Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends (11 page)

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Authors: M.T. Pope

BOOK: Both Sides Of The Fence 3: Loose Ends
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“Okay, but I am getting impatient so I need you to get rid of him fast, so I can get the dessert I really want.”
 
 
After Ashley left and my husband went off to bed, I got restless and decided to go do some shopping and the only place I knew I could spend a couple of hours to myself and not be disturbed. That was at the all-night Wal-Mart. Yes, I love to shop.
Even at eleven o’clock at night Wal-Mart was thriving with shoppers as if it was eleven in the morning. I grabbed me a cart and made my way over to the ladies department to see if they had some cute shirts that I might like to wear. A sister had to keep up appearances and my style always had to be unique and flawless. I know what you’re saying. Wal-Mart is nowhere near Neiman Marcus, but I found out that if you mix and match clothes from different outlets then you can come up with a style all your own. High-priced clothes aren’t always the best, despite what people say.
I walk around a few racks, found some cute tops and a nice blazer that would work well with something I already had at home.
“Grace?” I heard someone call out. I turned to see who it possibly could be that I knew and was up in the Wal-Mart at such a late hour as me. I turned to see someone from my past ... someone I hadn’t seen I such a long time.
“Heyyy,” I squealed like only a woman could do as I almost ran over to the only best friend I ever had. I was so shocked to see her. “Oh ... my ... goodness! Girl, you look
good
!” I huge and squeezed her as tight as I could.
“You too, girl.” She kissed me on cheek and pulled back.
“Reeby ... Reeby... . Reeby.” I shook my head in disbelief. It had been some time that we’d seen each other. “Turn around so I can get a good look at you.” She did so and she didn’t have a hair out of place. Everything was in place like it always was when we used to hang out. It was a short time but our friendship was a fast one and we bonded like Krazy Glue.
“Girl, let me see you too.” I turned around in same style she did, but I was a little disheveled because I practically ran out of the house after all of the drama I endured moments earlier. “You are looking good
too
.”
“So how long has it been?” I asked her.
“Girl, I haven’t seen you in over thirty years.”
“Wow, girl that is a long time,” I said, amazed at all the time that went by. I had to admit that we both still looked good even after all these years.
“Yes, it is. So what have you been up to in all this time?” she asked with her hands on her hips.
“Well, I’m married and a professor at UCLA.” I smiled hard. I was proud of my life spite the drama. “And no children.”
“Married?” she asked. “Really?” she asked like I wasn’t supposed to have a man.
“Yeah, girl and he’s fine.”
Was fine!
I wanted to add, but I left it alone because I was long from perfect myself.
“And chile we both crossed children off our list a long time ago.” She laughed and then glazed over. I was instantly reminded of my molestation: The reason I couldn’t have children. But we both had that in common. That is why we were so close so long ago. We had a lot in common.
“So what about you? You find that special man?” I asked with a smile. Hoping she did. We both vowed to find a man that would fit our needs and love us unconditionally. Our traumas as children lead us to look for good men because of the behavior of one man toward us. You know ... like anyone that has been abused.
“Well, girl I got me a little something on the side. It ain’t serious yet, but he got potential.” She laughed. “I’ll keep you posted.”
“Let me get your number so we can hook up and hang out,” I asked as I whipped out my cell phone.
“Sure girl. I likes to hang out.” She giggled. I called out my number and she punched them in. I did the same with hers.
“Look, I have to get home so I can get ready for work tomorrow. But I promise I will call you when I get some time to hang out.”
“Sure thing,” she agreed.
“Give me a hug so I can be on my way.” I reached out to hug her one more time before we both went our separate ways.
I smiled the whole drive home. I feel like friends that you can rely on and relate to is a necessity in life. It is always good to have someone to talk to and confide in and never have to worry about it coming back to bite you. I was so glad to have my best friend back in my life.
Chapter 16
 
Wallace
Spoiled Rotten
April 26th11:35
A.M.
 
