Boarlander Boss Bear (Boarlander Bears Book 1) (13 page)

Second? She wasn’t even a Boarlander, and that wasn’t what she’d meant to do at all. She’d only meant to protect Harrison from Clinton’s unexpected attack.

She’d seen Clinton’s eyes as he’d charged Harrison, who had his focus on her and getting her to safety, instead of Changing to defend himself. It was so messed up that Clinton would charge his alpha while he was in human form. Her fury had spurred on a quick Change the second she’d decided to protect Harrison. He’d been attacked like that before by his dad, and she would be good-goddamned if she was going to stand by and watch that happen again.

Clinton shrank into his human skin with a grunt of pain, and Audrey winced at what she’d done to him. She’d never let loose like that before, but he’d hurt her, too. The sting of claw marks and puncture wounds zinged up her nerve endings, and her ribcage was too warm, too wet.

“What have you done?” he asked her through gritted teeth. Clinton turned and limped toward his trailer.

“Clinton!” Harrison barked out.

“I’m leaving!” Clinton yelled over his shoulder. “I should’ve left the minute she came around, but I didn’t. I gave you a chance to fix this, and now she’s our damned Second? Hell no.”

Leave? Clinton couldn’t leave. Already, Harrison was cursing under his breath, bent over, arms locked on his knees like he was being gutted.

Audrey bolted after Clinton. When Mason came out of his trailer and stood in her way, she snarled. He lifted his hands in surrender and backed out of the way. Good pig.

Kirk sat on top of Mason’s trailer in his gorilla form, tension oozing from him, eyes zeroed in on Clinton as the injured idiot made his way into the next singlewide.

“Audrey, let him be,” Bash said half-heartedly from behind. Maybe if Harrison had given the order, she would have to obey him, she didn’t know, but Bash was easy to ignore. She wasn’t hunting Clinton. She was trying to help him.

She skidded to a stop, her wide paws going flat against the gravel as she slid. Heaving breath, she closed her eyes and Changed back. It wasn’t instant, or even quick. In fact, it took too damned long and felt like she’d injected every cell of her body with gasoline and lit a match, but she had to fix this.

With a sob of pain, she stumbled upward and sagged against the splintered railing of Clinton’s porch. Her body hurt, and not just from the Change. She was healing some massive claw marks on her side, and as she forced her legs up the stairs, wetness dripped down her hip. Clinton had left a blood trail. She’d hurt him. She gagged and steadied herself on the door handle, then shoved the door open.

“Clinton?” she called in a hoarse voice.

“Fuck off,
Second
.” His pissed-off snarl came from the bedroom on the other side of the kitchen, so she padded unsteadily in there. At the open doorway, she halted. Clinton was packing a duffle bag.

“You can’t leave.”

“Well, I sure as shit can’t stay!”

“Clinton, this isn’t what I want! I didn’t even know I was fighting for Second. I was just trying to keep you off Harrison until he could Change. Until it would be fair.”

“Yeah, I know.” Clinton gritted his teeth and clamped his hands onto the unmade bedspread, clutching the comforter in his fists. “I shouldn’t have attacked him.” He dragged his bright gaze to her. “I’m not okay with you around. I can’t do this.”

“Please don’t run.”

“Don’t you know? That’s what I do. Crew to crew.”

“And where does it stop? When do you decide this is it for you? That it’s enough? Clinton, you’ll hurt Harrison if you go. He’s put up with all your shit, with you pushing his damned crew away, and he did that for you. So he could keep you.”

“Audrey?” Bash asked from the front room.

“No!” She and Clinton both yelled.

“Okay,” Bash said in a small voice, then slammed the door behind him.

“Look,” Clinton said, looking sick. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

“And where will you go?”

Clinton shook his head for a long time, then began to pack again.

She was shaking from the adrenaline dump in her system, leaking red onto his laminate flooring and naked as the day she was born, but none of that mattered. She couldn’t be the cause of the Boarlanders shattering.

“I’m leaving,” she murmured. “I decided to last night when I heard you ask Harrison not to claim me. Out by the river. My mind is already made up.”

