BOMAW 1-3 (18 page)

“Darlin’, you’re too young to understand this, but it’s too little, too late. It cannot be rekindled. All that I want from that marriage, is you. You’re all that matters to me now.”

“Well, what about what I want? I’m tired of having to wait to see you! And if I come with you, then I can’t have mom! It’s not fair! What about me? What it’s doing to me?” she blasted him tearfully, then charged up from her chair and ran out of the room.

Shawn dropped his partially eaten burger to the plate. Sighing deeply, he wiped his hand over his face and then leaned his cheek on his balled fist, his elbow braced on the
armrest
of his chair. He turned his head to look at the clock on the wall; 6:30…what was he to do with the next few hours? Cleaning off the table, he grabbed his briefcase and went into his office, having relocated his laptop in there where he had more space, next to his drafting table. The sooner he got started on the layout, the better.

*

Total, complete, absolute, frustration! Sylvia felt it surging through every cell of her body and it was
all his
fault! She couldn’t get anything done on her small website. She couldn’t focus on the small editing that was still left to do on her finished novel. And though she sent off an intro to an agent, she didn’t feel confident about the contents. All because of him! These thoughts coursing through her mind as she labored at painting her bathroom. Something she had planned to do for the longest but because of her writing, she didn’t want to break the flow to redecorate. Well, now thanks to Shawn—Everett Styles—McPherson, her flow was
oopso! Finished! Flat! Washed up,
for this particular moment in time, anyway.

Which led her to where she was, leaning from the top of the ladder, trying to reach an awkward spot. Her hair tied up in a bandana, her ratty scrubs on, with dabs and streaks of paint standing out on her brown skin.
Her stereo blasting in the background from the living room.
Jammin’ to fast oldies…
Dirty
Cash
by
Adventures ofStevie
V playing as she bobbed her head from side to side. Ever since she spent that time in Shawn’s house unpacking and arranging his place, it opened up energies to do her own.
Especially now with her inability to think in her writer's mind.
So muchenergy,
and no outlet other than redecorating and painting. This was after all, the safe route.
Because the alternative was out of the question.
Meaning, thoughts of him.
His eyes gazing into hers with so much hunger and desire; her heartbeat increased with just the recall.
The strength of him holding her against the door as he ravaged her mouth.
Sylvia pulled herself back to safety on the ladder and took a seat there as her mind refused to let go of the image of what his mouth was doing to hers. She felt an undeniable throbbing, an unmistakable swelling.

“Oh, god…help me through this…please.”
I want him. I want him bad.
Only in her mind would she admit it.
Never to him.
Not now…it was too soon. But her body…ah, well, what a treacherous thing it was. No matter what the mind warned and directed, the heart, enclosed and protected by the body…was powerful, and could not be denied. It didn’t play by the rules of the game. It was a greedy, selfish, treacherous thing that was responsible for ruining many lives. Not realizing that it itself, lead many to cause
its
breaking.
Oh great, not that,
she moaned in thought as
Moments in Love
by Art of Noise began,
sending her mind into her dimly-lit bedroom.
Candles burning, giving off the sent of musk and
sandalwood.
Feet intertwined from beneath creamy, satin sheets.
Those of hers, brown and flexing with those of his fair, larger feet.Opening up, a closer scene with their legs moving and showing.
Hers spread, with him nestled close and deep there. His back arching, her head thrown back…

“Oh my god!
Oh my god! Make it stop…please make it stop.” She felt tears come to her eyes as her body shivered from responding to the visual image.
Her heart pumping blood to all the regions where the need was great.
“Paint, girlfriend! Paint…stop…turn
that one off!” she directed herself, climbing down from the ladder to do just that. Wrong music to be playing when one was longing as she was.
Missing him.
His voice that poured over her like sweet, intoxicating, warm honey.
Lips warm, yet hard and unrelenting…aaaahhh!
She flopped down on her sofa after skipping her CD to the next song, holding her head in her palms as she sat, trying to get a grip of her rioting emotions and thoughts.

“I—am—in—so much trouble,” she said aloud. Then a tear streamed out the corner of her eye. “God almighty, this man already has a grip on my heart. And I can’t break it…and my heart…he’s going to, I just know it. I just know it.” She sat back as DMX's mix of
In the Air
Tonight
began. She pulled her knees up and around on the sofa to her chest,
staring straight ahead at nothing in particular,
no longer fighting her thoughts of him.
The one now playing of him on his Harley…such a powerful image. He handled that bike like a master. The way he rode it with smooth ease, is much the way she knew he would ride her. Closing her eyes, she saw what she knew would one day come to be.
Her
stretched out on her back, and him riding her with such exquisite care…with such determination to show her what a man like him could make her feel.

Again she tried to shake off the image, but the strength of it was having the needed effect to make her want him, just as he had shown himself to want her. Charging up from the sofa, she went back into the bathroom to pick up where she left off, wondering what was to happen when he returned. She didn’t want to be so weak as to give in to him…but she was now afraid. Her
desires for him was
gaining more strength than her determination to be free of sexual entanglements. Entanglements where she would be the one regretting the act, giving him another notch to hisbedpost.

