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Chapter 13

Cash

I was done. Huddled in the corner of Emma’s bathroom surrounded by shadows, so thick I felt like I was sitting in a cloud of ink, I’d never been more sure of anything. I pressed my head between my legs, trying to block out the stench and the sound of them. It didn’t work. They were too close, all around me, all over me. A hiss sounded next to my ear and I reached out to bat it away.

“Fuck!” Pain flared across my arm and I jerked it back against my chest. As if it sensed the weakness, another shadow pounced, wrapping around my other forearm, and a matching pain blazed across my skin. The burn was so at odds with the chill running through me that I bolted to my feet. Two long red burns marred both of my arms, the skin blistered and stinging
. Son of a bitch
. My gaze traveled down to the puddle of writhing darkness below me and I blew out a pent-up breath.

Anaya said they couldn’t hurt me. She lied to me. Why the hell would she lie to me about this?

“Break it up!” a voice boomed across the bathroom. Shadows scattered and escaped through the cracked window. They slipped and slithered across the cream-colored tile until they found refuge in the dark bathtub drain. Noah grabbed one by the neck as it reared up to take a bite out of his throat. His eyes were glassed over and cold as he squeezed it until it wiggled and screamed, tore and twisted under his fingers. A black, glittery ooze melted across his wrist and he cursed before dropping it onto the tile, allowing it to scurry away.

Noah watched it spiral down the drain and rubbed his wrist. “Well…that was fun.”

“You’re back,” I said numbly, not really caring. It didn’t matter if he was back. I was done here. So, so done. I pushed away from the bathroom wall and Noah backed up a few feet to give me space as I rummaged through the medicine cabinet.

“I’m a man of my word,” he said, his voice trailing off as I popped open a few pill bottles.

There wasn’t much to choose from, mainly just leftover antidepressants and pain pills from Emma, but it would have to do. I just hoped Anaya was ready, because it was time to fix this black hole of an existence that had become my life, whether she was ready for it or not. If ending it was the only way, so be it. Anything had to be better than this. Who knows, maybe I’d see Dad again. Maybe I’d get a chance to make things right with him.

Noah stepped up beside me and examined one of the pill bottles. “Mind if I ask what you’re doing?”

I shrugged my jacket off and rolled the sleeves of my white shirt up to my elbows. I braced my palms on the counter and stared at my pathetic reflection in the mirror. Black hair that usually stuck up in disorderly spikes lay damp and limp across my forehead. My skin looked ashen against my white shirt and red tie. Dad’s red tie. I didn’t own one, so I’d had to raid his closet. Even now, hours after I’d watched them lower him into the ground, it felt heavy and wrong around my neck. And those eyes, dark and dull, full of pain, who the hell did those belong to? I didn’t know who this kid was staring back at me. I just knew that I didn’t want to be him. Not anymore.

“Sorry, Em,” I whispered, then brought one of the opened bottles of pills to my mouth.

“Whoa!” Noah slapped the bottle out of my hand, only allowing me to get a couple down before he raked the spilled pills and the rest of the bottles off the counter. “What the hell are you doing, man?”

Triggered by anger, I shoved Noah against the bathroom door. I hadn’t been in many fights, but I was ready to knock someone flat on their ass if they tried to stop me. Dead or alive. “This isn’t any of your business. Stay out of it. You don’t want to watch? Then fucking leave.”

Noah’s gray eyes opened wide as they flicked down to my finger jabbed in his chest. He held up his hands in surrender. “And what are you going to do if the shadows come back before she does?”

All that waited for me on the other side with Anaya was a big question mark. Unanswered questions. At least I knew where I stood with the shadows. I was nothing more than a meal to them. At least I’d be gone. There would be nothing if they got me first. I stepped away from Noah and my arms fell to my sides, the pain a dull throb now.

“Maybe that’s what I’m counting on,” I said. My body didn’t seem to agree with this plan. Fear filled up my chest and my heart started to pump with life behind my ribs, as if it was trying to prove to me that we could still beat this.

“I get it.” Noah stared down at me, looking a little panicked. “I promise I get it. I’ve been there, and I’m telling you this isn’t the answer. There is another way through this, Cash. A better way.”

