Born to Darkness (57 page)

Mac was pretending to be asleep.

After their shower, Shane had dried her off and carried her into the bedroom, where she didn’t complain when he climbed into bed with her and spooned—with her back against his chest, his arms tightly around her.

She’d slept for a little while—he could tell she was exhausted—but now she was awake again. He could sense her checking to see if he was asleep, no doubt to gauge whether or not she’d be able to slip away without waking him.

So he spoke—both to let her know he was conscious, and because he wanted to know the answer to his question. “Feeling any better?”

She stiffened only slightly before he felt her nod. “Yeah.
Thanks.” She pulled away from him and sat up. And Shane knew she was still feeling at least a little wobbly, because she took a moment before standing and crossing to the closet.

He sat up, too, to watch her in the moonlight that was sliding into the room between the slats in the blinds. He could see that, where the bullet had exited her body, she had only the slightest of scars. Before long, it, too, would be gone.

His own scars, from seeing her take those bullets, weren’t going to vanish that fast.

As he watched, she found some clothes—a pair of cargo pants that she pulled on commando, and one of her trademark black tanks that she put on without a bra. Apparently this apartment was underwear free. He could relate—doing his laundry often got bumped by higher priorities.

Her boots were out in the living room—he’d seen them when he’d first come in. She turned to head in that direction, and he knew that she wasn’t going to slow down. She was going to jam her feet into her boots and walk them right out the door, leaving him to eat her dust again.

So he rolled out of bed and just stood there, blocking her path.

Mac closed her eyes and sighed, but then looked up at him—careful to keep her gaze only on his face because yes, he was very naked.

“We have to talk,” Shane broke the news to her.

Mac shook her head. “I said thank you. There’s nothing else to say.”

“Not about that,” Shane corrected her. “I meant it when I said that it didn’t have to mean anything. I got what I wanted. And it’s completely on me that I happen to keep wanting more. I know that. You don’t owe me anything.”

“And yet you won’t let me pass.”

“Because I know where you’re going,” Shane said gently, “and it’s not going to help, Mac. It’s going to make things worse.” He laid it on the line. “It’s bad enough that you did what you did, with your one-man assault tonight. Forget the fact that if we hadn’t shown up you would’ve been killed. Although, to be honest, I’m
having a little trouble pushing that into the
doesn’t matter
column.”

“Someone had to do something,” she said.

“Not that way,” Shane told her. “And you know it. Truth is, you may have really fucked things up by going there and blasting the shit out of the place. The Organization’s probably already been alerted to the fact that both Littleton and Caine are AWOL. If you go down Analysis’s GPS list for Caine, just one address after another, leaving death and destruction in your wake? Someone’s going to figure out what’s happening and they’ll move Nika so far and so deep underground, we’ll never find her. Bach has surveillance teams in place at all those locations—keeping their heads down and gathering information. And ready to intercept you, by the way. Because what you were doing was making things worse.”

He could see from her face that his words were getting through. She’d no doubt gotten dressed on the residuals of her anger, but she now seemed exhausted, defeated, subdued.

“You probably would’ve figured it out for yourself,” he continued, “before you got too far. I just wanted to make sure you’d thought it through. I know that sometimes the noise in my head can drown out the reason, so …”

She laughed her disbelief at that. “Yeah, right. You’ve never acted impulsively in your entire life.”

Shane smiled, too. “I don’t know about
never
.” He willed her to look back into his eyes instead of down at the floor, and when she finally did, he said, “I do know I’ve never spent any time in the head of a pedophile serial killer.”

Mac closed her eyes again, shook her head slightly.

“If you want to talk about it …” he said.

“Don’t be so fucking nice.”

“What, you want me to be like you, and pretend to be a bitch so people keep their distance?”

She laughed at that. “I’m not pretending. Not entirely.”

“And I’m not entirely being nice,” Shane pointed out. “There’s plenty of totally selfish ulterior motive in my getting you to stay a little longer. As well as the practical. You’re exhausted. You need
more sleep if you want to be worth anything to Bach and Diaz—or Nika. And you know damn well that if you let me, I can help you sleep. Just by being a warm body next to you—if that’s what you need.”

And it was then that her eyes slowly filled with tears. She fought them valiantly, but lost as one and then another escaped. And she turned and sat heavily on the bed. “Don’t do this to me,” she said.

“What,” he asked her. “Try to get you to sleep some more?”

She shook her head. “Don’t act like you love me, when we both know that you don’t,” she said.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about that.” He sat down next to her. “But as long as you brought it up … You don’t have to love me, Mac, but … You’re not allowed to decide what it is that I feel.”

“Oh, God, I’m too tired for this shit,” she said. “Because I
do
get to decide. Weren’t you listening to what I told you …?”

“Then make it stop,” Shane said. “If I’m so much like Tim, then make me stop wanting you.”

“It doesn’t work that way. Not anymore. My power’s grown. It doesn’t wear off as quickly as it did back then. If I could shut it down, I would. God …” She lay back on the bed, just flopped back, her arm up over her eyes, elbow to the ceiling.

“Look, I know you don’t want to get into this,” Shane said quietly, “but I’ve been thinking about it ever since you told me about Tim and … We don’t have to make this a conversation, but I would appreciate it if you could just listen to what I have to say.”

She didn’t speak, didn’t move, didn’t run screaming from the room.

He took that as an affirmative. “Every time my heart beats,” he told her quietly, “it’s like I’m just marking time until I can be with you again.” He laughed softly. “It’s crazy, that kind of wanting, you know?”

Mac didn’t move.

