Body and Soul (2 page)

It did not take long before she managed to find out what was bothering Eden. There was a momentary pause then that seemed endless to Eden before Anna took up the conversation again.

‘How rotten for you, Eden. I can remember how I felt the first time it happened to me.’

‘You never said anything?’

‘No. I’m not as strong as you are. I was so devastated that I went for help to get over it. You see, I don’t have the inner resources you have. Men had always been my life. Being attractive, having them want me, was all I had. To know that I could pull them and keep them, gain the love and stability I craved, was everything to me once. My encounter happened at a taxi rank at the Grosvenor House. That ride home of a mere few streets was soul-destroying. It happened when I was between husbands. I wept like a child then pulled myself together and went for several sessions with a Jungian therapist. It took some doing to get my self-esteem back on track. Aren’t men bastards? What are you going to do?’

‘This has been a jolt. More than anything I keep thinking how much fun sex was once, how I miss the excitement of youth and romance and love affairs. That there’s nothing in this world to replace that. Why did I let it all go? How could I have succumbed to the social politics that brainwash mature women into believing they’re redundant as sensual, sexual beings? Must give up erotic experience because age has settled upon them. That youth has a monopoly on sexuality where men are concerned. How did I fall into the loveless trap? What made me stop demanding an exciting sex life? Because I didn’t think it was seemly to indulge in great sex as I grew old? What pathetic foolishness to give up pleasure so
as not to look desperate in the eyes of my peers.

‘What am I going to do? you ask. I don’t know exactly. But I can tell you what I am
not
going to do and that is to lie down and die, vanish into self-induced spinsterhood! I’ll have to find a way to go out into the world and validate who I have been, who and what I am at present. I’m going to shrug off this middle-aged thinking, try to find another way to regain the fun I once had in my youth. A therapist might have been best for you but I believe I’m able to re-evaluate my past unaided and create a new present for myself as rich and varied as the happiest of sexual times I ever had in the past.’

The women spoke for another ten minutes and by the time they’d finished their conversation it was clear to Anna that Eden was at a crossroads in her life. She feared for her then because older women among Anna’s friends had rarely been able to recapture their once erotic life styles and make them work for them in their mature years, as she had done. Some had been too obviously trying to recapture their youth; others, having gone about it in a more subtle manner, for the most part fared no better. Eden? Anna wondered about her and what she might do, how she might find sexual fulfilment and love again. She had, after all, had it several times in her life already.

Chapter 2

Eden wondered how she could have looked and not seen the void in her otherwise happy existence. Or was it a chasm rather than a void? One she had been jumping over, back and forth, with such ease she had had not the least idea that it was there: something fundamental missing from her life.

The days passed and then it was Thursday and she was back in Frog’s Hollow having lunch across the room from Edna and Beryl. The tea room was filled with the Thursday regulars, the conversation with the two women was much as it always was, but Eden found that, for the first time, she was having to make an effort whereas before that fateful Thursday being cordial and interested in them had come so easily, had felt so genuine.

The fun of belonging even for an hour in their world was gone. Had she just been playing a game with herself and these good people, fooling them all into thinking she belonged in a simple world like this? The food in her mouth turned to ashes and yet it was the same Thursday fare she had enjoyed these past ten years. The stranger did not reappear. That afternoon Eden went home and took a nap. On waking she dozed for several minutes and her mind slipped back in time.

She was young, beautiful, talented. Music was her life above and beyond anything else. Her father was first violinist with the Boston Symphony Orchestra; her mother, Leila Sidd, an accomplished pianist.

Leila was a great beauty who loved fast cars and exciting men. A woman of seductive charm on a grand scale, she was vain and luxury-loving, passionate, interested in herself first, her daughter second, and her husband third, if somewhat marginally. She was a well-known figure in the upper echelons of the international classical music world. The sort of woman for whom men bought houses in the South of France, Paris couture clothes and jewels. All the things that she could easily have afforded to buy for herself, in fact, as a Boston heiress of considerable wealth.

The Sidds were much gossiped about: chiefly Leila’s publicly conducted love affairs with famous men and the fact that she, her husband and daughter remained a family in spite of their hardly ever living together under the same roof longer than several weeks in a year. The three of them were devoted to each other, in their fashion, and shared a special unconventional love that was rare in their circle. Leila and Teddy Sidd were great travellers, he for his work, Leila for fun, and they took their daughter with them whenever possible.

They loved Eden for her beauty, sweetness, and above all because she shared their passion for music. She was extraordinarily talented and they gave her everything a gifted child needed to make something of herself. Whatever she learned about love was through these two extraordinary parents and her mother’s and father’s lovers, amorous friends, who were an acknowledged part of Eden’s life.

In their own outlandishly liberal way both Teddy and Leila were protective of their daughter. They were careful not to allow her to slip into the pigeon hole labelled ‘child prodigy’, having seen too many young talents slide into that role and never progress from it into world-class, timeless success.