“God, how
am
I to fight this? How? The key is to put all of this to a halt, right now…while I still can. Or can I? Is it already too late?” Again she painted, shaking her head.
Thinking about his presence in her home.
The way it felt to have him around.The natural stirring of excitement with just his nearness.
How in the world did she think she could go on for the rest of her life without a
man?
And now, of all men to come into her life,
it had to be Shawn Everett McPherson. Maybe she should test herself. Maybe she just wouldn’t be online tonight when he expected her to be there. After all, she hadn’t replied to his email. Therefore, no committment was actually made to say if she would meet him or not. If he signed on and noticed that she was not there…maybe he would just get the message. Besides, 11 o'clock at night
was
late for her.

Question was,
could she live with the message that he got? Again a sigh escaped her. And thus was the theme of her day.
Thoughts going back and forth between her mind and heart on what to do about this growing preoccupation with Mr. McPherson.

Making some final adjustments to the layout, he was satisfied for the night. It was coming close to the time to meet Sylvia online.
He'd checked before he started working to see if she were online. No show. It was on his mind for most of the day, and now night.
He just hoped that she was in an amenable mood. He hadn’t received a reply to his email that he sent her, so he could only wonder at what he would have to deal with once the chat began...if it began. He would sign on again at 9pm and if she wasn’t there, then the heck with it, he would call her. Having the thought cross his mind, hewish
he had done so last night. Oh well, if she wasn’t there tonight, that’s what he would do.

“Daddy?”

Shawn looked up from his draft table to the door where his daughter stood.

“Yes,
pum'kin?"

“Can you take me home?”

Shawn sighed. “I could, but I don’t want to. I want you here with me. I want to spend this time with you. Please?” He sat watching her as she stood in the doorway, with her head
laying
against it. Her arms crossed before her. She was chewing on her bottom lip. He could see that she’d been crying. Standing, he pushed his seat away from the table, turning it he leaned back against it,
then
patted his lap. “Come here.” She rushed right into his waiting arms. He squeezed her close to his chest. One arm wrapped tightly around her, the other with his hand in her hair as he inhaled the young clean scent of her. “I…love…you,” he squeezed out passionately, tightening the embrace. “And I’m sorry this arrangement is so hard for you. I know it is. I know it is.And now that I’m settled into my new home,
I want you to come and spend time with me there.
During the summer.
Spring breaks. Some holidays,” he informed her in a low timbre.
His voice gentle and soothing.
He stopped, still holding onto her as she sat with her face buried into his chest.
Loving the smell of her father.
Feeling safe, protected and secure in his arms.

“Please,
pum'kin, don’t ever deny me your presence. I need it. I can’t live without you. I love you too much to live with the thought that you don’t want me anymore, or that you don’t want to be with me. Because I need to have you every chance I get. That’s why you’re here now, and I plan to make it more often than this. Please…say that you’ll try for me. To accept things as they are. Because no matter what happens between your mother and I, you will always be my daughter. I will always be proud of you, remembering the day you were born and placed into my hands.
Please, don’t deny me time with you. I could never undo you…the one right thing in my life that I’ve done. Not ever.”

Angela looked up at her father. She could never deny him anything. She needed him, just as he expressed his need for her. “I love you, daddy.” She squeezed him tightly to her. Shawn sighed. “An’ I love you. Ready for bed yet?”

“Can I stay up and watch TV? There’s no school tomorrow.”

“Sure,
pum'kin, sure you can. But we have a busy day tomorrow.” She smiled up at him. “I know. I’ll be fine. Oh, I can’t wait to go scuba diving. It’s going to be so much fun!”

Shawn smiled. “Yes, it is. Okay…off to watch TV. I’m going online for a bit. Do some surfing and a little chatting.”

“Oh…okay…with
who?” she asked, leaning back from him, disengaging the hug.

Shawn hesitated, a bit nervous to tell the truth, but didn’t feel it right to lie.
“I don’t know if you’re going to like the answer, and I don’t want to lie to you,” he said.

She stood gazing at him a moment, then asked,
“Tia was right, with a woman!?”

He nodded. “Yes, with a woman.” She took a moment to digest that,
then
asked, “Is she why you won’t try to get back with mom?”

Shawn sighed.
“Part of it.
But even if there was no her, I still wouldn’t,” he returned honestly. She twisted her mouth, chewing on the inside of her cheek. “Oh.” She mouthed, quietly thinking. “Where’d you meet her?
Internet dating service or something?”

Shawn threw his head back, barking out in laughter. Shaking his head, he looked down at her. “No,
pum'kin. She lives across the road from me.
From where I now live.Annnd, I like her. I like her a lot. She’s a nice lady.”

“Is she pretty?”

“Very.”

“Does she like you?”

“Yes, she does, but she’s playing hard to get right now.”

“So, it’s serious then?”

“It could get serious.”

“Would I like her?”

“I think so. She’s different though. Different from what you’d expect,” he warned.

She tilted her head inquisitively. “What?
She black or something?”
Just kidding around, she grinned up at her father,
whose eyes widened in surprise.

“Ummm, yes…she is,” he confirmed.

Her eyes got huge then. “Noooo
way,” she denied.

He nodded. “Way.”

“She’s black?
Like African-American black?”

“Yep…African-American black.”

“Wow,” she breathed, stunned. “How’d you do that?”

Shawn chuckled.
“Haven’t done it yet,
pum'kin,
but I’m trying to do it. She’s a tough one, though. So…whataya
think?” he asked nervously.

She sighed, giving it some thought,
then shrugged.
“I guess
it’s
okay. I mean…why not? Everybody’s doing it,” she offered.