Born in Sin (22 page)

Unsheathing his sword as he whirled around, he cleaved it in twain. The two halves fell harmlessly to the ground.

Utter silence descended. This time, he saw shock
and fear on the faces of the crowd as they finally realized the extent of his fighting skills.

Sin sheathed his sword. “
Never
attack me from behind.”

He swept one last menacing glare at them, then walked inside.

Callie saw the reserve in the men who gathered around to discuss what had just happened and how to deal with Sin.

Fraser curled his lip at her and said nothing as he went to join the men in the yard.

Callie ran after her husband.

She found him alone in the great hall, leaning on both arms against the lord’s table. His back was rigid and he reminded her of an angry wolf. She approached him cautiously, but not in fear. She knew him to be snappish in this mood. Still, she didn’t think he would turn his anger on her.

“That was amazing,” she breathed. “How did you know about the cabbage?”

“People act predictably.” He pushed himself away from the table and turned to face her with a frown. “Except for you. You, I don’t understand.”

She smiled. “I think I might be flattered by that.”

He rubbed his injured shoulder and looked away. “They’ll be outside right now trying to decide if they should kill me or obey my mandate. Fraser and some of the others will be arguing that I should be killed in my sleep. He was to marry you, wasn’t he?”

His quick turn of topic and acute perceptions surprised her. “He thought so. How did you know?”

“The way he looked at you.”

“What else did you gather?”

“I know at least a score of the rebels by sight; by tomorrow I shall know their names.”

Callie was dumbfounded. Her uncle, who had known these men for years, had yet to discern any of the rebels, including the fact that his own nephew was one of them. And yet Sin had managed to do it in a matter of minutes? It was inconceivable. “Are you serious?”

“Aye. Fraser is in with them, no doubt.”

“Think you he leads them?”

He shook his head. “It’s not in him.”

“But he stood up to you. And I know the others respect him quite a bit.”

“He stood up to me only because of you.” Sin reached out to touch the stray piece of hair on her cheek. The softness of her skin was so soothing, and yet his heart ached at what he suspected.

He’d seen the way Fraser had looked to her brother when she had spoken. He had seen the look in her brother’s eyes and the way Dermot had glanced at several others.

Dermot was in the thick of all this. Even worse, Sin had a suspicion that her brother might even be the rebel leader himself.

Aye, now that he thought about it, he held little doubt. It could only be fate that he would be sent here to kill the brother of the only woman he had ever cared for. It was just the type of twisted irony life would hand him.

It would destroy her to lose her brother because of him.

Callie would hate him forever.

Perhaps that would be for the best. If she hated him, then she would gladly seek out her annulment. She would refuse to stay married to the man who destroyed her brother.

You don’t have to kill him
….

It was true. He could just as easily hand him over to Henry’s custody.

Sin’s gut knotted at the thought of it. If he sent Dermot to England…

Images of his childhood tore through him.

Worthless Scots cur. Not even fit to lick my boots
. He could still feel the blows he’d taken, not just from Harold, but from all of the English who had hated his Scots blood.

Could he condemn another boy to such a life?

Nay. ’Twould be much kinder to kill Dermot outright than to leave him to such a fate.

He looked at Callie, trying to memorize her face. If he could have any wish, it would be to love her. To keep her safe from all harm.

But in this he was powerless. If he didn’t hand Dermot over or kill him, Henry would destroy her entire clan, and her in the process of it.

Like so many other times in his life, his hands were tied. This he must do. There was no way around it.

S
in didn’t join them for supper that night, and as soon as it was over Callie went to find him. Simon suggested she try the castle parapets, and though it seemed an unlikely place, she went anyway.

True to Simon’s prediction, she found Sin sitting alone, perched between the crenellation. He had his back braced against one stone wall, his foot against the one opposite it and his left leg dangled dangerously over the edge, out into the night.

“Thinking of jumping?” she asked.

“It would make you a rich widow if I did.” He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Care to push me?”

There was something about his tone that made her wonder if it was a teasing comment or a sincere test to see if she would.

She moved to stand by his leg and gave him a chiding stare. “Nay, I rather like having you about. But you haven’t been about this evening, have you?
You’ve been hiding again. Care to tell me why you are out here?”

“I wanted some fresh air.”

“But up here?”

He shrugged. “I like it up here. People generally don’t bother me.”

She cocked a teasing brow. “Bothering you, am I?”

“Nay,” he said, to her surprise. His gaze was warm and tender as he looked at her. It was a vast improvement over his normally empty stare.

He was gorgeous in the moonlight, leaning back against the wall. The moon was large and bright and allowed her to see his features plainly. There was something very masculine about the way he sat almost straddling the wall. He was at ease, and yet she knew he could spring into action like a hungry lion at the slightest provocation.

Shivery from the intensity of his presence, she reached out and touched his knee. “What are you thinking about?”

“Trying to guess where the rebels will strike next.”

“You don’t think you quelled them tonight?”

“Do you?”

“Nay,” she answered honestly. The Raider had never ceased when Aster had publicly asked him to. And she supposed the Raider, being one of their clan, actually
liked
Aster. Therefore, it was rather hard to imagine he would stop for Sin, whom he no doubt hated.

