Blurred Lies (The Blurred Series Book 1) (7 page)

“You’d do that for me?” I know I sound like this is the biggest favor, ever, and that’s kind of how I feel right now. He chuckles and taps my knee playfully, rising from the couch and turning to face me. 

I immediately feel the loss of his touch on my leg, and I suddenly realize his hand was on my bare skin. I’m still in my yellow dress, and now I realize the position I’m in on the couch, with my knees tucked to my chest, may not be the best in this attire. God, I hope he couldn’t see my panties.

Classy, Natalie, real classy.

If he noticed, he doesn’t show it.

I can actually feel my cheeks turning red.

“Of course. It’s not that big a deal, Natty; just a friend introducing a friend to some other friends. Come on.” He holds out both hands and I take them. They’re strong and warm, and before I have much time to appreciate them, he’s pulling me to my feet and releasing the hold he has. “Get your shoes and whatever girly shit you women carry around and let’s go,” he says playfully.

I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, give a shy giggle and go to find my cute wedge sandals in my bedroom. Within a few minutes, I’m back out to the living room, purse in hand, and we head out the front door.

Ryan is ahead of me as we briskly skip down the stairs, and my nerves are creeping their way back up. I’m feeling a little breathless from the physical and mental exertion.

“What do I say when we get there, Ry?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll do most of the talking. You just say stuff, where appropriate, and look cute.”

Before I know it, we’re standing outside a small café with a small dining area outside the big picture window. Above it is a pretty pink sign that reads ‘Calli’s Café & Bakery’.

“Ready?” Ryan says from his position beside me. Before I have a chance to respond, he takes my hand and gives it a squeeze before leading me into the, somewhat, quiet establishment. Thankfully, it looks like the lunchtime rush is over; less of an audience for my potential humiliation.

The smell of fresh-baked donuts and ground coffee hits me and immediately my mouth starts watering. I could put on more than a few pounds working here, that’s for sure. I’d be ‘Fatty Natty’ all over again.

Ugh.
That thought’s enough to keep me away from the freshly baked goods for the foreseeable future.

“Ah, Ryan. I wasn’t expecting to see you at this time of day?” a soft, friendly female voice with the hint of an Italian accent says, with some confusion, from behind the counter. “And who is this pretty lady, huh?”

Ryan brings me from my guarded position slightly behind him, and I lay eyes on the person the voice was coming from.

Wow. She’s one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. She’s like a model with her tall, lean stature, long dark hair and tanned skin. 

I could never compete with her. 

Before I can analyze that thought further, Ryan’s voice breaks through my self-loathing session.

“Calli, this is Natalie.
Nate’s
little sister. Natty, this is Calli, the owner of the best café in town.” I’m not sure why he emphasizes my brother’s name in that way, but I suppose it’s because they know him well here, and Ryan thinks it’ll help me get the job.

Suddenly, realization of some kind dawns on Calli’s beautiful face, and she practically beams at me as she rounds the counter to greet me.

“Ciao, Natalie, it’s so good to finally meet you!” Calli gently grasps my shoulders and kisses each cheek before pulling away and studying my face for a moment. “You are even more beautiful than I expected. The boys have talked about you so often, I feel like I know you already.” She’s smiling down at me, obviously waiting for some sort of response, as is customary between two human beings. I’m just so surprised by her familiarity and warmth towards me. I’ve never experienced this from a perfect stranger before, and it’s both nice and unnerving at the same time.

Maybe you would have experienced it, if you got out once in a while and actually talked to people.

Ryan chuckles beside me. “She’s kinda shy.”

“Sorry, hi, it’s really nice to meet you, too. You have a lovely place here. I tried your sandwiches. They’re amazing.” I stop talking before I sound any more like a weirdo-hermit.

“Natalie’s looking for a new job, so I mentioned you were in need of some help around here.”

“And why am I in need of some help around here, Ryan? Hmm? Perhaps it is because you break the heart of my best girl and she cannot stand to see your handsome face around here any longer.” Calli playfully pinches Ryan’s cheek as she says this, a teasing tone to her voice. Then she turns to me, folding her arms. “Honestly, Natalie, I don’t know what to do with these boys anymore. They are too good looking for their own good, or the good of my café,” she says this with a jovial tone, but Ryan seems to have tensed beside me, and isn’t finding it as funny as Calli is clearly intending it to be.

So I guess Ryan dated a waitress here and broke her heart? I don’t know why that gives me a stab of jealousy. I’m just glad she’s not around here now, because I really don’t think I could work with someone Ryan had dated. Now I’m wondering if he’s ever dated Calli. She looks to be about his age, and she’s beautiful.