It was a windy Saturday evening and I was back at my mother’s house. It took me a couple of days to get used to the fact that my brother was now a full-fledged woman. That shit is wild. I haven’t see him since he was sixteen, but I never remembered him being feminine in any way. We weren’t around each a whole lot as teenagers, but I don’t think I would have missed this by a long shot. It was puzzling to say the least.
It was just me and “her” in the house. My mother had some kind of church function she had to attend and my brother/sister always sat and cared for my father while she was gone. I decided that I would come over and help since we haven’t seen each other or talked in such a long time. Let’s just say a brotha had some questions.
My father, who was sick with Alzheimer’s and some dementia, really didn’t know who I was when I had first came over today. My dad was in the bed. In pajamas. He was thin, but not frail. He had moments of clarity. Like when he looked at me and asked, “Where your ass come from? You ran off like the sissy you were.” I looked at him and felt my hand ball up involuntary, but I unclenched it and simply nodded my head. There was multiple medication bottles spread out across the dresser and I spotted a box of adult diapers in the corner.
“This nigga is in bad shape,” I mumbled to myself and turned to walk out of the room and back downstairs.
“Baby, where you going?” My mother followed after me as I made my way down the steps and into the living room.
“I’m going to sit down here for a little bit.” I sat down on the sofa. “I’m a little tired from work this week.” It was partially true but I went with it. I really didn’t work that hard and I was in good shape for my age.
“Your father didn’t mean what he said up there.” She sat down and rubbed the top of my head. “His mind is leaving him and he probably didn’t even know who you were.” I looked at her and shook my head. She was still in denial about the mean old bastard, but I let it slide.
“You’re probably right.” I kissed her on the cheek. She got up off the sofa; she made her way to the coat closet, put on her coat, and then made her way out of the door. I went into the kitchen to fix me something to eat.
I sat at the table for about twenty minutes eating and thinking: thinking about James, James’s look-alike, Alex, and now my transsexual brother.
“Man, this is some mess. I should have stayed my butt in Baltimore for all of this drama.” I picked up my dishes and put them in the dishwasher and it automatically started itself. It scared the shit out of me when I did it at my own home. This new technology was something else. Everything was high-tech and almost everything ran on electricity. Electricity was an eighty-percent source for powering cars now too. Gas was steadily declining.
Anyway, I was getting lonely down here and I wanted to see what led my brother to becoming a woman. I was trying to form the questions in my head as I walked up the carpeted stairs and made my way into my mother’s room.
“Ohhh! Shit!” I belted out as I watched my brother/ sister going down on my father’s manhood with his mouth. I immediately turned and sprinted down the stairs, slipping and falling down a couple, but I quickly regrouped myself. I got up and made my way into the kitchen to find something alcoholic to drink.
“What the
fuck
!” I yelled to no one in particular. My mother didn’t have anything but cooking wine. I wanted something stronger, but this would have to do. I found the biggest glass I could find, poured me a glass and sat down to try and erase the memory of what I just saw. I have never in my life seen something so disturbing in all my life.
“Don’t judge me,” my sister/brother said as he walked in the kitchen. He was switching and all that. He looked and sounded like a real woman. I got up out of my chair and leaned up against the kitchen sink with my arms folded. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I had run into transsexuals before but I never indulged in it. I was a gay man and that is what I wanted. If I wanted a man that dressed like a woman then I just would have gotten a woman. Point-blank. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“You got that shit right!” I looked at him and shook my head.
“Your own father? ... mannn ... that’s ... that’s ... that’s some fucked-up shit. Nah, that’s some sick shit.”
“You don’t know shit about shit up in this bitch,” she fired at me as she went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottled soda. She walked back over to the table, pulled out a chair and plopped down like the lady she was. “Your ass had the easy way out your whole fucking life. Your ass left this bitch and never turned back. And when you was here, you was up underneath mother dear,” she huffed. “Father never got a chance to
spoil
you.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I reached over to pull out a chair. My lower back was hurting a little from the fall on the steps. I pulled it as far back toward the sink as it could go. I wasn’t scared. I was still a little grossed out by the sight I had just seen. “You got shit all screwed up if you think I wanted to be spoiled by that mean bastard.”
“You don’t even know what I mean do you?” she posed.
“Yeah I know what you mean. His ass never treated me like he treated y’all. You and David got the easy end of the deal. He loved y’all. Y’all could do no wrong. Me, on the other hand, I wasn’t man enough for him.”
“Just be glad you weren’t man enough for him.” She laughed and threw back the soda she got out of the refrigerator.
“What?” I asked, perplexed.
“When I said he spoiled us, I meant he molested us. Well, he watched us get molested.”
“Hell nahhh,” I waved my hand at him, shooting down his claim. “His ass wasn’t a faggot by a long shot. You are making that shit up for sure.”
“Look at me, Wallace. He wasn’t the father you thought he was.” Tears rolled down her cheek like a running faucet. “Do you think I just woke up one day and said I want to be a woman? That shit was forced upon me by him and his lover. You don’t know half of the shit me and David went through while you was in Mother’s care.”
“What? That can’t be true.” I shook my head.
“It’s very true.” She wiped the tears from her face.
“When?” I asked.
“When we were kids.” She sat the soda down on the table and looked at the floor a minute. I had a feeling this was going to get deep. Maybe deeper than I wanted it to go. My opportunity to get up and leave passed as she began to tell me stuff that blew my mind.
