Blurred Expectations (2 page)

“He’s a Jamenson. Of
course
he’s pushing himself, but he’ll be okay. He’s with Josh, and he won’t let Adam do anything crazy.”

Bay nodded and visibly relaxed a bit. “I forgot Josh was with him. That’s good. I know Adam is the Enforcer, and Josh is one of the men who works for him, but, right now, I’m glad that Josh is taking more of the leadership role while Adam is figuring things out.”

“Josh will be there for Adam, no matter what.”

“Your mate is good like that. How is he doing by the way?” Bay asked, her eyes darkening.

Hannah swallowed the now-dry cookie and gave a sad smile. “He’s better, though his voice will probably always be damaged.”

Bay nodded then squeezed Hannah’s hand. Josh had almost been killed when Caym had come into the den and slit his throat. He’d also crushed every bone in Mel and Kade’s son’s body. Finn was recovering and was almost back to normal, though he didn’t laugh as much, while Josh remained himself, though he now had a jagged scar on his throat and a raspy, deep voice.

They’d come so close to losing them both. Hannah still had nightmares that her magic hadn’t been enough to Heal them. As it was, she’d almost depleted her resources and magic in order to do it, and had lost something just as precious. A sharp pain flashed through her, and she closed her eyes, trying to keep it all in. She had to remember this pain so she’d never let herself drain her powers like that again. She couldn’t go through that.

“Hey, I’m sorry for bringing it up,” Bay said, clearing her throat. “Let’s talk about something happy.”

Hannah’s eyes filled, and she blinked the tears away. “What would that be?”

Bay chuckled and cleaned up the cookies. “You’re right. It has been a bit depressing around here. We’ll have to fix that somehow.”

Micah cried through the baby monitor, and Bay hopped up from the couch and made her way to the nursery. Hannah took a steading breath and followed. She could do this. Just because she didn’t have a baby didn’t mean others weren’t allowed to have them. She wasn’t that selfish, even though at the low times she desperately wanted to be.

Where once the nursery had been a tomb and dark tribute to a lost child, now it was a bright room filled with love, toys, and bumblebees. Bay had made it perfect for her and Adam’s son.

“Hey, you,” Bay whispered as she picked up a bright-eyed Micah. “What’s all the fuss?”

Micah looked over Bay’s shoulder toward Hannah and held his little fists out to her. She held back a sob of her own and forced a smile.

“Hey, buddy,” she said, surprised her voice was so calm.

Bay gave Hannah a quick glance then covered it up with a smile before handing Micah over.

“It’s fine, Bay. I’ll be fine,” Hannah whispered as she held Micah close to her chest. His heavy weight made her want to squeeze and hold him forever. He really was one of the cutest babies ever.

“I worry, but I can’t help it.”

Hannah shrugged then kissed the top of Micah’s head. “Go do what you need to do around the house. I’ll take care of him. That’s what I’m here for.”

Bay looked torn for a moment but must have seen the resolve on Hannah’s face. Though Bay could have asked any of the other Jamensons, or any other Pack member for that matter, to help out, Hannah had offered because she hadn’t wanted to shut the world away. She had to get over herself and be the aunt she knew she could be.

With Adam’s injury, Bay had been swamped with helping out both her mate and her baby. Though Adam did as much as he could, it wasn’t easy. Plus, Bay was a strong wolf in her own right and lead the other enforcer’s by her mate’s side. Her sister-in-law left to do laundry and clean while Hannah sat in the rocking chair and looked down at the baby in her arms.

Micah stared up at her with his too-wise eyes and smiled. Though she knew it most likely had to be gas, a little part of her melted.

Oh, yeah, this kid was a Jamenson.

Any of the Jamenson men could bring a woman to her knees, just by smiling or showing off those green eyes. Though Jasper and Willow’s daughter, Brie, was a gorgeous baby that brought those strong men down to their knees as well. Jasper was going to have to lock that girl up when she was ready to date.

Hannah smiled at the thought.

A couple hours later, Hannah said her goodbyes and made her way home. Seeing Micah had made the ache grow just that much more, but his happy face had made her feel at least a little bit better.

