Book of Days: A Novel (28 page)

Taylor propped his elbow on the table and rested his head on the palm of his hand. "I never cared about being liked."

"But Jason did."

"Since our junior year of high school, Jason has been trying to one-up me."

"Has he ever done it?"

"I don't know, maybe. I never paid much attention. But if you ask him, he'd probably say never."

It explained so much. "So finding this book would put him on the map, and you'd finally be in his shadow."

"What people do doesn't put them on the map except for a short time; it's who you are that people remember."

"So who are you, Taylor?"

"Someone a lot like you. Someone trying to find answers to the questions rolling around inside his brain."

Cameron glanced around the restaurant. "Thanks for being willing to help me with some of mine. You were about to tell me a few things you know—"

"Like I've said a number of times before, I like you, Cameron. And that emotion got the better of me and turned into a moment of weakness." Taylor wiped up the water on the table with his napkin and set it next to the salt and pepper shakers. "I'm sorry, but as I said before, a secret is held by one."

"Taylor, please I—"

"Be strong." He stood and shuffled toward the door of The Sail & Compass.

Cameron sat for a long time staring at the restaurant's logo—a sail with a compass in the middle, the needle pointing north, unlike the needle on his compass, which was spinning out of control in the middle of the ocean, with no sailboat on the horizon.

That night he dreamed again. Of a sailboat.

Two Years, Three Months Earlier

Jessie and Cameron had spotted four Dall's porpoises as they navigated their rented sailboat through the salty waters of the San Juan Islands, two hours north of Seattle.

In a rare declaration the weatherman said the sky would be brilliant, and it was. The fresh air mixed with the pungent smell of seaweed swirled around them, and Cameron drew it into his lungs in deep gulps.

The seagulls seemed to caw in an intentional rhythm with the wind digging into their sails as they sliced through the gentle swells.

"Another—"

"—crystal day." Cameron finished.

It was their word for a pure day, unencumbered with thoughts of shooting videos or editing or fixing the water pump on his MINI Cooper. And for Jessie, no emergency calls to come in and cover a shift at the hospital or having to think about teaching her aerobics class at the gym.

They sailed on with no need to talk. Only a need to soak in the chaotic pattern of the waves that seemed to drain away the stress of the week.

They stopped at a little cove just south of Limekiln State Park. The Olympic Mountains shimmered in the distance to the west, and looking north they could make out Vancouver Island.

After anchoring their sailboat and taking a small skiff onto the rocky beach littered with periwinkle shells, they found a sun-bleached log to sit on as they ate their tuna salad sandwiches—sandwiches splashed with the tiniest bit of Tabasco sauce. Cameron had teased Jessie about that for six months before he tried it and had to admit she was right. It made the sandwich.

After they finished, Jessie stood and shuffled toward the edge of the water. "When dreams come that feel so real you don't know if they're dreams, are they real?"

"Too many hours watching the philosophy channel?" Cameron laughed.

"Probably." She laughed with him and looked north toward Vancouver Island. "And what should you do when something so fantastic happens in real life you're not sure if your subconscious mind turned it into a dream because that kind of thing never happens in real life? Has it turned into a dream, or is it still real?"

"I'm not sure I followed every speck of that, but I'm going to vote for it's still real." He smiled on the outside, but inside he worried. When Jessie talked like this, he didn't know how to respond. Playing along with her meanderings felt like the wrong decision and the right one at the same time.

"So you'd believe the fantastic?"

"How old were you when the fantastic happened?"

"Ten."

"What happened?"

"I saw something." She turned and walked back to the log Cameron sat on.

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

Jessie squatted down in front of him. "I saw something about us. And something about me."

Cameron touched her cheek. "So that's how you knew to accept my invitation for that first date."

"Yes. I saw you, and your father, and I saw you and me. So years later when I met you and met him, I didn't hesitate to get involved with you."

"Did you see Spider-Man and the Fantastic Four too?"

"This is serious, Cam."