“Well, you know Dad used to drop us off to school in the morning?”
“Yes, I remember.” My school was nearer to the house so I walked most of the time.
“Well for a long while everything was good and we would get to school and that would be it. Around the time I turned eleven, Dad started taking us to school earlier then usual. You remember?”
“Yes, he said traffic was getting a bit heavier and he wanted to leave out earlier to ensure he would get you guys to school on time and that he would get to work on time.” My dad made a habit of us eating breakfast in the morning as a family.
“Yeah, that was a muthafuckin’ lie to the fullest,” she growled. “His ass was taking me and David to his office and letting John suck David off and fuck me like I was his wife. Dad would just sit there and jerk off to it all.”
“Ohhh, shit.” My mouth was on the floor.
“That’s not it.” She shook her head from side to side. “He said that we were being ‘real men’ every time we finished and that men should never kiss and tell. Real men ... fucking liar ... I hate his ass.”
“Damn that some messed-up shit.” I rubbed my temples, trying to process what I just heard. “Does Mom know?”
“Nah, she doesn’t have a clue to my knowledge.”
“Well ... ahhhh ... I might as well tell you about me too.” I looked her in the eyes.
“He did this to you too?”
“Nah, but that didn’t stop me from being attracted to men.”
“You’re gay?”
“Yes I am.
“So what’s up with David?” I asked.
“Well, his ass is married and he’s a college professor at UCLA.”
“Really?”
“Yeah his ass hit the books and got out of Dodge not long after you left us here. He’s married to some shady chick he met. He didn’t even invite us to meet her. Never did. David’s ass didn‘t waste no time marrying her ass and getting the fuck away from this house.” She chuckled.
“Wow, I had no clue all this was going on.” I brushed my hand through my dreads. “So I take it he’s not gay.”
“You and I both know ain’t no man straight after his father’s lover gives him a blow job for years. This shit ain’t rocket science. His ass is in the closet or he on the DL. I feel sorry for the chick. Whoever she is. Plain and fucking simple.”
“True,” was all I could get out. I guess I had to make a trip to see my brother since we do work at the same school.
“So why did you just up and leave us?” she asked.
“I didn’t just up and leave. Our father gave me an ultimatum. Go to regular college or get out.”
“Whatttt!” he looked surprised. “I thought you just said fuck all of us and split.”
“Nope, I got shown the door by my father and mother.” I knew what my mother said the other day, but I still think a mother should speak up for her child. It was too late for any of that now.
“So what made you come back here now?”
“Well, I was married to someone that got murdered and I just couldn’t take living in Baltimore alone any more. So I decided to come back to find his family and see why he got killed. I knew the who, but not the why.”
“Really.” Her eyes softened. “That’s tragic.”
“One of our cousins did it. Can you believe that?”
“Who?”
“Tyrone,” I said as all of the pain and hurt of losing James flooded back into my heart. It was like a river’s dam with water pressuring it to burst. “Fucking Tyrone!” I banged on the table with my fist, causing Rebecca to jump a little.
“Stop playing. Did he get locked up?”
“Nah man. It was a murder-suicide type of thing.” I sniffed back some tears. I was reliving it all again, so I got up out of the chair and threw some water on my face.
“You going to be okay?” She had gotten up and walked over to me and put her arms around me as I leaned over the sink.
“I’ll be fine,” I said as I slowly eased from under her arm. I didn‘t want to be offensive. I just wasn’t comfortable in that area as of yet.
“You need to stop doing what you’re doing with Dad.” I looked her in the eyes.
“It’s just not natural. You need to get some help for that too.”
“Stop judging me!” she almost yelled. “I know all of that. And I will stop. That was the last time I was doing
that
anyway. I don‘t need no lectures.”
“Sorry,” I said as apologetically as I could. “It won’t happen again.
“One more thing?” I looked at her intensely.
“Sure,” She flipped her flowing hair back over her shoulder.
“Are you all woman?” I needed to know what I had already assumed.
“Yep, the magic stick is gone.” She smiled. “Snip snip.” I cringed a little at the thought.
“So you are really a woman down there, huh?” I darted my eyes downward.
“Yes, the doctors made me feel and look like a real woman down there. Plumbing and all works like the real thing. Minus the babies and all that. A man would never know the difference.”
“Wooooow,” I was amazed. “Ain’t that some mess.”
“So have you ... you know. Been with any men?” I was digging too deep, but this was something I always wondered about transsexuals.
“Yes, I have,” she boasted proudly. “And they didn’t know.
“Not a clue.” She added.
“Isn’t that dangerous? To lead men on?” I was a little angry at the fact that she didn’t tell her partners the truth.
“Yes, it is.” Her face became serious. “But, you don’t know what it is to be me or in my shoes. I was forced into this. It was forced on me. There are no rules. I make this shit up as I go along. I want love just like the next person. But who in their right mind would accept me in this condition? Who?”
“Do you think you would have made this change if you had not been molested?”
“Well, the things that were done to me all those years ago were not natural. I didn’t know who I was after that. I was so confused about everything. Who I liked. What I liked. I attempted to kill myself several times, but I was unsuccessful. I wasn’t even given a chance to really get to decide what I wanted or what the world accepted. My ass could have been the president of the United States, but that shit got erased because of my molestation. I don’t know what other molested people did. I just know that being treated like a woman by my molester all that time changed my mindset. I felt like it was what I was supposed to be. And so that was what I set out to be. Now I am a ‘her’ and nobody will accept me because somebody else decided for me. And as you can see all gay people weren’t molested. You are personal witness to that. To this day, I have no solid answers. In fact, I have more questions than answers. Did that answer your question, because I‘m still confused?” She laughed a little but it sounded off.

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