God, I hope they haven’t slept together...or are still sleeping together. What if they’re sleeping together?

I shake the disturbing thought and faux-laugh, trying to keep the mood light, and Calli gives me a discreet wink.
What’s that about?

“So, you have experience in serving of some kind, Natalie?” Calli asks.

Uh-oh.

“Um...not exactly... I-”

“Baking, perhaps?” She raises an eyebrow now.

Crap.

“Well, no, but-”

“Natalie’s a fast learner, makes a mean sandwich, and she won’t let you down, Calli.” Ryan comes to my rescue, finally.

“Okay, I’ll take a chance, because this guy seems so sure you’ll be a good fit, and I think we will be very good friends, you and I,” Calli says with a smile. “Be here at 6:30am tomorrow morning for your first shift. The only uniform is our branded apron, but please wear comfortable shoes. I have made the mistake of wearing heels in here, and it is no good at all.” She smiles wide as she goes back to the other side of the counter and resumes the task she had been occupied with before our entrance.

I laugh at her comment, and after I thank Calli profusely for giving me this chance, which earns me a dismissive wave of her hand, Ryan and I head back out onto the quiet, sunny street. 

I’m so happy right now.

“Thank you so much, Ryan. I can’t believe you got me that job.” I beam at him and suddenly, without even realizing what I’m doing, I’m hugging him as tight as I can. Ryan’s soft laugh is muffled in my hair.

Did he just sniff my hair?

“I didn’t do anything, Natty. Calli obviously liked you instantly, and why wouldn’t she?” 

I pull back and look into Ryan’s deep green eyes, which I notice have a hint of hazel in the sunlight. Ryan is looking into my eyes just as intently, and I feel like a moment is happening between us...what kind of moment, I’m not sure. 

Feeling awkward all of a sudden, I pull out of his hold and avert my gaze to the pavement, feeling embarrassed for randomly hugging him like that.

“Um, so...I told Nate I’d cook dinner tonight. I need to go to the store for the ingredients, so I guess I’ll see you back at the apartment. Thanks, again.” With that, I quickly turn without a second look and head down the street as fast as my wedge sandals can carry me, before Ryan can offer to go with me. I need some distance from him right now. 

I glance back when I’m nearly turning the corner, and see that Ryan is still in the place I left him, gazing back at my retreating form.

Whatever just happened between us - whatever that was when he snuck into my room last night - I need to move away from it, both literally and emotionally.

Do not get attached to Ryan.

When I get back to the apartment, lasagna ingredients in tow, Ryan is nowhere to be seen. I’m part relieved, part disappointed by that. A little piece of me hoped he might be in the kitchen bopping around to loud music and awaiting my return... Preferably shirtless.

Wait, what?
 

Why even a little piece of me hoped for that, I have no idea. Well, maybe a small idea. Okay, I know
exactly
why.

I still have some time to spare before I need to start cooking, and I realize I never had the chance to respond to Land’s sweet message earlier - since Nate came home with Lunch and then the whole café job/Ryan thing happened. So I set the bags of groceries on the kitchen counter and head to my room.

Pausing briefly outside Ryan’s closed bedroom door, I try to listen for any sign of life. I don’t hear much, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not in there, so I hastily jump into my room and shut the door as quietly as possible, cringing when the hinges squeak, like if he hears me, he’ll know I was listening outside his room.

Okay, seriously?

Brushing off my silly thoughts, I sit in front of the laptop and log in.

OffLand18 is online.

So, I wasn’t really expecting him to be online right now. I’m not prepared. We haven’t had an actual conversation since...
that.

Oh God.
What do I even say to him -
“Thanks for the orgasm; sorry I had a level four meltdown afterwards?”

OffLand18 says: I’m so glad you’re here. I thought I’d scared you off for good. I’m sorry. Please forgive me?

BabyDove94 says: What? No! I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have left like that. I should have just stayed and talked to you about it. You always have a way of making me feel better. Forgive me?

OffLand18 says: There’s absolutely nothing to forgive, baby. All I want is for us to be good. Are we?

BabyDove94 says: Better than good :)

OffLand18 says: Awesome :) So how has your day been?

I tell Land about everything that happened today and why I didn’t get a chance to respond to his message. He told me he’s proud of me for going after the job and that he’s happy me and Ryan are getting along better than I had anticipated. I can’t help but feel kind of guilty, because I’ve been having inappropriate thoughts about Ryan, and I know it would hurt Land if he knew, especially after...everything.