"I am being serious, I'm just . . . Okay, I'm not, but you have to admit it sounds a little woo-woo that you saw me, my dad, and us when you were ten. Even if it was in a dream, it would be weird."

Jessie sank down and sat in the sand with her back to Cameron. "It wasn't a dream. It was real."

"Okay, Jess." Score a point for Mr. Insensitive. "I'm sorry."

"I also saw someone die." She drew in a quick breath. "Someone we both know."

"Who?" Cameron leaned toward her. "Who, Jessie?"

She didn't need to answer. He knew. Where did her visions come from? She would say God; he would say from her fertile imagination. Whichever it was, it didn't diminish the emotional impact.

She turned toward him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Tell me it was just a dream."

"It was a dream from a ten-year-old. Let it go." That was all it could have been.

"It's gone." She leaned her head on his shoulder and started to cry.

Cameron woke up gasping for air. "Jessie!" She was there. Right there!

He slid his legs over the bed and grabbed his notepad off the nightstand. But by the time he clicked his pen, the memory of the dream had vanished.

Cameron slammed his fist into the mattress. "I'm sick of this!"

The clock read six fifteen. Time to get up and go meet Ann. Why did he agree to go climbing with her? He wasn't sure. Something about it didn't feel right.

CHAPTER 26

Climbing with Cameron was probably a poor use of time.

He drove them east on Highway 126 early on Thursday morning. They should be trying to find the book or working on her family history. But when she'd suggested they try a climb together, he'd agreed immediately. What was she thinking? She refused to allow her heart to answer.

As Cameron took the exit that would take them to Smith Rock, Ann looked at the temperature gauge on the MINI Cooper. Even though it had been in the mideighties the night before, it was now only fifty-nine degrees. Being in the high desert and sitting at thirty-one-hundred feet meant cool mornings even in the heart of the summer. But morning climbing meant less possibility of wind, and wind was not a climber's friend.

When they arrived, Cameron parked the car in front of a sign that pointed them toward the route they'd decided to climb. Within five minutes she had her pack and gear slung over her shoulder ready to rock 'n' roll.

The narrow trail would take them to the base of a climb rated 5.9, which was perfect. Challenging enough to be fun but with little chance of trouble since there were two of them and they'd be double belayed.

She watched Cameron's black hair silhouetted against the seven o'clock sun that streaked into her eyes. She half jogged a few steps to put the shadow of his head between her and the rays and pulled in a lungful of the thick air full of morning and pine.

What was she doing here with him?

Yes, she'd resolved the matter of their relationship. She
wouldn't
get involved, but why tempt her feelings by being around him when she didn't have to?

On the other hand, what was wrong with enjoying herself for the moment?

She loved him, yes, but so what? It didn't mean she had to act on it. She wouldn't act on it. Ever.

Even if he did start following God, what about Jessie? Would he ever be able to push past that? How could she know how long it took to get over the death of a spouse?

Ann turned her focus to the wild white orchids lining the trail. A meadowlark flew overhead and she tried to send her thoughts of a future with Cameron away with the bird. Stay in the moment.

"There's our spot." Cameron pointed to a sheer rock face looming in front of them.

Gray nimbus clouds moved in as they took out their climbing gear and carried it the final hundred yards to the base of the climb.

"Ready?"

"More than." She smiled. "Let's have some fun."

Their first move was twenty feet up to a wide ledge, which they did without ropes. Their guide book said the first step was moderate. It turned out to be simple and Ann raised her eyebrows when they'd both caught their breath. "Pretty easy so far."

"It was practically stairs. But it's time to get on rope."

"I would agree."

"Do you want to take the lead?"

For the next fifty feet Ann didn't speak except to communicate her holds and check to make sure Cameron was ready before moving higher. They moved into a smooth rhythm.

"How are you doing, Cam? Can you talk and climb?"

"Yes, but don't try to throw me a piece of gum."

Ann smiled. "Do you have any updates on the book we should talk about?"

"I'm headed to Arnold Peasley's tomorrow to see if he has any newspapers from the early sixties."