It was Leila who, by example and affection for her daughter, taught Eden to enjoy her beauty and femininity, instilled in her a passion for the sexual liaisons that enhance a certain type of woman’s life. Her mother kept Eden dressed in provocative, attractive clothes to flatter her stunning figure, sensuous face and long dark hair. Leila wanted her daughter to be admired as she
herself had been by men. She wanted Eden to enjoy her own good looks as well as her talent so that she might have a full and rounded life.

Eden was one of those rare creatures blessed with it all. She knew as much from a young age, having been born that way. All who met and became involved with her, in even the most superficial manner, were instantly aware of it too.

In a half dreaming state, Eden smiled to herself as memories of that time so long ago came to mind. They were followed by a vivid picture of her first love, Marshall Greenspan. She was seventeen, he twenty-nine, handsome as a Greek god, fiercely intelligent with a commanding voice. He was an architect with a passion for music, an authority on the architecture of the great opera houses of the world. Marshall was New York Jewish intelligentsia, the handsome darling of the cognoscenti who dictated the tune to which the arts world, so richly patronised in that city, danced. He had a reputation as a lover of women of all ages and types, in and out of his particular milieu.

Marshall was giving a lecture on opera houses at the Juilliard School of Music when he first saw Eden in the audience of fresh young students he enjoyed teaching. She stood out from the entire sea of faces he was addressing. Her beauty was the first attraction for him but then, as his eyes searched her out time and again during his lecture, he knew that it was more than that. Her sexuality was enticing. He was, even while still standing at the lectern, obsessed by sexual desire for her. She had what he liked most in young women: an obvious sensuality coupled with an air of inexperience.

As for Eden, she was besotted by his good looks, his charismatic command over his audience, passion for his subject and ability to reach into her heart, her very soul. There was something raunchy in the manner in which he looked at her. It made her squirm with sexual desire. He was the first man she had ever seen who made her want him. This was the man to whom she wanted to give up her virginity. He wrapped his sexuality around her. Without even touching her, never even directly addressing her, he induced in her a fiery lust. She came as she sat watching and listening to him,
and entered into a state of utter bewilderment and fear.

Nothing like that had ever happened to Eden before. There had been boyfriends and petting and kissing but she had never felt what she felt that afternoon for Marshall Greenspan. Her heart raced with fear of such powerful feelings that were not aroused by music. Here it was, the erotic soul of Eden Sidd, born and in full blossom in almost the same instant – and she with not the least idea what to do about it.

As applause from the students filled her ears and people rose from their chairs to leave she watched a bevy of girls and boys rush to the dais to talk to Marshall. He seemed even more charismatic to her now. Her knees felt weak and unsteady but she did manage to rise from her chair. Had she imagined that he had singled her out, found her attractive?

It was winter and she was slipping into her fox-lined poplin raincoat when she was rewarded with an answer to that particular question. Eden caught Marshall looking at her over the students’ heads and across the sea of empty chairs around her. This time he smiled at her. She smiled back, her heart raced, and she gathered all the composure she could summon to leave the auditorium without a backward glance.

The Sidds maintained a New York penthouse apartment on Park Avenue. It had been in Leila’s family since the building had been erected in the early 1900s. Eden was grateful that both Leila and Teddy were there with her just then. She knew she could go to either one of her parents and tell them she had fallen hopelessly in love with Marshall Greenspan. That somehow made her feel relaxed and happy and in some sort of dream world where she had never been before.

Standing in front of the school with her cello on the pavement next to her, Eden was trying in vain to hail a cab to take her home while her head was occupied with trying to hold on to the memory of Marshall Greenspan’s smile. It had been for her and only her, she was certain of that. Eden was flattered, intrigued by his attention. Her sexual desire for him had not abated. She wanted to hold on to that as well as his smile. She felt a desperate need once again to experience the sensation of orgasm she had felt in
the midst of all her fellow students during Marshall Greenspan’s seduction of her.

‘Hello,’ was all he said when he came up behind her.

Even his voice was sexy. It commanded her heart. She turned to look at him. ‘I’m having trouble finding a cab.’

He gave a shrill whistle and a cab pulled up sharply in front of them. ‘I’m famished – going to Hamburger Heaven. Why don’t you come along with me?’ he asked as he entered the cab with her cello and then extended a hand to her.

Eden was amazed but silently slipped on to the seat next to him. Rather than let her hand go he brought it to his lips and kissed her fingers. She was actually trembling with excitement as he leaned forward and placed his lips upon hers, kissing her with a tenderness as searing as a hot flame.

Still holding her hand, he gave the taxi driver their destination and then, turning back to Eden, untied the belt around her waist and unbuttoned her coat. Opening it the better to look at her, he told her, ‘I find you utterly beautiful, very sexy,’ and caressed her face with his hands.

