet and take his chemo treatments with his chair fully reclined so he could lie down. When the sun shone, he would mirror its brightness with his beautiful smile and sparkling, dancing eyes.

We began to call his good days ‘blue sky days’. These were the days we would wrap ourselves up in coats, scarves, and blankets, and I would push Nicholas in his wheelchair through the hospital grounds to the garden. We still loved it there even though it was now quite a sad sight with its frostbitten flowers and earth, and we would stay out until one or both of us got chilled.

I had my camera with me all the time, and would take pictures of the sky, the flowers and trees, and of Nicholas. He had even stopped protesting when I wanted to take photographs of him, especially when I agreed to be in the shots with him.

We both dreaded the first weekend in the hospital, even though Roy cleared me to spend the entire weekend, including a night or two if I wanted. We tried to ignore the fact that it was Thanksgiving weekend and that we were missing out on the festivities.

Daisy, Sam, Vince, and Maggie arrived for a surprise visit on Saturday afternoon, bringing gifts of flowers and books for both Nicholas and me. None of us mentioned the holiday, and I didn’t ask what the others’ plans were for the actual holiday on Monday.

My mother had never followed through with her invitation for Nicholas and me to visit her and my dad for Thanksgiving—not that I’d really expected her to. I couldn’t help but wonder if she’d forgotten about me entirely, as well as the fact that Nicholas was in the hospital battling cancer.

The nurses brought a cot for me to sleep on that night, but after they checked on us to make sure we had everything we needed for the night, Nicholas asked me to crawl into bed with him. I knew he needed his rest, and even though I warned him he should be sleeping, we somehow managed to spend half the night talking.

After much discussion, on Sunday we decided I should go home that night so we could both get a proper night’s sleep. I returned Monday morning to spend Thanksgiving Day with Nicholas. As soon as I stepped off the elevator and onto the cancer treatment floor I burst into nearly hysterical giggles at the sight of all the nurses wearing pilgrim hats and bonnets, along with brightly coloured autumn and Thanksgiving-themed smocks.

The halls and nurses stations were decorated with enormous cardboard cutouts of turkeys, draped with garlands of colourful leaves, pumpkins and gourds, and adorned with tall vases of Chinese Lanterns and cattails.

I exchanged friendly greetings and holiday wishes with the pilgrim-nurses, as well as familiar patients and visitors as I walked down the hall to room 623. I thought it was amazing that they went to so much trouble to make the day really feel like Thanksgiving, and to give patients a touch of home for the holidays.

I wondered what the staff did to make the floor cheerier during the Christmas holidays. I could imagine the nurses in elf hats or with reindeer antlers, and the halls decked with Christmas trees and lights. Despite that being a nice thought, I hoped we wouldn’t be there to see it. I said a silent prayer that Nicholas would be out of the hospital and in complete remission before Christmas so we could spend it at home with the people we loved.

When I reached Nicholas’s room, I pushed the door open and stepped inside. Nicholas was just sitting there on the edge of his bed, but when he saw me, his face broke into a wide grin. His eyes darted to the other side of the room, and I followed his gaze to where a large folding table was set up and decorated with a cornucopia, fancy fall-theme napkins and paper plates, candles, and a bucket of ice with what looked like sparkling cider inside.

“Nicholas!” I cried. “Did you do all this?”

Nicholas chuckled softly. “I can’t take any credit for this. That goes to the holiday pilgrims out there who felt bad when I told them you were giving up Thanksgiving with your family to be with me instead.”

 
“It’s beautiful,” I said, my hand going to my chest, where my heart had started beating faster. “I can’t believe they did all this. And I didn’t give up Thanksgiving with my family,
you’re
my family now too, Nicholas. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you, wherever that happens to be.”

I sat down on the bed next to him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, which were much thinner than they were just a week ago. He kissed my cheek, and I looked over his shoulder at the table. “Why all the place settings though? Are the pilgrims joining us?”

Nicholas shook his head. “Even better.” He cocked his head toward the door, and right on cue Daisy appeared holding insulated bags that smelled like the most heavenly food on earth. There was some jostling and excited chatter as Sam, Vince, and Maggie crowded around Daisy in the doorway, smiling and laughing.

“You guys!” I exclaimed, leaping off the bed and meeting them at the door. “I can’t believe you did all this.”