I lifted my chin to face him, feeling the lump in my throat swell to an unbearable size as I tried to wrap my mind around what I was doing. The pill bottles scattered across the floor caught my attention. What if Emma had been the one to find me, just a few feet from where she slept? What would that have done to her? A choked sound seeped past the lump and I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.

“You’ve got a better way than this?”
Please say yes. Please show me, because I’m ready to do anything.

Noah’s hand rested against my shoulder and it felt as cold as I did. “Better than letting that bastard upstairs and his reapers make a slave out of you? Yeah, man. I’ve got a better way.”

“Show me,” I said.

Noah grinned and his hold tightened around my shoulder. “I thought you’d never ask.”

A tingling sensation started in my veins, buzzing under m
y skin, and light exploded around us. I felt like I was going to burst out of my skin, leaving tiny pieces of Cash strewn all over Emma’s bathroom, but then…we weren’t in the bathroom. My vision swam in darkness and a dripping sound echoed somewhere behind me. I blinked, searching my surroundings. Brick walls surrounded us and wet pavement settled under my feet. The sound of a car alarm sounded somewhere in the distance. We were in an alley. Cold, damp air ruffled my hair and I shivered, feeling a wave of nausea roll through me. Noah’s hand fell from my shoulder and he took a step away.

“You all right?”

I nodded, bending over to brace my hands on my knees, and stared at the oily puddle I was standing in. “I feel sick.”

He chuckled. “That’s normal. You’ll get used to it.”

I stood up, swallowing excess saliva, and glared at him. “Get used to what? Tell me what the hell is going on or I’m not taking another step. Tell me what you are.”

He nodded and a breeze blew a slash of his blond hair into his face so it covered one eye. “I’m a shadow walker.” He paused and folded his arms across his chest. “And so are you.”

I studied the hard angles of his face, the tense set to his shoulders. He was serious. “Am I supposed to know what that is?”

“You think your reaper girl has power?” He raised a brow. “She is doomed, Cash. Doomed to be a slave for all of eternity. Doomed to walk the Earth and afterlife as nothing more than an echo of the corpse she used to be.”

My chest twisted uncomfortably. I didn’t like him talking about Anaya like that. She might have been dead, but she wasn’t a corpse. She was so much more than that.

“And what makes us different?”

Noah smiled. “We can walk among the living,” he said.
“And we can cross over as the dead. We’re hovering somewhere in between. You have more power in one fingertip than a reaper has in their entire body. Enough power to force a soul into flesh. Enough power to scare the shit out of them. Why do you think Balthazar wants you under his thumb so badly?”

I stared at my fingers, flexing them open and closed, feeling the energy buzzing under the surface. He was telling the truth. I could feel it.

“You’ve got a choice in what and who you use that power for,” he said. “I’m just trying to help you make the right choice.”

I thought about Anaya and her light, the goodness that poured out of her like sunshine. She couldn’t possibly be batting for the wrong team. She was too good. I watched the darkness pulsing in Noah’s veins, buzzing beneath his pale skin. In answer the blood in my veins pulsed back. Maybe Anaya wasn’t the bad one here. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was Noah.

“They’ll destroy you,” Noah said as if he could read my thoughts. “You are too much of a danger. They’ll destroy you just like they would destroy me if they ever got their hands on me. They’ll stop at nothing to keep you out of the underworld’s hands, even if that means baiting your human hormones with a girl who looks like Anaya.”

“And who are you using your power for?” I stepped forward, my boots creating a mini tidal wave in the puddle beneath me. “Because from where I’m standing, it seems like you’re in pretty deep with the same things that want to suck the soul right out of my skin.”

Noah frowned, no doubt hearing the distrust in my voice. “You want to know what I use my power for? What I’m asking you to use yours for as well?”

I nodded and Noah spun around, his gray coat flying out behind him. “Follow me.”

Maybe Noah was batting for the dark side, maybe I was walking into a gigantic trap, but I had to know. No way could I walk away from all of this, not knowing what I was, where I was going to end up at the end. I took off at a jog after Noah and we emerged onto a busy city street. Shock stole my breath as I looked up at the high-rises in the distance and the people crowding the sidewalks. Two girls with beads dangling from around their necks walked past us, laughing. The blond one with purple streaks and a leather miniskirt spun around and grinned, giving us a little wave before her friend dragged her off, giggling.

