Boston Boys [01] - A Life Without You (26 page)

“Oh fuck it,” I mumble before even trying and go back to my bed.

204 Erica Pike

I can’t keep my eyes off him. He’s gazing at me too. What the hell does that mean? Does he want to explain about the girl?

Does he want to apologize? I lie down propped up on pillows and wait for him to speak, but instead of speaking to me he looks over at Eric.

“Sorry if I’m disturbing anything, but may I speak to you alone, Eric?”

What the hell? And I’m not the only one thinking that because it’s stamped all over Eric’s face as well.

“Sure,” Eric answers calmly. “Adam, weren’t you going out for food?”

“I’m staying,” I say.

Jesse’s mesmerizing eyes catch mine again and I feel all confidence drain away. I used to be allowed to gaze into those eyes for hours in between kissing those soft lips of his. I don’t think he ever knew it, but a look from those eyes was enough to get me erect. It’s even affecting me now so I pull a blanket over my mid-section – not so smooth, I’ll admit, but I don’t want my hard-on staring back at Jesse.

Whatever expression I have on my face makes Jesse blush. He even looks away when he speaks to me. “I really need to talk to Eric alone, please.”

I hope that me still lying on the bed will be interpreted as me being stubborn, but the fact is that I’m so hard down there I can’t stand up, besides, my knees are still weak from Jesse’s gaze and totally sexy reaction.

“Maybe if you say what it’s about he will stop being such an ass and leave,” Eric suggests.

Jesse keeps his eyes away from me, but I detect a faint smile on his lips before he becomes all serious again. “I’m here to talk about Zeke.”

“But I –”

“Adam, please,” Eric says, his firm stare nullifying his ‘please’.

I meant to say I already know all about it, but I just realized A Life Without You
205

Jesse has no idea that I know. Zeke never came up in our conversations after Christmas. It sounds to me like Eric is curious enough about what Jesse has to say that he won’t risk angering Jesse or have him change his mind.

I heave a sigh and stand up after quickly adjusting my cock.

“All right, but what do you want to eat?”

“Anything but ramen,” Eric says. I notice Jesse’s back straighten. Ramen used to be what he and I ate together almost every day. “Sandwich or something.”

I’m standing so close to Jesse that I only have to reach out to touch him. For once the smallness of the room has its benefits.

The stiffness in my pants had been receding, but it’s rising again.

Jesse himself seems to be very self-conscious as well. His sexy shoulders are tense, pressed almost all the way up to his ears, and his skin looks very flushed. I’m glad my presence still affects him no matter how he feels about me. It’s funny how things have turned since the last time we saw each other in our old room where I basically wept at his feet.

“And you?” I ask, looking downwards, but he refuses to meet my eyes.

“Nothing,” he says in a low voice.

I force back a smile. Jesse’s starting to tremble ever so lightly. I know this reaction of his very well. He’s trying to restrain himself.

He wants me. I don’t think I’ve felt this powerful in months.

“I’ll be back in an hour,” I say just before I leave.

Regardless of what I am to him, I could push him down and do whatever I want with him if I cared to. He wouldn’t object.

In fact, he’d welcome it. Maybe I’ve been going about this the wrong way? Maybe I should use this power I have over his body to force his mind to stay away from girls and choose only me?

That sounds like something Eric would do, but then I’ve been living with Eric for a long time now and surely it’s only natural his influence has rubbed off on me.

But would I be happy that way? Wouldn’t it be better if he came to this decision on his own?

206 Erica Pike

I screech to a halt by the notice board in the café.

I’m such an idiot. I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to do this summer. I have to leave the campus in two weeks –

that’s how long they’ll allow us to stay – so I need to find another place. I need a job too because my inheritance is reserved to pay for the school, dorm, food and supplies over the next couple of years. I’ll never find anything good this late. Eric got the position at Centauri Publishing. My resume was returned with a polite note of rejection – and no wonder; Eric made it so flashy it was obviously fake. I’ll try again next year if they’re hiring a second –

maybe Eric can even put in a good word for me.

