Bound by the Past (5 page)

“Going somewhere?” She gestured to the leather jacket in his hands.

“Yes. No. I was going to go home, but I couldn’t leave.”

“You can stay.”

“I know that.”

Her heart fell at his tone. He wanted to leave. He’d changed his mind.

She quickly tried to gather the scattered remnants of her pride. “It’s okay. You don’t have to stay. I understand if you’ve reconsidered.”

“Reconsidered.” His deep voice betrayed nothing of his feelings and his face was obscured by the darkness.

“No harm done.” She cursed the slight quiver in her voice. She could do this, she thought. After all, she’d done it with Adam…

“This isn’t working anymore,” Adam had said one night as she lay in their king-sized bed. Glancing up, she realized he was still fully dressed even though it was nearly midnight and they both had to get up early for work in the morning.

“What isn’t?” His comment had caught her just as she was drifting off.

“This marriage, Carly.”

Wide awake now, she sat up to see her husband of ten years bending over to tie the laces of his tennis shoes.

“What are you saying?” She wasn’t sure why she asked the question. Her heart knew the answer. She’d watched him drift further away from her with each passing day.

“I want a divorce.” He rose quietly and she realized he planned to leave.

“Don’t be silly. It’s the middle of the night.” She was hoping it was all a joke until his final words.

“There’s someone else.”

Now, like then, she attempted to swallow her pride, fighting against the crushing pressure in her chest. She didn’t beg then and she wouldn’t beg now. If Jon wanted nothing more from her than a one-night stand, then fine. She could manage to return to a simple friendship. She’d given the same to her ex-husband. She’d smiled and wished Adam well, despite the deep hurt he’d caused.

Only this time, the words weren’t coming as easily. In one year of friendship and one night of bliss, Jon had laid claim to her heart more completely than Adam had in a decade of marriage. She wasn’t sure she could let him go with no more than a handshake and a smile.

“Jon.” She wished the shaking in her voice would stop betraying her. “Please just go.” God, she hoped she could hold in the tears threatening to fall until he left. She simply couldn’t cry in front of him. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand.”

“No.” His voice was devoid of emotion and she wished there was some light in the room so she could see his face. “I don’t think you
do
understand. Carly, you deserve so much better than me.”

She felt a harsh laugh fall from her lips. “Spare me, Jon. God, please tell me I’m a lousy lay, an annoyance, a nag. Anything but the
you deserve better
line.”

“You think I’m leaving because I want to?”

“You’re doing a pretty good imitation of it. Shoes are tied and everything. Just like Adam.” A lone tear escaped before she could call it back.

“Damn.” He returned to the bed and gathered her stiff form in his warm arms. “I’m sorry, so sorry, sweetheart. I’m an idiot. Worse than an idiot. I’m an asshole. I don’t want to leave you. I meant what I said earlier. Every word.”

“Then why were you getting ready to sneak out? What did you mean when you said I deserved better than you?”

He gave her a guilty grin. “I woke up with you in my arms and remembered how rough I was with you. I would rather die than hurt you, but when it comes to sex—”

“You didn’t hurt me. I told you. What we did…” She felt herself blush as she recalled their intense lovemaking. “It was perfect.”

“You don’t understand. Even in that, I was holding back.”

“Holding back?”

“I can’t guarantee I won’t hurt you in the future. I want too much from you. I want everything.”

She was perplexed by his words. She sensed his struggle to be completely honest with her and she felt even more of her heart succumb to him.

“Everything?”

He stood with a curse. “Fuck! I thought I could do this. I swear, I thought I could hold back. Give you the Jon you’ve come to know. Be that man for you. But I can’t. I see you in that bed…I look at you as you are now and…” He started pacing. “If you knew all the ways I want to possess you, sweetheart, you would be running as fast and as far from here as those gorgeous little feet of yours could take you.”

She let the sheet she was clutching fall and stood up. Standing beside him naked still felt unnatural to her. She wondered if she would ever be completely comfortable with it.

“Tell me.” She reached out to him. He stopped pacing. Stretching up on her tiptoes, she placed a light kiss on his cheek before reaching up to caress his face.