Eden closed her eyes and melted under his touch. She had no defences against such a sweet and exciting seduction, and more to the point she didn’t want any. She was aware that he knew that and in some strange way it gave her a certain power over him she didn’t even bother to analyse. She merely enjoyed being where she was. They both realised that she would deny him nothing. Every fibre in her body was calling out ‘take me’.

They did have their hamburgers at Hamburger Heaven and it was there that he first learned her name. Marshall, of course, knew both her mother and father though not intimately. He was a part of their world and it delighted him that this young woman whom his libido demanded he must conquer was their issue.

‘Will you come to dinner with me tomorrow night? Afterwards I’ll take you to meet some friends at a party,’ he suggested as the doorman on patrol in front of her building opened the cab door.

Marshall carefully handed the cello to him then turned back to face Eden. He could see the sexual longing for him in her eyes. She remained seated, wanting to go home with Marshall
Greenspan, for him to ravage her with his lust. The doorman retreated into the lobby of the apartment building. People were rushing past on the pavement, on their way home or to some smart lounge or bar for the customary end-of-the-day Martini to set them up for a social evening.

Marshall pulled Eden gently towards him. With one arm around her waist, he passionately kissed her lips as he slipped his hand under her skirt and between her legs. She felt him tear aside the strip of silk that covered her cunt and then his fingers searched between her moist, satiny cunt-lips, to caress them. She was stunned at such a bold gesture, thrilled by his fingers, and she came, her breathing laboured with lust. Eden wanted for him never to stop; wanted more thrills, more daring sexual adventure. Her heart raced. She was frightened they might be seen, terrified to speak and break the spell of her first intensely erotic experience.

Time hung as if suspended. It felt to Eden as if Marshall’s caresses had been going on for an eternity. Over his shoulder, she saw the doorman, Carter, returning to the taxi, presumably to open the door for her. She stiffened and Marshall laughed and removed his hand from beneath her skirt. She watched him lick his fingers and nearly fainted with pride that she should have pleased him so much, should have carried off the sexy situation he had placed her in with such aplomb, that he would make the gesture of wanting to devour her. She had never imagined sex would be so thrilling. Now she wanted it and every new experience.

Marshall placed his hand over her heart and smiled at its swift beating. He bent forward and kissed her on the cheek, whispering in her ear, ‘For as long as we are together, never wear underwear. I want you always open and ready for me, so I can give you the sex you demand. Anywhere, anyplace. God, I find you so hot … so sexy.’

With that he moved away from her almost at the very moment that the doorman opened the cab door. Eden could hardly recognise her own voice. It sounded hollow and she spoke to Marshall in barely above a whisper. ‘I wish it were tomorrow right now at this moment.’

Even as she said it Eden knew she should have been outraged by his audacity, have run away from the practised seduction. But her lust, her ego, were overtaking her powers of logic. She was incapable of playing hard to get with Marshall Greenspan. She had fallen in love and was convinced that he had too.

Eden went to Leila after dinner on the evening of her taxi adventure with Marshall. She watched her mother change her dress to go out with Teddy and her latest admirer.

‘Mom, I have a date tomorrow night with Marshall Greenspan.’

Leila turned round from looking in her dressing-table mirror and faced her daughter. She stretched out her arms and Eden walked over to be embraced. ‘He’s very attractive, Eden. You’ve made a good choice there. He’s intelligent and charming and very sexy. But he’s a bounder with women. If you want to go out with him, you must promise me not to let him break your heart. Do you think you can manage that? If you can, I imagine you’ll have a very good time with him. If you can’t, my advice as a mother and a woman is not to get involved.

‘You’re young and beautiful and being caught up with a man like Marshall Greenspan in an affair of the heart will colour your life for relationships with other men who will inevitably follow. Caution, Eden dear. Love, especially being “in love”, can hurt if you allow it to. Some women do. I never did, and you must not. That’s the best bit of advice I can offer.’

With that Leila stood up and gathered Eden to her, kissing her. ‘How exciting! First love, first passion. I can hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes. Make it the best time of your life, my dear girl. One never forgets a first love.’

Eden was immensely touched by her mother’s joy for her, and her advice. It was at that moment that she understood what a truly remarkable woman Leila was. Together mother and daughter went to Eden’s room and chose the dress she would wear on her first date with Marshall. It was a red, solidly sequined mini-dress with slim shoestring straps over the shoulders. With it she’d wear black fishnet stockings and high-heeled black satin pumps. Mother and daughter decided there’d be no jewellery: Eden’s youth and
beauty were more impressive than any bauble. They were both aware how seductive and sexy Eden looked and it was then that she understood that Leila accepted that from that night on her daughter was no longer a girl but a young woman entering a new stage in her life.