BOH 8-21-07 (00178434).DOC (6 page)

Tears streaked the chubby cheeks. “Will I ever see

you again after you leave for good?”

That was a question Cyn had no problem answering.

“Of course you will. I’m not moving to China. We can get

together. You can come spend a weekend now and then.”

She hugged the small body. “But let’s not get ahead of

ourselves. I’ll be staying right in this apartment for a

while yet.”

Ten minutes later, Katy chattered away as she

always did. Relieved to have circumvented what could

have been a difficult situation, Cyn’s enthusiasm for

having her own place kicked in.

The day sped by. Cyn hadn’t paid attention to time,

so she was surprised when Katy complained of being

hungry. Six o’clock? Surely her watch was wrong? They’d

worked straight through lunch. Mike said he’d be home by

six-thirty and she hadn’t even thought about supper.

“Enough work for today. We’ve got to come up with

something quick to fix for supper or your dad will be as

grumpy as a bear.”

Katy raced down the stairs while Cyn stopped in the

doorway for a last look at her new home. The lonely

generic feel that permeated the place this morning had

disappeared with the addition of her furnishings and

personal items. The warm and cozy atmosphere boosted

her spirits. Perhaps she was ready to sprout wings and

fly. Determined to keep depression at bay, she shrugged

off her sadness of someday leaving this family.

Katy ran back up the stairs and tugged her hand.

“Come on, Cyn. I’m starving.”

They braved the pouring rain and dashed across the

rain-slick lawn. Mike’s truck sat in front of the house. Cyn

groaned. Murphy’s Law strikes again. The one time he’d

come home early had to be the day she’d forgot about

supper. They entered the house and shook off the water.

“Katy, wait here while I get a towel.”

Too late. Katy raced down the hall. “Daddy’s home,

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and I smell pizza!”

Cyn’s heart hiccoughed. She’d yet to come to terms

with her ever-changing emotions about Mike. One

moment, he was Katy’s Dad and the next he was her

friend. Lately, she’d found herself wanting more than

friendship whenever they were together. Dr. Wentworth’s

words resounded in her brain.
It’s unhealthy to make

someone else responsible for your happiness. You need to

learn to love yourself.

Was it too late? Had she already become too

dependent on this small family? Were they her reason for

getting up in the morning? She shook off her fears. She’d

made two positive moves this week. It was time to try her

new wings and hope she stayed in the air.

She hung her jacket in the closet and lingered in the

living room. The gnawing hunger pains had vanished, and

she debated whether or not to return to the apartment.

Instead, she slumped on the couch and contemplated her

new awareness of Mike.

A spurt of embarrassment turned her face warm

when the object of her musings spoke behind her. “Hey,

don’t you want a piece of pizza? You’d best get out here

before my greedy daughter eats the whole pie.”

She briefly met his gaze. “Sure. I’m on my way.” She

stepped around him, quickening her step when she sensed

him on her heels.

She sank into her usual chair and halfheartedly

munched on pizza that went down hard as a piece of

cardboard. Soon as Katy went to bed, she’d tell Mike her

news.

“Yoo hoo, Cyn. Are you with us?”

Katy giggled and followed Mike’s question with a

comment of her own. “Space to Cyn. Do you read me?”

Cyn tossed her crust into the box. “Sorry. Guess I’m

preoccupied. Did I miss something important?”

Katy sipped her milk and wiped off the white

mustache. “Just us talking about my birthday party. It’s

tomorrow afternoon. Here. Fifteen of my friends are

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coming. I need a big cake.”

Cyn bolted to attention. “You’re kidding me? Why

didn’t you say something sooner?”

Mike tweaked Katy’s nose. “She’s teasing. Her

birthday isn’t until September. Off to bed, sweet pea.

You’ve got ten minutes before I come tuck you in.”

Katy jumped to her feet. “G’night, Cyn.”

“Good night. Sweet dreams.”

Katy scampered out and an uncomfortable silence

hung. Cyn didn’t know what to make of the strange

tension in the air. She cleared off the table and prepared

to wash the few dishes when a warm breath whispered on

the back of her neck. Her knees threatened to buckle. If

she turned just now…

“Come sit down. What’s troubling you? The move?”

He spoke and ruined her fantasy. She scooted away

to a chair on the far side of the table. “No. I’m happy with

the apartment. I think it’ll be good for me.”

Despite picking a chair as far away from Mike as

possible, he walked around the table and sat next to her.

“Then what is it?”

She stared at her folded hands and attempted a

smile. “I’ve always had difficulty accepting change. I’m

working on it.”

She raised her head and stared into green eyes. The

bottom dropped out of her stomach like when she rode

Ferris wheel at the County Fair.

“You’re not alone in fighting that particular demon,”

he said.

“Speaking of change, I found a job.” She threw her

news out and watched his reaction.

Mike sat in dazed silence, gaze glued to Cyn’s mouth.

A wide smile lit up her face. He could count on one hand

the times he’d seen her smile like this. Blue eyes sparkled

with excitement and something else he couldn’t put a

name to.

“That’s wonderful,” he replied and hoped the lack of

enthusiasm in his voice passed without notice. “I didn’t

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realize you were in the market for one.” Why couldn’t he

be happy for her?

“Dr. Wentworth suggested it. The more I considered

the idea, the more sense it made. Otherwise, I’ll never be

able to support myself.”

“The important thing is that you’re moving forward.

Tell me about the job. Is it on base? I’ll have to find

another sitter for Katy,” he muttered, more to himself

than Cyn.

Her blonde curls swung like silk when she shook her

head. “No, not on base. The library in town.”

“You’re kidding me?”

Mike instantly regretted laughing when her smile

vanished.