“But Harrison—”

“Will be hurt if you go. He’s not bound to me. Not yet. You pledged to him, though, and he’s been through hell losing his crew.” She turned for the door but hesitated at the frame. “Just…promise me you’ll try harder. Promise me you’ll take care of him.”

“Audrey, you can’t go now. You’re Second. You earned a place here.”

She smiled sadly. “I was always on the outside, Clinton. I’m used to it. You need Harrison and this place. I’ll mend over time, but you won’t.” Lies. She would never be okay again.

She would not expose her heartbreak to Clinton, so she patted the doorframe and left his trailer, tears stinging her eyes. She couldn’t draw a deep enough breath as she made her way to 1010.

Harrison sat on the top porch stair, elbows on his knees, favoring a long claw mark across his ribs. They matched. She would always think about that if her injuries made scars. Every time she saw them in her reflection, she would remember how she’d gotten them, fighting for the man she loved. For the man she would always love. Down to her marrow, she knew Harrison was it for her. No one else for the rest of her life would compare.

Harrison watched her approach and stood when she got closer.

“Clinton’s not leaving,” she said, climbing the stairs.

“He’s not?” There was beautiful hope in his voice, and she barely resisted the urge to double over the pain in her middle.

“No. I am.”

“Wait, what?” Harrison followed her inside.

“I’m not a part of this place. Never was, never will be without the crew’s blessing, and I can’t get that from Clinton.” She strode into the bedroom and yanked her suitcase from the closet. “You can’t claim me with Clinton here, and I won’t be the reason he leaves. One of us has to go.”

“Audrey, you can’t go now. I’m yours. My bear…fuck. Stop!” He yanked the suitcase from her hand, but she began stacking her clothes from the drawers to the bed without missing a beat.

She needed to do this as fast as possible, or she would lose her courage.

“I need you to stay,” he said, low and growly. “I need you to pick me back.”

“I am.” She stomped her foot and dashed her knuckles over the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Can’t you see I am? It’s me or Clinton, Harrison. He was here first.”

She dressed quickly as he watched her from his spot, leaned up against the wall. She didn’t dare a look directly at him, or she would buckle. She picked up the suitcase Harrison had dropped on the floor and packed it as fast as she could.

She was trying so hard to be strong, but her vision was completely hindered by the tears that rimmed her eyes, and she couldn’t breathe through the sobs that clawed their way up the back of her throat.

When she passed Harrison, he pulled gently on her wrist. Closing her eyes, she shook her head in despair. Harrison pulled her gently toward him, and she was helpless to deny him. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to pretend it could’ve been like this forever.

“I can’t make you stay, can I?” he asked, his face buried against her neck.

Unable to speak, she shook her head.

“If I make this place good for you someday, will you come back?”

This was her future disappearing like fog under the bright sun. As long as Harrison was the strong, caring alpha he was, he would try to rehabilitate Clinton. It was part of why she loved him. The only way she would be able to come back was if Clinton was gone, and she would never wish for such a thing.

Instead of answering, she whispered, “I love you, Harrison. I always will.” She pushed up on her tiptoes and kissed him, then ripped herself away and left 1010. Left the happy life she’d finally found, the friends who made her feel whole.

And as she drove away, she saw him in her rearview. Harrison’s bear strode for the woods with long, powerful strides. Just before he hit the tree line, he looked at her and roared a heartbreaking sound.

She would never be the same again, would never be okay.

Darkness had been easy to dwell in before she’d known the light.

Now and for always, it would be impossible to be happy in the shadows again.

Audrey was dying. That was the only thing that could explain this gutted, hollow feeling that had her doubled over the steering wheel of her Jeep, shaking with the pain.

The gravel road curved this way and that like some great serpent through the mountains. Ancient evergreens lined the road, and each turn brought a new breathtaking view of Damon’s mountains. She would never see this place again.

She maneuvered a sharp switchback and gasped when she saw Clinton standing in the middle of the road. She slammed on her brakes and skidded to a dusty stop right before she hit him.