Let’s see… Pizza delivery, bartending, fertilizer factory, construction work… They’re not bad, I suppose, as summer jobs go, but they probably all pay the lowest rate possible. The construction company is offering free rooms with a shared kitchen and a bathroom as a bonus. I suppose I’ll check that one out first. It doesn’t really matter what I’ll do and it’ll be good to do some manual labor to keep me busy. Jesse will return to his parents’ farm to work there. It’s a very long time apart, but I think I’m better equipped to deal with it this time. At least I’ll know he’s not going back to Anne.

I pass a glaring Chester on my way back. Poor guy. It’s my fault that things fell apart between him and Eric. I’ll apply for another room before the next semester so Chester can have Eric back.

The only free beds in our dorm is my old bed and my current bed. The school’s been understanding about Eric’s situation – no one wants to room with him because he’s so flauntingly gay – so he’ll probably be able to keep his room to himself for the rest of his stay here. I don’t know what’ll happen to my old bed. Maybe some other guy will be put there when it’s officially available. I don’t like the idea of some other guy rooming with Jesse, but as things stand now, Jesse and I won’t be sharing a room together anytime soon.

I’m more than a little disappointed to see that Jesse’s gone by the time I get back. Instead there’s a beaming Eric who catches A Life Without You
207

his sandwich in mid-air.

“What was that about?” I ask as I rip mine open and stuff my mouth. I grimace when I feel the chunks of tuna on my tongue.

Would it have killed me to check the label before I bought it?

“Jesse finally managed to persuade Zeke to sue the fraternity,” Eric says between bites. “He wanted to know if my dad would be interested in taking the case and if I would testify.”

“Is that why you’re grinning like the Cheshire Cat?”

“Yup,” he says with a wink. “They’re so going down in flames.

I already called my dad and he says he’s taking the case pro bono.

It’ll be a huge promo for him.”

I swallow down the rest of my sandwich and take a swig of warm soda to wash away the nasty taste. “But didn’t you say he used to be a part of this fraternity?”

“Yeah, but Dad was appalled when he heard about what they did. He said that the guys in his day never did that kind of thing.

They just pulled innocent pranks on their pledges, but it never got sexual. Dad’s a bit of a homophobe, so he finds this double-gross. He’ll represent Zeke as a straight guy who got violently mistreated sexually and I know he’ll do it well. I even suggested that idea to dig out other people who’ve gone through the same.

Maybe if they close down the frat house the gayrority could take over that gorgeous building.”

“Well, this is good.”

We drink in silence until Eric speaks. “So, what’s up with you and Jesse?”

“What about us?”

Eric tosses the sandwich paper into the wastebasket. “Oh come on. I was getting aroused by the air between the two of you earlier. I mean, what the hell
was
that?” I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”

“Aw, don’t play dumb. You guys were practically having platonic sex in front of me. I seriously thought you were gonna jump each other with your eye-fucking.”
208 Erica Pike

“Oh,” I say with a half smile. “That’s just how it usually is between us.”

Eric’s eyes widen. “Seriously? I mean, I’ve seen tension between you two before, but…”

“You should have seen it before Christmas break. It was like that almost every day. Then when we started having sex this tension just moved over to the bed.”

“Wow, that’s really something. If you ever need a third, let me know,” he says with a grin. I toss my sandwich paper at him.

“I probably would have given in to him weeks ago if I were you,” he continues after ducking my throw.

“What the fuck are you saying? You’ve been keeping me away from this temptation all this time.”

Eric chuckles. “Well yeah, but most people don’t have that electrifying air around them. I’m kinda jealous. I want to experience that. No wonder he wants you back so badly.”

“You’re not
emo
enough to experience anything deep like that,” I mumble.

Eric laughs. “Touché.”

Hell. It’s hard enough to stay away from Jesse. I’ve been relying on Eric’s iron fist so far, but if his resolve waivers, I’m sure I’ll cave…into Jesse’s bed with my terms unmet.

“But I hope you guys end up together, you know? The purpose of me keeping you here was never to keep you guys apart forever. He’s not really a bad guy after all, I mean, when he’s not glaring at me or being an asshole.” I rub my forehead. “Right.”

“He was just being such a jerk to you and you just bent over and took it. You know me, I can’t stand that kind of injustice against our kind.”

