Boss Lady (26 page)

“Yeah, because Jason begged me to and he wouldn't leave me alone about it.”

“But I thought he hadn't been over here at all,” Tracy said.

I looked my cousin in the face and said, “I didn't want you to think that I couldn't control my girls, but they are their own people. I can't tell them who not to talk to. That wouldn't be right anyway. I wouldn't want them telling me anything like that. I mean, they can give me their advice and their opinions, but that doesn't mean I have to listen to it.”

“So when did they all meet?”

“Monday night.”

Tracy just stared at me. Then she shook her head.

She said, “Now I'm wondering if she was really sick last night, or if she just wanted to be alone with my brother. I always had a funny feeling about that girl.”

I said, “Why are you acting like that? Why can't Alexandria and Jason have something? I mean, why do you have us all feeling this way? We're human like you are. And we want guys in our lives like you did at one time.”

“Oh, so what are you saying?”

“I'm just saying that we all feel a tremendous amount of pressure to please you and to measure up to your standards, when we all know that you were not perfect to begin with.”

“Nobody asked for you to be perfect,” my cousin told me, “but I still want you guys to sidestep a lot of the mistakes I made. And if you understand the book at all, then that should be obvious.”

“But everybody deserves an opportunity to make their own mistakes, Tracy. That's life.”

Tracy raised her fingers to her temples and took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

She said, “You guys have no idea how this book has affected my life. The sequel book was much easier for me to take because I was a mature woman by then. But they don't talk about the sequel, they talk about the first book, where I was wild and reckless. Now I'm just trying to make sure that I'm not standing idle while someone
else is wild and reckless, because they may not end up where I am today.”

I listened to my cousin and began to smile at her.

I said, “I know you're gonna hate me for saying this, but that sounds just like some parents. They haven't all written books about their lives like you have, but many of them have that same idea, that they don't want to let their daughters make bad decisions. Nevertheless, we have to learn how to make decisions on our own regardless, or we'll never be able to become women.

“I mean, what are we gonna do, call home whenever we have snap decisions to make with the opposite sex?” I asked her. “Sometimes you just have to go with your gut, and sometimes your gut may lead you astray. But that's life. You can't stop that. And I'm wondering now how much of your life lessons I've already internalized that makes me adverse to guys. I mean, maybe it's not just about me being busy. Maybe I'm busy on purpose, to keep away from having to make decisions about guys. You know?”

“Hmm,” Tracy grunted. “You think that's the case?”

I said, “I don't know. But you may be in the same boat yourself. I mean, maybe, since you've spent so much time explaining and defending your younger years, you're not willing now to give up control of your life to really commit to a love relationship. Maybe now you keep a mental distance from guys on purpose, to stay in control, almost as a reaction to your lack of control as a teenager. I don't know.”

Tracy took a seat in the chair at the small desk in my room. I seemed to have silenced her with my ideas.

She nodded her head and said, “You may be right. I mean, it makes sense. But how do you stop that behavior? I can't just let go. I have too much riding on my shoulders now.”

I listened to her question and thought about my own goals in life.

I said, “That's the dilemma for all women who have things they want to do in life. How do we do what we want to do, and have a husband, and raise kids? I mean, you're gonna have to make sacrifices, and either you do or you don't, but those decisions are always gonna be there.”

I said, “Look at Kiwana. She had to bring her baby to dinner with
us tonight for whatever reason, but Bruce didn't. He's the man. He was ready to talk to us all night long while his wife is at home with his kids. Is that fair? It may not be, but that's what it is.”

All of a sudden, my cousin began to smile at me. She said, “You were always a thinker, weren't you?”

I said, “I can't help it. But all of my thinking may mess me up with guys. It makes things too complicated for me. I mean, I look at exactly what it is, a guy gets to go inside of you. And I don't know how I really feel about that. Do I even want a guy inside of me? Why can't I go inside of him? You know?”

My cousin started laughing at me.

She said, “You'll change your mind once you feel it. You'll want a guy inside of you. Trust me.”

I said, “Okay, what if I called Shamor, the camera guy from New York, over here to break me in tonight? Would that be right or wrong? I know he likes me, but I haven't given him the time of day. I even messed him up with Maddy, because I think she liked him at first. But he was too obviously trying to holler at me.”

“For real?” she asked me.

I said, “Yeah. He says something to me every chance he gets. But you've made it easier for me to avoid him with these dinners we've been going to. But what if I did do him? Would I be stoned to death for it? And am I supposed to marry him just because I want him inside of me?”

Tracy shook her head. She said, “Now this is what I have the biggest problem with. There should be more meaning behind a young man and a young woman forming a union. I mean, what is the reason for it?”

“What was the reason for you?” I asked her. She had formed several unions in her youth.

She said, “I just wanted the possession. But in possessing a guy, they end up possessing you. So now I try to stay unattached, like you said.”

I said, “I know. And that's why I don't want to possess them. It's a trap. You become owned by a man. And marriage sets you up for ownership. But do men want to be owned? Heck no. They call it the ball and chain.”

Tracy said, “Everybody's owned by something, Vanessa. There's just no way around that. Your job, your contracts, your house, car, credit card payments, your God. Everything. Nothing comes without some form of ownership.”

I said, “You're right. And right now we're all feeling owned by you. You're the boss lady, and I pushed you into this. Now we're all ready to complain about it, just like in a marriage. So I really got what Bruce was saying tonight. Marriage is interesting. That's the most intelligent way to describe it. Because it's not simple for anyone, no matter what Kiwana says.”

My cousin stood up from the chair as if she was ready to leave.