His strong hand halted her touch, clutching her wrist so tightly she fought the urge to cry out, not from pain but from amazement at the sheer power of his hold on her.

“Tell you?” The anguish she’d heard in his voice when she’d awoken was suddenly replaced by an emotion she couldn’t name. His tone was one she’d never heard before. The word
primal
crossed her mind and wouldn’t be dismissed.

“Oh, I’ll tell you.” He pushed her back onto the bed. “And then it will be too late.”

“Too late?”

“It’s already too late.” His breath was hot on her cheek as he came over her. “I can’t stop. Can’t stop.”

She attempted to grasp the hem of his shirt, anxious to have him naked in her arms again, but he caught her hands and drew them up above her head, holding her captive, helpless to resist him in any way.

“Not yet.” His voice growled in her ears. “Mine. I’m going to make you mine.”

His words thrilled her. She felt an unfamiliar dampness at the top of her thighs. It had been so long since she’d wanted a man like this.

God, had she
ever
wanted a man this much?

“I
am
yours.” The words flew from her lips without thought and even as she said them, she knew they were true.

His low, almost harsh chuckle caught her unaware. If she weren’t so turned-on by his actions, she thought perhaps she should feel threatened.

“Not yet,” he answered, “but you will be soon. So much to do. To show you. To teach you.” As he spoke, his lips traveled down her throat toward her heaving breasts. She felt wholly consumed, her breathing constricted as if she’d run a marathon.

“So much to claim.” He sucked her breast into his mouth, toying with the turgid nipple. Moving slowly, he treated her other breast to the same treatment before settling between them, running his tongue along the skin between her swollen mounds. “I’m going to take you here. Put my cock right here while you squeeze your soft tits against it. I’ll thrust and thrust and when I’m finished, I’ll cover you in my come—your chest, your stomach, your face. I want to mark you.”

Shuddering, she felt the juices between her legs gushing like a waterfall. Never had she been so excited by mere words. He was barely touching her, yet she felt as if he was doing exactly what he promised.

“Yes.” She sensed that he wanted—no,
needed
—her approval.

Her single word affected him more deeply than she expected because he moved up to offer her the kiss of a lifetime. Claiming her was right. She felt the sensation of being wholly consumed by mere lips.

“Such a sweet mouth.” He pulled back suddenly. “I’m going to fuck that too.” He grasped her head with both hands, holding her still, forcing her to look him in the eye. “It won’t be some innocent exploration, sweetheart. No simple blowjob. I’ll take your mouth deep and hard. I want to feel the back of your throat and know no one’s ever taken you so deeply. You’ll suck me dry, swallow every drop, and then you’ll lick me clean.”

His powerful words were triggering nerves in every part of her body. If he’d hoped to scare her away with his rough threats, he was failing miserably. It was all she could do to keep from begging him to take her in such a way right now.

Instead, all she said was, “yes.”

Growling at her response, he released her head, moving off her. For a moment she thought he would leave, but instead he lifted her and turned her onto her stomach in the center of the bed. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him rise and rummage through her dresser. After a few minutes, he returned with a scarf in his hands.

She moaned as he grabbed her wrists, secured them together and tied her to the wrought iron headboard.

“Yes, please.” She was desperate to feel him inside her again, but obviously he wasn’t convinced.

“That’s right,” he said harshly. “Beg me to fuck you. I’ll tie you up often and I will always make you beg. Will you? Will you beg for me?”

“Yes,” she hissed, her body shifting into overdrive. “I’m begging you now. Please, Jon. Please fuck me.” Never, never had she been so hot, so needy.

Once again, she sensed the anger and frustration her answer created in him because his hands became even harder.

Reaching under her, he pulled her hips toward him as he tucked three pillows beneath her.

“Open your legs.”

She felt like shouting for joy when he knelt between them. Finally. Reprieve.

He ran his hands slowly up her inner thighs. She willed him to place his hands at her center, pushing her hips back as much as she could. A strong slap on her rear end stopped her.