She pushed away from the table. “What’s so funny?

Got something against libraries?”

“Of course not. It’s just that I can’t picture you

working in one.”

She glared at him. “You don’t need to make other

arrangements for Katy. I work mornings so I can drop her

off at school and pick her up in the afternoon.”

Mike tilted back in the chair, rubbed his chin and

realized he needed a shave. Since when did he worry

about a few whiskers? “Are you sure? I can look for

someone else.”

She bristled like a cat protecting her kittens. “And

get someone else like Doreen?”

He coughed to stop the laughter tickling his throat.

“No. I’d go through an agency this time. Anyway, it’s not

your problem. So when do you start?”

Her gaze slid toward the clock. “Tomorrow at 9 a.m.”

Mike didn’t stop to analyze his irritation. “What did

you plan to do? Leave me a note?”

“Of course not. I’m telling you now. I only found out

this morning.”

“Sit down.”

“I really should—”

He softened his tone. “Please?”

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Bridge of Hope

She parked her butt on the seat of the chair.

“Did you ever think about going to back to college for

your Masters?”

“Yes. That’s why I got this job…so I can save money.

Plus, I’m thinking I might try for a Masters in library

science, instead of education.”

Mike shifted, uncomfortable with the direction he’d

steered the conversation. Truth be known, he enjoyed her

in his life. Looked forward to coming home to find her and

Katy waiting. “Don’t forget Peter’s life insurance. You

could go back to school, concentrate totally on your degree

and not have to worry about working.”

The instant the words hit the air he wanted to take

them back. Fury darkened her eyes to indigo. “No. I’m not

touching that money. Not now. It’s my investment for the

future.”

Mike frowned. An investment for the future, or a way

to hold onto Peter’s memory a bit longer? Whatever. The

reason was none of his business. He’d made a suggestion

and she’d shot it down. Why didn’t he feel good about her

newfound strength? His little voice gave him his answer.

Because idiot, the faster she finds her independence, the

sooner she’ll be gone.

She rose so fast the chair tipped over and hit the floor

with a thud. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll head to bed now.”

Katy’s voice came from upstairs. “Daddy? What was

that noise?”

“Excuse me.” Without a glance in Cyn’s direction, he

left the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later, Mike walked downstairs

annoyed at the melancholy mood he couldn’t kick. He hit

the dim switch as he walked into the living room and

headed straight for the liquor cabinet to pour a healthy

three fingers of bourbon.

His hand jerked at Cyn’s husky voice. “I’d like one,

too.” He gathered his emotions and tucked them away

before turning to notice. She sat on the couch. “I thought

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you’d left. I’ll turn up the light.”

“Please don’t. Dark is nice.”

He held up the bottle? “You really want a drink?”

“Yes, please.”

He dispensed a small amount in a glass and carried

it to her.

“Thanks. I think we need to talk.”

Already out of his comfort zone that she’d stayed, his

anxiety level climbed even higher. “I apologize for sticking

my nose where it doesn’t belong.” He took another sip,

savoring the bourbon sliding down his dry throat. “It’s

none of my business what decisions you make.”

The liquor heated his blood and he grew antsy in the

ensuing silence. His nerves tautened with every passing

moment.

“You’re right,” Cyn murmured. “It’s not your concern,

but that’s no excuse for my rudeness. I had no right to get

so riled at your suggestion.”

He lifted his glass in a toast. “Let’s forget it ever

happened.”

“Before we do that, there’s something you need to

know.”

He’d been enjoying the warm rush of the bourbon.

Cyn’s statement sobered him instantly. “What?” Was she

about to drop a bigger bomb?

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Cyn shook so hard her teeth rattled. Certain she’d

soon shatter, she gulped the rest of her bourbon. “I’d like

some more.”

“You’re fingers are like ice,” he murmured as he took

the empty glass from her hand.

Cyn laughed. “That’s funny. The rest of me is on fire.”

A puzzled look crossed Mike’s face before he rose to

pour more bourbon. “What’s on your mind? You’re as

nervous as a new recruit on his first visit to the rifle

range.”

“Probably more so.” She clasped her hands so they

wouldn’t shake, took a deep breath and prayed for the

courage to say what she had to say. “My last few sessions

with Dr. Wentworth have focused on co-dependence.”

As she reached for her glass on the coffee table,

Mike’s fingers curled around her hand. “Why are you

telling me this?”

One minute she wanted to flee, the next to move

against his warmth and cuddle. Other than the hum from

the overhead fan, the room turned eerily quiet. “I’m sorry.

This is difficult.”

He released her hand and relaxed against the

cushions.

“I leaned on Peter during our entire

marriage…looked to him for my happiness. He was my

world. It was very unhealthy for both of us. In retrospect,

I can’t believe he carried the extra burden. He encouraged

me to make friends, to find a hobby and never complained

when I ignored his advice.”

Cyn paused for a sip of bourbon. “I’m surprised he

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didn’t leave me.”

“Hey!” Mike scooted closer and wiped away her tears.

“Peter loved you. Don’t ever doubt it.”

“I know he did. It was wrong to let Peter prop me up

through all the hard times. Not fair to either of us. I need

to be sure I never make that mistake again.”

Mike cupped her face and rubbed his thumbs over

her cheeks. “You’re beating yourself up. Now that you’re

aware of the problem, it won’t happen again.”

His closeness fuzzied her thinking. “I’m afraid I

already have.” The words left her mouth as a whisper.

His hand tightened on her bicep. “What do you

mean?”

It was now or never. D-Day. “I’m a little in love with

you. I have a hard time imagining my life without you and

Katy.”

There. She’d told him.

The truth should set her free. Except she didn’t feel