“Wait…they can see us?” I asked. “They can see
you
?”

Noah grinned at me over his shoulder. “Like I said, you walk with me, you get some perks. Women, food, booze… There is nothing off-limits for us, Cash. Not on my team.”

“Where are we?” I spun a quick circle as I walked. “Why did we leave Lone Pine?”

“First rule. Avoid small towns,” he said. “I do my best to avoid your reaper friends, and trust me when I say there are a whole hell of a lot of them out there. It’s easier to find souls that slip through the cracks in the bigger cities. Stick around Podunk towns like yours, and you’re asking for trouble.”

“And why are we trying to find souls?”

He grinned at me over his shoulder. “You’re about to find out.”

We walked a few more blocks, the city air so humid I felt like I was suffocating. Despite my skin feeling like ice, sweat caused my dress shirt to stick to my frame. Noah stopped in front of an old abandoned warehouse. Windows were shattered and spiderwebs clung to the dusty brick.

“What are we doing here?”

Noah turned to face me, the look on his face deadly serious. “Do you know what happens to the souls that reapers take?”

I shrugged. From what Anaya had explained, there were several ways a soul could go.

“Some go to Heaven. Some go to Hell.” He glanced back at the rotting building behind him and pressed his lips together. “But these kinds of souls. The escaped. The banished. They don’t even get those options.”

“Wait…” A streak of blue light zipped past one of the broken windows. “There are souls in there?”

Noah nodded solemnly. “Yes. And do you know what happens to them after the decay sets in? After they have wandered this place long enough for the darkness to take hold?”

A hiss drew our attention to the crumbling brick wall at the top of the steps. A shadow, dark as oil, slithered into a corner where it was met with three more just like it.

“Them,” Noah said, motioning to the shadow. “That’s what they turn into. I can save them from that. Take them to a place where they will never have to watch the darkness eat away at everything they once were. A place where they will never have to live in fear of becoming just another eternally hungry monster. Where I take them, they will never wander lost or alone. They will
never
become a shadow demon. I can give them peace.”

Shadows had begun to gather around the base of the building. Drawn in by Noah and me or the buffet of souls inside, I wasn’t sure. I did know that whatever Noah’s intentions were with me, he needed to get those souls out of there unless they wanted to become dinner for some sick shadow demon.

“There are your choices, Cash,” he went on. “You can help me give souls the peace they deserve, or you can aid in delivering them into an eternity of torment. That is
if
they even decide to keep you around for that. For all I know, your other option may very well be eternal death.”

I nodded, feeling numb and confused. I didn’t know what to think. Who to trust. I just knew in that moment, I wanted whatever option got those souls out of here before it was too late.

“Just think of how many we could help if we worked together,” he said.

“What do we do?” I stumbled back a few steps as the shadows closed in tighter. Knowing they could hurt me was enough to kick my fear up a notch. Noah didn’t budge, allowing them to surround him like a second skin. He glanced up to one of the windows where a set of luminescent eyes peered out at us before disappearing back into the dark.

“I’m going to take care of them,” he said. “And you’re going back home. You’re not ready for this yet.”

“But—”

Noah clamped his hand over my shoulder again and the words got caught like peanut butter stuck to the insides of my mouth. The ground vibrated under my feet and the world around me began to blur. Noah smiled at me and winked.

“No worries, friend,” he said, sounding distorted and muffled. “I’ll see you soon.”

Darkness engulfed me in an instant and then the slap of cold tile exploded against my cheek. I opened my eyes, feeling like I’d gone ten rounds with a heavyweight and the heavyweight had won. Bile rose up my throat and I scrambled for the toilet to choke up the pills I’d swallowed earlier. When I collapsed back onto the floor, unable to move, my thoughts slowly came back in pieces. A few blue pills lay the in the coffee-colored grooves of the bathroom tile near the toilet. The bathroom. I was back in Emma’s bathroom. I didn’t have much time to contemplate what any of it meant, because by the time I took my next breath, a thick hazy darkness was pulling me back under again.