“We thought since you two couldn’t be home for Thanksgiving, we’d bring home and Thanksgiving to you,” Daisy said, kissing my cheek. She stepped into the room, pressing kisses to both of Nicholas’s cheeks before moving to the table to set down the bags.

I hugged and kissed Sam, Vince, and Maggie, and told them how much I loved them and how happy I was to see them. The sound of someone clearing his throat from the hall caught my attention, and I whirled to see who our newest visitor was. I was so shocked, it took me a minute to realize the tall, handsome man in the doorway was my father.

“Daddy!” I ran across the room and threw myself into his waiting arms. “Oh Daddy, I’m so glad you’re here!” I burst into tears as I pulled away and held him at arm’s length to look at him.

“Happy Thanksgiving, honey,” he said, looking almost shy and unsure of himself. He drew me back into his arms and held on tightly.

I could hear sniffles behind me, and when I turned, Daisy was standing there with silent tears streaming down her face. I released my dad and wrapped my arms around Daisy. “Thank you,” I whispered. “This means so much to me.”

“I know, honey,” she whispered back, giving me a squeeze before shifting to wipe the tears from my face, then her own.

In all the excitement it had taken me a minute to realize someone was missing. “Where’s Mother?” I asked my dad.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and put his arm around my shoulders. “Honey, she’s spending Thanksgiving at her mother’s. I told her the only place I was going for Thanksgiving was wherever my baby girl happened to be, so here I am…and there she is at your grandmother’s.” He shrugged his shoulders helplessly, a mixture of hurt and resignation in his eyes.

Not wanting to spoil the mood of the occasion or take away from all the work it must have taken to set this whole thing up, I led my dad over to Nicholas’s bed. “Daddy, this is Nicholas. Nicholas, this is my dad, Paul.”

Nicholas stood up and he and my dad started to shake hands, but then they simultaneously reached to hug each other instead. My dad patted Nicholas on the back and said, “It’s good to finally meet you. Emma has told me so much about you, and I couldn’t wait to finally meet the man who changed her life.”

“Thank you, sir, that means a lot,” Nicholas said, patting my dad’s back in return as he pulled away. “I’m not the only man who’s changed Emma’s life though—you had a big part in making her the person she is today, and I know you mean the world to her.”

My dad’s eyes misted over, something I had never seen them do, and he clapped Nicholas on the shoulder wordlessly. The look on Nicholas’s face expressed his understanding, and it was obvious that in that short moment, they had connected and bonded. Nicholas seemed to have that effect on people.

“Well I don’t know about all of you, but I’m starving,” Sam said, rubbing his hands together.

We unpacked the bags of food and spread it all out. By the time we were done, the entire table was covered in the most elaborate Thanksgiving feast I had ever seen. When we were all seated, with Daisy and my dad at either end of the table, Sam, Vince, and Maggie on one side, and Nicholas and I on the other side, Sam asked that we all join hands so we could give thanks. It had become a tradition when we gathered for meals, but it was still something I was trying to get used to. I caught my dad’s eye and he smiled broadly, looking happier than I had seen him in years.

Sam’s voice resonated throughout the room as he asked for a blessing on all of us, and gave thanks for bringing us all together as one big family. We were silent for a moment when he finished speaking, still connected by our joined hands.

I was thinking of how blessed I was to have such incredible people in my life, and I was also praying for Nicholas’s full recovery. I had a feeling everyone else was doing the same.

When we released hands, Sam clapped his together and said, “Let the feast begin!”

As serving containers were passed and plates were filled, Nicholas picked up his glass of cider and turned to me. “To a lifetime of blue sky days,” he said, so only I could hear him.

“I’ll drink to that,” I said, clinking our glasses together before leaning in and pressing my lips to his.

CHAPTER 16

Things were back to normal—or, at least, our current version of normal—the next day. I had spent the night, actually sleeping in the little cot beside Nicholas’s bed this time so he could get the rest he needed after our Thanksgiving festivities. On Tuesday, even though Nicholas was tired, he was happy and talkative, and even managed to eat most of his lunch.

Late that afternoon, Roy came in to see us and told me he thought it would be a good idea if I went home for a few days. Nicholas and I exchanged horrified glances, and my chest tightened almost painfully at the thought of leaving Nicholas for that long.