Sin folded his hands over his taut stomach as he studied her face. “I’m sure all the rebels are together tonight, plotting. Did Dermot make an appearance at supper?”

Her heart stilled at his question. Could he possibly suspect…

“Aye. Why do you ask?”

“He didn’t stay the whole meal, though.”

Fear ran rampant through her. Where was he going with this line of questioning? In truth, she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out. “How did you know?”

He gestured to the yard below and she saw a shadow moving toward the castle. “Dermot went to Fraser’s a short time ago.”

“They are old friends.”

His gaze went back to her and sharpened on her, making her even more fearful than she’d been before. “Why are you suddenly so nervous?”

“Nervous?”

“Aye, you have the same look about you that you had the day I met you on the turret stairs and you were trying to escape.”

The devil’s hairy toes if he wasn’t eerily perceptive at times. No wonder Henry valued him so. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear the man had the gift of second sight. “How are you able to read people so easily?”

“It’s what enabled me as a boy to be able to tell if my masters were going to allow me to approach them in peace or if I’d be searching the rushes for my teeth should I disturb them. Now answer my question.”

Callie watched her brother walk toward the keep. In spite of their differences, she would never betray him. She’d never told anyone about the time she’d seen him riding back from a raid. Aster would kill him if he knew Dermot rode with the rebels.

“Shall I make it easier for you, then?” Sin asked.
“If you’re afraid to tell me he is in with your rebels, that I already know.”

She gaped. “How?”

“The way he acted earlier. I told you I knew them by their faces, and he is one I know by name.”

She was flabbergasted by his abilities. “How can you be so certain?”

“You can’t hide from the devil.”

She put her hands on her hips as she glared at him. “I told you in London, you’re not the devil.”

“You’re the only one who thinks not.”

Och, the man was exasperating. “If you were the devil, you would be down there right now arresting Dermot. So why aren’t you?”

“Because I’m waiting for him to reveal the Raider to me.”

That took the anger right out of her. She had to save Dermot. There was no way she could watch her brother hang. Whatever it took to protect him, she would do. “If I can get him to tell me who the Raider is, will you let him go free?”

Sin blinked, then looked away. “He will never tell you that.”

“I think he might. You have to understand him. Since my father died, he’s been lost. He and my father were so close, and Dermot was there the day he died. Something inside him died as well; he’s not the same lad he once was.”

“You love him greatly.”

She nodded, wanting him to know just how much Dermot meant to her. “I would do anything for my brother.”

He fell silent.

Callie watched Sin for several minutes as she sorted through this entire ordeal. Like Aster, she knew the Raider must be stopped before he started a war between her clan and the English. Though her clan was a decent size, it was nowhere near large enough to wage war on an entire country, and with things being as they were in Scotland, she didn’t know if her Cousin Malcolm would help them or not. As king of Scotland, Malcolm had his own concerns.

Dermot had told her the rebels believed they could convince other clans to join them against England, but she didn’t hold to that delusion. If she didn’t help Sin stop the rebels, all of them would be hanged as an example to the others who dared oppose the English king.

If the Raider had to be sacrificed for peace, then she was willing to pay the cost to protect the rest of them.

“Do you have any idea who the Raider could be?” she asked him.

“I’m rather certain I already know.”

She gasped at his deadpan tone. “Then why haven’t you acted?”

“I want proof.”

She smiled wistfully at that. “You are a good man. Most men would already be jumping to their conclusions and acting on them.”

His heated gaze bored into hers. “I am not a good man, Callie. Never delude yourself on that point. It’s just, having suffered enough injustice in my life, I am in no hurry to deliver it up to anyone else.” She saw his jaw clench. “But when I have proof of the identity of this Raider, Callie, I
will
see him punished for it.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less than that.”

He looked stunned by her words. “You’re not angry?”

She shook her head. “I hurt in my heart at the thought of one of my clansmen being punished, but I am not angry. My father raised me with the belief that we are bound by honor to our people. My loyalty is with my clan and yours is with Henry. We can’t let our emotions sway us. I understand that duty must always come first. This Raider has made his own decisions for what he believes in. I would rather the rebels lay aside their arms and join us in peace, but if they refuse to, then I will not fault you for doing that to which you’re sworn.”

Sin frowned at her. He was aghast and somewhat angry by her speech. His emotions made no sense to him and yet he felt them strongly. “How can you not hate me?”

This time, there was no mistaking the utter horror in her green eyes. “My God, Sin, are you so used to hatred that you can’t accept the fact that someone, anyone, could care for you?”

He squelched the pain he felt at her words.

“Do you see these hands?” he asked, holding them up to her.

“Aye.”

“Know you they have strangled men? They have shoved daggers into their hearts, swords into their bodies. These are the hands of a killer.”

She took his right hand in hers and stared at him with a compassion that took his breath away. “They have also meted out justice. They have comforted me and Jamie. Protected Simon and Draven.”

What would it take to make her see him as he really
was? He couldn’t understand her steadfast refusal to see the truth. “I am a monster.”