When the dirt cloud cleared, he was pacing up the road, then back, eyes panicked. His blond hair was spiked up like he’d been running his hands through it, and he was heaving breath as though he’d rushed over a great distance. His gray eyes were bright, but not with panic or the inhuman side of him. He just looked…scared.

Audrey rolled down the window. “Are you okay?”

“Turn off the engine!”

Okaaay. Audrey put it in park and cut the engine.

“I can’t do this if you can just leave, or drive around me, or…get out. Please, Audrey, get out so I can think.”

Audrey wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt and kicked open the door, then got out gingerly.

“I hurt you, I hurt Harrison, and I hurt the Boarlanders. I was so shoved up my own ass with my problems, I couldn’t see that until now.” He paced away again, scrubbing his hands down his jaw.

“I don’t understand.”

“No, no. You understood everything. I didn’t.” Clinton sat heavily on a boulder on the side of the road and buried his head in his hands. “Just wait so I can figure this out. It’s too fast, and now it feels wrong that you’re leaving. This whole time it’s all I wanted, but…” He stared at her, shaking his head back and forth like he couldn’t believe what had unfolded. “I don’t know if it’s because you’re Second or if it was that awful sound from Harrison’s throat when you drove away, but I’m not okay with you leaving.”

“Well, I’m not okay with
you
leaving!” she barked out. “And I don’t want to play this game. The who-deserves-to-be-here-most game. It hurts, Clinton. It hurts me, it hurts Harrison, and deep down, I think it hurts you, too. You won! You pushed everyone away, pushed most of Harrison’s bears out of the park, and now you’ve pushed me away from the only man who has ever really understood me.”

“I didn’t want that. I couldn’t remember—”

“Clinton—”

“I couldn’t remember how it was! I had that. What you and Harrison have, I’ve been there.”

“What?”

“I’ve had people and lost them, and it’s my fault they aren’t here with me anymore, Audrey. I’m cursed, and in my own fucked-up way, I was trying to protect you, Harrison, Bash, and most of all…” He swallowed hard. “Most of all, I was trying to forget how great being paired up can be.”

“Oh God, Clinton.” She sat on the rock next to him, shoulder to shoulder, overlooking a pine valley. She stared at the sunrise and sighed. “I’m sorry about your loss, but you can’t run from
feeling
. You’ll hurt the people around you even worse than you’re hurting yourself.”

“Yeah, I figured that out. You just came in and shook everything up, you know? I’d finally got to a point where I felt okay, and then you came along and Harrison wanted to turn the park upside down.”

“No, Harrison wanted that before I came along. He wants to make a good crew, Clinton. Where you are right now isn’t where a good alpha would want you to be. Harrison isn’t using change as a weapon. He’s using it as a cast to fix what’s been broken until you can stand on your own again.”

Clinton huffed a laugh and picked up a stick from the ground, then broke it in half. “Come back,” he said in a barely audible voice.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Clinton shot her a glance, then broke the stick in his hands again. “Come back and help him become the alpha he’s meant to be.”

“And what about you?”

“I won’t run. I’ll stay. I’ll try. Just…come back. I don’t want Harrison cut off at the legs because of something I’ve forced. I’ve got enough guilt to shoulder without an annoying…admittedly badass…tiger shifter added to the pile.”

“I did kick your stumpy tail.”

Clinton snorted. “It was a close fight, and I was taken off guard. At least, that’s what I’m going to tell the Gray Backs.” He chucked the broken stick over the side of the road. “Willa’s going to lose her shit when she hears the Boarlander Second is another lady shifter.”

“I don’t know anything about being a Second, and I’m not even pledged to this crew, so any time you want to challenge for it, just say the word,” she muttered, squinting against the rising sunlight.

“Nah, I think I’m gonna let this one ride. I’m not okay, and it’ll hurt the crew if I climb the ranks right now. Come on.” Clinton stood and dusted the seat of his pants, then offered his hand to help her up.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Is this the part where you push me over the side of the cliff and drive my Jeep into a lake somewhere?”

Clinton gave a tired sigh. “Don’t tempt me, tiger-lady.”