BabyDove94 says: I really have to go start dinner. I promised my brother I’d cook tonight.

OffLand18 says: Ok baby :( What’re you making?

BabyDove94 says: Lasagna, my specialty.

OffLand18 says: Oohh, my favorite! Well I don’t want to keep you from your womanly duties ;) Have a good night, my little dove. Good luck with your first day at work tomorrow, not that you need it.

BabyDove94 says: Lol. Thanks. Well if I don’t show up tomorrow night, you’ll know I didn’t survive. Just promise to delete all evidence of our last conversation, should I not return!

OffLand18 says: Hell no! I’m keeping that gold dust in my conversation log for all time, to go back to on cold lonely nights...

BabyDove94 says: Ha-ha. You’re terrible. Seriously, though - thank you for being so understanding of my...emotions. Speak soon x

OffLand18 says: Don’t thank me for caring about you. Until tomorrow, baby x

Offland18 is offline.

Well, that went better than I expected it to.

My feelings for Land are definitely growing with each conversation. I want to know his real name, his exact age, where he lives. I want to know everything about this man, who I both know so well and don’t know at all. Our relationship is like a contradiction of itself - we’re both so close to one another, yet not close at all.

Either way, I’m at least happy with the direction we’re moving in. I feel like I’m finally scratching the artificial surface to discover the authentic layer underneath, which shines brighter than I ever expected it to.

Feeling like a small weight has been lifted off my shoulders; I breezily make my way to the kitchen to get started on dinner. Expecting the empty kitchen I left earlier, I’m surprised to see Ryan emptying the contents of the grocery bags onto the counter. He’s so hot when he’s being domestic.

And there’s yet another inappropriate thought to add to the ever-growing list.

“Hey, Natty. I thought I’d get everything set out for you. Do you need some help with making dinner?” he asks, taking the last item out and throwing the empty bags into the recycling under the counter.

“Thanks,” I say, my surprise evident in my tone. “I can handle it, but if you really want to, you can start chopping the onions for me?” I hate chopping onions! Who doesn’t?

“Sure thing. I’m awesome at chopping shit.”

That pulls a genuine laugh from me, and Ryan’s grin widens as I round the island to join him. 

We start prepping, side by side, sharing occasional sideways glances that make my skin warm. Ryan finally breaks the silence.

“So, are you feeling okay about your first day tomorrow?”

I’ve been purposefully avoiding all thoughts about tomorrow, not wanting to feed my anxiety. I don’t think sleep will come easy tonight, that’s for sure. That’s a recurring theme with me, lately, anyway.

Sigh.

“I guess. I mean, I’ve been trying not to think about it too much. It’s the first real job I’ve ever had. It’s hard not to feel anxious about it. I’m not great with social situations and I’m worried I’ll mess up everything from working the coffee machine to spilling food all over customers’ laps.
Oh, God
...it’s going to be a disaster.” I stop what I’m doing as the realization washes over me. How am I going to get through tomorrow?

“Hey.” Ryan pauses and clasps my shoulders with his strong hands, turning me to face him, concern lacing his stare. “You’re going to do great. The customers will adore you, and you’ll make friends with Calli and the other girls, instantly. Stop. Worrying.” He shakes me gently as he makes his last statement, then lets me go and turns back to the task at hand.

“Thanks, Ryan,” I say, in awe of how he’s managed to put me at ease with one sentence and a sincere expression. “Whilst we’re on the subject, can we not mention this to Nate tonight? I don’t want him to worry, and I want to be sure I can really do this before I let him know.”

“Okay. But you know he’ll find out sooner rather than later, right? He goes to Calli’s practically every day, and the girls talk.”

“I know. Maybe we can keep him out of there just for one day? I just need a day.” I want Nate to be proud of me and I want to have the confidence to assure him it was the right decision for me. I don’t want to have to admit I failed if I can’t cope tomorrow, and if I can’t cope, I don’t want Nate stopping me trying again with something new.

“Sure we can. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it, Natty.” He glances at me and winks, and I notice his eyes are streaming with tears, the redness there making the green irises even brighter than usual.

I burst out laughing. He looks so pitiful, and the fact that he tried to wink while he can barely see just makes it even funnier.

“What’s so funny?” he says with a sniffle, wiping his eyes with a tattooed forearm.

“Not used to chopping onions, Ry?” I ask through my laughter.

“I don’t think I can see the onions anymore...or the knife, which is concerning.”

