Born & Bred (37 page)

Some of the Irish in Toronto were starting to, beerily, usually. A drunken miasma of suppressed feelings about home and all that had happened to them there. Some were just maudlin but others were a bit bitter. Martin didn’t mind being the one they spilled themselves on. It was cathartic. He couldn’t talk with David and his friends about that. They’d just say it was all part of coming out. It wasn’t. It was all about being separated from heart and home.

“So is there anything, or anybody, who you’ll miss?”

“Not much, except Deirdre.”

***

“Grainne and Johnny are together, in Morocco. Johnny’s a painter now and they are getting married.” Deirdre looked like she expected him to react differently but Martin just smiled. “That’s great news. I’m very happy for them. Tell them I was asking for them.”

“I will, of course.” She looked uncertain of what to do next and added: “And are you well? How are things in Canada?”

“Great. Thanks for asking.”

“I suppose that Danny was very happy to see you?”

He was delighted she had raised the subject. It wouldn’t look so bad that way. “Yes. I just had lunch with him the other day.”

It sounded very North American but he knew she’d understand. He wanted to keep talking to her until he found a way of bringing it up. He wanted to let her know how important she had become to Danny. Martin didn’t think it was right, but Danny seemed to be building a lot of his hopes around her. If she was interested in him—it could mean the world of difference for Danny.

“Is he well?”

“He is. He mentioned you a few times.” It was a bit of a risk—throwing it out there like that—but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Well, tell him I’ll see him at the wedding. I’m looking forward to it.”

She smiled sweetly, but still Martin wasn’t sure. She’d been brought up to be so polite, just like her sister. Martin had liked that about them. Still, he would have liked to see a bit more of a sign that she cared for him, too.

“I hear your mother and father are coming, too. Tell them I’m looking forward to seeing them again.”

He didn’t care for the father. Nobody did. Martin always thought he was a bit of a bully, but he liked the mother. He saw Deirdre on to the bus and went about his day, picking up a few things for Gina who was far too busy, and catching up with a few friends.

A part of him enjoyed being home again.

*

After the wedding dinner, Jacinta and her sisters shared a few glasses of cheap champagne as they stood to the side of the dance floor because Gina didn’t want them to sit and ruin their dresses.

Linda and Brenda might have complained, but they were shimmering in the long satin gowns and every man in the place was looking over at them. They looked so sophisticated—standing there like royalty and with their hair all made up.

The whole wedding had gone off without a hitch. Everybody who was invited was there, as well as a few who weren’t but loved weddings so they came anyway and sat at the back of the church.

*

Fr. Reilly had said the Mass and spoke about the renewal of Hope even though his heart wasn’t in it. He kept thinking of Miriam and what it would be like to be standing at the altar with her. He almost let it slip out, too. He almost asked Donal if he took Miriam as his only wedded wife but he caught himself in time. Just as well because Gina looked so nervous as it was.

*

Still, it was grand and they all went to the reception with reinforced beliefs about marriage, either for or against it. And those who had been married the longest assumed places of privilege at their tables, near to the bride’s and far away from the young people who were sneaking sips from unattended drinks and cavorting around the edges until the band started.

*

It had cost Jacinta a fortune but she didn’t mind. Jerry even gave her extra–to help out. And her father was able to pay his way, a bit. They had all pulled together and done the family proud.

She was hoping the photographer would come by and take another picture of them all standing together. She’d put it up on the mantle along with the one of her and Jerry, on the other side from Bart and Nora who looked even younger than her and Jerry.

Danny’s would go there, too, when he got married. Only she’d have to wait and see if she liked her, first. She was beginning to think it might be Deirdre—now that everything was sorted.

“Jacinta?” Linda leaned over. “Would you mind if I asked you a favor? Only there’s a couple of men over there who have been giving Brenda and me the eye and it might be better if it was just the two of us standing here?”

*

“C’mon,” Jerry met her as she crossed the dance floor, trying to keep her smile. He had been watching her from the bar, where the men had gathered. “Let’s show these young ones how we used to dance.” And even though the band started to play the Bee Gees, they danced as they did when they first met.