The smell of roasted chicken hit her as soon as she walked in the house. Oh, her Josh could cook like a dream. Not only was he a sexy, ex-military, part-demon man, but he was her mate.

Hers.

“Hello, my witch,” Josh said as he enveloped her in his arms. She sank into him and drank in his just-Josh scent—that sweet woodsy scent that made her want to purr. His demon-tattooed arms, already wrapped around her, tightened, and she kissed his chest. She pulled back to look at him and his red-rimmed blue eyes looked down at her, searching.

“Hey,” she whispered.

He tipped her head back and kissed her. Soft, warmth, love...everything. He pulled back and looked into her eyes while tucking a curl behind her ear. “How was it?”

She bit her lip, and her body shook. “Okay,” she said, her voice hoarse.

His eyes filled with tears, and she kissed his chin. That this man would break down with her…

Just…yeah.

“What’s going on?” Reed asked as he walked toward them.

She immediately went to his arms and sank into his hold. He wasn’t as big as Josh but big enough to make her feel small, wanted. His sandy-blond hair was long enough to brush his shoulders now, and she loved it.

“Nothing,” she lied.

He looked down at her with his jade-green eyes, and she gave a wobbly smile.

“Damn, baby. It was negative, wasn’t it?”

She didn’t have to say anything, but Josh came up behind her and wrapped his arms around the both of them. She stood there between her two mates and tried to be okay with the fact that it might be only them from now on—no babies.

She could do that.

Maybe.

“I made dinner,” Josh whispered after they stood there for who knows how long.

“Okay,” she said, not that hungry. But she had to eat to stay healthy and to act normal. At least acting it would hide the pain for a little longer.

They ate in a sad silence, the loss of something they hadn’t had filling the air. They left the dishes in the sink, went to the bedroom, and stripped down. Without words, they got into bed and held each other.

Hannah lay between both of her men, their mating bond flaring in pain and solidarity.

It would be okay. They had more important things to worry about in their war with the Centrals. Everything would move on, grow. They would live. They had to.

Reed Jamenson added a touch of green to his palette and blended the colors together. With a few more brush strokes, he added leaves to the background of their house. Well, the painting of their home, at least. Hannah wanted a framed painting of their home to be placed on their mantel. Why, he had no idea, but he’d do whatever he could to make his mate happy.

He set down his brush and closed his eyes. God, he missed the happiness in her eyes and the brightness of her smile. Though she tried to hide it, he knew she was breaking inside. He and Josh were right along with her. He hated the fact that he couldn’t get his mate pregnant. Kade, Jasper, and Adam had given their mates babies so quickly, some without a second thought. Yet, he and Josh couldn’t do it.

He cleaned his brushes then closed the door to his studio, not wanting to paint. Odd for him since it was his passion. Lately though, he couldn’t come up with a desire to do it. He could only try to hold onto the threads that were keeping their mating together. No, he didn’t think Hannah would leave them, but he was failing her. He couldn’t give her the option to leave. No, she had to feel needed. She
was
needed.

“Reed?” Josh called as he stepped through the front door.

“Hey,” Reed called back as he took out two beers from the fridge. He used the opener to take off both the tops and walked out to see Josh standing in the middle of the living room, his hands on his hips.

Reed stopped and raked his gaze over Josh's muscular body. Josh was wider and taller than he was, but it was all muscle. Sexy, firm muscle. Josh's brown hair was a bit longer than it had been when they'd met. The man had finally lost the need to look pure military and had let it grow out. The spiraled tattoos that marred his arms were a symbol of what he'd become. His mate was now part demon because Caym had bitten him, but he was stronger than any of them had known, physically and deep within.

“What's wrong, Reed? Not that I don't like you checking me out, but you look like you’re depressed. It’s the middle of the day, and you’re not in your studio. What's going on?”

Reed handed him the beer and wrapped an arm around Josh’s waist. Josh brought him in for a hug and kissed him softly on the mouth. Reed had always been bisexual, but never in his wildest dreams had he imagined himself in a mating with two people. He loved it.

Josh pulled back, and Reed took a swig of his beer, the cold brew sliding down his throat. Reed tugged on Josh's hands, and they went to the couch and sank into the cushions.

“I'm just out of sorts. I feel like we’re losing Hannah by not being enough for her,” Reed said as he laid his head on Josh's shoulder.