“And I get how it must be beyond annoying for you. After hearing what happened when you were a kid, after seeing Dr.
Marry-Me in action back at the hospital …? I get how upsetting it must be to believe that you’re wanted not for who you are but for what you are. For reasons that, to you, don’t feel real. But can I tell you something?” he said. “Can I tell you what it feels like from this end? Because, to me, it feels fucking real. It feels like … Connection, to the nth. It feels like joy, like truth. It feels like I belong somewhere again.”

She laughed at that—or maybe it was a sob, but she still didn’t move, so he kept going.

“Maybe that’s too
touchie-feelie
for you. And maybe you won’t be satisfied until you lock me up and keep me away from you for a week or a month—or however long it’s going to take for you to believe your voodoo’s worn off. But I can tell you this right now. You can lock me away without food or water, but the first thing I’m going to ask for when they open the door? Is you. Because even if I stop feeling this? I
am
going to remember what it feels like. And I’m going to want it back.”

She finally pulled her arm away from her face and spoke. “But it’s not
about
me,” she argued. “Whatever it is that you’re feeling. You could feel this way about anyone. Don’t you get it? It doesn’t
have
to be
me
!”

“Are you kidding me?” he said. “It
completely
has to be you. You’re one of a kind, Mac. And Jesus, maybe I gave away the fact that I love you too soon. Maybe I skipped over the part that you really wanted to hear, which is
I like you
. I like you, Mackenzie. I really do. I like being with you. You’re smart, you’re funny, you’re beautiful—you’re
the
most amazing woman I’ve ever met. You want to shut down the sex and be friends with me for a year or five years or however the fuck long it takes for you to understand that? Let’s do it. I’m ready.”

It was then that she reached for him, pulling him down toward her for a kiss.

And his first reaction was a joyful leap of his heart—she believed him! But reality came crashing in as he realized, in those split seconds before his mouth covered hers, before he completely lost himself in the sweetness of her kiss, that he was being tested.

So he kissed her only briefly—just a brush of his lips across her soft mouth before he pulled away.

Which shocked the hell out of her, but just for a moment. She covered her surprise with a laugh and more of that attitude that both pissed him off and turned him on. “So what are you going to do?” she asked. “
Sing
me to sleep?”

Shane laughed, too, and felt his body responding as she slapped him with her power. Which was completely unnecessary.

“I don’t need that to want you,” he told her as he pulled one of the pillows onto his lap, because, damn. “And I don’t need sex to want to be with you. You want to test or even torture me? Go for it.”

“But I’m not doing it on purpose. I can’t always control it,” she admitted miserably. “It happens because … God, I think it’s instinctive. Like using body language or releasing pheromones. It just
happens
.”

Shane knew that was true. Human beings instinctively responded to a person whom they believed would be a good biological match—a good mate.

So in other words, Mac had instinctively chosen Shane, right from the get-go. And it also meant that her body’s effort to make him succumb to her charms was not going to let up any time soon. In fact, it was likely to get worse before it got better.

“Well, okay,” he said, standing up, still holding that pillow in front of him. “This is going to be … interesting.”

Mac actually laughed. “Ah, shit,” she said. “Just … come here. Just …” As she looked up at him, she let herself want him, and she let him see it in her eyes.

It was the moment of truth. And Shane hesitated, because he was only human. But he was in this not to win the battle, but to win the war. So he shook his head. Sadly and with deep regret. But he shook it.

“Nope.” Shane popped the P. “I’m just gonna go get my pants. Pants are gonna help.”

But she was looking at him with those beautiful eyes, and he found himself leaning over to kiss her. Just one kiss …

Just …

One …

Kiss …

He maybe could’ve done it—kissed her once and walked into the bathroom to pull on his pants, but she whispered, “You’re always asking me how you can help …”

And it was true. He wanted to help. He desperately wanted to help …

So he kissed her again, and his pants stayed off, and she came undone in his arms, and he lost himself, too.

And he lost.

He knew, even while she was gasping her pleasure, as she was shuddering her release that he’d …

Lost.

“Sleep now,” she told Shane.

And he did, even as he tried to hold on to her, as he wrapped his arms around her.

Even though he knew that when he woke up?

She’d be gone.

Elliot glanced up as Stephen came into lab one’s observation room. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Stephen stood beside him at the window, a solid presence looking out at the research and testing area that was set up as a living room with several big comfy couches and a lot of pillows. Bach was sitting on one couch, with his feet up and his eyes closed. Anna was nearby, watching him anxiously. “How’s it going?”

“Weird,” Elliot admitted. “But a little less so now that Bach’s back. When it was just Nika, broadcasting out of Bach’s body …” He glanced at Stephen again. “Do you know how powerful that little girl has got to be to gain access to Bach’s mind the way she did? With complete physical control of his body? That’s crazy. And yet, she’s still struggling to lower the blocks she’s got in place
in her own mind. Until she can do that, not even Bach can get access to her memories—he’s working it hard, right now, just to get back into her head. He hasn’t managed to do that yet—which is scary for everyone. If something pulls Nika away, we’re not sure we’ll be able to regain contact, even with Anna’s help.”

“Shouldn’t we be talking to her?” Stephen asked. “Getting as much information as possible?”

“Already done. She doesn’t remember anything between the abduction and waking up in the holding room, except for a brief moment of consciousness when she was with Littleton and Caine. She remembers being afraid of Caine,” Elliot told him. “Other than that, she said she’s seen only three different people while she’s been a prisoner—not including the other girls. An older woman, a man with a badly scarred face, and a girl in her late teens who’s—you’re going to love this—pregnant.”