“Would you do it all over again, Jerry?”

“Do what?”

“Would you marry me again?”

“Don’t be asking me that; I’m a married man.”

She kicked out at his shin as he spun her around.

“But if I wasn’t,” he laughed as he twirled her back and looked into her eyes. “I would. I’d do it all over again. Only I’d try to do it better.”

“We didn’t do so bad. Did we Jerry?”

“No, Jass. We did just fine.”

“We’re going to be okay, aren’t we?”

“Do you mean after Danny is gone? Don’t worry about it. We’ll go over and see him anytime you want.”

“I don’t mean that, Jerry. Are you and I going to be okay—now that it’s just the two of us?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? It’ll be like the honeymoon we never had.”

“That’s the nicest thing you ever said to me.”

As the song finished, Jacinta reached up and kissed him full on the lips, right there in front of everybody and didn’t give a damn what any of them thought. “I love you, Jerry Boyle.”

“And I love you, too, Jass Carroll.”

“Go on then.”

“What?”

“Go and have a drink at the bar. I’ve seen you looking over. Only come back and dance with me again soon.”

Jerry took his wife in his arms and swept her around until she was leaning over backwards and kissed her full on the lips as everyone around them cheered. He blushed a little as he raised her back up. “I will then. Can I get you one, too?”

*

“C’mon,” Martin nudged Danny. They had been sitting together at a table across from Deirdre and her parents. Her father had just excused himself and went to the bar and her mother smiled over at them.

“I’m not ready.”

“C’mon you only have to dance with her.” He pushed Danny forward before him but when they got to their table he leaned across him and asked Deirdre to dance, leaving Danny standing there with his arm outstretched.

“Thank you, Danny. I’d be delighted to dance.” Mrs. Fallon rose like a lady and placed her hand in Danny’s.

Danny reached out and gently placed his hand on her upper arm. He didn’t want her to think he was a groper but he almost stepped on her foot. “Your husband won’t mind. Will he?” Danny looked over at the bar but Deirdre’s father didn’t look back as he bellied up and ordered drinks for all around him.

*

“He’s not much of a dancer, is he?” Martin held Deirdre close but not too close. He wanted to be able to talk to her without having to raise his voice.

“My mother wouldn’t care. She just loves to dance and my father dances like a bull.”

“He’s not going to mind. Is he?”

“Him? No. He’s far happier at the bar.” She smiled up at him and moved a little closer and rested her head against his shoulder. The band had switched to something slower, inviting them to get closer.

But Danny didn’t and danced with Mrs. Carroll at arm’s length, causing Martin to smile.

“Do you think I should go over and rescue her?”

“And who will I dance with, then?”

“You could dance with Danny.”

“Do you think he would want to dance with me?”

“I think he’d want that more than anything.”

“Has he said anything?”

“He doesn’t have to. You can tell by looking at him.”

“Tell what?”

Martin looked into her face and smiled. “He’s crazy about you. What do you think has kept him going through all of this?”

Deirdre lowered her head for a moment so Martin asked: “Do you not feel the same way?”

She blushed a little and looked rather shy. “I like him. I always did but . . .”

“I’m not suggesting that you marry him, or anything. I just think it would mean a lot to him if he thought he had a chance with you. It could make all the difference.”

He didn’t give her a chance to answer and cut in on Danny and danced away with Mrs. Fallon, holding her like the man he was and nearly swept her off her feet.

“I suppose we could dance,” Deirdre smiled as Danny stood looking confused. But he brightened up immediately as the band upped the tempo.

“Are you excited about going to Canada?”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it, only . . .”

“Only what?”

“Only I’ll miss you—now that we’re speaking again.”

“We could write to each other—at least until you meet some beautiful Canadian girl and forget all about me.”

“I’d never forget about you. I never did before.”

*

As they danced, Jacinta sat thinking of Nora Boyle. She could almost feel that she was there with her and that Nora was happy with the way things were going.