Josh rested his head on the back of the couch and wrapped his arm around Reed. “We haven’t been trying that long; it'll happen for us.”

“But, we already lost the baby before,” he whispered, his voice cracking, along with his heart.

Josh kissed Reed’s forehead then snuggled closer. “I know, my wolf. I don’t know what to say other than we'll be okay. We just need to focus on other things.”

“I don't think Hannah is going to want to hear that.”

“I don't think she has a choice, Reed. No matter what happens, we have a bond that's going to last longer than anything else we go through. We’re strong; we have to be. We've
had
to be. I know she's hurting, but we’re all hurting. We’re going to have think of the good things that we can have. When was the last time you heard her giggle?”

Reed drank the last of his beer, trying to think of her laugh, then shook his head. “I don't remember. That's the problem.”

“Okay, let's make her smile.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“Well…”

Reed threw his head back and laughed, a warmth slicing through the cold that had lodged itself in his heart. “Of course that's what you would be thinking.”

“I’m with Josh on this one,”
his wolf said.

Reed laughed with his wolf and rolled his eyes. “I like that idea, so does my wolf, but we’re also going to have to show her that we’ll be okay without having sex every minute of every hour.”

“That does sound like a fun thing to do.”

Josh grinned and Reed rolled his eyes.

“True, but it's not the only thing. With this war with the Centrals, we’ve been so focused on protecting the ones we love that we haven't been cherishing her. Plus the fact that we’re trying to have a baby at the same time makes it feel as if we’re scheduling our love. Sex is going to become a chore if we don't make a plan to stop that.”

Josh ran a hand over his face then scratched the scar on his neck that still gave Reed nightmares. “I wouldn't have thought that sex could be a chore, but with the emotions running through us every time we try, it hurts. I just don't want to fail her again, Reed. Do you think it's because of the demon? I mean, the reason we can’t have a baby.” Josh turned to Reed, and Reed saw his lover’s eyes filling.

“No, I don’t. I mean Caym and Bay have both had children. So I don't think it's the demon blood running through your veins.”

Josh leaned forward and kissed Reed softly. “And it's not because you don't think you’re alpha enough?”

Reed jerked, surprised. “How the hell did you know I was thinking that?”

Josh traced a finger down Reed's jaw, sending shivers through both of them. “Because I know you. I know you think you aren’t as tough stuff as your brothers, but you're wrong. You just don't have the same temperament they do. Not everyone can have children right away, some not even at all, but no matter what, we need to stick together. We need to get Hannah to smile again.”

“Yes, we do. Though I have no idea how we’re going to do that.”

“Just be yourself. I mean, you make me smile,” Josh said then ducked his head and blushed.

“Aww, I love it when you're all cute like that.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Josh had never kissed a man before meeting Reed, and Reed knew that Josh was still uncomfortable at showing some of his feelings.

“Luckily, you’re good in the sack, or I would take offense at that attitude.”

“Good?” Josh growled. “Good is all you can come up with?”

He gripped the back of Reed's head and pulled him close for a bruising kiss. Teeth clashed, tongues melted, and Reed moaned. Josh ran his hand down Reed's chest, and Reed moved toward him. Reed bit Josh's lip and sucked on the wound.

“I love you,” Josh whispered into his mouth then cupped Reed’s jean-clad cock.

“Fuck. I love you, too.”

Reed positioned himself so he was leaning back, and Josh covered Reed's body, rubbing their cocks together as he did it.

“What time does Hannah come home?” Josh asked as he ran his hands underneath Reed’s shirt. The touch of those calloused fingers against his skin sent shivers through his body.

“She said she'd be at North’s for another hour or so.”

“That means I get you all to myself on our favorite couch?” Josh lifted Reed up slightly so he could take off his shirt while Reed did the same to Josh.

With a moan, Josh kissed a trail down Reed’s throat and chest, paying extra attention to his nipples.

“God, I take it back. You’re better than good,” Reed rasped out as Josh licked the happy trail that ran beneath the edge of his jeans.

“Well, I better make sure you know that. Just in case.” Josh nipped the skin right where Reed’s jeans met his body, and Reed groaned.