I exhale with a laugh. “I never did any bending over.”

“Whatever. What I’m saying is that him being closet-gay and you being openly-gay is not a good mix in the long run, so he A Life Without You
209

needs to snap out of it.”

“Is this about you and Chester now?”

“Nah, Chester and I are done. Like I said before, I didn’t see him as a life partner. Not like you and Jesse seem destined to be.

Honestly, just thinking about this air between the two of you… I think I’ll slip into the bathroom for a minute.”

“Hey!” I grab his fragile wrist as he stands up. “Don’t you dare jack off while thinking of me or Jesse. That’s just wrong.”

“I wasn’t oozing the sex pheromones earlier. I’m a victim. But don’t worry, I have someone way sexier in mind.” Eric winks and frees himself.

He can be so annoying. I’m definitely not staying here with him jacking off in the bathroom. I grab a book and leave.

I stretch my legs on the warm grass under a big oak. People file out of their dorms either to take their exams or to make use of the good weather. The building where I’ll be taking my last exam in an hour and a half looms over the empty library not far away. There are students studying, playing, chatting, or making out all around me. People get so horny when the air is this hot, but to me the heat is bordering on being uncomfortable.

I’m going against Eric’s studying techniques by reading a classic book. I do it to calm my nerves and pass time but it’s not working very well.

The heatwave has my head in a mush and I can’t stop yawning. Afternoon exams are the worst. It’s thanks to my daze that when I glance up for the hundredth time it takes me a while to recognize the figure walking towards me as Jesse. Looking like a sportswear model, he’s wearing knee-length shorts, a white tank top, and sneakers. His muscles flex under his tanned skin with every step, his shoulders are bare and toned and end in tight fists that don’t move much as he walks. He’s obviously been running tracks because his six pack ripples under the thin, sweaty tank top that sticks to his body like a wet leaf to a rock. It affects me immediately and I pull my knees up to hide my boner.

My breath catches when he stops in front of me. The clear blue sky is like a canvas behind his picture-perfect face. His sun-streaked hair droops into his tawny eyes and his lips quirk into a small smile. It feels like a euphoric mirage in the blistering heat. I can smell the faint manly sweat that drives my cock crazy.

“May I sit?” he asks and sits down before I find my voice.

A drop of sweat glistens as it slithers down his long neck and pools in the hollow spot between his collarbones. The tables have turned again. Now I’m at his mercy when only an hour ago he was at mine. It’s a strange balance of power.

I want to blurt out how much I love him, but I can’t get my
212 Erica Pike

voice to function. I’ll take him. Conditions be damned. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything before. I’m such an idiot for dragging this out for so long. But then I’ve been acting like a yo-yo between claiming him back and restraining myself.

It’s becoming annoying and I’m ready to give up.

We just gaze at each other. My body is hotter than it was before and it has nothing to do with the sun. But Jesse has this pained look in his beautiful eyes.

I close my book and grasp it to my chest. “Are you okay, Jesse?”

“Adam…” Jesse glances towards the dorm before looking back at me. “I want to tell you that I’m sorry for everything.” That doesn’t sound good. That sounds like break-up talk.

Well, he has a new girlfriend already, but I was still hoping... I swallow down the lump in my throat that keeps bobbing back up.

Jesse wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. “I never deserved you.”

“Don’t say that,” I whisper to keep my voice from breaking.

I wish the confidence I had earlier would return so that I’m not this vulnerable around him.

“No, it’s true,” Jesse says. “I’ve been an idiot from the start.”

“No,” I say in a low voice. “I knew what I was getting myself into. I can’t blame anyone but myself.” I force myself to smile, but I can’t look Jesse in the eye. Instead I focus on a little ladybug struggling to stretch from the tip of a blade of grass to another.

“But it’s okay. I’ll apply for another dorm for next semester, so you can be with your new girlfriend without seeing me around.” The endless twinge in my chest is shredding me up inside.

“I don’t want that,” Jesse says and moves closer. “I don’t want you to move away. Everything feels so right when I’m with you, but when I think about my future…I get scared.” I look at Jesse’s slumped figure. He’s watching the same ladybug fighting to stay at the tip while stretching a tiny leg.