She also felt that Nora wanted her to invite Fr. Reilly over to her table, to thank him for all that he had done for them. He was sitting alone, just beyond the dance floor, tapping his fingers to the beat.

The poor creature is just trying to act natural
, Nora told her, like any priest would do at a wedding reception.
He is lonely, Jacinta. He doesn’t want to go home to face the rest of his life.

God love him, Nora, Jacinta responded.
Isn’t there anything that can be done for him
?

Nora knew how lonely he was and why he didn’t want to go home and face the rest of his life, but she couldn’t divulge it. She had tried talking to Fr. Brennan only he couldn’t hear her. He had too many voice in his head already. It was all getting to be too much for him. She had wanted to tell him to stop clinging on when there was nothing to fear, but Heaven and Hell still existed for him. And poor Fr. Reilly was stuck in his own Purgatory.

He came over on the second wave and bowed a little as he sat in the chair opposite her.

“Are you enjoying the wedding, Father?” was all that Jacinta asked when Nora wanted her to say something else. But it wouldn’t be fair—putting him on the spot like that. He might start to piddle himself. He still had no idea as to how to talk with women. And that ex-nun was just as clueless, treating him like he wasn’t really a man under his robes. Or in his case, priestly casuals: brightly checked shirts and loosely fitting polyester pants. It was his own fault, too. Priests couldn’t afford to be going out on dates, even with ex-nuns. He should have known better.

“I’m having a great time, Mrs. Boyle. Thank you for inviting me. It’s a credit to you and your family. Fr. Brennan sends his regrets but I’ll be sure to tell him all about it when I get home.”

“Father,” Jacinta interrupted to stop him from prattling on like someone who had just been released from vows of silence.
It must be so hard on him
.

It is
, Nora nudged.
You really should tell him how much we all appreciate what he did for our Danny.

“I wanted to say thanks very much for all you have done for our Danny.”

Jacinta didn’t know why but she reached out and patted the back of his hand, like a much older woman. “And I wanted you to know that we’ll always think of you as a part of our family.”

“That’s very kind of you, Mrs. Boyle.” He leaned a little closer and looked a little sheepish. “I always thought that you didn’t like me. Your mother-in-law, God rest her soul, seemed to get the wrong idea about me and I was never able to put it right.”

“Do you ever get lonely sometimes, Father?”

He looked right at her as if he was trying to see if she was drunk—or mad. “We all do, Mrs. Boyle, and that’s when we should look to Jesus for his . . .”

“I don’t mean all that stuff. I mean: do you ever wish you had someone special in your life?”

“We all feel that longing. And some of us get to find that person and marry them, like you and Jerry.”

Nora was getting exasperated. Jacinta was very clumsy and the poor priest looked like he thought he was about to be propositioned.

“I know all that but what I’m trying to ask you is that you spend your whole life going around being a part of other people’s lives—do you have anything left for yourself?”

He looked like he was afraid that she was having a bit of a breakdown right there in the middle of the wedding.

What Nora was trying to say to him was that he needed to start doing some things for himself. He had to find the time to start reading again. He had always loved his reading time but he couldn’t seem to manage it anymore. Nora could tell just by looking at him.

“I chose to be a priest, Mrs. Boyle, and we all have to bear our crosses.”

He looked like he regretted bring up crosses—with Jacinta being the way she was.

“I know what you mean, Father. And I even understand what that really means, now.”

“Is everything all right, Mrs. Boyle?”

“Everything is as good as we could have hoped for.”

“Things with Danny . . . they’re still getting better?”

“They are, Father. And we have you to thank for that.”

Nora thought about giving him a hug. He looked like he needed one. But before she could suggest it to Jacinta, something started to pull her away. And as the room started to shrink and fade, she realized that Danny was nowhere to be seen.

*

Danny had been standing at the urinal, shaking out the last few drops. He was feeling good about everything and was about to rejoin the party when Anto stepped out of one of the stalls.