“You are a man, Sin. Plain and simple.”

He wanted to believe her, but all he had to do was close his eyes and he could see the men he’d killed. Feel the guilt and pain of his past. He didn’t deserve her kindness.

“What do you want from me?” he asked.

“I want you to be my husband. I want you to stay with me and be father to my children.”

“Why? Because of some stupid oath made before a man Henry bribed?”

“Nay. Because of the way I feel when I look into those dark eyes of yours. Because of the way my heart pounds when I think of you.”

Sin shook his head at her words. He didn’t want the home she spoke of, and the thought of children…

“I will not ever be owned again by anyone, milady. My life is my own and I owe nothing to you, nor to Henry, nor to anyone else.”

Callie released his hand as his words struck her like blows. It was then she understood why he bore no markings on his shield or surcoat. Nothing owned him and he owned nothing.

“I don’t want to own you, Sin. I want to share your life.”

“Share what? I have nothing to offer you.”

A wave of irritation swept through her. Och, the stubborn oaf.

Suddenly she was tired of trying to make him see her way of thinking. “You know what? So long as you feel that way, you’re right. You go ahead and keep to
yourself. Stay up here brooding alone in the dark like some evil beastie who wants to walk the parapets at night, scaring people unto their wits’ end. Wallow in your loneliness and the fact that you are beyond love. Go ahead and spurn me and my feelings. But know this: As long as you persist in this self-deprecation, then you are fulfilling the very doubts you have. No one will ever be able to love you unless you open yourself up to them.”

Sin watched as she left the parapet, her words ringing in his ears.

Love.

He scoffed at the very word. It was a useless emotion. The quest for it had led many a man to his death. Look at his brother Kieran.

And even Ewan. Though Ewan’s body might still be here, his heart and soul were gone. Torn asunder by love.

Sin was a knight of action. A man unto himself. He needed no one. Not now, not ever.

Callie fought against the wave of hopelessness that threatened to overwhelm her as she walked away from Sin, back to her room. Her brother was going to get himself killed and her husband rejected her as if she were poisonous.

Why? What was it with men, that they were ever seeking to destroy themselves?

Her father had been the same way. Fighting a hopeless war against an enemy who had never truly harmed him. He had merely wanted the English gone from Scottish soil and had given his life to that cause. And for what?

There was really no way to keep them out. All her father had done was pass on a legacy of suicide to his sons.

“Caledonia?”

She paused at the deep voice behind her and turned to see Lochlan drawing near.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

“Aye.”

He cocked a blond brow. “You don’t look all right.”

She clenched her teeth and took a deep breath to calm the raging emotions inside her. “I am merely aggravated at your brother, but I am sure it will pass.” Given a century or two, she might even be able to smile at the toad again.

He smiled knowingly. “He has a way of doing that to a person.”

Callie studied the handsome, sculpted lines of Lochlan’s face. He bore very little resemblance to Sin. The only thing the two men shared was height and the fact that both were incredibly pleasing to look at.

Nay, she corrected herself, they shared another trait. As she looked up into those clear blue eyes, she saw Lochlan was every bit as reserved and guarded. And his eyes were tinged by a soul-deep sadness.

“Tell me, was Sin always like this?”

“Like what? Moody, quiet?”

“Aye.”

He nodded.

“Then it’s hopeless, isn’t it? There is no way to reach that man.”

She saw the grimness of Lochlan’s features as he considered her words. “Honestly, if there is a way, I do not know it. But I hope you will continue to try and reach him.”

She frowned at his words and the odd look of him. Strange emotions swept across his face in the span of three heartbeats, and then his features returned to calm.

“You have guilt?” she asked, wondering at the source of it.

He sighed wearily and looked around them as if afraid someone might overhear. “More than you can fathom. I lead my clan and yet I know Sin is firstborn. I have no right to my father’s legacy. Everything I have is his by right and by blood. Yet he refuses to take anything from me.”

“Why did your father disown him?”

She amended her list to another thing the brothers shared. An angry tic started in Lochlan’s jaw that reminded her much of Sin’s.

When he spoke, his words wrung her heart. “In order to be disowned, you must first be recognized as a son. Sin never was. Ewan and Braden were too small to see what Kieran and I did. Our parents lavished the world on us, while Sin was delegated to a corner to watch. I hated any holiday where gifts were exchanged. We were given so much, while he received nothing at all. I remember one Christmas in particular when I felt so badly for him that I tried to split my gifts with him. He refused, saying that if they had meant for him to have gifts, they would have given him some. He told me I could keep all my gifts and most especially my pity.”

“I don’t understand why he was treated like that.”

Lochlan shook his head. “In truth, neither do I. Believe it or not, my mother is a good woman who loves her sons completely. But she couldn’t bear the sight of Sin. My father loved her beyond all reason, and so he refused to act as if he bore any favoritism to Sin at all. He went out of his way to prove to her that he didn’t love Sin’s mother and that Sin meant nothing to him as well. As a result, Sin was shunned. I can’t recall a single time my father ever said his name or looked directly at him.”