I laugh a little harder. “Oh, my gosh, just stop.” I grab his wrists, before he can chop off a finger, and he drops the knife to the counter. He turns to me and I can tell he’s struggling to see me through squinting, watery eyes.
Poor guy
.

“God, it hurts like a bitch, Nat. Onions are evil.”

“Come with me.” I lead him over to the small window off the kitchen, and open it wide enough for him to put his head out into the breeze. “Just take a few deep breaths until your eyes stop stinging. I’ll finish chopping the onions while you pull yourself together.” I laugh again as I make my way back to the counter and resume Ryan’s task.

I glance at him as I work and he’s still breathing hard out of the window. It’s strange, yet endearing, to see a grown, tattooed, pierced guy unable to cope with something as simple as chopping onions. Bless his heart.

By the time he’s able to return to the counter, I’ve chopped all the vegetables and started on the sauce. He apologizes for being a wimp (his words, not mine), I give him some less painful things to help me with and we chat easily throughout making the rest of the dinner.

Once I’ve put the baking dish full of yummy lasagna goodness in the oven, I turn to Ryan, who’s now perched on the island counter looking at me, all evidence of his tearful episode now absent.

“That’s a wrap. Should be done baking by the time Nate gets home.” I grab my phone and shoot Nate a quick text, letting him know dinner will be ready in forty-five minutes, then set it back down on the counter and look back to Ryan...still looking at me.

Oookay, then.

“Come here, Natty,” he commands softly.

I’m sure I look all kinds of confused as I make my way over to where he’s perched, unable to deny his instruction, and I probably look shocked when he gently grasps my arms and pulls me to stand between his firm, jean-clad thighs.

He strokes up and down my bare arms with a feather-light touch that makes goosebumps rise all over, and I look at his face that now shows concern. Why does he look so worried?

“Are you feeling better now?” he asks cautiously, looking into my eyes. I feel like he’s staring into my soul.

“What do you mean?” I ask in a small voice, feeling the weight of his meaning.

“You know what I mean, Natty. You had a rough night.”

“Yeah, I’m fine now.”
Liar
.

I look away in an attempt to hide the lie, but Ryan catches my chin with gentle fingers and brings my face back to look straight at his.

“I’m not sure I believe you, but if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. I’m not going to push.”
Why not?

“Thank you for last night,” I whisper my thanks, feeling incredibly shy about it.

He helped me more than he knows - more than he’ll ever know, because I’m not going to go into detail with him about how much it meant to me; to have someone there when I needed them, now that the two people who were always there for me are gone. I can feel moisture in my eyes, but I blink it away. I think he notices.

“No worries, sweetheart,” he almost whispers back. “If you ever need someone, you come find me.” With that, he pulls me closer into him, and wraps his strong arms around me, my cheek to his chest. I can hear his steady heartbeat, and it relaxes me, just like it did last night.

His permission to go to him when I can’t sleep; it worries me. It’s opening a door for my attachment to Ryan to grow exponentially, but I can’t say I don’t want it to.  I slept better than I have in a long time, cocooned by his warmth, and I know that in a moment of weakness like the one I had last night, I won’t be able to stop myself knocking on his door (or at least wishing I could).

It’s a lot easier to allow him into my bed than it is to ask permission to enter his.

“I can’t stand the thought of you crying, alone, in the dark. It fucking hurts my heart. But I know I won’t always hear you like I did last night, so I need you to promise me you won’t let it get that bad again. Promise you’ll let me know before it does.” He brushes fingers through my hair, soothingly, as he speaks. His affection is distracting, in the best and worst way.

“I can’t promise you that.” Honesty is beginning to come naturally around him, and that’s scaring me even more.

“Then I guess I’m going to have to check on you every night for the foreseeable future.” You’d think there would be humor in that statement, but there’s none. He’s dead serious.

“No. You can’t do that,” I say, still hugged to his chest, his hand now stroking my back. The bare skin, left exposed by my dress, tingling with each brush of his fingertips. They’re leaving a trail of heat in their wake.

“I can and I will, unless you promise to let me know if you need me.”

I try to think of a way out of this. I won’t have the guts to knock on his door at 1:00am, and I don’t want him feeling it necessary to check on me like I’m a child. I need some sort of compromise.

“Well, how about you give me your cell number, and I promise to text you if I’m having a hard time?” I finally pull away enough to look up at his face, a small smile now playing on his lips, his lip piercing glinting in the kitchen track-lighting.

God, he’s beautiful.

“That might work. Here.” He grabs his phone from his pocket and hands it to me. Our embrace now over.