“No.” He slapped the other cheek as well. This spanking was much harder than the lighter taps he’d tormented her with earlier. “Hold still.”

Using every ounce of strength left in her body, she forced herself to remain motionless. Her body rebelled against her mind, demanding release.

She wanted to cry out in frustration but she knew he wouldn’t be moved from his present course. He was determined to save her despite the fact she only wanted to drown in him.

At last, his fingers landed at her drenched opening. She couldn’t hold back the cry of relief that escaped her lips.

“So ready for me.” His voice was tinged with awe. Swirling his finger in her depths, he gathered her juices. “I love your pussy.” He added another finger to the first and she responded to his touches and strong language. “Hot and wet and tight. I’ll take you every day. Most days more than once. Hard, fast fucks. Long, slow lovemaking. I’ll take you in every position your body will allow. On your back, your stomach, your knees, my lap. I’ll have you in every way.”

“Yes!” Another finger joined the others and she felt as if she would shatter. His fingers were driving her to orgasm. Just another moment and then…

Nothing. His fingers left her dangling on the edge of the cliff.

“God, don’t stop. You asshole.” She was screaming at him—rude, demanding, harsh cries. Her actions were completely out of character but she didn’t care. Sexual frustration was driving her crazy, out of her mind. Too much more of his delicious tormenting and she’d be a prime candidate for a rubber room.

“Now that you mention it…” His wet fingers found the puckered entrance to the part of her body no man had ever touched. Her movements stilled, a ripple of fear making its way to the forefront.

He pressed in to the first knuckle. “Have you ever taken a man here?”

Words escaped her as she shook her head.

“I’m going to.” He shoved the rest of his finger in to the hilt. She shouted at his sudden, unexpected movement, more in surprise than pain.

“This is what you do to me. This is what I need from you. Everything.” His voice broke on the last word. “I can’t be anything other than who I really am with you.” He started to pull his finger out but she stopped his withdrawal, clenching her ass muscles around him.

Her voice was gone and her breathing labored at best. Still she struggled to give him the one word she knew he had to hear, the one word she wanted to say.

“Yes.”

“Don’t move.”

His hands moved up to her wrists, releasing her from the bonds.

She’d said “yes”. To everything.

The magnitude of her responses reverberated in his aching head. For two hours he’d lain with her, cursing his rough treatment of her, hating that his desires, his needs would be too much, too frightening. When he couldn’t stand the thought of hurting her again, he’d stumbled from bed, dressing quickly with every intention of walking out and never returning. In his mind, he had written his resignation and put his townhouse up for sale. He had to save her from the darkness that swirled inside him.

Then he’d looked at her peaceful face at sleep and cursed himself again—this time for being a fool and a coward. Sitting down, he’d stared unseeing at the sky outside her window, willing himself to leave.

The phrase “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” crossed his mind. He didn’t know if he would have made it. She’d woken up and mistaken his meaning. How could he have been so callous? Of course, she’d blamed his near-desertion on her own supposed inadequacy. Hadn’t he just spent the entire evening—hell, the last year—trying to build up her wavering self-confidence?

He lifted her lightly and rolled her onto her back. He fell headfirst into her trusting gaze. “I want you again.” His voice was rough with his desire.

“Yes.” Again he was reminded of her amazing gift. She would submit to his demands and welcome him into her body. But would she really give him whatever he desired? Night’s face flashed through his mind but he dismissed it. This would be enough. It had to be enough.

Then he remembered the other concern that hovered. They hadn’t used protection the first time.

“Are you on the Pill?”

“Yes, I am.”

“I swear to you I’m safe and I’ll get tested if you want, but I refuse to put anything between my cock and your sweet pussy.”

“I’m clean too. I’ve only ever been with Adam and, well…we stopped having sex a long time before we stopped being married.”

“Good. Now that we have that out of the way…” He rose and quickly shed his clothing before returning to the bed. He reached down her body, gently separating her legs. Teasingly, he tugged at the soft hair he found there.

“You’re beautiful, Carly. I can’t get enough of you. Just lie back and let me take care of you.”

He watched her respond to the comforting tone of his voice.