Cautiously, she slid her palm against his, but he only helped her up and then jogged to her Jeep. “I’ll drive. I can get you to Harrison faster.”

“Okay,” she murmured, utterly astonished at the turn her life had suddenly taken.

Was this real? Could she keep this life she’d found, nestled in the heart of Damon’s mountains with people who actually understood her? Could she keep the man she loved?

Cautiously, she opened the passenger side door as the ignition roared to life. “Clinton, if this is some kind of trick—”

“It’s not,” he said, and there it was again. That honest note she was learning to decipher.

Heart thumping double-time in her chest, she climbed in and buckled up. Safety first and all, and definitely
not
because Clinton could still drive them over a cliff at a whim.

He’d been right about getting her to Harrison sooner. Why? Because he drove like a bear out of hell and barely even slowed for the steep switchbacks. Eventually, she closed her eyes, grabbed the oh-shit bar, and hoped she survived long enough to see her man again.

Clinton pulled under the Boarland Mobile Park sign and skidded to a stop in front of Mason and Kirk, who sat in some broken-down plastic lawn chairs with matching frowns.

The second she was free of the door, she asked, “Where is he?”

“Oh, thank God,” Mason said, leaning back in his chair. “He’s in the woods. Bash went after him.”

She bolted for the trail between Kirk and Bash’s trailer.

“Audrey!” Kirk called.

“Yeah?” she yelled over her shoulder.

“It’s real good to have you back, Second.”

Skidding to a stop, she grinned at the three men who’d become so unexpectedly important to her. Cupping her hands around her mouth, she called, “It feels ridiculously good to be back.”

She ran for the woods, following Harrison’s well-worn trail he’d made by checking the Boarlander border countless times in the years he’d lived here. She didn’t know how she knew, but he was at Bear Trap Falls. She could feel him, like a rope tied from her heart to his. The pain in her chest eased with every step she took toward him.

The sound of the falls was music to her ears as she pushed her legs faster and faster through the forest. And when the riverbank came into view, she slowed and then stopped at what she saw. Harrison was knelt at the edge of the gently lapping waves, his hands linked behind his head, while Bash crouched beside him, murmuring something too low for her to hear.

The air was stifling, and the scent of pain, of sadness, overwhelmed her. “Harrison,” she whispered.

Bash jerked his gaze to her and froze beside his alpha. Feature by feature, his face relaxed, and a slow smile spread his lips. Beside him, Harrison stood. His shoulders lifted with his ragged breath, and slowly, he turned a wild gaze on her. His eyes were the color of snow, but that didn’t scare her. He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

She walked, then jogged, then ran to him. He seemed shocked and barely got his arms up fast enough to catch her. Audrey was crying now, unable to contain her happiness as his hands slid gently up her back.

“Audrey?” he asked in a broken voice.

“Clinton said I can stay. We’re both staying.” She eased back and cupped his cheeks. “Harrison, I choose you.”

His chest heaved as he searched her eyes. He looked at Bash, then back at her and asked in a hoarse voice, “You talked to Clinton?”

“Yes, yes. He stopped me from leaving and asked me to stay. No more running, from Clinton or from me. You can keep us both. You can keep me.” Her voice faded to nothing as emotion tightened her throat.

“It’s true,” Clinton said from the woods where he approached Bear Trap Falls, flanked by Kirk and Mason. “A wise alpha once told me she would be good for the Boarlanders.” Clinton gave a slight smile. “And I trust him.”

“She will be,” Harrison said through a growing smile. “You’ll see.” He leaned down and kissed her.

She squeaked as Bash lifted them both up in a back-cracking hug. Her organs were on the verge of popping like water balloons, but she couldn’t find it in her to care as Bash’s booming laugh echoed through the woods.

And as she looked from Harrison’s adoring gaze to Bash’s megawatt grin to Clinton, leaning against a tree with a sad smile on his face, to Kirk with his arm thrown over Mason’s shoulder, she took stock of this moment. It was one of those life-changing ones—the end of something hard and the beginning of something great.

She was here for the beginning of the new Boarlanders, and she was going to have a front row seat watching her mate make them into the best fucking crew in Damon’s mountains.