She said, “So you think I should just leave Jason and Alexandria alone? What about the other two? Is Maddy feeling his friend now? What happened with Shamor?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I said, “I don't know about them. And I guess she just blew Shamor off, like he blew her off. But with Jason and Alex, if they really want to be together, and we're still going back to L.A. this Sunday, then they'll have to figure out what they're going to do. So I wouldn't even sweat it until they start trying to travel.

“Like they said,” I told my cousin, “they're just hanging out right now. Jason was hanging out with Sasha and Jasmine, too, and nothing happened there. So . . .”

My cousin nodded. She said, “I get your point. I'll just let her know that she should make her decisions based on something real and I'll move on from there.”

She walked toward my door as I followed her to relock it. Then she turned to ask me before she left, “By the way, what do you feel about going with me to visit Vic— I mean, Qadeer Muhammad's store in Germantown tomorrow morning?”

I smiled. I said, “I still have to do something with my sisters and see my mom and everything.”

She said, “We'll have plenty of hours for that tomorrow. We'll be on the road all day. So we'll drive up to his store early, then I'll drop you back off at your mother's house after that.”

I said, “So, what's the strategy for him this time?” She still had never been able to master the man. I was nervous about meeting him myself. But I definitely wanted to. And I noticed that Tracy was becoming
accustomed to my opinions on things. She was growing attached to me. I never would have thought that could happen.

She said, “There is no strategy. I just want you to be around him for a minute to tell me what you think of him. You're becoming, like, my second pair of eyes and ears to see and hear things more clearly. So get ready for it. He's the real deal.”

I smiled as she opened the door to leave.

I said, “I know he is.” And I was already thinking about Mark Fletcher in the film role. But I kept that information to myself.

*  *  *

Talk about being nervous, I thought about meeting Tracy's very own Victor “Qadeer Muhammad” Hinson, and I couldn't even eat my breakfast that morning. How could one man have so much of an impact over women? It was unexplainable. I had never heard his voice and had never seen his face. Nevertheless, his aura seemed to be smothering us. It was just as much Victor's movie as it was Tracy's. Bruce was right again.

Jasmine and Sasha knocked on my door and were ready to go by 9:30
AM
. Alexandria and Maddy moved a lot slower and quieter, but they were ready to go as well.

I opened the door for my girls, and they were already pumped with energy. They just bum-rushed my room.

“We're getting the full Philadelphia tour today, hunh?” Jasmine asked me.

Sasha grinned and shook her head. “Is it too late for Ritalin?”

“For who?” Jasmine asked her. “I know you're not talking about me.”

Sasha continued to grin and declined a response to it.

I said, “You guys are at it bright and early.”

“Hey, I've been waiting to see the city, man. We've been cooped up inside Freedom Theater every day this week. It's about time we get to enjoy ourselves during the daylight for a change.”

She said, “We talked to Petula and Tonya last night, and all we had to talk about was the casting call and South Street, basically.”

“Well, you'll get your chance to see plenty today,” I promised them. “But I won't be there with you.”

They both stared at me in alarm.

“Why not?” they asked me.

“I haven't seen my family since we've been here, and now we're down to the last two days, so I have to see them. They're already pissed at me.”

“Yeah, you gotta see your family, man, that's for sure,” Jasmine commented.

I grinned and said, “But first, I get to meet Victor Hinson with Tracy this morning.”

Sasha asked me, “Are we going to meet him, too?”

“Don't tell me you're splitting up from us again?” Jasmine whined. “Man, I feel like such a stepchild. You get to meet everybody who means anything.”

“I'm the personal assistant,” I bragged.

“Well, what are we?” Jasmine asked.

I answered, “Regular assistants.”

Sasha laughed. She said, “You're her cousin, that's about it. That's why you get to go and we don't,” she said. “If Tracy was my cousin I'd be in the same position as you.”

“So you don't believe I bring anything to the table?” I asked her.

“Like what, your pencil and notepad?”

Jasmine laughed and said, “Oh, that's low.”

I told them, “If it wasn't for me, none of us would even be here. I was the one who jump-started this whole film thing, and the idea for the clothing line.”

Sasha nodded and said, “That's probably true.”

“Oh, so you do give me credit for that?”

Jasmine said, “Wait a minute, Tracy already said that she had been trying to get the
Flyy Girl
movie produced, and that she had friends in the fashion industry, so you didn't jump-start jack. You just got her to stop sitting on the couch and make it happen. But the ideas were already there for her. And it was her idea to bring us all to Philly for this walk-in casting call.”

I looked at Jasmine and joked, “What? Let me find out if Jasmine has all her facts together?”

She said, “Look, I may talk a lot, but I know what time it is. Tracy is the beast. She's really doing it. She's my new idol, man.”

I had heard enough. I said, “All right, let's get a move on. They're probably all downstairs at the limos waiting for us.”

We walked out into the hallway and were met by Alexandria and Maddy.

“Speak of the devil,” Alexandria stated.

“That's what we said about you last night,” I told her. It just slipped out of my mouth.

“What? What she do last night?” Jasmine asked. Everything slipped out of her mouth.

Alexandria huffed, “I minded my own business.”

It seemed as if she had a bone to pick that morning. I could read it as soon as we met up with her in the hallway. I wondered how much she and Maddy had talked about me in their room the night before. And if they talked about me, then I was sure they had talked about my cousin. You know, it's hard keeping the peace among ladies sometimes.

I asked them, “Is everything all right this morning?”

“Does everything look all right?” Maddy asked me back.

I stopped and stared for a minute. I just knew they weren't blaming me for them getting busted.

I said, “We don't have issues this morning, do we? Because I didn't cause them.”

“Whatever,” Alexandria mumbled.

It was obvious that they were beefing with me.

Sasha asked, “What's this all about?”

She could feel the tension herself.

“It doesn't have anything to do with you,” Maddy told her.